TAG TEAM TITLES: KINGS OF POPSICLES (C) VS. SOLID GOLD ROCK N ROLL
We cut from backstage with Dangerous Mix and Matt Mills to the ringside area as the crowd is on their feet and the buzz is palatable for what is coming next.
Nick Stuart: The fans here in Las Vegas are ready and I’m sure the fans at home are just as ready for the co-main events we have for tonight. First up, the team of Solid Gold Rock ‘n Roll will be fighting for a chance to take the PRIME Tag Team Titles off of the Kings of Popsicles.
Richard Parker: I just don’t understand why Reina Raspberry gets to be the champion when El Hijo del SuperCool Guy did all of the hard work.
Nick Stuart: … this is what you are worried about?
Richard Parker: It’s just not fair, Nick. Just not fair.
Nick Stuart: I’m not touching this with a ten foot pole.
Vince Howard: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the PRIME Tag Team Championships!
Vince Howard: Introducing first…
I CAN SEE WHAT THE WORLD HAS DONE TO YOU!
I CAN FEEEL THE WEIGHT!
FEEEL THE WEIGHT!
“The Motherload” batters through the speakers like an avalanche wearing skin tight leather jeans and a zebra-striped headband. Barry Delgado walks out standing nine feet tall despite being five-foot five, followed by the lanky frame of Trent Sadikaj, just oozing with SEX as the pair make their way toward ringside.
Vince Howard: Making their way to the ring at a combined weight of 471 pounds and–(sigh)–a combined height of precisely 12 feet, they are the team of Barry Delgado and Trent Sadikaj…SOLID GOOOOOOLD ROCK ‘N ROOOOOLL!
Bras, panties, and men’s boxer-briefs soar through the air as the rockstars stroll into the ring. Delgado pushes his hands through his immaculate mullet, while Trent blows sensual kisses to the crowd at ringside.
Nick Stuart: I’m always surprised by the amount of undergarments that come flying out of the audience for these two.
Richard Parker: It’s the men’s boxers for me, Nick. I just… how do you even do that?
Nick Stuart: Do you really want to think about it?
Richard Parker: I don’t… and yet… I do. All at the same time. It’s very confusing.
Delgado and Sadikaj move to their corner as Jimmy Turnbull gives him his final set of instructions.
Vince Howard: And their opponents…
The house lights go dark, as purple and blue spotlights swirl around the entryway. A low rumble is heard in the arena. Is it the opening riff of Motley Crue’s “Knock ‘Em Dead, Kid”? Yes. Could it also be something more colorful? Oh you better goddamn believe it.
Let the people know, Mr. Howard.
Vince Howard: Making their way to the ring, from Boston, Massachusetts…
That rumble gets louder. Does it sound like an engine to you? Because it kind of sounds like an engine to me. Man, if this is what I think it is, then Lindsay Troy is going to be spending a ton on therapy in H2.
Vince Howard: At a total combined weight of 201 pounds and “Vince my dude I thought we covered this a month ago if I ask her this she will kill me like legit kill me.”
The little note card he was reading from is sent flying. At least it’s not total combined heights this time, Vince.
It’s here where we first get a glimpse of what was making that god awful racket. Or rather we would, if the entire thing wasn’t shrouded in lazy fog coming from the collection of smoke machines that have been attached to it.
Vince Howard: King Blueberry… Reina Raspberry… They are the PRIME tag-team champions of the world. They are…
“Attached to what?” you might say. This is a valid question, so let’s answer it. In short, it’s a forklift. In long, it’s THE forklift, though the lower half of the turkey costume and what remained of the streamers have all been removed. Not sure where eagle wings came from, but hey there are eagle wings now.
Also there are 12 smoke machines crudely taped to it.
The guy driving this contraption is having a hell of a time. The woman riding shotgun is actively contemplating whether the fabled Nevada Ditch Fields are real, and what the odds are she can hide a body there.
