Here we go.
You’d think we’d start off with one of the hometown boys arriving at the Wells Fargo Center, but no…we have important business to attend to first.
Behind the STEEL DOOR O’DOOM we go where the Lady of the Hour, Lindsay Troy, reclines upon her throne made of championship belts, so you know it must be really important business if we’re bringing this bit back. The Flynn Cup is on her desk, neatly polished. Henry Keyes made Butch Vic put in an extra three hours of elbow grease to make sure it’s extra shiny. Almost as shiny as the Lombardi Trophy that the Eagles won’t be holding in a couple weeks, heyooooooooo.
Anyhoo, the Queen beckons the camera closer, and away we go.
Lindsay Troy: Good evening everyone, and welcome to ReVival 42. Before I send it over to the best announcers in the business for our opening match, I have an important announcement concerning WarGames next month in Wales.
Lindsay Troy: Namely, concerning my team.
There’s loud buzzing and confusion amongst the PRIMEates in attendance here tonight. And, most assuredly, amongst the boys in the back. The Boss swivels her body to face the camera.
Lindsay Troy: I know what you’re thinking and no, I didn’t misspeak. It wouldn’t be a proper WarGames if *EYE* didn’t have a team in the match. I run this company, and if bragging rights are on the line, then nobody should be allowed to brag louder and longer than me. It’s why I’m excited to announce that as of this moment, the fifth team in PRIME’s WarGames will be VAE VICTIS.
That buzzing is now full-on…cheering?
This isn’t DEFIANCE.
Lindsay Troy: That’s right. Your Flynn Cup champions and the Besties in the World, myself and Henry Keyes, will be joined by Sonny Silver, “DEFIANCE” Oscar Burns, and “The Cowboy Colossus” Clay Byrd. And since Vae Victis isn’t complete without “The Emerald Apex” Kerry Kuroyama, we’ll be taking him from Vickie Hall’s Pretty Pink Army of whatever long ass bullshit name she came up with.
Lindsay Troy: Sorry about your shitty dead luck, Vickie, but as Co-Consul of the greatest stable in the world, you need to be put in your place and be reminded that you can’t sit with—
The camera pans stage right where Killean Sirrajin, EVP of Talent Relations and Development, stands with his red Oakleys on and his arms folded. The Queen looks over at him.
Lindsay Troy: What’s up?
Killean Sirrajin: Lindz, we talked about this. We agreed it wasn’t how we were going to do PRIME’s WarGames.
Lindsay Troy: I don’t follow.
Killean Sirrajin: You know…the whole stacking the deck against the roster by bringing your stable into the match and taking draft picks away from other people? We said that’s not going to be a thing here.
Lindsay Troy: When was that again?
Killean Sirrajin: Over six months ago.
Lindsay Troy: Oh.
She rubs the back of her neck.
Lindsay Troy: Well, that’s not very fun for me now, is it?
The Supreme Machine looks quizzically at his boss and friend.
Killean Sirrajin: Since when have you run PRIME like an authoritarian state?
The Queen smiles and chuckles.
Lindsay Troy: Since never, because that’s not a thing we do here.
She looks back at the camera.
Lindsay Troy: OK, it’s true, there will be no Vae Victis team in WarGames. And sorry, Kerry, you have to stay on Vickie’s team. I’ll buy you some Suntory Hibiki 21 Year as an apology. The real announcement I have is the four existing teams are each getting one more member of my choosing. Seán O’Neil will be joining Cecilworth Farthington’s Team I am Glue and So Can You. Dabney Doubleday will be joining Jared Sykes’ Team Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness. Rob Williams will be joining Vickie Hall’s Team I Hope You’ve Got Some Noise Canceling Earbuds Buddy, and lastly….
Clears her throat.
Takes a sip of water.
Lindsay Troy: Y’know, maybe I should wait to announce this last person until after the main event, or even in News and No—
Killean Sirrajin: Oh my God, Lindz, just wrap this up already, people have already skipped to the end.
Lindsay Troy: (rolling her eyes) Geeze, fine, Killean. Weird that you’ve taken on the voice of my narrator all of a sudden but whatever. LASTLY, Bobby Dean will be joining Coral Avalon on Team All The Bandits Are Here Now, God Help You All.
She looks at Killean.
Lindsay Troy: Happy now?
Killean Sirrajin: Very.
Lindsay Troy: I told people to stay tuned.
Killean Sirrajin: You did. Can I go back to never showing up again unless you’re busy or you need a narrative foil for dialogue purposes?
Lindsay Troy: Yes.
Killean Sirrajin: Cool.
AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW.