RICH PATTERSON vs. SAGE PONTIFF vs. CRASH JACKSON
Nick Stuart: We’re about ready to get into our second triple threat contest of the evening, ladies and gentlemen! Sage Pontiff, Rich Patterson, and Crash Jackson are scheduled to compete here in just a few moments!
Richard Parker: The first round send-offs, fighting for table scraps. This oughta be good!
Nick Stuart: Well, as stated, all three competitors failed to advance beyond the first round of the Almasy Tournament, but I should point out, due to no lack of effort or ability on their part! It’s been said many times that PRIME Wrestling boasts one of the most competitive and talented rosters in the market right now.
Richard Parker: Numbah One by definition, bay-bee! Making US the number one commentary team on the planet!
Nick Stuart: In any case, this match could provide a real opportunity for any one of these wrestlers to bounce back and get into the thick of things once more! Let’s head to the ring, where Vince Howard is ready to make the announcements!
The arena lights drop into darkness, save for the backlights in the entryway, as a mix of curious silence and spontaneous cheers comes over the crowd. With haste, a figure emerges from the back and stands head high, fist raised, and strikes a pose for a brief second.
LEEEET’S GET READY TO RUUUMMMBLE
The bell dings as Volbeat’s “A Warrior’s call” floods the airwaves and brings the lights back up. A chaotic lightshow takes over the entrance ramp, with flashing white and red strobe lights, before Crash jumps in the air and stomps both feet in clear view for everyone to see. He roars violently with a fiery, toothy grin before beginning his frantic descent to the ring.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a triple threat match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Buffalo, New York, and weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-eight pounds… please welcome, the NORTHERN LIGHT… CRASH JACKSON
FEEL THE FIRE, HE’S ENTERING THE RING
HIS MINDSET KNOWS ONLY HOW TO WIIIIIIIN
Crash reaches the ring while pumping his fist in unison with the beat, being joined by many fans simply out of respect for fist pumping, and scales the stairs at the same hellacious pace before turning around to roar at the crowd again.
UNLEASHING HIS HELL
YOU WON’T EVEN HEAR THE BELL
He leaps the top rope and lands with a thunderous rattle before pacing around the ring and nodding his head repeatedly. He stops in the middle, facing the crowd.
FEEL THE POWER OF THE WAAAAARRIOOOOR!
Crash steps towards the crowd, slamming his fist into the air and yelling along with the song.
FIGHT!
FIGHT!
FIGHT!
FIGHT!
He turns to the opposite side of the arena and offers the same sentiment.
LET’S GET READY TO RUUUUMBLE
Much more fist pumping begins with sweat flying off his face and arms, landing on the lucky fans in the front row.
FIGHT!
FIGHT!
FIGHT!
FIGHT!
The music begins to die out as Crash locks in on his opponent with an alarming stare, holding a violent gaze and snarl that raises red flags all over the place.
Lights out.
Here we go.
Wall of sound. Moving around the arena like a shockwave clear-cutting a city skyline.
Strapping Young Lad’s “All Hail the New Flesh.”
The hi-hats crash — guitar unyielding — drums pneumatic. A wordless cry comes screaming out of a vacuum, and then:
HEY, MAN, I’M GONNA FUCK THIS SHIT UP
NO FEAR, NO COMPROMISE, I WANT IT ALL
I WILL NEVER BE AFRAID
I’LL DIE FOR WHAT I BELIEVE
Suddenly the lights are up and blinding. Rich Patterson hits the stage, one side and then the other, each a moment for himself, right arm held aloft, pale eyes gazing into the audience as though he’s taking inventory of every fan, every sign, every flash of a camera.
Vince Howard: Now coming to the ring, hailing from Wonder Valley, California, and weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-eight pounds… give it up for RICH PATTERSON!!
As Vince Howard announces his vital statistics over the heavy percussion of the song, Patterson tramps down the rampway, meeting a few outstretched hands with his own, up the steps to the apron, through the ropes, and into the squared circle.
AND ALL YOU ARE IS ALL YOU ARE
I’M SO SORRY FOR YOU — SORRY
SO ALL HAIL THE NEW FLESH
CUZ IT SUITS ME FINE
He heads to the far corner and shakes the top turnbuckle, backs into it, and settles there, awaiting the sound of the bell.
