ROCKY DE LEON vs. TRISTAN-CRISPIN GLADHAPPY
Nick Stuart: Hello and welcome back to ReVival 24 ladies and gentlemen! We have an intriguing matchup for you next with an up and coming member of PRIME and a man that has developed quite the obsession for masks lately.
Richard Parker: That’s right Nick, and if history tells us anything, it’s that Rocky De Leon will not take kindly to his mask being trifled with. In the few short months he has been competing here, he and the nerd that accompanies him have managed to not lose a three way match and beat Mike McGee.
Nick Stuart: Well, that didn’t take very long. So you’re saying this like it isn’t impressive to have a zero loss record in PRIME?
Richard Parker: Oh no, it’s impressive. I just wish he would have hired ANYONE else to be his manager.
Nick Stuart: The hatred runs deep for my co-host folks. However, we have to take a segue from the hatred to the ring as the combatants are making their way out now.
“Me and Julio Down by The Schoolyard” by Streetlight Manifesto hits the PA and the lights shine down on Rocky De Leon who is standing looking intense and ready for a fight. As the trumpets play, he marches to the ring. Stu Weiler follows after him with his laptop in hand.
*The mama pajama rolled out of bed
And she ran to the police station
When the papa found out he began to shout
And he started the investigation*
Vince Howard: Introducing first… FROM LAREDO, TEXAS… ROOOOOOCKYYYYY DEEE LEEEEEOOOOOON!
Rocky works the crowd as he walks down the ramp to the ring. He runs up the ring steps quickly and wipes his feet on the apron before nimbly hopping over the ropes and waving to the crowd. Rocky points a finger to the crowd and bounds up the corner to the top turnbuckle, then spreads his wings with a mighty SKREEEEE! He pumps his fists in the air and hops down, all business. Stu sets up in his corner and turns to the announce table. He pulls off his beige polo shirt to reveal a graphic tee with manga lettering that says “I AM A NERD!” on it.
Richard Parker: NO! You can’t own this! I better not see this in the PRIMEporium!
Nick Stuart: I think the people disagree, partner.
The fans are chanting Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! As Stu eggs them on.
Richard Parker: I’m going to see this in the PRIMEporium, aren’t I?
“Because of You” by 98 Degrees is piped in over the PA system as a tan, Gen Z wrestler steps onto the ramp along with Vickie Hall and heads toward the ring. The duo actively blow kisses to the fans and Tristan self nuzzles about halfway down the ramp.
*It’s all, it’s all, it’s all
You’re my sunshine after the rain
You’re the cure against my fear and my pain
‘Cause I’m losing my mind
When you’re not around
It’s all, it’s all
It’s all because of you*
Vince Howard: And his opponent… from Sacramento California… TRISTAAAAN-CRISPIIIIN GLAAAAAAAAADHAPPYYYYYYYY.
TCG and Vickie finally make their way to the ring and Tristan slinks in. Elvis Nixon checks in with both combatants and signals for the bell.
DING DING!
Nick Stuart: And we are underway here folks. After the display last week with Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy, it is fair to wonder if he will fixate on Rocky’s mask as well.
Rocky doesn’t give him the chance, aggressively bolting across the ring at the sound of the bell and drop-kicking TCG into the opposing corner. Rocky doesn’t let up, taking advantage of the surprise attack by grabbing Tristan’s head, then leaping up and planting both legs on his hips. Rocky leans back and pushes, monkey flipping Gladhappy up in the air and down with a thud to the canvas.
Nick Stuart: This is as aggressive as we have seen Rocky De Leon! He must really have an ax to grind with Gladhappy.
Richard Parker: Either that or he has been taking Tai Bo classes with the ladies at the Green as It Gets facility and all that old lady energy is filtering through him.
Nick Stuart: Are you suggesting that Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy has made an enemy of his elders?
Richard Parker: I’m suggesting that Rocky has made friends. And they want more than a nuzzle, if you get my drift.
Nick looks away from Richard blankly into the camera.
Back in the ring, TCG is reeling and finds himself being dragged to his feet. Gladhappy pulls a Pretty Pink© hand towel from his trunks and throws it toward the referee. Elvis Nixon reacts properly to having what can only be presumed to be a lonely man’s “rag” thrown at his face, and does whatever he can to dodge the flying terry cloth. On the way up with the ref distracted, the Love Convoy member convoys his fist into Rocky’s gentleman’s vegetables. Vickie cheers Tristan on from the side of the ring as The Pterosaur Superstar crumples to the mat.
Nick Stuart: That will stop any dinosaur in its tracks, even a pterodactyl!
Richard Parker: I’m pretty sure that Pterodactyls don’t make tracks, Nick. They are a flying reptile, by the way, not a dinosaur.
Nick looks at his color commentary partner and shakes his head. Richard looks proud of himself.
Nick Stuart: I admittedly did not know that.
Stu Weiler looks at Richard and points at his shirt, then at Richard. The announcer’s brain gears begin to mesh with great noise and internal smoke.
Richard Parker: Hey… I am NOT a nerd! How did he even know what I said?
In the ring, Tristan presses his advantage, lifting Rocky up and locking in an abdominal stretch. Elvis is still wary from the towel incident and is on guard for shenanigans, but this appears to be a straight forward hold. Rocky grimaces in pain as TCG wrenches on his muscles.
Rocky yells out and tries to summon the power of the technico as he uses all his strength to break free, but he expends a lot of energy in doing so and falls to the mat. TCG is on top of him quickly, clawing at his arms, which he locks in over his knees, then squats on top of The FDP’s back while hooking his hands under Rocky’s chin with a Convoy Clutch! (we’re workshopping non-stereotype names today)
Nick Stuart: Tristan is trying to sap all the energy away from the plucky underdog! That looks excruciatingly painful.
Richard Parker: I’ll say, and I also have to add that the last two weeks have really brought out the malice in Gladhappy! Either that or having Vickie at ringside has put a fear of performance into him.
Nick Stuart: Well, it must be something with masks.First The Anglo Luchador, and now Rocky De Leon.
Richard Parker: Say, you don’t think this is some sort of subconscious thing with Vickie Hall and masks…
Elvis is busy in the ring checking to make sure Rocky is doing OK. He asks him if he would like to submit, but the plucky young talent shakes his head no in defiance. It’s clear though that Rocky is beginning to fade and Stu looks on worriedly in the corner. He even goes so far as to look around for a towel to throw in, just in case he has to end the match early, but all he can find is the Pretty Pink© towel that TCG threw at Elvis Nixon earlier in the match and he is loath to touch it.
As Rocky fades, Elvis steps in and raises his hand…
And it drops.
He raises it a second time…
It drops again! Vickie celebrates in her shrill manner.
He raises Rocky’s hand a third time…
.
.
.
Halfway down, the Lion of Laredo’s spirit roars out of Rocky De Leon as he shakes his arms furiously and the fans cheer with a roar. He yells a mighty SKREEEE! And flexes his arms, breaking the hold and sending a now off balance TCG falling backwards. Rocky claws his way to the corner and up to his feet, obviously still in a lot of pain. He looks and sees TCG doing the same in the opposite corner and barrels forward, launching his wings with a Pterosaur Splash!
Nick Stuart: Rocky De Leon is on fire! He hit that big splash!
Richard Parker: The FDP is one of those guys that you cannot let build a head of steam! Once he begins rolling and gets momentum, he is hard to stop!
Seemingly having learned from his mistake last show, he drapes Tristan’s arms over the ropes and secures him before running full speed across the ring and back leaping with another Pterosaur Splash! TCG steps forward three or four paces and flops forward very naturally then rolls out of the ring to the floor. Rocky bounds off the ropes once again and tries his luck with the tope con hilo, but Tristan sees him coming and dives out of the way, sending Rocky crashing to the floor.
