THE ANGLO LUCHADOR vs. ROCKY DE LEON
Nick Stuart: Up next, we have a true battle of the masks!
Richard Parker: I’m more interested in the high energy of both competitors than I am about a couple of stupid masks. Sorry not sorry.
Nick Stuart: Oh, c’mon. Don’t be a fuddy-duddy! Two masked competitors having a hotly contested match in PRIME? You know that’s money. Admit it.
Richard Parker: Um, no. I will admit nothing of the sort, thank you very much. Not unless you admit you forgot to color the gray out of your hair this morning.
The lights dim and smoke starts to fill the staging area while “Oye Como Va” begins to play on the PA system. The Anglo Luchador, looking ragged from the ordeal he’s gone through on the show so far, steps through, shoulders slumped, head sunken. He gives a half-hearted raise of both arms to the crowd as he begins his trudge to the ring.
Nick Stuart: I’d say The Anglo Luchador has undergone a traumatic experience before having to wrestle here tonight, but that seems to have been happening quite a bit to a lot of wrestlers here in the ReVival era.
Richard Parker: Glad you see things my way for once, Nick. Can’t coddle these clowns.
Nick Stuart: That’s not what I’m saying at all, Richard, and in fact, maybe…
Richard Parker: No takesies-backsies, Nick, c’mon now.
The luchador still takes time out to slap as many hands before getting to the ring as he can, even though he still looks like he’s had enough for the evening.
Nick Stuart: I know you don’t like him, Richard, but he was only trying to show a kid around backstage!
Richard Parker: Maybe he’ll think twice before interrupting a rehearsal or making fun of someone richer, more successful, and handsomer than him.
Nick Stuart: That’s… wait, did you just compliment Lee Best on here?
Richard Parker: To be fair, it was damning with faint praise. Do you know how low a bar it is to clear to be better than the luchador?
Nick Stuart: You’re incorrigible sometimes, you know that?
Vince Howard: Introducing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 211 pounds. He is the first Intense Champion of the ReVival Era, the Anglo…. LUUUUUUUUUUCHADORRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
The luchador slowly climbs up onto the apron, acknowledges the cheers, and climbs through the ropes.
“Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard” by Streetlight Manifesto cuts through Santana’s guitarwork
The mama pajama rolled out of bed
And she ran to the police station
When the papa found out he began to shout
And he started the investigation
Vince Howard: His opponent and making his way to the ring… weighing in at two-hundred and fifteen pounds… THE LION OF LAREDO… ROOOOOOOCKY DEEE LEEEEEOOOOOON!
Rocky marches with a purpose to the edge of the ring. He runs up the ring steps quickly and wipes his feet on the apron before nimbly hopping over the ropes and waving to the crowd. Rocky points a finger to the crowd and bounds up the corner to the top turnbuckle, then gives a mighty bellowing ROOOOOOAR! He pumps his fists in the air and hops down, all business.
DING DING
TAL and Rocky look at each other from across the ring, locking eyes like two great gladiators knowing full well they’re about to have the fight of their life. With the fans buzzing in anticipation, TAL and Rocky circle each other until they meet in the center of the ring with a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Having a slight weight and height advantage, Rocky pushes TAL back into the turnbuckles after digging his heels into the canvas. Elvis Nixon is right there, telling both competitors to get out of the corner.
Suddenly, though, Rocky de Leon falls backward while pulling on TAL’s arms. TAL flips forward so that both men are on the mat, holding arms, looking at each other after using their neck muscles to push their heads up on the mat. Surprised at the predicament they find themselves in, Elvis is already on his knees, checking to see if their shoulders are down on the mat. Before he can even count, TAL uses great agility to flip backwards, attempting to land on Rocky for a cover. Rocky, however, anticipates this and lifts his knees, catching TAL before he could land.
Nick Stuart: Wow! These guys are going all lucha libre right out of the gate!
Richard Parker: Fantastic. Floppy, floppy shit this early into a match? I don’t know if the viewers at home can tell, but that was an eye-rolling motion you just heard.
TAL retreats into a standing position, still holding onto Rocky’s hands. Just when he’s about to perform another lucha-inspired maneuver…
The lights go out and the PRIMEView screen lights up with the letters “AP”. Drums and guitars hit the speakers as the Ball Arena stands on their feet, wondering exactly what the hell is going on.
