TAG TEAM TITLES: KINGS OF POPSICLES (c) vs. THE MASTERS OF THE MULTIVERSE… B-TEAM

It is now the time on ReVival 17 where we go to the main event.

The PRIME Tag Team Championships are up for grabs, and this time, it is the Masters of the Multiverse B-Team’s turn to try and wrest them from the iron grip of the Kings of Popsicles. That’s why “Let Me Entertain You” by Robbie Williams is on the PA system.

Kenny Freeman and Randall Schwartz have arrived, and are heading to the ring with palpable excitement. After months and months of hawking food products and making themselves the fly in the ointments of so many on the roster, tonight is going to be their night. At least, they think so. Maybe it’d be better if Randall Schwartz didn’t decide to bring his coffee with him to the ring.

Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen! This is your MAIN EVENT, and it is for the PRIME TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS! Introducing first, at a total combined weight of three-hundred and third-six pounds… KENNY FREEMAN! RANDALL SCHWARTZ! THEY ARE… THE MASTERS OF THE MUUUUUUUULTIVERRRRRRSE! …B-Team!

The challengers enter the ring, soaking in the dissatisfied noises the crowd are making.

Nick Stuart: This is maybe the biggest match in the careers of the Masters of the Multiverse B-Team so far, Richard.

Richard Parker: Yeah, they’re looking to demonstrate how to make smoothies out of some berries tonight with that thing that I bought from them that definitely didn’t catch on fire and brought out the fire department or anything. 

Nick Stuart: Well, after the stunt they pulled at UltraViolence, it’s entirely possible. Well, the smoothie thing, not the other thing you said. That other thing seems more like a guarantee.

Richard Parker: You know, we’re still unsure who those doppelgangers were. I’ve had our best expert in multiversial ethics on the case for weeks. He’s found a lot of nothing, I’ll tell you what.

Nick Stuart: I’m reluctant to ask, but… who are you talking about?

Richard Parker: Wade, of course.

Nick Stuart: …Why him?

Richard Parker: Look, in retrospect, maybe don’t accept his offer to go get blackout drunk with the guy, because then you’ll think that you’re actually crossing dimensions. I’ve seen things, Nick. The kind of stuff that makes a man question what’s real.

It’s very uncharacteristic for the Kings of Popsicles to not enter the ring to a cavalcade of nonsense, but this is where we find ourselves. The reasons for this are many, but the short version is that things are not what they once were in the kingdom of the berries.

Lights. Music. “Knock ‘Em Dead, Kid.”

You know the drill by now.

Justine Calvin, the woman who until recently had been under the mask of “Reina Raspberry”, is first through the curtain. As before her face is clearly visible. The mask is gone, likely forever. In its place is a scowl. Look, it’s been a shit few weeks, and she’s not great at masking her emotions.

Vince Howard, let ‘em know.

Vince Howard: Making their way to the ring, and hailing from Boston, Massachusetts…

Ever since the Great American Nightmare, poor Vince has had to contend with a slew of garbage from one half of this team. Specifically, the dork who keeps giving him really bizarre stats as part of the introduction. Tonight, the smile on his face is visible from space.

Vince Howard: At a total combined weight of one-hundred and twenty-two pounds plus, “I’m sorry for the last few months, Vince. My partner is a moron.”

Normally she and her partner move together, but tonight she’s halfway to the ring before he appears. The only indicators that they’re a team at all are the matching straps they carry, and the “Fighting For Jonathan” tee shirts that both are sporting.

Vince Howard: Justine Calvin… King Blueberry… THE KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS OOOOOOOF POP-SICLLLLLLLLLES!!!

The camera catches a very obvious eye-roll at the announcement of the name. In her defense, it’s a stupid name.

Justine reaches the ring first, wasting no time in pulling off her tee shirt to reveal ribs that have been heavily bandaged. Kinesio tape criss-crosses over her left shoulder and onto her bicep, where it ends before a wrapped elbow. The mark of the Hall family’s attack provide a series of targets for the Masters to focus on.

In comparison, her partner doesn’t sport the same outward markings, but his wounds are no less severe. Her injuries will heal. He’ll carry his forever.

King Blueberry paces around the apron as though unable to control himself. He wants to be in the ring to start the match, but Justine won’t budge. In fact, she’s already got her hands up as though she’s ready to start the fight. She’s ignoring him.

With Randall Schwartz on the apron, PRIME senior referee Timo Bolamba called for the match to begin.