At first, darkness hits. Every light fades, causing a buzz among the crowd and a few cellphone camera lights to twinkle into existence. The video screen shows a single glowing orb at the top of the screen. Lavender. Then another beneath it, blue. Teal. Green. Yellow. Orange. Finally, red–and then around it, the shimmering outline of a human body in lotus position. This hold on the screen as an almost marching drumbeat begins, pulsing throughout the arena.
Lights come up, pink in tone, all in time with a psychedelic drone of distorted guitar noise. As the solo of what could very well be an electric sitar begins, a figure walks out from the back. More accurately, he damn near glides. His neck is hanging with the weight of what seem to be many different strands of prayer beads. He is barefoot, his calf length, baggy pants a frankly offensive patchwork of tie dye, paisley, and other patterns. Hanging to the floor is a long, linen kimono in pure white.
Vince Howard: And finally, from Joshua Tree, California, and weighing in at two-hundred and one pounds…He is the Bodhisattva of Transformative Experience… SAGE PONTIFF!!
Sage Pontiff has arrived, and he throws his head back, practically bathing in the rain of flower petals.
There is no up or down
Your truth is the only master
Death is made by the living
Pain is only intense to you
He begins to slowly make his way down the ramp, occasionally twirling and oftentimes doing respectful bows to certain members of the audience, kissing his fingertips and then touching his forehead.
Sage slides into the ring, kips to his feet fluidly, and then takes a running start and leaps flat footed, landing with a slight wobble on the top turnbuckle–but sticks the landing, and holds his arms out messianic-style, bathing in reactions. Mostly negative, though there are a smattering of true believers that are making themselves known over the jeers.
The Sun shines every day
The Sun shines every day
Freedom, freedom!
Freedom, freedom…
Sage executes a backflip from the top, landing on his feet, and bows to the crowd, and the toward Elvis Nixon before removing his kimono and beads. He begins to stretch, adopting the revolved crescent lunge, his fluidity and vascularity on full display as “Satori Part II” fades to nothing.
Nick Stuart: Sage has been with PRIME for almost a year now, and made quite a name for himself in that time. It will be interesting to see how he handles these two relative newcomers in Crash Jackson and Rich Patterson.
Richard Parker: I have all the faith in the world that PRIME’s resident Bodhisattva of Transformative Experience can bring these two along on a path of enlightenment.
Nick Stuart: Our veteran official Timo Bolamba has made his final checks. Looks like we’re ready to get this one started, as he cues for the bell!
DING DING
The triad of competitors leave their corners and come to a stand-off at ring center. Three sets of eyes warily dart back and forth, watching for someone to make the first move. Pontiff to Patterson. Patterson to Jackson. Jackson to Pontiff.
Unsurprisingly, it falls upon Sage to break the ice. A low kick stings Rich Patterson on the calf, baiting the wrestler formerly known as Grendel into coming after at the Bodhisattva with an angry hook. Sage ducks, and gives him a shove into the unsuspecting third man in the ring.
Nick Stuart: Sage with the shove, and Patterson crashes right into… well, Crash! And now these two are going right at it with heavy rights and lefts, with Pontiff more than willing to leave them to it!
Richard Parker: That’s that transcendental thinking of his at work, letting the other guys do all the work and conserving his energy for the final stretch.
The crowd boos at the sight of Sage assuming the lotus position on the top turnbuckle and taking it easy while the other two brawl across the ring. Patterson’s forearms eventually win out the exchange, and Crash finds himself being backed into the corner.
A series of shoulder blocks to the abdomen by Rich knock the wind out of Grand Master Crash, leaving him doubled over. Rich uses his position to lift him out of the corner and drape him across his shoulder. He turns back to ring center to bring him to the canvas, only to have his legs taken out but an unseen force from his blind spot.
Nick Stuart: Pontiff with the SWEEP, stopping whatever Rich Patterson had in store for Crash Jackson! Crash falls from his shoulder and… well, crashes to the mat!
Richard Parker: I think I now know how he got the name…
Nick Stuart: Patterson now at the mercy of the Bodhisattva as Sage hits the ropes… and spingboards his way right into a swinging DDT! Now Pontiff with the cover!
One!
Two!
Kickout by Patterson!
Pontiff transitions right into the ever-dangerous rear chinlock, but hasn’t forgotten about Jackson. Crash pushes himself off the mat and hits the ropes to get a head full of steam, going into the air with a cross body chop that connects with the chest of Patterson after Sage uses him as a human shield.
