Backstage. An extremely proud Dan Van Slade has his chin up, a large smile, and his eyes closed. He stands tall with his fists on his hips and poses like a superhero. Dan is no longer wearing his wrestling gear, but his chest is puffed out to show the SD logo on his blue t-shirt. The dapper David, Dan’s agent, paces and is in the middle of text messages.
Dan Van Slade: My father is proud, David. PROUD. I have served my people well, tonight. The Hiptonians are rejoicing. I’ve defeated two human meats before hundreds, thousands, MILLIONS, of other meats. Defeat. That’s what those men have suffered at the hands of the Prince of Deviance, the first born son of the Great King of Hipton, and one of the greatest professional wrestlers from the state of Montana. I am happy, David. PROUD. I am proud. What’s next? Where do we go from here? Who do I fight next? Who’s career must I destroy?
Dan has not moved from his pose. His eyes stare away. David stops and turns to his client with a concerned glare.
David: Well, we’re not sure, yet. There’s a good possibility that you will not fight for another month.
The pose is no more. Dan suddenly looks perturbed and turns to his agent.
Dan Van Slade: A…a…another month? Excuse me? I effortlessly laid waste to two unsatisfactory Earthly cucks to start a phenomenal ReVival television show, and the Universal Bad Ass must wait another MONTH?
David: It’s not confirmed. You may be booked for the next show? I can’t guarantee that. I don’t run the company. I can do my best to pull some strings, but who am I? I’m just the agent of Dan Van Slade. We don’t have any roots in the ground, yet. The seed is only being sowed. Let’s not step on any toes here.
The Super Deviant raises an eyebrow.
Dan Van Slade: Fuck their toes, David. I will stub each and every one of their toes. Just the agent of Dan Van Slade?…HMPH! You are the agent of the now UNDEFEATED Dan Van Slade. Thy Superest of Deviants, Mr. 1-0. Who’s next, David? Make a list. Mail it to the PRIME authoritarians. Return address needs to be the Fortress of Deviance. Use one of those wax seals to close the envelope. Do I have a Super D wax seal? No? Fucking make one, David, just buy a damn red candle and melt it then use a toothpick to draw a little Super D in it.
David: I’ll just send an email. Nobody mails anything anymore. Actually, I’ll send a text. Nobody emails anything anymore, either.
A Grinch-like grin slowly grows because Dan likes what he hears.
Dan Van Slade: Great idea. Communicate. Communication is a lost art, and it’s wonderful to see that my agent is great at it. Let’s communicate that the Super Deviant has arrived. The Super Deviant has laid claim to this…this…PRIME. I will make each and every one of these PRIMEates my dingleberries.
David: If you’re quoting Tombstone then the word you’re looking for is “huckleberry”.
Dan Van Slade: It’s dingleberry, David, look it up. IMDB it. Use the Googler. I’ll be your dingleberry, David.
David: No. You won’t.
Dan has once again returned to his superhero pose and stares away with a confident visage.
Dan Van Slade: Spread the word, my friend. SPREAD IT. We’re going to rise to the top like CREAM. And, we’re gonna get that money. DOLLAR DOLLAR BILL DAVID.
David: If you keep winning matches then you’re right. The cream does rise to the top, and yes, you will get the money.
Dan Van Slade: That was the worst response to a Wu Tang reference that I’ve ever heard. Are you not down with the Wu Tang Clan, David? They are number one in Hipton. On all the charts. And, before you ask – yes, they’ve been on the top of all the Hiptonian billboards forever because there’s nothing and no one better than the Wu Tang Clan.
David: Sure, I like the Wu Tang Clan.
His agent dramatically presses his finger against his phone.
David:There. I’ve sent out the text message to a couple of connections that I’ve got in the upper echelon of PRIME. Fingers crossed – we’ll get you a match on the next ReVival. You’re the next big thing. They need you on every show, and in that ring, beating the piss out of each and every one of these so-called professional wrestlers.
Dan Van Slade: You’re a damn genius, David. How much is my father paying you? I’ll have him increase it.
David: You pay me. I don’t even know your dad.
Dan Van Slade: Shame on you. Get me that damn match, David. THE UNDEFEATED Dan Van Slade will continue this streak. THE GREATEST STREAK IN PRIME HISTORY. Who’s next? Bring me the Flameberger. Bring me the Russian that will not get me into Russia. Bring me Anna Daniels, albeit I don’t really know if I want to wrestle her, yet. Bring me Maxine Kale so that I can strip her of her championship. Bring me the eGG Bandits so that I can scramble them sons-a-bitches. WHO’S NEXT, DAVID?
Dan points his fist in the air and then acts like he’s about to take off in flight. David stares at his client with confusion. Dan side eyes his agent and is stuck in pre-flight positioning. David raises his eyebrows. Dan looks side-to-side, lowers his arm, and looks disappointed. He walks out of the shot. David peers around for a moment and then shakes his head as we cut elsewhere.