DING DING DING

Nick Stuart: Reina Raspb—sorry. This is Justine Calvin out here tonight, and she’s definitely ready to go against Kenny Freeman here.

Richard Parker: Is it just me, or is there not a lot of communication between those two? Do you need to be a berry to properly communicate to other berries?

Nick Stuart: I don’t think that’s how it works, Nick.

Kenny Freeman and Justine Calvin circle one another for a bit, before locking up. Though Kenny is one of the smaller performers in PRIME, even he had a size advantage on Justine. He manages to grab a side headlock on Justine, and starts grinding it in. However, he’s quick to turn his attention to King Blueberry out on the apron, and just as quick to start taunting him.

There’s murder on the mind of Jared Sykes, and Kenny Freeman is unknowingly making himself a volunteer for it. 

Blueberry has one leg through the ropes before Justine slips out of the side headlock, and grabs one of her own. She shoots her own tag team partner a dangerous look, annoyed that he’s already considering getting in the ring. After a few moments of Kenny trying to get out of the hold, he’s forced to push Justine into the ropes to force the break.

That’s when King Blueberry tags himself in.

If looks could kill, Justine Calvin would’ve been wanted in at least thirty-six states, Guam, and the U.S. Virgin Islands. King Blueberry steps into the ring and makes a beeline for Kenny. Kenny, wisely realizing that he’s in danger of getting into more trouble than he’s bargaining for in this situation, decides to take a powder out on the floor.

Richard Parker: That’s the ticket! Just make him stew!

Nick Stuart: Can’t win the titles on the floor, Richard.

Richard Parker: Yeah, but…

It doesn’t help him.

The moment Kenny thinks he’s safe on the outside, here comes King Blueberry, flying like a majestic piece of fruit lobbed at a comedian. He flies over the top rope, lands on the apron, and then leaps off with a clothesline on Freeman, taking him to the ground.

Randall Schwartz watches as this unfolds from his perch on the apron, and decides that he needs to intervene. He hops off of the apron and goes to stop Blueberry. Of course, the moment Blueberry sees he’s there, he shoots a wilting glance towards the Entertainer that causes him to back off. He backs off even further when Blueberry starts to stalk after him.

Then it becomes full on running away in terror.

Nick Stuart: Randall Schwartz doesn’t want any part of King Blueberry right now, and I can’t say as I blame him!

Richard Parker: Tactical withdraws, Nick! 

Schwartz is almost to the entrance ramp, but Blueberry has turned his attention back to Freeman. A contemptuous kick to his head is followed up by throwing him back into the ring. Inside the ring, a very visibly frustrated Justine Calvin is forced to exit to the apron, watching Blueberry dismantle Kenny Freeman in the ring. He picks up Kenny and drops him with a snap suplex, hard enough that Kenny’s body bounces back to his feet and then tumbles into the ropes.

Kenny is wobbly as he uses the ropes to get up after being violently suplexed, and Blueberry looks to beat him down more.

Or, he would, if Justine doesn’t take the opportunity to tag herself back into the contest.

Nick Stuart: Justine tags herself in!

Richard Parker: Even with the mask, I can tell from Blueberry’s expression that he’s not happy about that.

Indeed, when Justine enters the ring, Blueberry is visibly upset that he isn’t allowed to do more murder on the B chapter of the Masters of the Multiverse. Justine pays him no mind and goes to collect Freeman. That’s when Blueberry, perhaps acting in the heat of the moment, grabs hold of Justine to spin her around to face him again.

Justine’s visible frustration turns to anger, even as Blueberry tries to plead his case to let him continue beating on Kenny Freeman.

And this, finally, gives Kenny Freeman and Randall Schwartz the opportunity they’d been waiting so long for. The opportunity to turn their fortunes around and take the tag team championships off of the Kings of Popsicles. Randall Schwartz sneaks back into the ring and clobbers Justine from behind. The momentum of this carries into Blueberry, and takes both Kings down.

Nick Stuart: Cheapshot from Schwartz!

Richard Parker: You call it cheap! I call it a brilliant tactical decision!

Randall takes advantage by literally kicking Blueberry out of the ring. Then he grabs Kenny by the wrists and physically drags him back to his corner. Once he does, he steps back out of the ring, grabs the tag rope, and tags himself into the match.

Randall Schwartz hasn’t developed much of a reputation as pro wrestler, when you get down to brass tacks. Everything he’s done up to this point is built on cowardice and pragmatism. Tonight is different. Tonight, he is a shark that got a whiff of blood. Justine is back to her feet, but doesn’t see Randall, who keeps himself out of her field of vision until he strikes.