Vince Howard: The KINGS!!! OF!!! POPSICLES!!!
Right now, they are also the kings of pops. Because they get a loud one upon their introduction. Get it? It’s a word play joke on pops and popsicles and oh let’s just get the fuck on with it.
As soon as it’s safe to disembark (and seriously, with a Blueberry behind the wheel is there ever really a safe time for that), the Raspberry hops down from her perch and strides to the ring, title belt firmly in place around her waist. She’s followed in turn by the Blueberry, who has his belt draped across his chest like a bandolier, because “bondage Chewbacca” is high on his list of things to cosplay. Of note is the foil strawberry sticker on one of his side plates.
King Blueberry stays back, giving his partner space to ascend to the nearest second turnbuckle and raise her championship high to another roar from the gathered crowd. For his part, Blueberry unstraps his belt and hands it to the referee. He shoots a nod to the hard camera, taps the space above his heart twice, and pulls off the “Toxic Queen” t-shirt he’d been wearing.
Meanwhile, the Jimmy Bonafide Dancers have appeared at ringside holding fire extinguishers which they begin spraying on the forklift and its many smoke machines, because not a single one of them passed any of their science courses in school. It’s not on fire, you absolute cavalcade of dumbasses!
Alas, yet another indictment against the pitfalls of the public education system in this country.
Anyway, the Bonafides all sprint to the back, because their night is not over. They’re about to earn all of the dollars they’re getting paid for this.
Richard Parker: Just when you think you’ve seen it all… you then see this.
Nick Stuart: It’s Jared Sykes, Richard. I promise you, you haven’t seen everything yet. Not even close.
Richard Parker: That is a thought that is going to haunt me in my dreams for… pretty much the rest of my life.
Nick Stuart: Then I guess it’s a good thing you don’t have much life left to live.
Richard Parker: Dark, Nick. Dark.
Nick Stuart: From a lifetime of sitting next to you, pal.
Turnbull gives his final set of instructions to the KOP as King Blueberry then exits the ring as Reina Raspberry decides she will begin the match as does Berry Delgado. Turnbull then goes to signal for the start of the match, but before he can do so, he is interrupted.
The vibrations of the Kings of Popsicles’ theme song hadn’t even settled before a new song blasts over the PA system.
I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go…
As Oingo Boingo’s classic “Dead Man’s Party” airs, a flurry of activity happens at the entrance ramp. Something large explodes through the curtain, carried by six very familiar individuals. The Jimmy Bonafide Dancers have arrived, and they’re bringing a couch with them. The couch is also familiar, because eagle-eyed fans might notice that it belongs to Melvin Beauregard. Allegedly. Legally speaking, we can’t say one way or another, or who would’ve signed off on this. But we’ll return it after this match, we promise. Winkyface.
Anyway, the point is that the Jimmy Bonafide Dancers – that’s Charlene, Misty, Noelle, Carle, Janelle, Cinnamon, and Biff – are bringing out a couch.
Richard Parker: What the hell is this about?
Nick Stuart: Uh, well, that’s the Winds of Change’s music, but…
Six of the Dancers plopped the couch down right at the end of the entrance ramp. The seventh lagged behind severely, because having terrible arthritis in the knees was a key ingredient in the recipe for “what the hell am I doing here?”
By the time Biff ambles down to join his fellow Dancers, they’d already put the couch down and are making their way back up the ramp. It’s around this time that Joe Fontaine and Sid Phillips appear at the top of the ramp. Joe has a big ‘ol bucket of popcorn in his hands, and is raising his free hand for everyone to see. Sid, meanwhile, is wearing his “Powerbomb Siddy” T-shirt, which you should probably buy if you’ve already bought the other shirt. You cowards.
