THE ANGLO LUCHADOR VS. CECILWORTH FARTHINGTON
Nick Stuart: And we’re here for our main event of the evening.
Richard Parker: THE FARTHINGTON MATCH!
Nick Stuart: Our last match of the first round, and a bounty match for the Five Star Championship.
The arena darkens before bursting with a flash of light with the intro to “Cynic” By Local H. The PRIMEView plays a montage of The Luchador hitting various flips, arm drags, and ranas before Scott Lucas’ first guttural “HEY!” hits on the song. At that moment, The Anglo Luchador steps out from the back, looking around at the fans cheering for him before going to one knee, his left fist on the ground. He waits a beat and then pops to his feet, cocking his right fist in the process.
Nick Stuart: TAL’s adopted nephew Garry ‘Ray-Ray’ Bolamba got some revenge for him against KING two weeks ago….
Richard Parker: His name is the Generalissimo.
Nick Stuart: The Generalissimo picked up a big win for the Bolamba clan, and I don’t think KING are going to be done with TAL just because David Noble got the shit slapped out of him.
Vince Howard: Hailing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, he stands six feet and weighs in at two-hundred and eleven pounds… The AAAAAAAAAAAAAANGLO LUUUUUUUUUUUUUCHADOR!
He strolls to the ring slapping outstretched fans’ hands before sliding into the ring. He pops to his feet, nods to Vince Howard, and waits in the corner for his opponent if introduced first, or turns around to look at them to ward off a sneak attack if he’s second.
Vince Howard: And his opponent…
The arena slowly begins to darken, as the opening moments of “Choke” by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me begin to slowly reverberate. As the riff reaches it’s peak, the whole crowd is awakened with bright lights shining down upon them as out from backstage steps Lord Cecilworth Farthington.
Vince Howard: Hailing from Buckinghamshire, England, he also stands at six foot, and weighs in at one-hundred eighty-seven pounds… He’s your Five Star Champion, the Financier of The Glueminati… CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECILWORTH FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTHINGTON!
Richard Parker: I love this so much.
Nick Stuart: We know.
Richard Parker: I’m going as him for Halloween…
The camera quickly zooms into the self-assured smile that’s cracked upon the face of The Fiancier as he swaggers down to the right, both arms inserted into the pockets of a plain black hoodie. The jovial face of Farthington doesn’t change his purposeful march to the ring, his shoulders swaying to the tune of “Choke”.
Nick Stuart: I think he needs a restraining order against you…
Richard Parker: We’re best friends Nick, Jeez.
His hands never leave the pockets as he slowly rolls under the bottom rope and leaps up into the ring. He slowly raises his left arm up into the sky and gives the crowd a cheeky little wave as he takes his place resting against the ring corner.
Nick Stuart: Ashley Barlow quickly checking both of them over.
Farthington gets patted down and he hands the Five Star Championship over to Ashley. She passes it off to Vince Howard and calls for the bell.
Nick Stuart: And we’re off, the main event of ReVival 37, Farthington vs The Anglo Luchador, the winner goes onto fight Brandon Youngblood in the second round of the Almasy…
Richard Parker: Sounds like a real prize… Did you see what he did to that big blob of a human being earlier?
Nick Stuart: Yes Nick, we all saw what he did to the blob.
Farthington and The Anglo Luchador feel each other out by pacing around the outside of the ring. The Anglo Luchador gets low and comes towards Farthington with his arms outstretched looking to fight off the Five Star Champion. Farthington meets him at the same height and the two collapse forward into one another. Their hands come together and a test of strength ensues, Farthington gets lower and tries to life The Anglo Luchador, but TAL postures up onto his tip toes and presses down as hard as he can. Farthington takes the opportunity to step his leg over TAL’s right arm and breaks the test of strength grip and slides down grabbing TAL around the thigh. The Luchador tries to spin forward but Farthington keeps control of the left arm.
Nick Stuart: Fantastic grappling to start the match here.
Richard Parker: The graps are always fantastic when Lord Farthington is in there.
Nick Stuart: You aren’t wrong, but The Anglo Luchador is no slouch.
Richard Parker: sigh The Anglo Luchador can wrestle. You are not wrong.