BOOOOOOOOOO!

It’s a chop block party, baby.

Nick Stuart: Randall Schwartz is going right after Justine Calvin’s knee here!

Richard Parker: Well, that can’t be good for her. She needs that for things! Like, uh. Walking.

Justine hits the canvas clutching her knee, and Randall stands up and, uh… “entertains”. Which is to say that he does an exaggerated bow for the crowd that is booing him. Then he goes back on the attack, hitting Justine with several boots to the knee and then the head. Outside of the ring, Blueberry’s recovered enough to hop back onto the apron, but his attempts to get back into the ring to continue murdering the Masters of the Multiverse hit a snag when Timo Bolamba has to physically stop him.

After all, he’s not the legal man.

You know who isn’t the legal man, either? Kenny Freeman.

Kenny gets back into the ring, and he and Freeman do some double teaming. A double snap suplex is next followed up by something the Masters hadn’t ever done before now. Schwartz stands with his back to the downed ex-Raspberry, and Freeman runs into the ropes. On the rebound, Schwartz hits a back body drop on his own partner. Which, naturally, leads to him landing on Justine.

Nick Stuart: Senton by Freeman!

Richard Parker: I hadn’t seen that from these guys before!

Freeman slides out of the ring after impact, allowing Schwartz to make the cover. Timo manages to catch sight of the cover while he’s keeping Blueberry from jumping into the ring, and dives to make the count.

But it only gets two.

Randall’s real mad about it. He starts arguing with Timo about the speed of the count, then about how he got there late, and then about his face paint.

Nick Stuart: Randall’s not getting anywhere arguing with our senior referee.

Richard Parker: He probably thinks Timo could’ve counted to forty-six. I know, very specific number. That’s because that’s the latest build for the Food-O-Matic 3000. The Mark 46. This one only has a 46% failure rate!

Nick Stuart: What?

Richard Parker: I… I don’t know what just happened. It’s like the power of the PRIME Commissioners of Food and Beverage took me over!

Nick Stuart: For God’s sakes, control yourself!

Speaking of control, Randall still has that. He grabs Justine in a chinlock, and drags her over to the Masters’ side of the ring. Kenny slaps Randall on the back to tag himself in. Once he’s in, he collects Justine and snaps her up and over with a quick back suplex. Justine lands and rolls to her stomach. Kenny doesn’t take advantage yet. Instead, he puts a boot on the back of Justine’s neck and poses in the direction of King Blueberry. 

Blueberry immediately tries to get in the ring again for murders.

And once again, he has to be stopped by Timo.

And once again, the Masters of the Multiverse (the B chapter thereof) were taking full advantage of that. Randall Schwartz entered the ring, loudly clapping his hands to signify the phantom tag. Then he walked into the ring and both he and Freeman started kicking Justine while she was down.

BOOOOOOOOOO!

Nick Stuart: Uh, Timo! Turn around, Timo!

He doesn’t until Freeman’s already out of the ring, pretending that the Masters had made the tag. Timo questions it for a moment, but when both Randall and Kenny clap their hands to signify that they tagged, Timo does his best Mills Lane and allows it. Just imagine the GIF and leave me alone. 

Anyway, Randall Schwartz pulls up Justine again, picking her up in a fireman’s carry. He looks over at an increasingly irate King Blueberry, smugly smirking at him. Then he backs into the Masters’ corner and lets Kenny tag himself in. Kenny goes down to one knee, and Randall flips Justine over so that she lands back first on Kenny’s knee.

Nick Stuart: Double team backbreaker by the Masters! We haven’t seen them exert this sort of tandem offense before in PRIME, Richard!

Richard Parker: Just proves that if you give someone the opportunity, they’ll pull out something new. It’s for all the marbles, Nick. Those tag titles would be huge for the Masters! They might actually graduate to being the A-Team if they win!

Justine is in a lot of trouble, but she isn’t giving up. She kicks out of Freeman’s pin attempt at two. She does it in such a way that she’s trying to break away from Freeman and reach Blueberry in the corner, who is pacing around the corner like he can’t contain himself.

Freeman rather casually gets up and stomps on Justine’s head to stop her from getting any further.

He turns to King Blueberry, and thrusts his hips at him in a gesture that would definitely raise the TV rating of the PRIME broadcast. 

And maybe he shouldn’t have taken his eyes off of Justine Calvin in that moment.