When they pass by the disgruntled Biff, Sid pats him on the shoulders as he walks past. Much to his confusion. The two future challengers to the PRIME Tag Team Championships sit down together at the couch, and wave obnoxiously for the camera and the crowd around them. Joe passes the popcorn bucket over to Sid, who obnoxiously throws some of the popcorn into his mouth, with most of it ending up on himself or the couch and very little of it actually entering his mouth.
Richard Parker: That’s, uh… one way to observe a title match.
Nick Stuart: It’s certainly a choice.
Richard Parker: Winds of Change obviously interested in the outcome of this match. As we all are. But can’t they watch in the back?
Nick Stuart: And where would the fun be with that?
All four competitors in the match look at the Winds of Change and shake their heads before trying to get back into the mindset of the match. Turnbull then signals for the start of the match.
As the match begins, Reina and Delgado circle the ring around one another, their eyes locked, and a certain intensity radiating from Reina. Delgado, who has a significant size advantage over Reina (in terms of weight), begins to move in on Reina only for the athletic wrestler to roll around him, spin to her feet, and slam the point of her foot into Delgado’s left calf. Delgado winces from the shot, shaking it off as he turns back towards Reina. Raspberry motions for Delgado to come after her and he does just that, the two wrestlers entering a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Delgado uses his considerable strength advantage to push Raspeberry towards the closest corner and Raspberry uses his momentum to pull him in, launching him head first into the middle turnbuckle.
Richard Parker: Well, that’s one way to get an attacker off of you. I assume she’s had experience of pushing Blueberry away from her.
Nick Stuart: There is something not right in your brain.
Richard Parker: That comes from years of associating with you.
Delgado stumbles backwards from the turnbuckle shot and runs right into a stiff forearm from Reina. Reina then takes a full steps backwards before running at Delgado, leaping onto his shoulders, and reverses her momentum into a Poisonrana on Berry! Delgado looks like he is completely out of it and Reina rolls Delgado over before going for the cover. Turnbull begins his count…
RIGHT SHOULDER UP!
Nick Stuart: That coould’ve been a quick exit for Solid Gold Rock ‘N’ Roll right there! Raspberry caught Delgado by surprise there and he almost paid the price for it.
Richard Parker: Almost paid the price for it? I think he paid FULL PRICE for that!
Nick Stuart: Raspberry now grabs Delgado by the foot and drags him to her corner before tagging King Blueberry in.
Richard Parker: Well, this should be interesting. He hasn’t even repaired his mask from Great American Nightmare! Didn’t Lindsay give him a pay raise for winning the titles?
Blueberry enters the ring and slams his boot across the chest of Delgado before grabbing him by the back of the head and pulls him up to his feet before connecting a knife-edge chop that echoes through the MGM-Grand Arena. Blueberry follows that up with a stiff forearm across the face before pushing Delgado into the ropes. He goes to whip Delgado across the ring, but Berry manages to reverse it and sends Blueberry flying instead. KB counters with a flying forearm for Delgado’s troubles. As both wrestlers get back to their feet, KB connects with a leg sweep that sends Delgado back to the mat before KB bounces off the ropes, leaps high in the air, and connects with both feet across the midsection of Delgado.
Richard Parker: Ouch!
Nick Stuart: That’s one way to keep your opponent out of it, taking the wind literally out of them.
Richard Parker: Delgado doesn’t look like he appreciates it at all.
Nick Stuart: I think the Winds of Change are impressed though.
Richard Parker: Who cares about them?!
Next to the ring, Fontaine has his hand in his popcorn bucket, stuffing handfuls of popcorn in his mouth at a furious pace after what just happened. Phillips tries to grab some of the popcorn only for Fontaine to slap his hand away and wags his finger at him.
Back in the ring, Blueberry begins to pull Delgado back up to his feet only for Berry to connect with a jab to the midsection that stuns KB. Delagdo then gets back to his feet, whips KB into the ropes, and plants him in the center of the ring with a ring-shaking spinebuster that gets some jeers from the fans.
Nick Stuart: Well, KB’s spine is going to need to be readjusted after that.
