ROCK TALK
The camera cuts to the announcers’ table where Nick Stuart and Richard Parker sit alongside a rather pale masked wrestler.
Nick Stuart: And we’re back folks, ringside at Soldier Field where we are joined now by a man who needs no introduction…
Richard Parker: so, let’s not give him one.
Nick Stuart: The Anglo Luchador, Tom Battaglia. What do you think of the event so far?
TAL: Thanks, Nick. I know we’re just underway, but what a way to kick off with that Alias title fight. I tell you, I am always impressed by Chandler Tsonda. He just seems to make the right moves when it matters, and tonight it clearly mattered as he and Tony Gamble vied for control of PRIME’s newest, and in some ways most interesting, title.
Nick Stuart: So true, so true. But you’re not just here tonight for color commentary I understand. What’s happening here? I see what appears to be a talk-show style desk and chair arrangement mid-ring, along with lighting equipment. Are we getting an early visit from Kennade Starr before her match with-
Richard Parker: Everyone’s favorite furry. Er… Scaly?
Nick Stuart: Rocky de Leon.
The camera cuts to the ring to display what looks like a Dollar General tier replica of the Tonight Show main stage.
Nick Stuart: Speaking of, there he comes now!
Rocky bounds down the ramp to Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard. In addition to his typical ring attire, he is wearing a collar and necktie without a shirt attached. Instead of his usual top rope flippy shit, Rocky politely waves and chuckles at the audience before sitting down at the desk and making polite SKREEs with the lower rows.
TAL: Well, gentlemen, tonight I’m not really here for commentary at all – I’m a translator.
Richard Parker: Oh god.
TAL: Rocky asked me to come down tonight and aid him in interviewing a fellow wrestler since, as you know, I speak Skree. I wouldn’t necessarily say I was happy to oblige, but two things. First, I think PRIME will get a better product out of this segment if it’s in English, and second, well, I really didn’t want to stew in the back for the entire time before I’m in across a ring from a murderous gator who thinks I wronged his family.
Nick Stuart: Good points all around. Good points.
Rocky de Leon: Skree skree skree SKREEEEEEEEEE skree.
TAL: Welcome to PRIME’s newest most popular live streamed segment, Rock Talk with Rocky de Leon.
Rocky de Leon: Skree skree SKREEee skree…
TAL: And everyone please give a big hand and warm welcome to my first guest…
The camera pans to the ramp entrance. Silence. No one comes through.
Rocky de Leon: skreeeee…
TAL: to my first guest…
A cricket chirps. Camera cuts to Rocky who tugs on his dickey-collar and bounces nervously.
Rocky de Leon: SKREEEEE….
TAL: TO MY FIRST GUEST…
Richard Parker: This is just freaking embarrassing.
Nick Stuart: Oh hush, Richard, technical difficulties happen to everyone.
An explosion is heard and smoke billows out of the tunnel. As it clears, Kennade Starr comes bounding out followed by a Mr. Bubbles
Kennade Starr: OH NO YOU DON’T, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Nick Stuart: What’s this, folks?! Kennade Starr and her bodyguard bubbles have made their way into the arena!
Richard Parker: Someone tell me when we get back to wrestling and the “influencers” are done with their insta shoot.
Kennade Starr: Did you really think I would just sit here and let you take MY limelight? Let you take over MY role here?! TAKE CARE OF IT, BUBBLES!
Mr. Bubbles thunders toward the ring and rolls under the bottom rope. He raises two meaty fists before bringing them down upon Rocky’s desk. The desktop breaks in half and the furniture collapses as Bubbles places his attention on the chairs, turning his back on Rocky.
Rocky shakes violently and his body turns red. He quickly climbs the nearest turnstyle, flips off, and dives feet first at Bubbles’ head! As he connects, Bubbles stumbles to the floor, and Rocky lets out a mighty
Rocky de Leon: SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
TAL: Fight your own fight, you tweeny bopper candy-ass! Don’t send others to do your dirty work! I will not stand by and allow yet another instance of unbridled cheating and rule breaking in this institution. It’s time to take out the trash!
Nick Stuart: Hell of a skree.
TAL: I know, right? Listen, guys, uh, I’m just going to… I’m gonna go. I didn’t sign up for this. I’ll see you in an hour or so.
Richard Parker: Oh, sure, you would bail when it gets interesting.
Nick Stuart: And would you look at that, Ashley Barlow has entered the ring and
DING DING