The Freeman Coliseum continues to share its disdain for Flambo’s decision, the French prodigy and the Son of Shogun all but completely spent in the squared circle. FLAMBERGE goes to step through the ropes…
…until an all-too-familiar laugh cuts through the raucous boos of Texas.
What follows can only be described as a “Double Yeeting,” as the bodies of Hayes Hanlon and Rezin simultaneously fly through the curtain and slam onto the entrance ramp, tumbling to the bottom in a mess of arms and legs. Flambo and TAL look to the entrance with exhausted eyes, as do The Event Horizon and The Escape Artist, to see what could be the only possible source of that throaty, bellowing laugh.
Nick Stuart: Oh..NO.
Richard Parker: I…don’t think our night’s over, Nick…
The Russian Bear bursts onto the ramp, Alexei close behind, with eyes wild and teeth bared behind his heavy beard. He stomps down the ramp toward his foes, shirt torn, suspenders unclipped on one side, the other long-since pulled from his shoulder. Hayes stands to his feet, his own shirt wide open with a few buttons missing. Rezin uses the ring apron for assistance, rolling into the ring to escape the oncoming Ivan Stanislav. Timo Bolamba, all too familiar with where this is going, hollers at Ivan to stop, but…we know how that usually goes.
Nick Stuart: Good god, someone get Dam and security out here, Ivan and Hayes have been smashing through the arena all night! This needs to stop!!
Richard Parker: They’ve been trying, Nick! You get out there and tell him to relax!
Hanlon takes a heavy breath of acceptance, and puts up his dukes. Said dukes, however, provide little to stop Ivan’s charge, as Hayes finds himself slamming back-first into the ring apron thanks to Stanislav’s shoulder. Ivan chops down on Hanlon’s chest, and the eGG Beater fires back with rights and lefts.
That is, until The Russian Bear hoists him overhead with a military press, and throws him into the ring with a heavy thud.
Nick Stuart: Are you kidding!?
Ivan clambers into the ring as Hayes struggles to his feet. TAL and Flambo have taken every opportunity to catch their breath. TAL hangs on the ropes, with no intentions of going anywhere, but fighting for energy. FLAMBERGE looks to make an exit, but Ivan has managed to grab hold of the Universal Champion, and launches him into the main event victor, both crunching into the corner. With a heavy snort the Russian Bear turns his attention back to Hanlon, pulling him to his feet, and grinds his big elbow against Hammerin’ Hanlon’s temple with a holler of pain. Meanwhile, Alexei Ruslan has stepped inside the ropes, and retrieves his baton from his jacket.
Richard Parker: Nick, we might think about getting out of here…
Nick Stuart: Oh my, NOW who’s looking to…NOVA!!!! IT’S NOVA!!
All eyes shift to the ramp, and out strides the Risen Star himself, snarling behind his messy beard and fire in his eyes.
Nick Stuart: Starchild isn’t finished tonight! We literally JUST saw him retaliate after an attack on Sonny Silver! And now he’s taking it to the ring!
Nova rushes in, diving under the ropes. Alexei is there to meet him, taking a swing with his baton. It’s a big whiff, and Nova wraps up Ivan’s Right-Hand Man, sending him ass-over-tea kettle with a quick and vicious suplex.
Nova pops up, wild-eyed, and drives a forearm into Ivan’s back, doubling him over. The Risen Star takes a fistful of hair, pulling Stanislav away and giving Hayes a moment to recover, then leaps back toward center, slamming the big man with a bulldog.
Nick Stuart: Oh, YES! Nova with the save!!
Richard Parker: LOVE CONVOY! THEY’RE HERE! THEY’RE HERE, NICK!!
The Freeman arena is shaking, but a low boo carries through as JCH, Darin Zion, and Tristan-Cripsin Gladhappy rush down the ramp, Vickie in two and barking orders. They’re in the ring quick, but TAL has found his second wind, meeting Jonathan-Christopher with a right hand.
Nick Stuart: The Anglo Luchador meeting JC-Hall and exchanging right hands! Zion and Gladhappy close behind, running at Nova…TEAM CLOTHESLINE ON THE RISEN STAR…AND HAYES HANLON WITH LEAPING DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE IN RESPONSE!!!!
Hayes topples forward after laying out the Nuzzle Lord and Zion.
Richard Parker: We’re getting the Battle Royale a little early, Nick!!!