Richard Parker: Rich of you to think he has a spine.
Nick Stuart: Anatomically, Richard, he has one. How else would he have come out here? I need you to come up with some better insults! I can’t be pulling all of the weight here.
Richard Parker: That’s some cold stuff right there, Nick.
Delgado then tags in Sadikaj, who steps over the top rope and slams his boot to the face of KB, who was attempting to sit up. Delgado, still in the ring, then bounces off the ropes and lans a splash on KB, who rolls over in pain, clutching his ribs. Trent then slams his forearm across the upper back of KB before yanking him up to his feet and slamming him back to the mat with a German Suplex. KB rolls across the ring due to the momentum and force of Trent. He sits in the corner and isn’t fast enough to move out of the way as Trent runs full speed at him, planting both knees into his face.
Richard Parker: More ouch.
Nick Stuart: Strong start from the champions has seemingly evaporated as Solid Gold are now…
Richard Parker: Don’t you dare do it!
Nick Stuart: (sighs) Rocking and Rolling.
Richard Parker: Damn you, Nick. Damn you!
Trent yanks KB up to his feet, whips him into the ropes, and goes for another boot to the face, but KB manages to duck under it and as he runs past Trent, reaches behind him, grabs Trent’s jaw and neck and connects with a neckbreaker. KB sits up, grabbing his face as he gets up to his feet before snapping a few kicks across the chest of his opponent. KB then bounces off the ropes and drops a knee across the face of Trent, before rolling back to his feet. He then drags Trent to his corner and tags Reina back into the ring.
Nick Stuart: Smart thinking there from King Blueberry and Trent is now in a bad spot as Reina leaps to the top rope and connects with an elbow from the top rope across the sternum of Sadikaj.
Richard Parker: Reina seems more confident in this match than we’ve seen from her thus far. It’s impressive.
Nick Stuart: Are you doling out compliments?
Richard Parker: It’s not going to last for long if I have to keep looking at that tear in Blueberry’s mask.
Nick Stuart: Touché.
Reina bounces back to her feet and bounces off the ropes before dropping an elbow across Sadikaj, gets back up to her feet, runs off the ropes once again, and drops another elbow across her opponent, and does it for a third time!
Reina gets up once again, drags Trent towards the corner, climbs to the middle turnbuckle and connects with a double stomp across the solarplexus. Trent rolls over, in pain, clutching his ribs while Reina gets back up and drops her left knee on his lower back.
Nick Stuart: Reina has been nothing short of magnificent in this match thus far and is more than holding her own against a man like Trent who is a man of a man.
Richard Parker: He is ALL man, Nick. This man is as tall as Mount Everest and as impressive as anyone we have in PRIME.
Nick Stuart: You say some weird things from time to time.
Richard Parker: Years of experience, my friend.
Reina drags Trent up to his feet and connects with a spinning heel kick to the midsection, which drops him to one knee. Reina then roars out at the crowd before bouncing off the ropes and goes for a knee to the face only for Trent to block it, wraps his hand around her throat, and chokeslams her to the mat like a rag doll.
Trent shakes his head at the fans as he yanks Reina off of the mat, whips her into the ropes, and connects with a sidewalk slam that shakes the entire ring. Trent then moves over to Delgado, tagging him, before yanking her off the mat and holding her up for her partner.
Nick Stuart: And Delgado is back in the ring, bounces off the ropes, and connects with a lariat that flips Reina inside out as Trent moves out of the way at the last possible second! Such a devastating move that leaves Reina not sure which way is up.
Richard Parker: This is the significant difference between Kings of Popsicles and Solid Gold Rock ‘N Roll. KOP just doesn’t have the team experience that Rock ‘n Roll have. On top of not having a stupid name like Kings of Popsicles.
Nick Stuart: You might be right on the experience side and it looks like Delgado and Trent will be looking to cut off part of the ring, keeping Reina in their corner, and keeping Blueberry out of the match.