Distracted, TAL shakes his head, mouthing, “No! Not now!”.
Voodoo Prophets’ hard rock cover of the Led Zeppelin classic “Immigrant Song” hits the speakers and none other than Arthur Pleasant comes out from the back!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
With TAL distracted over someone who is slowly becoming his nightmare, Rocky De Leon lifts him up with an old-school back suplex. Making the cover, Elvis Nixon is right there..
ONE!
TW- TAL kicks out just before two!
At this point, Pleasant’s theme song has faded and Wrestling’s Worst Nightmare makes his way to the commentary booth.
Nick Stuart: Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me.
Richard Parker: Relax, Nick! I, for one, am excited to have a guest at the booth. Especially when there’s a chance to get to know someone new to the roster.
Pleasant, wearing a black and red long coat over street clothes (PRIME T-shirt and black jeans), flashes his fangs with a wicked smile as he shakes Richard Parker’s hand.
Richard Parker: Hey, no hard feelings over my comments from the other show, right?
Arthur Pleasant: Of course, Richard! None whatsoever! WHAT A MATCH THIS IS, HUH?!
Nick Stuart: (whispering to self) This is my life.
After kicking out at one, TAL makes it to his feet where Rocky De Leon is waiting. Catching TAL a bit off-guard, he scoops him up for an over-the-shoulder powerslam. TAL, however, uses the momentum of being scooped up to slip down behind Rocky’s back. Going for a waist-lock, TAL pushes Rocky into the ropes. On the recoil, TAL rolls up Rocky with a La Casita!
ONE!
TWO!
THR- Rocky kicks out!
Arthur Pleasant: (Yelling loudly from the booth) YOU SHOULD’VE PULLED FUCKING THE TIGHTS, LA COWARD!
Richard Parker: Hm. You know something, Nick? I’m starting to like this guy!
Nick Stuart: Dear God. You are INCORRIGIBLE.
Hearing Pleasant’s shouts from the commentary table, TAL does his best to ignore the insults and obvious attempts at a distraction. As Rocky gets to his feet, TAL runs, jumps, and grabs Rocky’s head for a DDT. Rocky tries to push him off, but TAL holds on, using great agility to land on the middle rope. Springing off of them, TAL spins around with lightning-quick speed and drives Rocky head first into the mat with a modified springboard tornado DDT!
TAL goes for the cover and Elvis slides in for the count…
ONE!
TWO!
THR- Rocky kicks out just before Elvis’ hand comes down for three!
Nick Stuart: I think TAL got more of that than this audience, or myself, thought he did. Looks like your attempts at distracting him aren’t exactly working, Arthur.
Arthur Pleasant: All in good time, my friend. All in good time.
Richard Parker: Uh oh. You were saying, Nick?
As if on cue, TAL looks over to Arthur Pleasant and stares a hole through him. This momentary distraction gives Rocky enough time to get up from the mat, shake the cobwebs as best he can, and springboards himself to the top rope! With impeccable timing, TAL turns around and eats a diving hurricanrana!
Nick Stuart: Pterricanrana!
Arthur Pleasant: Was that fucking English?!
Richard Parker: That’s the name of one of Rocky De Leon’s signature moves. Don’t worry, I think it’s dumb too.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE- NO! TAL KICKS OUT!
Arthur Pleasant: BULLSHIT! THAT WAS GODDAMN THREE, REF!!
Pleasant smaaaaashes his hands down on the announce table repeatedly, obviously quite angry that Rocky couldn’t get the three-count.
Nick Stuart: Hey! Take it easy, Arthur! You just spilled my bottle of water!
Richard Parker: Should’ve kept your lid on, Nicholas.
The crowd, rallying behind The Anglo Luchador with their support for him over the night’s ongoing events and Pleasant’s untimely presence, starts clapping to motivate The Paladin of PRIME.
Clap! Clap! Clap!
Rocky De Leon looks out at the crowd with a crazed look in his eye.
Nick Stuart: Denver is AMPED!
Clap! Clap! Clap!
TAL is getting to his feet, albeit a bit wobbly after getting spiked with the diving hurricanrana he managed to kick out.
Arthur Pleasant: These fucking sheep. Listen to them. Braying in unison. PUUUKE.
