THE ANGLO LUCHADOR vs. FLAMBERGE
It grows dark in the arena, and Santana’s “Oye Como Va” heralds the arrival of the Anglo Luchador. Purple and green lights illuminate the darkness in a strange, eldritch light. Not eldritch in a MESSIAH sense, but coupled with the music, it has a very surreal look to it. There’s smoke, because everyone in PRIME received a free smoke machine as part of their contract. This is known information.
When the lyrics to the song begin, the Anglo Luchador bursts out from behind the curtains and starts marching his way to the ring.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is the main event for the evening! Introducing first, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania… weighing in at two-hundred and eleven pounds! THIS IS THE ANGLOOOOOOOOO LUCHADOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRR!!!
The Luchador hops up onto the apron and slingshots into the ring. He paces for a moment, impatient for his opponent, before he settles on standing in one of the corners.
Richard Parker: I don’t like the Anglo Luchador’s chances here, Nick. His opponent is young, hungry, and is too cool for a mask. And probably for school.
Nick Stuart: Yet, few others have the grit that the Anglo Luchador does. You have to wonder if his experience will be the deciding factor here tonight.
He doesn’t have to wait long.
“Dangereux” by IAM hits, and the crowd boos. Very much. FLAMBERGE all but explodes from the curtains like a very French Kool-Aid Man, only he doesn’t shout “OH OUAIS!” when he does. That’d be weird. Instead, the French Phenom stomps his way down the aisle, paying no attention to the booing fans only a few feet from him.
Vince Howard: His opponent! From Strasbourg, France! Weighing in at two hundred and six pounds! THIS! IS! FLAMBERRRRRRRRRRRGE!!!
FLAMBERGE’s eyes never leave The Anglo Luchador as he takes a measured lap around the ring, savoring the luchador’s impatience as he takes his time. Once he’s completed his lap, he stomps his way up the stairs. Once he’s in the ring, he immediately gets up in the Anglo Luchador’s grill, and referee Elvis Nixon has to get between the two before they start punching each other before the bell even rings.
Somehow, against all odds, Nixon is able to get FLAMBERGE into his corner. The two warriors stare daggers at each other like an NSA agent stares at someone with a highly questionable internet search history, each waiting for the bell to ring.
Richard Parker: They haven’t even touched each other yet, but that’s gonna change soon.
Nick Stuart: Phrasing, Richard.
DING DING
Richard Parker: He’s staring a hole through The Anglo Luchador. Like, I’m pretty sure he killed the three people behind Tommy TALented with the daggers he’s firing.
Nick Stuart: These two haven’t touched each other for months, and here they stand. Moments after the bell, and still glaring away.
The Anglo Luchador snarls and begins coming out of the corner first. FLAMBERGE meets him stride for stride. TAL makes his way to the center of the ring and FLAMBEREGE meets him. They get as close as humanly possible without touching. TAL is still letting the venom fly in FLAMBERGE’s direction even though the two men are only a centimeter away from each other. The old luchador finally pauses as FLAMBERGE stands completely stoic.
Richard Parker: You could hear a mouse fart in this building.
TAL is back to the smack talk, and before he can clearly finish what he was saying…
SMACK!
Spit flies, two loogies end up somewhere in the seventeenth row, TAL’s head shoots to the side as the open hand of FLAMBERGE crashes across The Anglo Luchador’s face. TAL stumbles to the side as Flambo pulls back a right hand, grabs the Luchador by the shoulder and spins him around. FLAMBERGE’s haymaker sails wide as a left jab sends Flambo reeling backwards. TAL fires off again and Flambo finally regains his composure and fires back with a straight kick to TAL’s front thigh to back him off.
Nick Stuart: That front kick is brutal.
Richard Parker: I think his knee hyperextended there. Ouch.
TAL pushes through the pain and sends a jab to Flambo’s nose, and tries to follow it up with a right hook, but Flambo manages to block it, and fires back with a right hand of his own. TAL slips his hand behind FLAMBERGE’s head and pulls him closer by the hair. He sends a right of his own flying, Flambo is quick to discern his position and grabs the back of TAL’s mask tightly and sends a right hand of his own.