Richard Parker: That might be my favorite thing I’ve ever heard you say.
Delgado yanks Reina up to her feet and puts her back down to the mat with a snap suplex. Delgado rolls through so he is on top of Reina and begins to slam his fist into her face until Turnbull gets to a five count and he gets up, hands in the air, confused as to what Turnbull’s issue is. As he does so, Trent steps in the ring and kicks Reina, illegally, as Turnbull’s back is to him.
Blueberry hops into the ring, yelling at Turnbull as well as Trent and Delgado. Turnbull ushers Blueberry out of the ring while Trent and Delgado continue to stomp away at Reina until Trent leaves the ring just as Turnbull turns back to the other competitors.
Nick Stuart: Absolutely despicable! This is a championship match and such antics should not be allowed!
Richard Parker: Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Nick Stuart: Are you being serious right now? Trent and Delgado just manhandled Reina.
Richard Parker: And?
Nick Stuart: Blueberry tried to stop it!
Richard Parker: And his opponent paid the price. This is what I’m talking about. They don’t have the same experience level as Solid Gold does. They need to think smarter if they plan on retaining tonight.
Delgado flips Reina over and then drops an elbow across her lower back before yanking her up to her feet and drilling his forearm into her lower back. She cries out in pain before Delgado pushes her into the turnbuckle, takes a few steps back, and then runs at her, connecting with a dropkick to the lower back. She crumples in pain as Delgado stands over her and places a solitary foot on her ribcage, flexing for the crowd, while Turnbull begins his count.
Delgado glares at Reina before snapping his boot against her ribcage, which elicits a groan from the tag champion. Delgado then tags Trent in, who enters the ring, and orders Delgado to pick her up off the mat. Delgado does as he is told as Trent climbs up to the second turnbuckle while Delgado picks her up and holds her up in a vertical suplex position. Trent then leaps off the turnbuckle and clothesline her in the midsection as Delgado falls backwards, causing Reina to grimace as she holds her lower back once again.
Richard Parker: This is TAG TEAM WRESTLING!
Nick Stuart: I am not certain as to why you are screaming into my ear.
Richard Parker: Because I am excited, BABY!
Nick Stuart: You are excited by the oddest things.
Trent taunts King Blueberry before looking over at Winds of Change, who are sitting on their couch and watching, taking it all in. Trent laughs at them before turning his attention to Reina, lifting her up off the ground, and connects with a backbreaker across his knee, holding her there as he puts his palms against her jaw and stomach, applying additional pressure. Reina yells out from the agony she is in as Trent locks eyes with Blueberry. KB slams his hand repeatedly onto the top turnbuckle, eager to get the crowd to give Reina a bit of energy.
LET’S GO REI-NA!
LET’S GO TRENT!
LET’S GO REI-NA!
LET’S GO TRENT!
LET’S GO REI-NA!
LET’S GO TRENT!
She lifts her right hand and slams her palm into the face of Trent. He grimaces from the shot, but refuses to budge. Reina slams her palm into his face again, this time with a bit more force, and Trent is finally forced to break the hold, grabbing his face in the process. Reina, on her stomach, begins to army crawl towards the corner as the fans begin to pick up momentum, but switch their chant.
Blueberry looks at the fans, shock in his eyes, while Reina continues to make his way across the ring, only for Trent to grab her by the leg and yank her back to his corner, snapping his boot across her lower back.
Nick Stuart: Reina Raspberry fighting with ALL of her might right now and these fans are doing everything they can in their power to help her.
Richard Parker: You know, I did a study once—
Nick Stuart: No you didn’t.
Richard Parker: —and found that crowd cheering doesn’t really help competitors at all?
Nick Stuart: That is literally fake news. You’ve never done a study in your life. Hell, you have NEVER studied in your life.
Richard Parker: You wound me, Nick. Wound me!