She leaps to his back, plants her knees, and then rips Freeman off of his feet.

Nick Stuart: Lungblower by Calvin! Freeman is down, can she make it to her partner for the tag?

Well, here’s the thing.

And as Justine gets closer to the tag, there’s activity behind Blueberry that he doesn’t see – as focused as he is on making the tag. The fans try to warn him just as Justine makes a dive for the tag.

And misses.

Because Randall Schwartz had crawled under the ring, appearing behind King Blueberry. Just as Justine made the dive, Randall ripped King Blueberry off of the apron and into the guardrail in such a quick, brutal fashion that the only thing Blueberry could do when he landed was fall to the ground and writhe. Maybe gurgle a little. There’s a lot of words used to describe pain, and we might need a thesaurus for what Blueberry is experiencing right now.

Nick Stuart: SCHWARTZ WITH THE CHEAP TACTICS AGAIN! Justine Calvin has no one to tag!

Richard Parker: Brilliant!

Grinning from ear to ear, Randall Schwartz slides into the ring.

None of this escapes the notice of the senior referee, but Randall takes advantage of the five count he has to pull Justine back to the Masters’ side of the ring. Then he gets out so he can make the tag to Kenny Freeman, who’s crawled over to that side of the ring after taking the Lungblower.

Once inside, Randall Schwartz takes the time to mockingly dance around, shuffling from foot to foot, as he makes his way in front of Justine to cut her off from making the crawl to the corner again. Thus, she reaches Schwartz’s ankle instead of her corner.

Schwartz seizes her, and puts her in a standing headscissors. A piledriver seems likely. However, Schwartz takes his sweet time savoring the moment. He’s just a moment away from taking the tag straps off of the Kings of Popsicles.

But he takes too long.

Nick Stuart: Piledrive—no! Calvin with the double leg takedown! And… a DOUBLE STOMP! Right to the chest of Schwartz!

The act of doing this has both of them down. Justine manages to get to her corner, but sees that her tag team partner still isn’t on the apron, recovering from what’d happened earlier. It takes a few moments to realize that Blueberry hasn’t abandoned her completely, and she yells at him to get his shit together and get back up on the apron.

This lets Kenny Freeman get into the ring to try and stop anything from happening, paying no heed to any of the senior referee’s warnings about possible disqualification. No, he had to stop this now. He catches up to Justine and grabs her in a waistlock. He manages to bodily pull her back into the center of the ring. However, his German suplex is countered when Justine uses her agility to land on her feet. She backs up, stumbling, into the Masters’ corner. When Kenny gets up, thinking he’d solved all of the B-Team’s problems, and eats a delicious shotgun dropkick that sends Kenny blasting off into the corner.

Nick Stuart: Oh my GOD! A HUGE DROPKICK BY CALVIN! This could be her chance!

Richard Parker: Oh no!

Kenny hits the corner like he’d been shot out of a cannon – or a catapult if we’re being on-brand here – and tumbles out to the floor. And just as he’d fallen out… King Blueberry is back on the apron.

But Randall Schwartz is back on his feet. He walks around the ring as though he’s in a daze, using the ropes as a guideline. He finally turns to see Justine making her way to the Blueberry corner, and goes to stop her.

He’s too late.

RAHHHHHHHHH!

Nick Stuart: KING BLUEBERRY IS IN!

Richard Parker: No, Randy! Get out of there!

Blueberry leaps over the top ropes, and Randall Schwartz tries to beg off from what’s about to happen.

He gets about a half a second into the begging before Blueberry is on him like he’s waffles. Blueberry hits him with a lariat so hard that Randall almost lands on his head after getting knocked down. Somehow, he’s back up to his feet as though making sure he could still walk after that, and outright stumbles into the waiting arms of Blueberry.

Nick Stuart: Fireman’s carry by Blueberry… into a neckbreaker across the knee!

King Blueberry stands up after the neckbreaker, and looms over Randall Schwartz as though waiting for him to get up. Schwartz knows he’s in danger. He might as well be Ralph Wiggum. Blueberry grabs him in a waistlock, making sure to grab him by the wrist. Then he pushes him out, and like a ripcord, draws him right back into a backdrop driver!

OHHHHH!

Nick Stuart: Randall Schwartz just got folded like laundry with that backdrop driver!

Richard Parker: Get out of there, Randy!

Randall Schwartz does take the advice for Richard Parker, but maybe unintentionally. It’s more like he slides out of the ring like he was a curling stone, and then falls out of the ring right in front of the commentary desk where Nick and Richard are calling the action.

