ROCKY DE LEON vs. MIKE MCGEE

Welcome to PRIME ReVival 23, let’s get to some siiiiiiigns!

FIGHTING FOR JONATHAN

NEVER FORGET THE FALCONS BLEW A 28-3 LEAD

PAXTON RAY DENTED MY GUMBO POT

PUNK RAWWWWWWWWWWWWK

NEW ORLEANS IS DEB WARENSTEIN COUNTRY

TCHU HASN’T WON A MATCH IN 10 YEARS

LOUISIANA HATES THE HALLS

WE FINALLY GOT PUNK RAWK HAWK AS CHAMPION

THIS IS DEFIAN…NO WAIT WRONG COMPANY

PUSH COUNT NOVICK YOU COWARDS

WE LOVED YOU BEFORE IT WAS COOL REZIN!

PRIME CONFISCATED ALL THE SIGNS FROM REV22
TO FIND OUT WHY EMAIL MATTSLAWYER@CRIME.RU

WE UPGRADED FROM MUSTACHE RIDES TO FULL BEARD BANGING

VAE VICTIS SIGHTING

NATE COLTON IS A 10, WHICH MEANS HE’S A TERRE HAUTE 28

ACKNOWLEDGE OINKERS

JUST DO IT

ROCKY MAKES ME RAWR 🦕

HEY LOOK, THERES FINALLY REAL WRESTLING IN NEW ORLEANS

I WENT TO BOURBON STREET FOR BREAKFAST

I OPENLY DO STEROIDS
– MIKE MCGEE 2023

EAT GLUE NOT STEROIDS

Nick Stuart: Welcome to the first match of the evening ladies and gentlemen. This one has some heat behind it, with both combatants looking to notch their first win in PRIME. 

Richard Parker: You got that right, Nick. This is a run back of the triple threat match from ReVival 21 in which Kohime Mori notched a win. Of course, Rocky De Leon believes he didn’t lose and Mike McGee wants redemption!

Nick Stuart: It looks like the competitors are ready, so let’s get the action underway!

“Bright Future in Sales” by Fountains of Wayne plays and the PRIMEView shows a plethora of different spreadsheets with formulas and TPS forms. An animation appears on the middle spreadsheet with a portal opening to show a face with blood raining down from its eyes onto the forms.  

*I’m gonna get my shit together (together)

‘Cause I can’t live like this forever (forever)

You know I’ve come too far

And I don’t wanna fail

I got a new computer

And a bright future in sales

Yeah yeah (yeah yeah)*

Vince Howard: Introducing first… FROM MAPLEWOOD, NEW JERSEY… MIIIIIKE MCGEEEEE!

McGee power walks to the ring in a “business casual” singlet – double hooked and made to look like a collared shirt and slacks. He sneers at fans and gives out behavioral warnings.

Nick Parker: Ladies and gentlemen, Mike McGee has undergone some… changes over the last couple weeks as evidenced by the bizarre imagery on his video package.  

Richard Parker: Mike McGee visited me this week and told me that though my commentary was not totally above water per the PRIME HR guidelines, he would only give me a warning if I were to take mandatory sensitivity training.  

Nick Stuart: Sensitivity Training? You?

Richard Parker: I know, but I learned some valuable lessons. Such as when I am upset with Stu Weiler, I should not label him as a nerd, but I should explore my feelings on the subject and try to have a self positive conversation. 

Nick Stuart: And how is that going for you?

Richard Parker: Excellent, I think this is the best me. I do have to say though, while he was scolding me, Mike insisted on verbally spelling every word with a Z at the end of it, where applicable. 

Nick Stuart: Well, partner, in the words of Hank Hill, “That boy ain’t right.”

“Me and Julio Down by The Schoolyard” by Streetlight Manifesto hits the PA and the lights shine down on Rocky De Leon who is standing with his back to the ring. When the trumpets play, he spins around and both his arms go up. Stu Weiler follows after him with his laptop in hand.

*The mama pajama rolled out of bed

And she ran to the police station

When the papa found out he began to shout

And he started the investigation*

Vince Howard: And his opponent… FROM LAREDO, TEXAS… ROOOOOOCKYYYYY DEEE LEEEEEOOOOOON!

Rocky smiles and begins to work the crowd as he starts walking down the ramp to the ring. He runs up the ring steps quickly and wipes his feet on the apron before nimbly hopping over the ropes and waving to the crowd. Rocky points a finger to the crowd and bounds up the corner to the top turnbuckle, then leaps off with a backflip to the mat. He pumps his fists in the air as the fans react to his show of athleticism. Stu sets up in his corner and begins to furiously enter data into a spreadsheet. 

Nick Stuart: A great showing, appealing to the fans here in PRIME. Rocky looks like he is ready for a classic. Anything to add about Rocky and Stu, partner?

Richard Parker: Nothing that you haven’t already illustrated perfectly, Nick. 

Nick Stuart: OK then, let’s get the action underway as Ashley Barlow signals for the bell.

DING DING

Rocky comes out bounding like a boxer, circling off to his right and working in the distance to Mike, who seems quite confused by this tactic. Rocky darts in, lands an open shot to McGee then darts back. He does this again, and again, and Mike starts to protest to Ashley about strikes, she shows him that Rocky is using an open hand, and therefore it is legal.

Nick Stuart: Smart strategy early from Rocky, using open palm strikes instead of a closed fist to avoid punishment. Looks like someone has been reading the rulebook and has a solid plan put together. 

Richard Parker: It’s that genius, Stu Weiler. I just know it!