Clap! Clap! Clap!
TAL is up and Rocky runs about a quarter of the ring distance toward the ropes and plants his left foot on the middle rope.
Clap! Clap! Clap!
Richard Parker: When did Denver get so goddamn obnoxious?! Jesus.
TAL is ready for it, though, and moves about a foot and a half closer to where Rocky is jumping off the middle rope. TAL catches Rocky across his shoulders, shocking Rocky by holding him in an electric chair position! Criss-crossing his arms, TAL immediately bends back with an incredible Japanese Ocean Cyclone Suplex!
Nick Stuart: WHAT?! How did he catch him with a Queen’s Suplex?!
Richard Parker: Credit where credit is due, that was a sick looking suplex… and he’s got the bridge!
The crowd counts along with Elvis Nixon.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE?
Nick Stuart: He got him!
Richard Parker: NO! He didn’t get him! Rocky kicked out!! Rocky kicked out!!
Elvis signals that it was a very close two-count, to which the crowd is stunned that Rocky managed to kick out!
The crowd is hot as they start a familiar chant.
THIS IS AWESOME!
Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap!
THIS IS AWESOME!
Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap!
Arthur Pleasant: (Yelling obnoxiously towards TAL) GIVE IT UP YOU LOUSY FUCKING EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING! GODDAMN BULLY! PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIT! DIE IN A FIRE YOU MASKED COWAAAAARD!! YOUR KIDS DESERVE BETTER!! DOES YOUR BUTTER-FACED WIFE WEAR A FUCKING MASK TOO?!
Pleasant takes Richard Parker’s bottle water and CHUCKS it at TAL, laughing maniacally the entire time!
Richard Parker: My water!
Nick Stuart: Should’ve kept it under the desk!
TAL dodges, the bottle missing his head by mere inches. The speed at which it whizzes by his ears cause TAL to turn towards Arthur Pleasant, effectively giving Wrestling’s Worst Nightmare what he wants. Elvis Nixon, meanwhile, harshly admonishes Pleasant’s actions all the way from the announce booth. To his credit, he doesn’t take the bait like Arthur wants him to. Instead, he stays on
Rocky once again runs a quarter of the ring distance toward the ropes, and plants his left foot on the middle rope. This time, instead of TAL being ready for it, Rocky turns and launches himself back toward TAL! The high-impact landing of the cross body across TAL’s head and upper chest sends the crowd into a frenzy of OOOOOOOOOOH’s!
Meanwhile, as both TAL turns his attention back to Rocky, he’s blasted with
Nick Stuart: FLYING SQUIRREL!!
Richard Parker: I think he has him here, Nick. He’s hooking both of Anglo’s legs!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Elvis signals for the bell!
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: Your winner by pinfall, RRRRRRRRRROCKYYYYYY DE LEEEEEEEEEEEOOOON!!!
“Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard” by Streetlight Manifesto hits the arena speakers as Elvis Nixon raises Rocky’s arms up in victory.
Arthur Pleasant: Hehehehe… it’s been a pleasure tonight, gentlemen.
Pleasant removes his headset and begins walking away from the commentary booth. Looking at Rocky De Leon celebrating, and TAL wondering just what the hell happened, Pleasant stands on the outside of the ring with his arms crossed… covering his mouth as he laughs at TAL’s misfortune tonight.
Richard Parker: He did it! Rocky De Leon with a HUGE win tonight!
Nick Stuart: Yes, he did, but…
Richard Parker: …but what? He pinned him clean in the middle of the ring!
Nick Stuart: Yes, he did, BUT… was TAL’s heart really into it in this one? With Arthur’s antics at commentary and everything that’s gone down tonight, I don’t know that Rocky de Leon got The Anglo Luchador at his 100% best. That’s not to take anything away from Rocky’s win, but something was amiss tonight with TAL.
Richard Parker: I disagree. Fundamentally. Vehemently. TAL hit him with an insane Queen’s Suplex and couldn’t get the job done with it. There’s no excuse for TAL losing tonight’s match. Arthur or no Arthur, he. Got. BEAT.
The last shot before the camera goes elsewhere is TAL looking out at Arthur Pleasant, shaking his head, while Pleasant stares back, pointing directly at TAL with his wicked smile, wide and menacing. We then cut to the backstage area.