THE BATTLE OF ALESIA
Event: ReVival 8
Event Date: 05/20/2022
THE BATTLE OF ALESIA
Odd droning cords bring us from the dark, <a href=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uGf8VT81fE” target=”_blank”>a soundtrack to lead us to this moment.</a> A quick sweeping shot of the crowd in the MGM Grand Arena for ReVival 1 appears. The return of PRIME. And out of the ether of an over a decade long hiatus, we are welcomed by the one and only Nick Stuart.
Nick Stuart: Ladies and gentlemen…guys, gals, and non-binary pals….WELCOME…TO THE REVIVAL!!!
The plucking strings move to their own beat, and as they continue, we see flashes, short bursting shots of certain members (and former members) of the PRIME roster. Jonathan-Christopher and Vickie Hall walking onto the stage, wrapped into each other’s bodies. Tapioca Puddings emerging from behind the curtain with a look of sheer terror on his face. Miles Lucky, his hands still placed on his head, sliding underneath the bottom rope and slowly getting to his feet. Nova on his way down the ramp, his eyes focused intensely forward. Balaam charging toward the fans, ready to strike one of them down. The Anglo Luchador running down the ramp. Teddy Palmer nodding his head as he makes his way to the ring. Impulse at the top of the ramp, nodding his appreciation for the fans while Calico Rose takes an exaggerated bow.
And then, we see our protagonist and antagonist.
It’s time to tell their story.
The beat begins to ramp up at the first strike of the synth pads, and when it does, the color drains from the screen, a wash of images coming across in an almost subliminal order; Black Angel, Boda, Karina Wolfenden, Killean Sirrajin, Hoyt Williams, Tchu, Clyde Walkings, Nova, Lindsay Troy, Sonny Silver, Cozen, Devin Shakur, Chandler Tsonda, Vangelus Olsig, Castor V, Strife, Hessian. One thing binds all of them together; the PRIME Universal Championship, the one thing displayed in color in all the images, whether across their waists, over their shoulders, or pumped skyward in the grasps. A synthetic drone harmony foursome brings to focus the visage of the legendary Final Fantasy, Seymour Almasy, folding his arms across his chest as he flashes a hallmark grin. A chyron underneath him says ‘In Memory.’
“Breathing in the dark”
We are stirred to the battlefield. The side of Brandon Youngblood’s hand explodes into the tanned Ken Doll chest of Jonathan Christopher-Hall. A quick cut. His arms wrap around JCH’s torso, throwing him into the middle turnbuckle with a brutal German Suplex. Another cut. Hall launches himself toward Brandon for a diving crossbody, only to be caught midair and spiked through the canvas with a shattering spinebuster.
“Lying on its side”
Cancer Jiles stomps on the fingers of a retreating Tapioca Puddings. The attack continues, the COOLYMPIAN repeatedly slamming Tapioca’s head into the turnbuckle. A flash and the COOLYMPIAN YOLJK mist sprays all over the young Puddings face. A jaw shattering superkick, Terminal Cancer, provides the mercy killing.
“The ruins of the day”
Miles Lucky’s head is caught like a vice in a modified front face lock by the Last Diamond. Youngblood stomps on the shoeless foot of Lucky, only bare because his sneaker was the last thing he could use to extend his reach to escape another submission hold. There are no more Happy Pigeon Days after the Tower of Babel drives the top of Miles skull into the canvas with a driving, sickening Karelin Lift.
“Painted with a scar”
Cancer’s forearm slams into the face of Nova, stiffening him, a quick knee following, then a nasty snap suplex that leaves the former Universal Champion stunned. Jiles bounces off the rope, slamming him across the face with a brutal knee. A quick succession of bounces off the ropes is ended with a double bird to The Risen Star. Terminal Cancer strikes again. Even though he doesn’t need to, he grabs the Starchild’s tights. A bounty collected. No matter what comes next, a Universal Championship is in Cancer Jiles’ future.
“And the more I straighten out”
The beast, Balaam, is powering through Jiles, all until the COOLYMPIAN deftly strikes, taking out his injured knee with a chop block. He drives his elbow into the former John Kennedy Royko Jr’s knee, transitioning to a knee crank. The Mephistophelian holds Cancer by the throat, the final count disqualifying him, a sick heap of yellow dripping from the COOLYMPIAN’s mouth. The YOLJK is gone, perhaps permanently. Even still, he manages to have the faintest of smiles.