The Son of Shogun reaches down and grabs at Farthington’s wrist. The Financier tries to push inwards on The Anglo Luchador’s knee, but TAL steps forward and yanks Farthington forward with him. The Luchador swings a wicked lariat at Farthington but The Financier of the Glue Factory slips under and behind The Anglo Luchador. Like lightning he lets go of the wrist and tries to wrap his nimble limbs around TAL’s neck. PRIME’s eldest Luchador (only because nobody really knows how old the Enemigos are) immediately grabs at Farthington’s hands frantically. Before Farthington can send TAL to the dream realm he manages to rip the hold away and spins around. The two clash together once again, resuming their test of strength.
Richard Parker: That’s how dangerous Lord Farthington is, this match could have been over in an instant. BANG! Just like that, see ya later, goodnight.
Nick Stuart: It sure can, but The Anglo Luchador wasn’t going to let anything like that happen to him that early.
Richard Parker: I don’t think anyone in professional wrestling has ever let their opponent choke them out Nick. That’s just something that happens on OnlyFans.
Nick Stuart: Dammit.
Another test of strength, the two men maneuver through it, this time with TAL trying to take the leverage position, but Farthington is quick with a step over counter. TAL goes right back to the hand, specifically the free wrist of Farthington. Farthington tries to pull away, but TAL slides the other direction, keeping control and moving inwards. He crosses Farthington’s arms, and slips an elbow onto Farthington’s mouth, he keeps both arms wrapped and ducks down pulling Farthington up onto his shoulders, with his hands still holding both arms. Farthington manages to push off of TAL’s shoulders and slide down behind him. The grappliest grappler of them all slides behind TAL.
Nick Stuart: He had him up there Richard, that was almost it.
Richard Parker: I GET IT. HE IS A DANGEROUS WRESTLER.
Nick Stuart: But Farthington back behind…
TAL explodes forward and runs up the turnbuckles like they are a flight of stairs. He bounds from the bottom rope to the top rope, the two still bound by the test of strength grip, TAL leaps off of the top rope backwards and lifts his knees, Farthington is finally forced to let go as TAL descends to the canvas. The Anglo Luchador spins Farthington around and fires off a right jab.
Nick Stuart: Right jab from the Luchador, the only successful offense tonight.
Farthington reels backwards and TAL fires off another.
Richard Parker: He knows he can’t beat him wrestling, so he’s gotta resort to this. Classic Anglo Luchador.
This one is followed by a left jab, and a vicious right cross that sends Lord Farthington stumbling/falling into the corner. The Anglo Luchador winds up and rips off a vicious chop to Farthington’s chest, then another one, and another. TAL walks to the far corner, and comes flying into the corner looking for a back elbow but Farthington moves out of the way and TAL crashes into the corner. Farthington stumbles down the ropes holding his chest from TAL’s last onslaught.
Nick Stuart: TAL is really setting a pace here.
Richard Parker: Farthington has all of the stamina in the world.
The Anglo Luchador stumbles out of the corner and Farthington turns around into a half power clothesline that flips Farthington up and over the top rope to the apron. TAL takes a few steps back, and as Farthington is getting to his feet TAL runs forward and low dropkicks Farthington’s knees out from under him, sending him off the apron and down to the floor on his back.
Nick Stuart: Great dropkick by TAL.
Richard Parker: Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
The Luchador stands at the ropes looking over as Ashley Barlow heads over to start to count. Before she can get started, TAL takes off at a dead sprint for the far ropes. He bounces off and gaining more speed. He looks for Farthington and is able to time it perfectly as he leaps over the ropes like a missile. He connects with Farthington, Cecilworth stumbles backwards into the barricade right in front of Ivan and TAL lands in a heap on the outside. Ivan smirks as he stares down at the two.
Nick Stuart: TAL wants this one bad.
TAL is right back up to his feet and grabs Cecilworth by the back of the head and rolls him into the ring under the bottom rope. He jumps up to the apron and sprints over and up to the top rope. The second he gets to the top, he leaps off. Farthington sticks his foot up, and TAL’s diving elbow drop is effectively countered by the boot of Cecilworth. TAL crashes into Farthington’s boot, and stumbles his way back across the ring. Cecilworth pulls himself over to the ropes and yanks himself up to his feet. He comes across the ring at the still staggered Luchador and smashes him with a european uppercut, then another. Farthington grabs TAL by the arm and sends him crashing chest first into the corner.