In the ring, Trent yanks Reina to her feet and whips her HARD into the corner, her back colliding as hard as humanly possible which sends her flat to the mat. Trent then tags Delgado back into the match. He then climbs up to the second turnbuckle, back facing Reina, before he leaps down and hits a splash across her lower back, bringing over two-hundred-pounds of force onto it. She yells out in pain once again, as KB extends his arm, willing his partner to him.
Delgado makes his way up to his feet, flexes for Blueberry, and turns his attention back to Reina, pulling her off the mat and whips her into the ropes before he goes for a backbody drop only for Reina to plant her boot into the chest of a bent-over Delgado. Barry shoots up from the shot as Reina runs off the ropes once again and connects with a dropkick to the left knee of her opponent, dropping him to one knee. Reina then bounces back up to her feet and plants Barry with a sweeping DDT.
Richard Parker: Well, that’s not good.
Nick Stuart: No, not good for Delgado and Solid Gold Rock ‘N Roll at all. That was the boost that Reina needed in the worst way possible.
Richard Parker: You act like this is going to change ANYTHING in this match.
Nick Stuart: Well, I look at the glass as being half full.
Richard Parker: And that’s why I end up drinking your drinks before you finish them.
Nick Stuart: Gross.
Reina rolls back over and begins to army crawl towards Blueberry once again.
Blueberry looks at the fans, absolutely confused and lost, before he turns his attention back to Reina, arm stretched out, wanting that tag very badly.
Reina begins to pull herself up to her feet and goes to take another step towards Blueberry only for Delgado’s right hand to grab her left foot. She spins around and punts Delgado square in the face, blood spurting out of his nose like a geyser. Reina then spins back around and tags in King Blueberry.
Nick Stuart: AND THE MGM-GRAND ARENA HAS EXPLODED AT THAT TAG!
Richard Parker: This is dumb.
Blueberry explodes into the ring and runs straight at Trent, connecting with a flying uppercut to his jaw while his body hits the corner, sending Trent flying off the ring apron and onto the floor. Blueberry stomps in the corner as Delgado makes his way up to his feet, blood running down his face, and is met with a scissor kick from KB that flips Delgado inside out.
Blueberry, feeding off of that energy, bounces off the ropes and connects with a dive through the ropes onto Trent, sending him flying into the ringside barrier. Blueberry slides back into the ring, adrenaline coursing through his veins, as he flies off the ropes again and leaps over the top rope, connecting a corkscrew plancha onto Trent! Blueberry explodes back to his feet, yelling at the fans as they give him pats on the back at the display he just put on.
Richard Parker: Oh, this is incredibly stupid. There is no way these fans love this guy!
Nick Stuart: Are you not listening to them?! They are going bonkers!
Richard Parker: He must have paid them.
Nick Stuart: Or… they like him. I know that’s hard for you to fathom, but it does happen from time to time.
Blueberry then slides back into the ring and is met with a forearm as he makes his way back up to his feet. Delgado, dried blood on his upper lip, fires off another one that rocks Blueberry into the nearby corner. Before Barry is able to connect with another one though, Reina springboards off the ropes and connects with a flying clothesline on Delgado, sending him back onto the mat. Blueberry looks at Reina and nods his head before hopping to the top rope and connects with a Frog Splash on Delgado before going for the cover.
BREAK UP BY DELGADO!
Nick Stuart: I thought that was it! I think every fan in the building thought that was it.
Richard Parker: And that’s why Trent and Delgado are the GOLD standard in tag team wrestling. Reina didn’t get her eyes on Trent to stop him and Kings of Popsicle paid the price right there.
Nick Stuart: That is actually… astute. I’m floored.
Richard Parker: I can’t lay out all of my wrestling knowledge at once or you wouldn’t have a job. Taking one for the team, buddy.