In the ring, Elvis Nixon has begun to make his count.
ONE!
.
TWO!
.
THREE!
No movement from either combatant.
FOUR!
.
FIVE!
Finally TCG gets to his feet and slithers into the ring. Vickie is screaming at him to stay in the ring and wait for Rocky to be counted out.
SIX!
.
SEVEN!
.
EIGHT!
.
NINE!
.
Rocky De Leon claws himself into the ring with every ounce of energy he has left and Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy just cannot believe it! Vickie Hall shrieks like a Greek Siren as Rocky narrowly avoids being counted out. TCG shakes his head and grabs Elvis Nixon to complain about his count, but Elvis is having none of it. Rocky still hasn’t moved.
Nick Stuart: What perseverance! Rocky barely makes the count, but how will he ever continue with this match?
Richard Parker: He is going to have to dig deep and that is something no spreadsheet nerd can prepare you for!
Nick Stuart: Now is not the appropriate time, Richard.
TCG shakes off his disappointment and begins dragging Rocky to the center of the ring and drops to try and grasp his seated ankle lock finisher, Head Over Heels! As he tries to grab the ankle, Rocky kicks him in the snout, and then again and again and again when he won’t let go until he does.
Tristan flails around on the ground holding his nuzzler and Rocky kips up! The fans blow up as the FDP looks around, listening for encouragement from all the way across the lands in every retirement home known to the USA. He grabs Tristan’s legs and steps through, flipping him into a sasori-gatame! TCG screams in pain and Vickie pounds on the mat, begging the Love Convoy member to fight back.
Nick Stuart: This does not look good folks! Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy is in the center of the ring and it’s clear Rocky has learned a few new tricks since we last saw him.
TCG claws his way across the ring, willing himself toward a rope break. Rocky wrenches with everything he has while Elvis Nixon looks on intently. Tristan makes it about halfway to the ropes and, on pure guts alone, continues without tapping out. Suddenly, Stu Weiler stands up and walks around the corner of the ring toward Vickie Hall.
Richard Parker: What is that nerd up to?!
Nick Stuart: Would you just let it go?
Tristan agonizes, inch by inch but will not give up and Rocky simply does not have the bulk or energy left to drag him back into the center of the ring. TCG reaches, coming agonizingly close to the rope, mere inches away when suddenly a Pretty Pink© hand towel flies into the ring landing on Tristan’s back and Elvis Nixon turns to see where it came from.
Stu Weiler is standing next to Vickie Hall and he points at her accusingly. Vickie looks completely baffled and doesn’t have the clarity to protest before Elvis looks back at the towel, then to her, then back to the towel and signals for the bell. Rocky falls to the canvas in a heap while TCG’s arm flops to the ground.
DING DING DING!
Vince Howard: Here is your winner by submission…ROOOOOOOCKYYYYY DEEEEE LEEEEEOOOOOOON!!!!
Vickie Hall goes every pink shade of apeshit that exists, chasing Stu Weiler around the ring trying to dig her bright pink manicured fingernails into his skin. Rocky slowly stands up and Elvis Nixon raises his hand in victory.
Richard Parker: I KNEW IT, I TOLD YOU NICK, IT WAS THAT DAMN STU WEILER THE WHOLE TIME! I JUST KNEW IT!
Nick Stuart: Well, In this case you might be right. However, the match still goes in Rocky’s favor and the young man picks up a big win over an established star. And you know what else?
Richard Parker: What?
Nick Stuart: We didn’t butcher Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy’s name the entire match!
Richard Parker: Who?
Nick Stuart: Never mind. Well folks, this match certainly lived up to the hype and speaking of hype, it’s time to get ready for a commercial. We’ll be right back after this word from our sponsors.
Vickie has lost Stu to the back and is in the ring berating TCG and Elvis Nixon as the screen fades to commercial.