It’s a mess in the ring. Timo does his best to break up the various fights, but it’s a lost cause. Ivan has stood to his feet, eyes ablaze. Hayes is grabbing the ropes. Zion and Gladhappy help each other up. Flambo and Rezin have untangled themselves. TAL and JCH fight for an upper-hand in the corner.
Nick Stuart: ADAM ELLIS AND GINNY!! ROCKY DE LEON!!!
Richard Parker: Oh man, does she have her shotgun?????!!!??
Ellis and Rocky rush in, Ginny on their heels. They slide in, and Ellis goes right for JC-Hall, clobbering him with an elbow and quick right hands. Ginny is fast on Vickie, who screeches bloody murder before turning and sprinting away around the ring, Van Lear on her tail. Rocky leaps in the middle, but finds himself flat on his back after a big boot from a raging Ivan Stanislav.
Don’t get in the way of Ivan Stanislav.
Nick Stuart: And now Eddie Cross!!
N1ghtcraw1er strides to the ring, ready to join the fun. That is, until his father takes notice, quickly sliding out of the ring to meet his son at the bottom of the ramp. Timo holds a hand to Eddie’s chest, and the two exchange some choice words.
Richard Parker: And Gamble! Tony Gamble!
Before Father and Son can bring up anything really deep-seeded, The Grin blasts Eddie in the back with a forearm, whipping him around and sending him in through the ropes and following behind, laying the boots to him amidst the chaos. Flamberge, hanging on for dear life, has no choice but to take the offensive, throwing a knee into Hanlon’s mid-section.
Nick Stuart: This is WAY out of control!
Richard Parker: And look who’s here to revel in it!
From out of the crowd, Sage Pontiff has emerged, all smiles and breathing in the chaos. He struts to the ring and climbs in with grace. With everyone’s attention elsewhere, he holds out his arms, tilting his head back, spinning slowly in the middle of the ring, soaking in and relishing the battle around him before eyeballing a turnbuckle and making his way through the mess.
And speaking of those who relish the fight…
Nick Stuart: Oh, come on!!
Richard Parker: We do NOT need this!
Paxton Ray. The Bayou Butcher. Snarling with a grin and cracking his knuckles, has caught the scent of the fight. Nova, after clocking Gladhappy and sending him sprawling, spots him approaching, and the two lock eyes.
Nick Stuart: I don’t even think Paxton knows what Nova just did to Foster…he just wants to join this mess!!
Nova stands, and Paxton runs in. They meet on both feet exchanging hard right hands center-ring. Ivan has re-focused on Hayes, who has just finished dropping FLAMBERGE with a powerslam. Stanislav swats and pushes away at those in his way. Eddie Cross has Gamble in a headlock, and Rocky de Leon flies across the ring, connecting with a lower dropkick to the Grin’s grin! Ginny has caught up to Vickie, who claws and thrashes and screams as Van Lear takes two fistfuls of her hand and frisbee-tosses her to the floor. JC-Hall, hearing Vickie’s wails, sees red and clocks Adam Ellis, sending him to his back before mounting him with rapid fire punches. TAL bounds off the ropes and aims for the Russian Bear, clipping him with an enzuigiri.
Ivan staggers and fumes, TAL, knowing what kind of danger he’s in scrambles back to his feet, but takes a hard baton-swing from the now-recovered Alexei across the back, dropping him to his knees.
Richard Parker: We’re gonna need backup!
We got you covered, Richard.
Nick Stuart: Yes! YESS!!! THE DIAMONDS ARE HERE!!!!!
Ooooh baby, get on your feet, Texas. Brandon Youngblood and Nate Colton stride out onto the ramp, clad in street clothes. You can even detect a very small grin from the both of them as they reach the ring. They dive in, PRIME’s Ace going after Alexei Ruslan and absolutely FLATTENING him with an ABSURD spinebuster.
Nate Colton peels Paxton Ray away from Nova, hurling him into the ropes and spearing him to the ground. As Nate’s head pops up, who does he spot?
The Goat Bastard.
The Escape Artist has, all this time, made many attempts to…well, escape, but is thwarted time and time again. He catches eyes with the Next Diamond and sneers, and Nate stands to approach. Rezin makes yet another move to exit the mania, but finds the bodies of multiple combatants squeezing him in, a tight collective of battling roster members tightening around the Universal Champ. The Escape Artist has nowhere to run…
…but has a certain Bodhisattva to thank.
Nick Stuart: OHHHH MY!!!!! SAFE PONTIFF OFF THE TOP!!!!
