THE NEW GLUE’S MOTIVES REVEALED!

ReVival finds itself, as it is often wont to do, in the backstage area. This backstage area is in Denver, which is different from Kansas City. Who has the pleasure of the company of the delightful viewing audience at this particular moment in time? Well…

It’s “Mr. Jabber” himself, Cecilworth Farthington.

Please ignore the fact that no one apart from Cecilworth has ever called him “Mr. Jabber”

Cecilworth is leaning up against a generic white wall background, already attired in his wrestling finery, ahead of his upcoming clash against former Universal Champion, Rezin.

Cecilworth Farthington: I asked if the cameras could join me for a few moments. It seems like the entire wrestling world has been crying out in anguish, wanting to know why myself, FLAMBERGE and Tyler Adrian Best decided to act as one collective on the last ReVival. It’s an understandable question, TAB is demented enough to think he can buy love from his pirate grandpappy, FLAMBERGE is more reptile than man most of the time… 

Instead of dwelling on the incredibly concerning world of FLAMBERGE’s brain for too long, Cecilworth decides to move on.

Cecilworth Farthington: The alignment makes both perfect sense and no sense. It is its own yin and yang. The one thing everyone has missed though… the big answer to the question of “WHY?”, perhaps “HOW?” and certainly “WHAT?”… I think it’s time to spell it ou… ou… ou… sorry… what was I saying?

Cecilworth’s own train of thought gets derailed like an Northern Southern train in Pennsylvania as he spots something out of the corner of his eye. For a few seconds he tries to re-rail his thinking process but ends up far too preoccupied by the figure standing nearby. That figure? The wonderful sight? 

The new 5 Star Champion, Coral Avalon. Cecilworth quickly begins to move towards Avalon, a forced rictus grin upon his face.

Cecilworth Farthington: Hey champ! Congrats!

The level of slime oozing out of every syllable from Cecilworth could probably fuel a Kid’s Choice Awards. 

Coral turns to acknowledge Cecilworth with equal measures caution and surprise. After all, he’d been there when Glue Point Oh attacked Youngblood at the end of ReVival 27. The champion watches Cecilworth for a few moments before he responds to him.

Coral Avalon: Thanks?

Coral adjusts his newly won championship over his shoulder, as though he’d considered letting it slip off of his shoulder before he thought better of it.

Coral Avalon: Glad you had a front row seat for that.

Cecilworth Farthington: Almost brought me to tears. To see a man just trying to fend for his family’s financial future… you’re a hero! 

Cecilworth chuckles to himself, Coral very much stays on guard.

Cecilworth Farthington: Relax Coral, me and my new friends make our statements in the ring, not in the hallways. We’re not savages… we’re not… Russian.

Cecilworth’s bottom lip curls up in disgust at the idea of the comparison that he himself just created.

Cecilworth Farthington: How did you celebrate the big win? Take the wife out? Get together with the Winds? I mean with new contracts, I’m sure they were in the celebrating mood too!

Coral Avalon: Wow. That… uh, definitely seems like a bunch of genuine questions!

He shrugs his shoulders, smiling at Cecilworth.

Coral Avalon: I celebrated like I usually would, to be honest. Though all of my celebrating was abbreviated because they wanted me to take a lot of pictures afterwards. Like, a lot a lot. I’m pretty sure you’re familiar with the whole “be the champion, get your picture taken a lot” thing, right? They took pictures in HOW, right?

Cecilworth Farthington: … they were always out of focus …

Coral Avalon: That’s unfortunate. 

Cecilworth elects not to show Coral the incredibly blurry photo of him in the middle of the Roman Colosseum. Instead, he opts to direct the conversation towards the future. 

Cecilworth Farthington: Last show, my friend, you were excited at the challenge of me. I mean, I can’t blame you, I’m me, so I know how important I am. Only one of us has the power to make that match happen… 

Cecilworth makes a small nod to the Five Star Championship. 

Coral acknowledges his nod, casting a glance of his own at the belt on his shoulder.

Coral Avalon: Ah, yeah. I have a defense on the next show, don’t I? Don’t worry, Cecilworth, old buddy, old pal, it’s on the forefront of my mind. You’re somewhere in the back. I might need to charge you rent, actually.

You know when you’re trying really hard to pretend you aren’t bothered by something, so you end up giving a smile that indicates you may have shat yourself? Yeah, that expression was coming out from Farthington. 

Cecilworth Farthington: Just don’t go slipping up against some young upstart… I have a lot riding on the example I hope to make. I’m also a soft touch, so I’d hate to see those championship cheques dry up on a new family to be.

Coral Avalon: Oh, is the example you’re hoping to make some sort of new Coral Avalon glue? 

It’s quiet, but there is a very audible snort of derision from the self-proclaimed Best Boy of PRIME. 

Cecilworth Farthington: Glue? Oh, that’s very one point oh. Not at all fitting to the new brand. All very nice, prim and proper to make some novelty glue jokes. Gives everyone a teehee, a giggle. My new friends, we prefer a more hands-on approach. 

Coral Avalon: Ah, is that so? My mistake. I still have a lot of Civil Dusk left over, actually. Really handy in a pinch. 

He shrugs. Cecilworth’s eyes light up with concern that there’s still Civil Dusk out there. 

Coral Avalon: But I guess the new direction explains the number your boy Tyler did on BY’s face. Not sure how the glue connects, which is weird since that’s what glue’s supposed to do. Connect.

Cecilworth Farthington: I tend to disconnect, personally. 

Farthington slowly leans over to admire Avalon’s neck and arms. He’s weird like that. 

Cecilworth Farthington: I do hope you get a chance to check out my sporting contest with Mr. Rezin later though, my darling friend. I’m pretty certain there’s some visuals that will stick with you. 

Coral smiles back. He gives Cecilworth an almost purposefully awkward thumbs up.

Coral Avalon: Wouldn’t miss it for the world, buddy!

Cecilworth tilts his head and winks at Coral, slowly returning to where he started this segment. Once he’s firmly planted against the white walls once more, he turns back to face the camera directly.

Cecilworth Farthington: So like I was saying… the reason for the alliance…

Welp, we never find out the rest of what Cecilworth needed to say as the segment runs out of time and cuts to black.