Nick Stuart: AND WE’RE OFF TO THE RACES EARLY!
Richard Parker: LOOK AT NIXON TRYING TO GET THESE TWO AWAY FROM EACH OTHER! HAHAHA!
The two spill to the mat, right hands still flying. An absolute flurry of arms and legs, both men exchanging dominant position and right hooks. First Flambo is on top of TAL, then TAL keeps the two men rolling, and they continue to trade. Finally Flambo manages to stop the rolling and lands in TAL’s guard. FLAMBERGE tries to posture up, but the former Intense Champion gets his feet underneath Flambo and into his midsection. He grabs one of FLAMBERGE’s arms and yanks him down, grabbing the other one and using the momentum to monkey flip FLAMBERGE over his head to the mat.
Nick Stuart: Smart work by TAL.
Richard Parker: But Flambo did make it into a dominant position.
FLAMBERGE gets to a knee and wheels around quickly to The Anglo Luchador also kneeling in the corner, Flambo runs his forearm across his face, checking his lip for blood. He keeps his eyes firmly implanted on The Anglo Luchador.
Nick Stuart: These two are trying to see who’s going to flinch first.
The two explode forward again, both throwing punches and kicks in succession. A wild right hand from TAL, Flambo ducks under and fires off a hook to the midsection. TAL takes it in stride, and smashes FLAMBERGE with a knee to the midsection. The young frenchman goes for a kill shot of his own, and yanks on the back of TAL’s head looking to discover brain matter with his knee. TAL manages to block the knee using his hands, and grabs Flambo around the waist, he yanks FLAMBERGE backwards and rips him over the top of his head with a northern lights suplex.
Nick Stuart: Great suplex from the luchador.
Richard Parker: He snapped FLAMBO over in an instant, but Flambo is getting back to his feet!
FLAMBERGE stumbles up as TAL goes to the ropes, he comes back sprinting across the ring and smashes Flambo up, and over the top rope, all the way down to the arena floor with a lariat. Flambo stumbles backwards into the barricade. TAL, from a kneeling position, takes back off to the ropes. He bounces off the ropes, looking at FLAMBERGE on the outside.
Richard Parker: I think we’re about to see lift off!
Flambo sprints into the apron just as TAL starts his leap. The Anglo Luchador manages to reach down with his arms and hook them around the top rope, using it to stop his forward momentum and flip him over the top rope to the apron. FLAMBERGE looks back towards the barricade, waiting for TAL to come crashing down, but instead the old luchador salsas his way up behind FLAMBERGE and smashes him with a penalty kick to the side of the head.
Nick Stuart: Incredible body control from The Anglo Luchador there.
Richard Parker: Who knew the old fellow still had it in him?
Nick Stuart: Great kick on the outside too.
FLAMBERGE grabs his skull and crumbles against the steel steps. TAL sprints down the apron and takes off, smashing FLAMBERGE against the steel steps with a senton. The steps fly apart, scattering around the outside as Flambo and TAL are left in a heap.
Nick Stuart: We knew this one was heated! But WOW!
Richard Parker: They really don’t care for each other much, do they?
TAL is first to his feet, and lets out a roar to the crowd as Elvis Nixon starts the count.
ONE!
The Anglo Luchador wheels around, bringing FLAMBERGE up to his feet.
TWO!
TAL whips Flambo around and sends him crashing into the barricade
THREE!
The Anglo Luchador smirks, and sprints at FLAMBERGE.
FOUR!
TAL unloads with a knee, but Flambo manages to get out of the way, sending TAL spilling into the first row.
FIVE!
Flambo looks up at Nixon, and rolls back into the ring.
SIX!
TAL starts to drag himself up and over to the guardrail with the help of some PRIME fans. FLAMBERGE is on the inside, laying on the canvas, breathing heavy.
SEVEN !
The Anglo Luchador stumbles his way over to the apron, and just as Nixon yells for an 8, he rolls under the bottom rope.
Nick Stuart: Both men are still down here.