Pontiff connects with the mass of bodies, throwing himself with a big cross-body directed at anyone in the way, sending everyone to the mat in an absolute mess of limbs.
Nick Stuart: Nate Colton and Paxton Ray fighting for ground on the mat, Ginny Van Leer just threw Vickie Hall over the barricade! Youngblood just buried Eddie Cross with a karelin lift! Gladhappy and Zion are putting the boots to Hayes Hanlon, what a mess!
Richard Parker: And Ivan…OH GAWD
TAL has, unfortunately incurred Ivan’s wrath, as his brains are scrambled from an absolutely vicious short-arm clothesline. Frothing at the mouth, the Russian Bear wades through the bodies, reaching Zion and Gladhappy, wrenching them away from his target.
Richard Parker: The kid’s in trouble!!
Nick Stuart: MAYBE NOT FOR LONG! SYKES AND AVALON!!!
The Crownless King and the Dragonslayer (now complete with shoes!) are in full sprint. Avalon slides into the ring, while Sykes heads up to the top turnbuckle.
Nick Stuart: Coral Avalon making a BRAVE choice! Doing his best to wrap his arms around Stanislav and pull him away from Hanlon! He’s not gaining much ground, Ivan is just too big…OHHH!!!!! SYKES OFF THE TOP!!!! DOMINO EFFECT!!!!!
After a big breath, Sykes leaps toward Stanislav’s head while Avalon dives out of the way. Sykes flips, connecting with the blockbuster and sending the Russian Bear to the mat with an enormous THUD. The Freeman Arena absolutely ERUPTS for the Knight Errant, who is quick to help Hayes to his feet.
Nick Stuart: SYKES WITH THE SAVE! THIS PLACE IS GOING NUTS!!
Home Run Hayes shakes the cobwebs as Sykes gives him the assist. Jared whispers something in Hanlon’s ear, and points back toward one of the corners, where Darin Zion and Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy are collecting themselves. Hayes, with a small grin, nods.
Nick Stuart: THEY’VE GOT EYES ON GLADHAPPY AND ZION! THEY HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN REVIVAL 16!
The two head for the corner, Hayes grabbing Zion, Sykes on Gladhappy. They drag them to center-ring, then whip them in opposite directions. Tristin-Crispin and Darin are forced to bound and hop over various bodies, rebounding off the ropes and back toward their aggressors, who in perfect synchronicity deliver…
Nick Stuart: EPOCH ON DARION ZION!!! RHINE REWIND ON GLADHAPPY!!!!!
Sykes and Hanlon hop up and meet with a hyped high five, but there’s more work to do.
Richard Parker: THE BENCHES ARE CLEARING, NICK! ABE LIPSCHITZ! SELMA! MISEREE!
Nick Stuart: AND ANNA DANIELS RIGHT BEHIND!!
The Black Metal crew takes advantage of Nate Colton rolling out of the ring, ganging up on him and booting him to a seated position. Sage Pontiff throws a spinning wheel kick into Avalon. JC-Hall has gone after Hanlon with lefts and rights. Adam Ellis and Eddie Cross have tangled on the mat, fighting for position. Nova trades hard rights with Tony Gamble.
Richard Parker: Is that Kenny Freeman? Where did he come from???
Indeed, Freeman has appeared on top of the turnbuckle, arms reached out to the patrons from the Coliseum named after him. He keeps balance, and eyeballs the Russian Bear, who stands after recovering from the Sykes takedown.
Nick Stuart: Oh, Kenny, no…literally ANYONE ELSE.
He can’t hear you, Nick! Without any better ideas, K-Free bends his knees, leaps, and wraps his arms around Ivan’s neck with a war cry. He hangs on for dear life, acting more like a cape for the angered and beleaguered Ivan.
Nick Stuart: HANG ON, KENNY!
Richard Parker: YEET HIM, IVAN!
With a guttural roar, Ivan reaches behind and flips Kenny off his back with ease. Ivan, eyes burning, holds Kenny by his shoulders, and Freeman can only visibly GULP.
To call it a Red Scare is to consider the move a suplex, though it looks much more akin to an overhead keg toss at a Strongman event. Kenny Freeman TAKES TO THE SKY, toppling end over end through the air and landing five rows back. Stanislav roars, tearing his shirt off the rest of the way and searching for the next object to throw.