 Blueberry is about to follow him out, and continue beating him around the ringside area. But then there’s Kenny Freeman, back in the ring again. He charges Blueberry from behind, but Blueberry sidesteps him and pushes him chest-first into the ropes. When Kenny bounces back, Blueberry catches him with a snap German suplex!

Kenny overrotates after landing and actually gets a knee under himself, but he’s dizzy from the impact and Blueberry is there to grab him in another waistlock.

It’s during this time that Justine gets back into the fray. She enters the ring and prepares for a double-team move on Kenny Freeman. As Kenny tries to block the German suplex, Justine charges in with the flying knee.

SMACK!

…and blasts King Blueberry in the face with it.

Nick Stuart: Oh! Oh no! King Blueberry just got drilled by his own partner by mistake!

Richard Parker: Phrasing, Nick. Last thing I want to do is think about that berry naked and thrusting.

Nick Stuart: …What!?

Justine looks shocked by it, and then her shock turns to annoyance. Maybe a little self-satisfaction. We’re not sure. 

Kenny’s quick to take advantage, either way. He grabs Justine and flings her out of the ring. Then he calls for Randall to get back into the ring while Blueberry is on the ground from the knee strike, while he starts hammering away at Blueberry’s face. One of the blows opens up a gash just over Blueberry’s right eye, visible mainly by the fact that it’s staining the Blueberry mask red as he keeps pounding. 

Nick Stuart: Can’t tell if that was Freeman’s punching or Justine’s error, but King Blueberry appears to have been opened up!

Richard Parker: For the record, no one should put ketchup on blueberries. I’m just saying. There’s such a thing as a food crime, and that one’s a capital offense.

Randall’s slow to get in the ring, but he does just in time for Kenny to pick up Blueberry in a fireman’s carry. Randall takes a moment and then charges in.

Nick Stuart: Freeman and Schwartz… with a double team neckbreaker on Blueberry!

Richard Parker: This is it! We’re going to have new champions!

Schwartz, the legal man, flops on top of Blueberry.

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

Nick Stuart: Blueberry got the shoulder up!

Richard Parker: Only a matter of time before our glorious Food and Beverage Commissioners take this one, Nick! I can feel it! They told me that when they win the tag titles, we’re getting half-off at all participating Arby’s! They have the meats, Nick, and so do the Masters of the Multiverse B-Team!

Nick Stuart: …

Richard Parker: No, I don’t know what meats they have, either. Stop saying ellipses at me.

Nick Stuart: I’m just wondering what Arby’s would participate with the Masters.

Richard Parker: …You know, I never asked. Could be all of them or none of them, and probably no in-between.

Freeman and Schwartz are both aghast by Timo’s count, and start arguing with him about how slow their count is. All Timo does is remind them that only one of them should be in the ring right now, and that’s Randall Schwartz.

So, Kenny obliges him by going out and to the floor to take care of Justine Calvin on the outside.

That leaves Randall Schwartz in the ring to handle Blueberry. Schwartz stomps away at Blueberry’s head in frustration, clearly mad that he’s not staying down. This lasts until Blueberry’s on his hands and knees, at which point, Randall changes tactics. He pushes Blueberry into the ropes, and performs an Irish whip.

Blueberry doesn’t return.

Instead, he dives through the ropes and performing a suicide dive on Kenny Freeman that less resembles the standard tope suicida and seems more like a spear. Kenny hits the ground on his back and rolls onto his stomach from the sheer momentum of taking Blueberry’s suicide dive. Blueberry doesn’t let up on him. Even while on his knees, he crawls over to whatever’s left of Kenny Freeman on the floor and starts beating him over the head with his fists. 

Justine gets back onto the apron, but doesn’t see that Randall Schwartz isn’t in the ring any more. He’s gone to the outside, passing by his team’s corner on the way to helping his partner. This is when Randall Schwartz reveals his grand plan to save his partner from the beating he’s receiving.

He throws his coffee at King Blueberry.

Okay.

That’s it.

Everybody dies.

Richard Parker: Oh… I don’t like the look in that man’s eyes.

See, here’s the thing about coffee. It’s brown. So is chocolate. The look in King Blueberry’s, more accurately Jared Sykes’, eyes was not of a man who was just mildly inconvenienced by a splash of coffee. It was of a man in desperate need of years of therapy because of an attempted murder by chocolate. A man who wouldn’t react well to getting splashed by a substance of a similar color.