Rocky De Leon gets a little more comfortable and begins getting aggressive, mixing in combos, then getting in close to swat at Mike’s legs with his own. The crowd is clearly happy that he is more aggressive early, but McGee is favoring his left leg already as he takes a hard shot. 

As Rocky gets in close, he gets too aggressive and Mike sees an opening. The former collegiate standout lunges and grabs Rocky in a grapple. Quick as anything, Mike rotates behind the agile competitor and lifts him overhead for a German Suplex!

Ashley Barlow checks on the competitors and before Rocky can get to his feet, Mike is on him again. He grabs the larger competitor around the waist and deadlifts him into another suplex! Rocky lands with a calamitous clatter on the mat and rolls to the corner. 

Nick Stuart: This is as aggressive as I think we have seen Mike McGee!

Richard Parker: Agreed, and he sure wasn’t kidding about his amateur chops. Only a pedigreed amateur wrestler has that kind of raw power at his size. 

Nick Stuart: I sure hope Stu Weiler has a spreadsheet to account for Mike’s brute strength.

Seemingly, Stu has heard Nick and yells some words of encouragement to Rocky. The young wrestler shakes the cobwebs loose and bolts toward Mike. The HR Superstar is unprepared for a missile dropkick, and he stumbles into the corner with both hands landing on the top rope. 

Rocky runs across the ring and hops onto the middle turnbuckle while yelling SKREE! spread eagled, displaying his wings. The FDP then hops down and sprints across the ring, launching and landing a big body splash! Mike wobbles a bit and stumbles forward a few steps before falling face first into the mat. 

Nick Stuart: A big move from Rocky! I think we should call it The Pterosaur Splash! This is the up tempo offense we expected to see!

Richard Parker: Gee would you… well look at that… masterful… planning by Stu Weiler. 

Nick Stuart: I don’t know if Stu has anything to do with it, partner. This appears to be all on Rocky!

As Rocky begins to bound across the ropes, Mike staggers to his feet. Rocky meets Mike with a dropkick push in the back, launching him into the ropes. As Mike stumbles backward, Rocky rolls up to his feet and runs at Mike McGee hitting a double knee backbreaker!

Mike bounces off Rocky’s knees and grabs his back while he rolls on the canvas. The green Rocky looks at Stu Weiler and his manager shakes his head to signal “you got this, kid” to which Rocky waits for Mike to stand up, and launches into a series of knife edge chops with the crowd counting along. 

THWACK!

ONE!

SWAT!

TWO!

SLAP!

THREE! 

FWAP!

FOUR!

Rocky reaches way back to Laredo, Texas for this one and lands it with a terrific thunderous CRACK!

FIVE!

Mike holds his red chest and stumbles backwards into the corner, arms down this time. The FDP runs to the opposite corner to once again line up a Pterosaur Splash, but this time, nobody is home as Mike falls out of the way! Rocky crashes back to the mat and holds his chest while Mike rolls out of the ring to the floor below. 

Nick Stuart: All that high risk just backfired on Rocky De Leon!

Richard Parker is visibly tapping a pencil on the announce table, clearly trying to contain something.

Nick Stuart: Are you OK, partner?

Richard Parker: I’ll be… I… NO! I can’t do it! Stu Weiler is a nerd and the world needs to know!

Nick Stuart: To be fair, you lasted a lot longer than I thought you would. Do you have anything practical to add to the action in the ring?

Richard thinks for a moment.

Richard Parker: Yes, that was a veteran move that Mike McGee just pulled, luring the kid into his trap!

Nick Stuart: He literally just fell out of the way. 

Richard Parker: It was Rocky’s fault for not bracing him properly. And you know whose fault that is, ultimately?

Nick Stuart: Let me guess, Stu Weiler?

Richard Parker: That damned Stu Weiler! I just know it!

Back in the ring, Rocky has gotten to his feet and sees Mike slowly rising up outside the ring. The youngster from Texas bolts across the ring, bounds off the ropes to get momentum and leaps over the top rope with a full somersault! Mike gets bowled over by a tope con hilo and they both fly into the railing at ringside. 

RAAAAAAAAA!

McGee clearly took the worst of that shot, and Rocky is back to his feet, slinging his competitor into the ring under the bottom rope. As Rocky moves to enter the ring, Mike wisely jumps on him and lifts Rocky to his feet into a German suplex, then with a great heave, Anne Taylor Loft’s Rocky through the air, but the more nimble De Leon flips and lands on his feet!

Mike McGee thinks he has his opponent right where he wants him, but quickly realizes he didn’t hear the crash of Rocky hitting the canvas. Mike turns around to face his opponent as Rocky yells a mighty SKREE!! and dashes toward the opposite ropes. He picks up speed, bounces off the second rope and through the air in a spread eagle, connecting with his forearm and sending Mike McGee to the Shadow Realm. 

Nick Stuart: He Hit the Flying Squirrel!

Richard Parker: Watch out for the pin Mike!

Rocky is quick to drop into a pin and Ashley Barlow slides in right on time. 

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING DING DING

Nick Stuart: A decisive win by the rookie! He bolsters his record and that should move him up the rankings a little bit! Tough loss for Mike McGee. 

Richard Parker: I just hope that he doesn’t do that crazy blood eyes thing to me for calling Stu Weiler a nerd. 

Nick Stuart: You do know he isn’t actually our HR rep, right? He can’t do anything to you, legally.

Richard Parker: So I took sensitivity training for nothing?

Richard looks enraged and stands up to shake his fist and holler something unintelligible about nerds, geeks, and/or dorks.

Nick Stuart: Right, because it wasn’t needed. 

With that, ReVival 23 moves on to a commercial break.