Nick Stuart: WE MAY NEVER SEE KENNY FREEMAN AGAIN! Oh MY! Anna Daniels just PUNTED Rocky De Leon! TAL just clobbered Gamble in the back with a forearm! FLAMBERGE has wrapped up Sykes from behind with a chokehold!!
Richard Parker: NICK! LOOK OUT!!
Moments prior, The Tower of Babel had spotted The Next Diamond getting team up on by the Black Metal Crew. And he. Ain’t. Having it.
So he put Abe Lipschitz in a half-nelson.
Nick Stuart: OH JESU…
Abe’s body absolutely decimates the announce table, splintering it and leaving him in a heap. Nick and Richard step back to stand, fumbling with their headsets.
Richard Parker: WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, NICK!
Nick Stuart: AND GO WHERE?? Paxton Ray has found Nova again! Relentless right hands!! Nate Colton fights off SELMA and Miseree! And Ivan has found Hayes again!!!!
The Event Horizon spits, taking big swings to the monsters midsection, but Ivan is well beyond feeling pain. He throws down a hard right fist straight down to Hanlon’s forehead, crossing his eyes.
Richard Parker: WHAT?
The God-Beast has arrived, stomping onto the apron and surveying the chaos. He steps in, beats his chest, and CHARGES, a bowling ball to many bowling pins bouncing off his big body.
Nick Stuart: MUSHIGIHARA!
Mushi reaches the opposite side and turns back, looking at the pile of bodies he just created. He beats his chest once more, and roars to the arena.
And the mess continues. Anna Daniels kicks FLAMBERGE into the corner. Youngblood has jumped in to assist Hanlon, driving back Stanislav. Sykes and Avalon have moved to Paxton to drive him off of Nova. And the rest are a pile, thanks to the God-Beast.
And under that pile?
The Universal Champ.
Scratching and clawing his way out from under the mess of limbs.
Nick Stuart: REZIN LOOKING TO MAKE AN ESCAPE!
Richard Parker: That’s why they call him the Escape Artist!
And then, the speakers light up, providing momentary pause.
For the distorted twang of Maylene and the Sons of Disaster.
Richard Parker: FINALLY.
Nick Stuart: IT’S WADE! THE BAD DOG! THE SON OF A BITCH! WITH DAMETREYUS AND THE ENEMIGOS IN TOW!
It ain’t a brawl if Wade Elliott ain’t in it. The Blue Collar Brawler’s size 14 steel-toes thump down the ramp, a devilish grin spread behind his gray beard, worn knuckles cracking.
“ALLLLLL LIIIINEDDDD UP AND BUILT FOR PRESSURE!!!!!!
STEP UP! I’M ON IT!
SAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY YOOOUUUR PEEEACE LIKE IT’S THE END!!!
STAND BACK! WE’RE MOVIN’!!”
The music cuts, and the Enemigos disperse, attempting to break up any fight they can. Dam moves to assist Colton, wrapping up SELMA and Miseree in his big arms. And Wade, well.
Wade does Wade.
Nick Stuart: YOU WANT A BRAWL? WELL HERE’S THE BLUE COLLAR BRAWLER!!
Elliott slides in, hops up. And Gets. To. Work. A big boot to Jonathan-Christopher’s chest. A right hand Sage Pontiff, sending him on his back. A VICIOUS clothesline from hell on Gladhappy. Eddie Cross and Flamberge run forward in tandem, only to take a crushing double-spear from the former head of security.
Nick Stuart: HE’S CLEANING HOUSE!
And then, of course, Paxton Ray.
Wade snorts and marches through the brawl, grabbing Avalon and Sykes by the shoulders and wrenching them off of Ray. Wade takes him by the shirt and pulls him back into the ring before letting the right hands fly. Ray takes a few, then connects with a left, and soon the two are putting on a clinic on what it means to take a punch and eat one too.
And surrounding them, the brawl shows no sign of stopping.
And Rezin, finally, has managed to pull his boots from under the pile, and is escaping up the entrance ramp.
Nick Stuart: This night has lost ALL control!! This one’s going to be expensive!!!
Richard Parker: NOW can we get out of here???
Nick Stuart: If this is any indication of the Culture Shock Battle Royale, then we are in trouble!! But we are LONG out of time! For Richard Parker, I’m Nick Stuart, we’ll see you at Culture Shock!
Richard Parker: Yeah yeah on the ACE Network, LET’S GO!!!!!
As Nick and Richard ditch their headsets, the brawl rages on, spilling out of the ring in all directions. The Freeman Coliseum remains enthralled, the noise completely deafening, as we…