Richard Parker: HERE WE GO! T-TEN MILLION FARTHINGTON!
Before TAL can even fall over, Farthington comes across the ring and drives a vicious knee into TAL’s kidney. The Luchador stumbles into the corner and Farthington delivers a swift kick to The Anglo Luchador’s midsection which slumps TAL. He effectively stomps a mudhole in TAL’s chest (no Steveweiser required) and storms across the ring. Farthington comes roaring in foot first, but TAL manages to slide out of the way through the middle rope as Farthington’s foot smashes into the turnbuckle. TAL slides around behind a tangled Farthington and rolls him up as Ashley Barlow slides in for the count.
Richard Parker: NO!
Farthington grabs the arm in the roll up and manages to roll himself backwards onto his stomach, but he never lets go of TAL’s arm and flips him all the way over, Farthington tries to lock in an armbar, but The Anglo Luchador manages to reach his toes out and touch the ropes. Barlow jumps up from the pin attempt and instructs Farthington to let go, but Farthington yanks back even harder.
Nick Stuart: We’ve seen this from Farthington, and from Atken. They both don’t like letting go.
Barlow starts to count and manages to make it to three before Farthington lets go. Cecilworth grins at her and holds up two fingers, you can faintly here him saying “I had two more seconds,” to Barlow as he turns around and yanks TAL away from the ropes. He folds the recently bared arm so that the wrist is flat, and the elbow is up. He stomps on the back of the bicep, driving TAL’s wrist into the mat.
Richard Parker: THERE WE GO! BREAK HIS ARM!
Nick Stuart: He’s very likely to do it with a move like that.
Richard Parker: Really hard to roll a guy up with one arm, can’t even get a good grip on the tights.
Nick Stuart: You aren’t supposed to grab the tights…
Richard Parker: Oh…
Farthington is right back to the arm, and sets it up again.
Cecilworth Farthington: Try to roll me up like I’m one of these other people.
Another vicious stomp, TAL grabs his arm and cries out but Farthington either doesn’t care, or is actually a terminator and rips TAL’s left arm back down and sets it up again. Farthington this time goes to use the ropes as leverage to fling himself downwards, and this time the Anglo Luchador manages to get himself out of the way by rolling out to the apron.
Richard Parker: Farthington almost did all three rice krispies noises to TAL’s arm there.
Nick Stuart: You’re telling me, there was some serious menace intended with that shot.
Farthington reaches down in between the ropes and uses TAL’s left arm to try to yank him up to his feet. As he pulls on it, TAL manages to back Farthington off with a right hand. TAL gets to his feet and Farthington comes back in again, but TAL fires a standing right jab this time that is enough to send Farthington stumbling backwards. The son of shogun climbs from the second rope and leaps off the top rope in one fluid motion, and manages to land on Farthington’s shoulders, whipping him around to the canvas with a hurricanrana.
Richard Parker: Oh no!
Nick Stuart: BIG HURRICANRANA FROM TAL! CAN HE FOLLOW IT UP!?
The Luchador is right back to his feet, he keeps his left arm tightly against his side as he half yanks and Farthington half stumbles to his feet. TAL hits a knee to the face as Farthington is on his way up, and the Luchador doesn’t stop there. He fires a right jab, and without the left jab available, he throws an overhand right instead of the right cross. It connects and sends Farthington sprawling to the canvas.
Richard Parker: NO! NO! NO!
Nick Stuart: HE GOT ALL OF IT! ONE ARMED! THE ANGLO LUCHADOR GOT ALL OF IT!
TAL falls down on top of Farthington and hooks a leg, while hooking his leg around Farthington’s other leg.
Richard Parker: I almost died.
Nick Stuart: Farthington kicks out, and TAL is right back to his feet.