And, well… let’s just say that Jared Sykes isn’t seeing brown right now. No, this is more of a red color. Crimson, really.

Randall Schwartz doesn’t even get a chance to flee in terror this time.

Sykes spears him down and unloads on him on the outside. Rights and lefts, elbows, and then he stands up and stomps on his head many, many, many, so many times. Randall can only defend himself so much, and a few of the blows get through his attempts to protect his head and face.

It gets to the point where Justine has to intervene and pull Jared off of Schwartz, yelling at him to focus before he gets them counted out.

By the way, Timo’s up to eight on the count.

Nick Stuart: Not good! No one wants to get counted out here!

Richard Parker: Not sure that Blueberry guy cares all that much.

Jared manages to get ahold of himself enough to roll back into the ring to break the count, and then he rolls back out to the floor and stomps on Randall’s head some more. Justine has to stop him from actually committing a stomp murder so that they can get Schwartz back into the ring.

Once they’re all back in, Justine argues with Jared again. As she does.

Mind you, they’re having this argument while Jared is outright trying to stand on Randall Schwartz’s face and Timo is trying to make a five count to get him to stop doing that.

Jared gets off of Schwartz right before the five count, and gives Timo a dead-ass glare.

Nick Stuart: King Blueberry is really risking disqualification here.

Richard Parker: It’s like he’s a whole other person after the coffee. Kinda like it, to be honest. 

The argument is only stopped when Kenny Freeman reenters the ring. He charges in to try and ambush the two of them again. Justine and Jared both sidestep him, though, and push him through the ropes and to the outside of the ring again.

Nick Stuart: …Well, that happened.

Richard Parker: Yeah.

That’s when Randall Schwartz recovers. He grabs Jared from behind, rolling him up with the Schwartz Special! Justine tries to intervene, but Kenny, on the outside, pulls her by the leg and rips her from the ring.

ONE!

Schwartz gets his feet on the ropes!

TWO!

THRE-NO!

Jared kicks out of the dreaded, most devastating maneuver in all of professional wrestling, and Randall Schwartz can’t believe it. He gets up to try and take advantage, throwing a wild right hand, and…

OHHHHHHHH!

That sound?

Oh, that’s nothing.

That’s just the sound of the crowd reacting to Jared spiking Randall Schwartz’s skull onto the mat with a move that resembled a hangman’s neckbreaker if your goal was to actually break someone’s neck.

Nick Stuart: Oh my GOD.

Richard Parker: What the hell was that!?

Nick Stuart: That… I think that’s a neckbreaker driver, and Randall Schwartz is down!

Fortunately for him, he’s still breathing. And moving. Though he wasn’t getting up from that.

On the outside, Kenny Freeman senses that his partner and their chances at tag team glory are both in danger. He tries to slide in, only to be stopped by Justine Calvin, who pulls him right back out to the floor. She jumps back on the apron to assist her partner, but Kenny tries to stop her again, grabbing her leg to try and pull her back to the floor again. That’s when she kicks him in the face. Kenny backs away, dazed, and then…

Nick Stuart: Meteora to the floor by Justine Calvin! Kenny Freeman is down!

In the ring, Jared Sykes has Randall Schwartz right where he needs him. Even with blood dripping from the gash in his eye, he pulls his corpse back to his feet.

Nick Stuart: In the ring! King Blueberry has Randall Schwartz… yes! He just SPIKED him with the Jack LaLanne Driver!

Richard Parker: Oh God! He might be dead!

Sykes covers, and Timo makes the count.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING DING DING!

Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen! The winners of this match! AND STILL! THE PRIME TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! THE KINGS OF POOOOOOOOOOOOPSICLES!

Nick Stuart: I don’t think anyone expected the kind of fight we saw here tonight, Richard! The Masters of the Multiverse B-Team came so close to winning the titles here tonight, but… something clearly got to King Blueberry!

Richard Parker: Should’ve put extra sugar in that coffee, Nick.

Justine Calvin rolls back into the ring, collecting her half of the tag titles as she goes. Her expression seems cloudy. Still a tag team champion, and yet… there’s still plenty of trouble in the paradise of the Kings of Popsicles.

Nick Stuart: It’s amazing that the Kings of Popsicles have retained here.

Richard Parker: How long is this going to last with their chemistry being so off, though? They weren’t on the same page at all in this match. 

Nick Stuart: Hard to say, Richard. But they’re still the tag team champions here tonight.