The Bodhisattva lands a knee to the side of Crash’s head before he can get back to his feet, leaving him rocked long enough to be left open to a released German Suplex that sends him across the ring. Pontiff kips up, presses his palms together, and bows to the crowd, earning their
Nick Stuart: Sage Pontiff is really taking control of this match, taking out Crash Jackson with that Atharvaveda suplex!
Richard Parker: The man is practically a poet in the ring, playing one opponent against the other! He’s got all the grace of a bird in flight!
Nick Stuart: Yeah… like a vulture.
Pontiff goes back to Jackson and puts the boots to him, attempting to kick him under the ropes and out the ring to isolate Patterson. Crash rolls out onto the apron, but clutches the bottom rope for dear life. It’s good enough for Sage, who goes back to deal with Rich…
…only to find that the wrestler formerly known as Grendel has been waiting to deal with him!
Nick Stuart: Patterson on his feet, catching Pontiff by surprise! Boot to the gut… scoop… and OVER THE KNEE with a shoulder-breaker!
Richard Parker: He was just in the corner, waiting for his moment to strike? What a snake! Just like the actual Grendel of legend, slinking into the castle in the dead of night and killing all those people in their sleep!
Nick Stuart: Nobody wants to hear your literary analysis on Beowulf, Rich…
Richard Parker: Hey, I worked really hard on that! Probably the only thing I did well back in my college days, other than–
Nick Stuart: Back to the action! Patterson going right into the mount to trap Sage on the mat, and he begins paying back his receipts in the form of HEAVY palm strikes!
Sage covers up to protect himself but can’t escape the hands of Patterson, much to the delight of the crowd. On the ring apron, Crash Jackson has pulled himself to his feet and, taking a page out of Sage’s playbook, watches and waits for his moment to make a move.
Pontiff is left seeing stars after his shellacking, amazingly without the help of hallucinogens. Rich switches over to the side mount and hooks him by a leg to pull him back off the mat. Sage is defenseless as Patterson drops him across his knee once again, and swings right into a powerslam.
Nick Stuart: Rib-breaker powerslam combination, and Sage Pontiff gets driven into the canvas once more! Wow, Rich Patterson can be absolutely brutal when he takes control of things!
Richard Parker: He’s a disgrace to the good name of ‘Richard’!
Nick Stuart: Patterson, hooking the leg and making the cover!
One!
Two!
He ROLLS ASIDE?!
The crowd POPS as Patterson rolls off the chest of Sage Pontiff, leaving him exposed to a springboard senton delivered by Crash Jackson.
Nick Stuart: Something caught Rich’s eye, and now the Northern Light CRASHES his way back into this match with a big Senton splash! Sage Pontiff is really feeling it now!
Feeling the energy of the arena, Crash Jackson slaps the mat and pulls the weary Bodhisattva back to his feet. Pontiff, apparently sensing that energy to be negative, realigns his chakras on the spot and collapses into…
Nick Stuart: A SMALL PACKAGE BY SAGE!
One!
Two!
BROKEN UP by Rich Patterson!
Richard Parker: ‘The wicked creature, grim and greedy, was at the ready, savage and cruel, and seized in their rest thirty of the thanes!’ Once again, this snake is letting the other guy do all the heavy lifting, and waiting for his chance to steal the glory!
Nick Stuart: How is that any different from what Sage was doing at the start of the match by pitting the other two against one another?
Richard Parker: Because that was genius, inventive, and original! Rich Patterson is an idea thief!
Patterson goes for Jackson, the first to his feet, before the speedster can get himself moving once more, while Pontiff takes a powder to the outside. An arm wrench precludes a bending back of the fingers, and Crash groaning loud in complete agony.
Patterson pulls even harder down on the joints, but the Grand Master of Crash steels his resolve, fights through the pain, and flips himself over to reverse the arm wrench and whip Patterson to the mat!
Nick Stuart: Reversal made by Crash Jackson, who is now looking to pick up the pace! Crash keeps ahold of the arm and brings Patterson back onto his feet… pushes him off the ropes now, to send him into motion! Patterson hits the other side–NO!! Sage is there!