The Anglo Luchador reaches down and grabs Cecilworth by the hair, TAL reaches back and fires a knife-edge chop into the groggy Farthington’s chest, and follows it up with another. Then another, finally driving Farthington into the corner. TAL wraps his good arm around Farthington and hoists him up onto the top rope. He steps up onto the middle rope, and throws Farthington to the ground from the top rope, all the way down to the canvas with a super-rana.
Nick Stuart: SUPER RANA!
Richard Parker: C’MON CECILWORTH!
TAL flops over on Farthington.
TAL manages to get the leg hooked.
Richard Parker: I saw the light, Hoyt was there, he was hanging out with Nova. I saw it all.
Nick Stuart: Another kickout by Farthington! What does The Anglo Luchador have to do!
TAL gets to his feet, he tries to use his left arm but grimaces in pain as he outstretches it. He flexes his hand a few times while holding his wrist, finally satisfied he brings Farthington up to his feet.
Nick Stuart: This is it.
Richard Parker: Lord wrestling Hoyt. Please help Cecilworth Farthington in his moment of need and stop this miserable luchador man from winning a match…
Nick Stuart: He’s praying… Get yourself together Richard.
TAL reaches down and grabs Lord Farthington by the front of the shorts and drags him up to his feet. He slides behind Farthington and grits his teeth as he reaches and grabs both of Farthington’s arms. He slips underneath Farthington and once again puts him up on his shoulders, but Farthington is able to yank TAL’s left arm and wrench on it.
Richard Parker: OW!
Nick Stuart: Farthington’s in a precarious position though, this is dangerous, very dangerous. He’s got that arm but he’s on TAL’s shoulders.
TAL begins to stumble and Farthington’s right arm becomes free, the second he can, he grabs TAL’s arm and falls, he hooks his legs around TAL’s upper body and yanks on the left arm of The Anglo Luchador.
Nick Stuart: What a counter! What a counter!
Richard Parker: I BELIEVE IN YOU HOYT! I BELIEVE!
Farthington has the elbow hyperextended, the shoulder blade is as far back as it can go, and at the wrist he has TAL’s hand folded awkwardly over on itself. Barlow asks TAL if he gives up and he shakes his head no, shouting out in pain.
Richard Parker: HE’LL BREAK IT! GIVE UP!
Nick Stuart: He won’t. The Anglo Luchador can’t give up. He has to fight.
TAL lets out a scream of pain and collapses down to his knees, Farthington keeps yanking on the arm bar.
Richard Parker: TAP! JUST TAP!
TAL shakes his head no again, and brings himself up to one knee, and then back to his feet. He reaches down with his free arm, grabbing himself by the forearm and yanking Farthington up into the air, temporarily taking the pressure off of the elbow, he lets out another shout as he grabs his own hand and curls Farthington up!
Nick Stuart: HE’S GOING TO POWERBOMB HIM!
Richard Parker: NOOOO—YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!
Farthington slips off of TAL’s arm and down behind to his back. A simple rotation of position, and Farthington’s arms immediately find their way to the Anglo Luchador’s neck. In a flash, The Anglo Luchador is trapped.
Richard Parker: IT’S A TARP!
TAL flails his right arm, and he drops to his knees almost immediately. Farthington wraps the body triangle overtop of TAL’s arms, and pins them to his midsection as they fall over onto their sides, Farthington still choking TAL.
DING DING DING
Nick Stuart: Barlow called for the bell.
Richard Parker: Thank Hoyt for that too, someone had to stop that idiot from dying in there.
Nick Stuart: He was courageous tonight Richard, he fought a hell of a fight against the Five Star Champion.
Richard Parker: Yes he did, yes he did.
Farthington lets go and collapses to his side as the bell rings. “Choke” begins playing over the arena’s sound system as Vince Howard steps into the ring with the Five Star Championship. He hands it to Farthington.
Vince Howard: And your winner by referee’s stoppage…THE FIVE STAR CHAMPION CECILWORTH FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTHINGTON!
Nick Stuart: What an encounter this evening, Brandon Youngblood and Cecilworth Farthington, ReVival 38!
Richard Parker: How do I handle this?
Nick Stuart: That’s all for Round 1 of the Almasy!
Richard and Nick keep their chit chatting up, as Farthington gets to his knees. The camera zooms in on his face, he spits a mouth full of blood onto the mat and smiles into the camera.