The Anglo Luchador and FLAMBERGE are both sucking wind in the ring. Just as Nixon readies himself for another count, this one a standing ten count, both men begin to stir. TAL pulls himself up using the middle rope, while Flambo drags himself to a corner and pulls himself up using the turnbuckle. TAL comes running forward, but stops in front of Flambo, who tries to move out of the way. TAL fires off a kick to his side, and hits FLAMBERGE mid roll. The frenchman tumbles to the mat as TAL is immediately back over on top of him.
Richard Parker: TAL is really aggressive tonight.
Nick Stuart: I think you have to be against FLAMBERGE, Richard, or he’ll pick you apart.
TAL brings down a double ax handle across Flambo’s shoulder blades, knocking him face first into the canvas. Flambo is stunned as TAL wraps his arms around FLAMBERGE’s waist, and yanks him to his feet with a deadlift. Flambo kicks his legs wildly, as TAL once again throws Flambo over his head, and smashes him to the canvas with a bridging german suplex. TAL holds on for a pin.
ONE!
Richard Parker: C’mon kid…
TWO!
Nick Stuart: KICKOUT!
FLAMBERGE kicks out at two and a half. The Anglo Luchador smirks, and drags Flambo to his feet by his hair again. He drives a knee into FLAMBERGE’s midsection, driving him backwards into the corner. TAL picks FLAMBERGE up and sets him on the top rope. The young frenchman fires a right hand weakly into the side of the old luchador’s head. TAL takes the shot, and fires two back of his own into FLAMBERGE’s face. He jumps up onto the middle rope, and tries to suplex FLAMBERGE, but Flambo drives a hard shot into TAL’s ribs. Then another, and as TAL ducks his head, FLAMBERGE slips a hand up through the middle and smashes the masked man across the face with an uppercut.
Richard Parker: Caught him!
Nick Stuart: Dangerous place to be exchanging blows.
TAL wobbles, but manages to briefly get a grip on Flambo, but he doesn’t let the old luchador keep his balance, and shoves him off of the ropes. TAL flies backwards, hitting on his back and rolling over onto his stomach. FLAMBERGE comes down off of the middle rope, still shaking the cobwebs from the german suplex out of his head. He looks across the ring at TAL who has made it back to a knee. Flambo cocks back and fires a lowkick to TAL’s lead foot, but TAL stands up and fires back with one of his own. FLAMBERGE winces as the old luchador connects with a second leg kick.
Richard Parker: I don’t think trading kicks with FLAMBERGE is a good idea for anyone, but I think it’s unexpected enough that it’s working.
Nick Stuart: I don’t think you’re wrong Richard, and that last kick looked like it stung FLAMBERGE pretty good.
Flambo waits, and TAL fires off a third kick. This one FLAMBERGE manages to catch, but TAL launches off of his backfoot and kicks Flambo in the side of the head, sending him stumbling into the ropes holding his head. As FLAMBERGE comes back, TAL jumps up and smashes him with a dropkick. Flambo hits the mat, and TAL is already dragging him back to the corner by his hair. He sets him up onto the turnbuckle and jumps up to the second rope.
Richard Parker: What’s that old man trying to do now?
Nick Stuart: I don’t know Richard, but it doesn’t look pleasant for FLAMBERGE.
TAL gets up to the top turnbuckle and starts pulling FLAMBERGE up to his feet. Flambo once again invites danger and takes a swing at TAL. The old Luchador gets hit and wobbles, he manages to stay up right, balanced on the top rope. TAL jabs his foot in between FLAMBERGE’s, and uses his body pushing towards the turnbuckle to put Flambo off balance. Flambo backs up onto the top rope, and clearly uncomfortable starts to retreat off of the ropes. TAL steps down to the middle turnbuckle and smashes FLAMBERGE in the face with another boot, sending him down to the canvas. TAL looks down at Flambo, now on the mat.
Richard Parker: Oh no…
TAL steps back up to the top rope and shrugs, he leaps off of the top rope and crashes down on Flamberge’s chest with a flying elbow. FLAMBERGE clutches at his sternum, as TAL flips over onto FLAMBERGE’s head, and yanks both of Flambo’s legs up and wrapping them both under his arms as Elvis Nixon slides in.
ONE!
TWO!
Richard Parker: He’s supposed to be GLUE!
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KICKOUT!