“The less it wants to try”
The Anglo Luchador has been assaulted by knife-edge chops from Youngblood, having offered a kick to the hamstring in defense, but he crumbles to the canvas from a headbutt. The Diamond pumps his hips, exploding through Anglo with a ring shaking belly to belly suplex. A spinebuster is followed by a deadlift into a Karelin Lift, banishing the Old Luchador for good.
“The feelings start to rot”
Teddy Palmer is trying to hit Jiles with a German suplex, but the ever aware King of Cool throws his leg back, nailing him in the pills with a low blow. A snap suplex is followed by a falcon arrow. A perilous position; Palmer has the COOLYMPIAN dangling on the ring apron, and blind charges, only for Jiles to slingshot back into the ring and hit Terminal Cancer. A mad scramble. A loaded boot. Terminal Cancer again, this time it doesn’t go into remission.
“One wink at a time”
Cally is beside herself, shouting for Impulse to watch out, to do something, slamming her hands into the ring apron as her boyfriend is helplessly ragdolled in hellacious succession with back to back belly to belly suplexes by Youngblood. A savage spinebuster from the Last Diamond, but the Marathon Man survives. And then, the controversial finish, the high angle German suplex, the bridge, the last second roll of the Tower of Babel’s shoulder off the mat. The decision rendered, and ever the good sport, Impulse shakes the victor’s hand. He doesn’t yet know that his future holds.
The contenders have fallen. The Seymour Almasy Invitational. A legacy to be honored. At stake is the richest prize in all of professional wrestling; The Universal Championship. A panoramic view of the glistening championship belt, this amazing trophy, flashes across the screen before the sound of lightning, the Culture Shock logo coming to focus as rainfall begins to bathe the MGM Grand.
The Main Event.
Opposite sides of the ring, staring each other down.
The winner will be the ruler of the new PRIME.
The Last Diamond pounds the COOLYMPIAN with a series of stiff forearms, spinning him around and nailing a release German suplex.
“Forgiving who you are
For what you stand to gain”
The tables turn. Jiles thumbs the larger man in the eye, clubbing him in the back of the head, nailing a side belly to belly suplex all before mounting him and drilling him with punches until he begins to choke him. If that is not enough, the assault ends with Cancer stomping away at the Pariah’s knee.
“Just know that if you hide
It doesn’t go away”
Youngblood with a gutwrench slam. A dragon sleeper. A devastating spinebuster. Nothing is putting away Cancer Jiles on this night.
“When you get out of bed
Don’t end up stranded”
Cancer with a protracted battering of Brandon’s knee. Vicious. Rabid. He strikes with a snap suplex, then a fisherman’s suplex. Terminal Cancer. He’d promised an eGG Shaped Future for PRIME. And now its here…until the Diamond kicks out. At his wits end, he rolls from the ring, grabbing the Universal Championship belt, ready to strike Youngblood down and take what is rightfully his. He winds up for the swing, but a spear wipes him out, launching the title from his grasp.
With each stone”
Youngblood looks at the title, the one that has eluded him his whole career. A near twenty year odyssey. He peels the Universal Championship off the canvas, handing it to Timo Bolamba.
“On the stage”
Rapid fire. The conclusion. The mandate. Each of the three Randallplexes Brandon Youngblood annihilates Cancer Jiles with are shown, every single one landing with an outright hideous brutality. The pinfall following is elementary.
“My little dark age”
The culmination. Brandon Youngblood is finally the Universal Champion. PRIME’s Leading Lady, Lindsay Troy, fastens the belt around his waist, placing her hands on his shoulders, mouthing the words ‘I’m proud of you.’ He soaks in the moment, all before he unclasps the Championship from his waist and pumps it skyward.
“Picking through the cards
Knowing what’s nearby”
An aftermath. Brutal. Bobby Dean and Doozer bracing the eGG Bandit leader to a stand, the finalist, the man so close yet so far away. His eyes are glassed over, his neck lolling on a thread. His legs are languid, practically dragging. But through the pain, through the shock, through it all, the evil bastard has a sinister smile spread across his lips.