Pontiff, on the outside, pulls down on the top rope, leaving Patterson to tumble out to ringside. What he does not account for is Rich landing on his feet. The crowd cheers as the color drains from the Bodhisattva’s face, seeing the murderous expression of the wrestler formerly known as Grendel.
Richard Parker: Oh, man! Get outta there, Sage! That guy’s energy is COMPLETELY negative right now!
Patterson’s palm cracks Pontiff’s face with the force of a grizzly’s paw, leaving Sage to reel and stumble straight into a devastating backdrop driver on the ringside floor! The crowd cheers on Rich, methodically pulling his prey off the mats to bring him back into the ring.
Only the one left inside has other ideas. By the time Patterson looks back into the ring, a blur of red and white falls upon him.
Nick Stuart: TAILGATE DIVE BY CRASH! Jackson saw his window of opportunity, and leapt right through it, taking out Rich Patterson with a beautiful Tornillo Suicide Plancha!
Richard Parker: Meh… at least Sage avoided most of that one.
The crowd is cheering loudly for Crash after the high-risk maneuver, but almost immediately switches to jeers the moment Pontiff moves in and takes him with a sharp Namaste mule kick to effectively ruin the moment.
With one opponent left stunned on the floor, Sage goes to the other and rolls Rich Patterson back into the ring. Patterson senses himself in danger and works his way back up, but Pontiff is already back in after him and in motion. Rich barely has time to react before he’s brought down by a Sling Blade!
Nick Stuart: COSMIC RESONATOR! Sage Pontiff is back in control, and poised to put this one away!
Richard Parker: Enlighten us, Sage! There can only be ONE Richie P in PRIME!
Nick Stuart: Sage waits for Patterson to rise up… the boot to the gut, reels him in for the Shamanic Dreamweaver–AND HE’S STOPPED BY A WIDE LEFT from CRASH JACKSON!
Richard Parker: Where the HECK did he come from?!
The crowd roars as Pontiff sprawls violently across the canvas off the impact of Jackson’s unexpected superkick. Seeing his opportunity to put this one away, Crash goes to the corner and begins climbing to the top!
Meanwhile, Rich Patterson is coming back around. The moment he looks up, the first thing he sees is Sage Pontiff laid out on his back in the middle of the ring. Waiting for his prey to rise up, Rich clasps his hands and prepares for the killshot.
Nick Stuart: Hang on, Patterson is back up, and now Sage is in BOTH of his opponents crosshairs!
Richard Parker: Oh, man… look out, Sage! There is very BAD KARMA in that ring right now!
Crash is setting himself into position on the top rope. Pontiff is groggy as he rises to his feet, only at the last moment noticing Rich Patterson barreling at him with the POLISH HAMMER–and he escapes a certifiable face-breaking by powdering out to ringside once more.
Patterson sneers after him, only to turn around into…
Nick Stuart: CRASH WITH THE LFG DDT!! Patterson lost track of the Northern Light in his pursuit of Sage, and Jackson made him pay with a DEVASTATING diving DDT!
Richard Parker: Wait, WAIT! Get back in the ring, Sage! It’s GOOD karma! It’s GOOD!!
Pontiff is too busy breathing a sigh of relief to notice Jackson draping himself across Patterson’s chest and hooking the legs.
Nick Stuart: Crash with the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
DING DING DING
Sage Pontiff slides back into the ring, but he’s a second too late as Timo comes back up with Crash’s arm raised in victory. Jackson’s free arm punches the air in triumph and glory, proud and emotional after earning his first win in PRIME.
Vince Howard: The winner of the match, by pinfall… THE NORTHERN LIGHT… CRAAAAASSHHH JAAAAAACKSOOOOONNN!!!
Nick Stuart: A hard-fought victory for Crash Jackson after a very intense and competitive battle between these three! Pontiff can hardly believe it! He thought he dodged a bullet and took his eyes off the action at the worst possible moment!
Richard Parker: Absolutely lowdown and petty of Crash and Wish-Dot-Com Rich to gang up on Sage like that in the end! I tell ya, these two are many, many lifetimes away from nirvana!
Nick Stuart: If Patterson had noticed Jackson on the top rope, who knows what may have happened? In the end though, it came down to Crash being in the right place at the right time! For right now, ladies and gentlemen, let’s see what’s going on behind the scenes!
Jackson continues to celebrate in the ring. Pontiff quits the ring in disgust. A recovering Patterson glowers after him.