Richard Parker: HE DID IT! NIXON SAID 2! HE SAID 2! DO YOU HEAR THAT NICK!? HE SAID 2!
Nick Stuart: Yes Richard, I get it, Nixon said 2!
FLAMBEGE explodes with a kick out at the last possible moment. The rollup like maneuver TAL has him wrapped in, explodes like the universe coming into existence. TAL is whipped halfway across the ring, FLAMBO, sent in the opposite direction. A true big bang of a moment continues, as the two men both get to their feet. TAL makes his way first and marches across the ring to Flambo.
Richard Parker: Let’s go!
TAL helps Flambo to his feet, and sends FLAMBERGE into the ropes with an irish whip. TAL takes off to his set of ropes, and comes back with a flying forearm. FLAMBERGE ducks under, TAL manages to keep his feet under him and keeps running. He comes back across, and FLAMBERGE hits a low dropkick to one of TAL’s knees, sweeping his feet out from underneath him. TAL smashes face first into the canvas, and FLAMBERGE is back to his feet. TAL is just a second late, getting to his feet, and Flambo catches him with a turning knee right to the side of the head. The knee stops TAL in his tracks as FLAMBERGE unloads with a second knee, this time driving it into TAL’s ribcage.
Richard Parker: God, his offense makes me cringe. That has to hurt.
Nick Stuart: FLAMBERGE is one of the most brutal superstars in a PRIME ring. No wonder Phil Atken saw something in Flambo.
Flambo fires off a second one to the body that leaves TAL hunched over in the center of the ring. FLAMBERGE leaps into the air and drives an ax kick down across the base of TAL’s skull. The Anglo Luchador drops to his knees, and the snarling frenchman from Paris steps in front of him. FLAMBERGE grabs TAL in a front face lock, TAL’s hands immediately try to prevent the inevitable, but the forearm slips below the chin, Flambo locks his bicep around his own wrist and cranks the pressure. TAL’s eyes almost pop out of his head because of the sudden intense lack of oxygen entering his lungs. TAL tries to yank his head out, but his mask is catching on FLAMBERGE’s flexed arm.
Richard Parker: THAT’S IN DEEP NICK! THAT’S IN DEEP! PUT THE FUNKY FROG TO SLEEP! TOMMY HAS A BED TIME!
Nick Stuart: FLAMBERGE has TAL in the center of the ring with the Marie Antionette locked in!
TAL tries to squirm again, but this time FLAMBERGE steps forward, turning up the pressure by stepping TAL into a body triangle.
Nick Stuart: He should be tapping now…
Richard Parker: TAP! TAP!
TAL does nothing of the sort. He stubbornly continues on, trying to wave Nixon off as FLAMBERGE folds his midsection like an accordion. Flambo cranks back again, and finally Nixon waves the match off and calls for the bell.
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: Your winner via referee stoppage… FLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMBEEEEEEEEERRRRRGGGGGGEEEEEEE!!!!
Nick Stuart: What a match Richard.
Richard Parker: That idiot should have tapped.
Nixon pulls FLAMBERGE off of TAL and back to the corner as a doctor and the timekeeper dive into the ring to check on The Anglo Luchador. A pen light is quickly being waived around over his eyes as Flambo stands in the corner with his hands raised. TAL shoots upright, and pushes the doctor and timekeeper off of him. He looks around the arena as “DANGEREUX” by IAM is playing. FLAMBERGE finally regains his composure and turns around, coming face to face with The Anglo Luchador.
Nick Stuart: Are we about to do this again?
Richard Parker: I dunno Richard, I don’t think either of these men are ready to go anymore.
The Anglo Luchador rubs his chin, sliding it up to his forehead. The fans in the arena begin to chant.
FIGHT FOREVER! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!
FIGHT FOREVER! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!
TAL looks up and nods at FLAMBERGE, Flambo goes to leave, but looks back to TAL holding out his hand.
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
FLAMBERGE eyes the hand out of the corner of his eye. He pauses, waiting a moment. The tension continues to build as he stares at TAL’s hand.
Nick Stuart: Do it Flambo!
Finally, FLAMBERGE shakes his head no and turns away…