“The carvings on the face
Say they find it hard”
Angelica Brooks standing with the Universal Champion backstage. No longer a Pariah. The true Ace of PRIME. The Diamond made good. The title belt is over his shoulder. Everyone is smiling. The road ahead is named the Unfinished Business Tour. Bright days are ahead.
“And the engine’s failed again
All limits of disguise”
A closed door. Doozer and Bobby Dean stand before it. With an eerie suspense, the door begins to creak, bursting open with the pomp and circumstance of an HR Giger chestbuster. A cold fog rolls from the cryochamber. Cancer Jiles is alive, and all the more horrifying, his mouth foams yellow. The YOLJK is back. He has the golden ticket. His revenge is nigh.
“The humor’s not the same
Coming from denial”
Inside the ring, a large table. Bobby Dean in a singlet and with a toy Universal Championship belt. Bobbyblood. Jiles holds court over a sea of PRIMEates. Cracking News. ReVival 8 is the rematch the world is waiting for.
Youngblood powerwalks to the ring, ending this farce.
“I grieve in stereo”
Jiles has no answer as he gets a taste of his own verbal medicine, shrinking away in the moment.
“The stereo sounds strange”
The Champion is on the second rope, title on high, but not for long. No more humiliation. Jiles dances across the table and drives hard for a chop block to Youngblood’s left knee, hitting so hard the man tumbles onto him.
“I know that if you hide”
Wrenching. Stabbing. Booting. The knee is like blood in the water, and Cancer Jiles hasn’t eaten in weeks. His hunger is ravenous. His brutality knows no limits. This isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a public gelding.
“It doesn’t go away
If you get out of bed”
The only salvation is Impulse, charging from the back, making the save.
“And find me standing all alone”
The Marathon Man helps the Diamond up, perching him in the corner. His eyes linger on the Universal Championship belt noticeably.
The damage is done and the message received. Jiles drops the steel chair, sauntering with all the swagger one can have after turning an hated rival’s knee to powder.
“Burn the page”
A hobbled Youngblood in his locker room. There are no shots of Cocaine’s head, but what is shown is the utter disarray of furniture, as well as the Champion’s clothes left in ruin with copious amounts of eggs. Misspelled as it is, the message on the wall painted in horse blood is clear. First Blood.
“My little dark age”
Brandon Youngblood is a wreck, yet still, he seethes, spittle falling from his goatee. His chest heaves in violent pants.
The focus moves to the two men, their words, their statements against each other. Whether in the ring, outside of it, in the hotel, backstage, we see these moments as they happened.
“I grieve in stereo”
Brandon Youngblood: I’ve seen enough of you to know that on that night? That was the best you got.
“The stereo sounds strange”
Cancer Jiles: You got your cake. It was a big piece. Biggest you ever had. You ate it while you could. Good for you.
“You know that if it hides”
Brandon Youngblood: I’m a better wrestler than you. I’m a better man than you.
“It doesn’t go away”
Cancer Jiles: –you look like you’ve had your fill.
“If I get out of bed”
Brandon Youngblood: You’re in the Diamond Age now…and putting you down will be more of a pleasure than an honor.
“You’ll see me standing all alone”
Cancer Jiles: I demand of Champions, and not the other way around.
Brandon Youngblood: Time to put you at the back of the line.
“On the stage”
Cancer Jiles: The only reason I want to be Universal Champion is because I want to take from you, and watch you suffer…I want to reintroduce you to monumental and complete failure. I want the absolute worst for you.
Brandon Youngblood: I’m going to bury you. Hurt you like you hurt me. Make you pay with your blood.
“My little dark age”
A wild flash. Cancer Jiles. Brandon Youngblood. Challenger against Champion. Evil versus Good. Cool versus Diamonds. The faces of the two men are cut in half, against each other, the Universal Championship belt in the center. First Blood. ReVival 8. A bevy of highlights of the two men is interspersed with the black and white image of the two, something you’d hang on your wall like a poster, a fight card to remember. And as the song begins to fade away, we are all left to wonder one crucial thing.
Which one of these two will survive?