SCANDALOUS SHIT
Revival is back on the air inside the Baltimore Arena atrium where, of course, the LOVE CONVOY has set up shop. The hot tub is blown up, full of water but only one random is inside it. This also might be due to the fact Revival is in the middle of its show and there aren’t a lot of fans nearby – they’re all spread throughout the concourse or in their seats. Additionally, only Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy and Jonathan-Christopher Hall idly stand beside the hot tub, CONVOY pamphlets in hand. On the front of each pretty pink© folded sheet of paper reads “ARE YOU THE LUCKY ONE?”, likely referring to Vickie’s speech two weeks ago where she explained TCG’s retirement as an active wrestler and how the LOVE CONVOY was actively trying to recruit a new lucky member.
But if a tumbleweed could roll by the screen right now, it most certainly would.
The usually upbeat Tristan-Crispin looks concerned as he glances over to his cousin, Jonathan-Christopher.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy: Ready for your big match?
The Nuzzle Lord says this while trying to change his concerned glance to an upbeat demeanor. Meanwhile Jonathan-Christopher nods.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: I think so.
At first, this is all JCH intends to say but then he looks down at the massive stack of leaflets in his hand, realizing he hasn’t offered one to… well, anybody. He tightens his grip.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: Recently I’ve felt something different inside me… I’m not so sure what it is.
Finally, Tristan-Crispin starts to lighten up.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy: You mean happiness? Excitement!?
By the look on Jonathan-Christopher’s face, and how he’s nearly mangling the pamphlets in his hand, that’s definitely NOT the feeling. Nevertheless, Tristan-Crispin has fallen down his own nuzzle hole.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy: Cousin, I feel these emotions almost every minute. I feel…
Gladhappy stops to nestle his chin and jaw into the upper portions of his neck, giving himself a really solid nuzzle on live TV.
For a second there, it looks like Jonathan-Christopher wants to roll his eyes but instead he takes a deep breath, looks around the empty atrium and the one obese guy in the hot tub… and concludes he doesn’t want anything to do with this place. He turns toward his cousin.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: My match is coming up soon. We should go back to our locker room and speak to Vickie.
It’s almost trance-like, the nuzzle that Gladhappy is giving himself. It’s only until Hall slaps his cousin on the chest where TC IMMEDIATELY bounces back from whatever the fuck he calls this shit and eyes Jonathan-Christopher.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy: Yes, we have to! Exactly what you said!
Gladhappy raises an eyebrow.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy: Ummm what did you say?
It doesn’t matter as Jonathan-Christopher begins walking out of the atrium, leading the way towards an exit door, bringing them down into the backstage area. Tristan-Crispin is feeling more chipper, prancing behind while trying to catch up.
Eventually, Hall and Gladhappy arrive at a locker room door titled ‘LOVE CONVOY’. Gladhappy pauses to take a step back for reflection.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy: It’s amazing we have our own space from the majority of the roster.
He scratches his head.
Tristan-Crsipin Gladhappy: Say, have you seen Darin Zion recently?
Jonathan-Christopher simply shrugs in reply. He then proceeds to push the door back…
…Revealing the entire locker room, from floor to ceiling and then ON the ceiling too, has been covered with numerous pictures, posters and memorabilia relating to one man.
Nate Colton.
There are mugshots of his roster image from prime-wrestling.com. However, across the majority of these photos Nate’s eyes are X’ed out by angry, intense looking scribbles. There are live action captures of Nate performing various maneuvers inside the ring but most of the pictures are also vandalized. Either a devil’s tail sticks out from Colton’s behind or he has devil evils. In some photos he’s vomiting little tiny ALP hearts. There might even be a picture where he’s conveyed to have a smaller manhood than normal but the camera pans so fast you’d need to rewind in order to make sure. There’s a homemade voodoo doll of Nate Colton in the corner with pins sticking out of it. There’s a 4-foot Nate Colton cardboard cutout, likely used for past PRIME promotional material but it has a massive knife jammed into the side of its head and pretty pink© lines of blood spewing out. Additionally, there are banners hanging from different locations, written in what looks to be actual blood?
“DIE NATE DIE!”
“NO CONVOY 4 U”
“LACES OUT”
Jonathan-Christopher and Tristan-Crispin are mesmerized by the locker room, completely covered from head-to-toe, as JCH now realizes there are pictures stuck TO the ground, too.
The boys eventually look over to the corner of the room and see Vickie sitting there, cell phone in hand. She looks up from her phone, giggles with delight, as if she can’t grasp why JCH and TCG are stunned.
Vickie Hall: Enjoy what I’ve done to the place?
Hall and Gladhappy don’t know how to respond even if they want to.
Otherwise, Vickie looks into her cell phone, replying with a loud cackle. It takes her a moment but she brings her attention back to her crew.
Vickie Hall: I can’t get enough of this Savannah Scandal shit. Haha, Savannah Scandal Shit. Ooh my god, absolutely love that. S3.
Vickie pauses to collect her initial thoughts.
Vickie Hall: Did you know that Luchador guy had sex with Paxton Ray’s ex-wife in the very next room beside him while he was eliciting illegal drugs to Jared Sykes and then Luchador Guy murdered Paxton’s ex in cold blood and Ray doesn’t even know about it?
The game Telephone is obviously something Vickie’s never played.
Or it’s exact living proof the game Telephone represents reality. Anyway, she continues.
Vickie Hall: I hope Savannah Scandal finds shit out on Nate Colton, too. I have really grown not to like him after our recent interactions.
Tristan-Crispin continues to scan his eyes around the room with a “ya think?” facial expression in response.
Vickie Hall: How is the LOVE CONVOY mission going, boys? We need to find a good, new member since you’re taking a step back TC…
It almost pains Vickie to get this next part out of her mouth so she says it quietly.
Vickie Hall: …and Darin Zion sucks.
Back on track she goes with her big girl voice as she quickly switches her train of thought.
Vickie Hall: No, nevermind. We can consider vetting a new member later. Jonathan-Christopher, you have a very important match tonight, (tilts her head to gaze right at him) no?
JCH agrees. He doesn’t seem as eager to please as one would typically witness. Instead, he looks much more focused than normal.
Vickie Hall: Well I will leave the locker room so you can change, Jonathan-Christopher.
She glances over to Gladhappy as she strolls her way out.
Vickie Halls: There’s a time and a place to view each other’s naked bodies but now is not that time.
And as quickly as she makes this rather off-putting and inappropriate comment to TCG, Vickie is RIGHT back into her phone, flipping through Savannah Scandal on twitter, laughing her head off.
Vickie Hall: OH. MY. GOD. Fucking love this chick!
Vickie exits as Jonathan-Christopher looks embarrassingly at his cousin.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy: I’m going to leave, too.
Gladhappy walks over to Hall and pats him on the shoulder.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy: Goodluck out there tonight.
He goes to exit the locker room, but stops upon looking at another twisted image of Nate Colton. This one is Colton performing his cobra clutch suplex but his legs have been “edited” aka severed and “The Next Diamond” print on the initial poster is crossed off to say “The Next Dumbass”, as if whomever did this thought a troll like that would be funny.
Gladhappy stops, chuckles, and looks back at his cousin.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy: By the way ‘cous, thanks for beating Rocky de Leon for me. (Laughs) Guess that’s why I’m stepping back as a wrestler. But you, you’ve got promise. Kick ass out there. Love ya!
Gladhappy nuzzles himself to ruin the potential heart-felt moment and then exits.
Jonathan-Christopher finds his belongings in a backpack and Revival goes elsewhere.