Trent, who yanked Blueberry out of the ring during the pin attempt, whips him into the ringside barricade before clotheslining him over it and into the crowd. He then turns back to the ring only to see Reina Raspberry springboarding off the top rope and connecting with a missile dropkick that sends both competitors to the mat. Reina uses the barricade to help her up and she begins stomping away at Trent before being stopped by Delgado, with a forearm strike in between her shoulder blades.
With Reina stunned, Delgado connects with a German Suplex onto the unforgiving outside. Reina rolls over from the impact, grabbing the back of her head and neck while Delgado helps Trent back up to his feet. That leaves them open though as Blueberry springboards off the barricade into a crossbody on both men, sending them flying to the ground as well.
Blueberry makes his way back up to his feet and grabs Delgado by the back of the neck, lifting him up and rolling him back into the ring. He then walks over to the Winds of Change and grabs a handful of popcorn to their dismay before rolling back into the ring and throwing it into the face of a rising Delgado. Barry brushes the popcorn off of him and during the distraction, is met with a cutter by Blueberry.
He then goes for the cover.
Richard Parker: Haha, suckers.
Nick Stuart: The fans here thought that was IT for Delgado.
Richard Parker: Like I said, suckers.
Blueberry sits up and as he does, is met with a knee to the face from Trent, causing Blueberry to roll over on the mat, clutching his face. Trent then yanks Blueberry to his feet and slams his forearm into the back of his neck, sending Blueberry into the ropes and as KB springs back, Trent connects with a snap German Suplex. Blueberry clutches the back of his neck, writhing in pain, as Trent then drags Delgado on top of Blueberry and Turnbull begins his count.
LEFT SHOULDER UP!
Nick Stuart: And Blueberry gets the shoulder up just in the nick of time!
Richard Parker: Look, when is the last time Jimmy over there had a physical. He looks like he has a hitch in his counting shoulder.
Nick Stuart: …what?
Richard Parker: Counting shoulder! Like a pitching arm.
Nick Stuart: They don’t pay me enough for this.
Trent walks over to Blueberry and lifts him off of the mat before lifting him into the air and connecting with a Master Exploder on Blueberry, who looks to be in a world of pain. Before Trent can do anything with Delgado though, Reina roars back into the ring, and connects with a rising knee on Trent! With her opponent stunned, she connects with a Ruby Cutter on Trent!
Reina then connects with a superkick onto a rising Delgado before dragging Blueberry on top of Delgado.
RIGHT SHOULDER UP!
Richard Parker: That’s what you get for cheating!
Nick Stuart: Are you even watching the match?!
Richard Parker: Yeah, on my phone. See?!
Nick Stuart: …you know you can just watch the monitor, right?
Richard Parker: But this is so much bet— OH LOOK AT THAT RUBY CUTTER!
Nick Stuart: …you are thirty seconds behind the action happening live in the ring.
Reina shakes her head at the near pinfall and drags Delgado to his feet only to be met with a forearm to the midsection which Delgado follows up with spinning Reina around and landing a Full Nelson Bomb on her! Delgado stands over Reina, unaware that King Blueberry is back up to his feet and as Delgado turns around, he is met with a stiff kick to the midsection before KB puts him into a front facelock and drops him stomach first across the top rope. He then holds onto Delgado before connecting with a Dragon Screw Neck Whip!
Blueberry then goes for the cover.
TH– BROKEN UP BY SADIKAJ!
Nick Stuart: That looked to be it, but Trent SOMEHOW managed to break up the pin! I’m not sure where he managed to get that strength from!
Richard Parker: From the belly of the Goddess known as–
Nick Stuart: No, just no.
Richard Parker: Fine then.
Reina makes her way back to her corner just in time for Blueberry to tag her in. Reina then sizes up a rising Sadikaj before springboarding off the top rope and connecting with a flying forearm across his face. Meanwhile, Delgado has made his way back up to his feet and slams his forearm into the back of Blueberry before throwing him to the outside. Delgado turns around and narrowly misses a kick from Reina. With her back to him, he pins her arms, and connects with a release Tiger Suplex, sending her flying across the ring. He rushes over to her and goes for the cover.
THR– LEFT FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!
Richard Parker: YOU LOT ARE KILLING ME!
Nick Stuart: Good. Meanwhile, Winds of Change have moved to the edge of their couch and are watching this match unfold before their very eyes. On some level, they know whichever team comes out of this as the champions will be battered and worn down after this hellacious match.
Richard Parker: Meh.
Delgado sits up, shaking his head as Trent has made his way back to his corner, looking exhausted. He tags him in and Trent enters the ring, dragging Reina up to her feet and is met with a forearm across the face from Reina. She then flies off the ropes and connects with a clothesline across the chest of Sadikaj. She then bounces off the opposite ropes and connects with a dropkick to the right knee of her opponent. Before she can do any further damage, Reina is caught with a headbutt from Delgado who then goes to whip her into the ropes, but Reina manages to reverse it. As Delgado hits the ropes though, he is tripped and dragged out of the ring by Blueberry who slams his head into Delgado’s!
Delgado grabs at Blueberry, dazed, and as he does, he tears the mask a bit more at the seam that’s already ripped. Blueberry pushes Delgado away and then connects with a step up Frankensteiner on Barry! With Barry on the mat, Blueberry, incensed by Delgado further damaging his mask, yanks him up and connects with the Jack Lalanne Driver!
Nick Stuart: Delgado is OUT of this match! Blueberry connecting with that powerful move on the outside, that would be the end of the match for Barry.
Richard Parker: Cheap tactics from the Tag Team Champions!
Nick Stuart: You are insufferable.
Back in the ring, Reina has watched everything unfold. She turns around into a stiff right hand from Sadikaj that drops her to one knee. Trent then wraps his arm around Reina’s neck and connects with a Leaping Tornado DDT! With Reina laid out in the corner, Trent makes his way up to the top rope and seems poised to end this match.
Richard Parker: Here we go.
Nick Stuart: Trent connected with the Headbanger’s Ball and he is now looking to end Reina with the Cheap Thrills!
Richard Parker: One Swanton Bomb, coming up!
Trent then leaps off the top rope, but finds no one is home when he goes to connect with the Swanton Bomb! Reina has moved out of the way at the last possible second and Trent sits up, grabbing his lower back in a world of pain. Reina makes her way to her feet, grabs both wrists of Trent, takes a couple of steps back, and then launches herself knee first at his head!
Nick Stuart: CALCULATED RISK! She connected with that Kamigoye and I think this is it.
Richard Parker: I’m going to cry.
Nick Stuart: Can this do it?!
Reina then goes for the pinfall on Sadikaj.
DING DING DING!
Vince Howard: Your winner… AND STILL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… REINA RASPBERRY! KING BLUEBERRY! KINGS OF POPSICLES!
Blueberry slides into the ring, helping Reina up to her feet, as Turnbull grabs both of their hands and hoist them into the air to signal their victory. He then grabs the Tag Titles and hands them to both of them as they celebrate their hard-fought victory to retain the titles.
Nick Stuart: That match… was something else.
Richard Parker: That match was a massive disappointment.
Nick Stuart: Maybe for you, but these fans are more than happy at the outcome.
As Kings of Popsicles celebrate, Winds of Change stand up from their couch and look at the champions. Blueberry eyes them both and moves towards the edge of the ropes. Fontaine and Phillips though just stand there and slowly clap before walking away, giving Kings of Popsicles their chance to celebrate.
Richard Parker: Well, that could’ve gone worse.
Nick Stuart: Those two teams will face off and if this match is any indication, then THAT match will be a sight to see.
Richard Parker: Maybe. I need a drink.
KB continues to watch as Winds of Change walk up the ramp before turning back to Reina and continuing their celebration. Barry checks on Trent in the ring and the PRIMEates give them a resounding round of applause for their efforts.