THE REAL VICTIMS
We’re taken inside the MGM Grand Garden Arena where it’s time for everybody’s favorite part of the show opening….the signs! What’ve we got this week?
MIKE MCGEE COOKS FISH IN THE BREAK ROOM MICROWAVE
PRAYERS FOR MARK LEMON
IT HAS BEEN
14
DAYS SINCE OUR LAST ATTEMPTED MURDER
JACOB MEPHISTO ATE MY LIVER AND NOW I NEED A TRANSPLANT
I THOUGHT HIS NAME WAS TIM MEPHISTO?
PAXTON RAY IS A CUNT
DEAR DR. REFORM
IT HURTS WHEN I DO THIS
MIKE MCGEE SHOPS AT ROSS DRESS FOR LESS
MIKE MCGEE’S KIA SORRENTO GETS TERRIBLE GAS MILEAGE
STARCHILD FOR UNI CHAMP
YOU CAN’T SPELL ‘BITCH’ WITHOUT ‘VICKIE HALL IS A BITCH’
SHORT DICKS, STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES!
I STILL CAN’T SEE FRED MAYHEW
FRED DURST > FRED MAYHEW
We then go to the announce table where a rather disheveled Nick Stuart stares at the camera. Beside him, Richard Parker is shaking his head.
Nick Stuart: Folks, I’m sorry to say but earlier this week I was informed that Melvin Beauregard agreed to allow Jonathan-Christopher and Vickie Hall air time on this week’s episode. In fact, he demanded I sit down with both of them regarding the events which have unfolded between the Hall’s and the PRIME Tag Team Champions.
Richard Parker: I don’t know why you agreed to this, Nick. We don’t work for that duplicitous shithead.
Nick takes a deep breath, clearly reliving the moments which will soon be revealed.
Nick Stuart: I know, Rich. But I will say this, I pride myself on being a professional so journalistic integrity here in PRIME is important to me. However, I should’ve known how the interview would go. Either way, here it is…
Stuart clearly seems rattled upon the pitch as the scene changes to an unknown interview location, a dimly lit room with one chair to the left and two chairs to the right. Nick Stuart walks onto the set and takes a seat on the left chair. Nick is dressed in a nice old school powder blue suit. He reveals a clipboard and goes over some notes before Vickie Hall is the next to enter. She’s dressed in a horrific Corpse Bride looking hot pink wedding dress. She wanders in with makeup leaking all over his face, coming off a serious crying spell. She walks to the center of the room, right in front of Nick Stuart. The announcer points to the double chairs behind her and Vickie lets out another loud sob before finding one of them and collapsing in it.
Vickie Hall: HONEY!? BABY!? I FUCKING NEED YOU!!!!
Her voice raises with each word, as the camera pans to the right, finding Jonathan-Christopher slowly creeping into the room. However, he doesn’t move any closer. He eyes the space between him and his Amazing Life Partner.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: Baby! Baby, I can’t go within one-hundred feet of you if we’re on PRIME television!
Vickie throws her arms up and screams the highest pitch her voice can go. It’s absolutely ear-piercing as Nick Stuart drops his clipboard and covers his ears with both hands. The camera shakes… likely the cameraman has to do the same and ends up hitting the handlebar in the process.Vickie screams for what seems to be eternity until she wipes away a tear and looks towards Nick Stuart. Pretty in Pink raises an eyebrow. Her demeanor changes to one of annoyance.
Vickie Hall: Um like hello are you going to interview me or not?
She’s speaking so fast she barely takes a pause between words, her tone suggesting she’s extremely frustrated. Meanwhile, Stuart scurries to pick up his clipboard.
Nick Stuart: Vickie, I wanted to get your thoughts on what has taken place over the past month. The attacks. The brutal, blindsiding attacks against-
Vickie interrupts with another screech.
Vickie Hall: My Amazing Life Partner and I…
She turns and reaches out to him. He replays by doing the same.
Vickie Hall: We can only AIR HUG EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW!? Are you fucking kidding me!?
Vickie starts to shake with anxiety.
Vickie Hall: That stunned cunt Lindsay Troy, fining us and keeping us apart. Why? Because she ruined Jonathan-Christopher and I’s first magical wrestling journey together, that’s why. See Nick, we are the victims here.
She points at Nick’s notes.
Vickie Hall: I’m sure those are littered with questions regarding what we did to the Blueberry boy and his girlfriend.
Stuart tries to interject but there’s no use.
Vickie Hall: King Blueberry poured chocolate syrup all over me! I didn’t have a change of clothes on me that night!
Vickie spins back to her ALP. She wants to move off her chair but can’t find the strength. Jonathan-Christopher realizes this so he takes a step forward but she puts up her hands.
Vickie Hall: NO Jonathan-Christopher, you need to stop RIGHT FUCKING THERE because Lindsay Troy won’t allow it!
The Woman of Wonder brings her attention back to Nick Stuart.
Vickie Hall: Unfair world. Why did this happen to me, Nick? CAN YOU TELL ME!?
Stuart looks down at his paperwork but he’s interrupted again.
Vickie Hall: That wasn’t rhetorical, Nicholas! WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GO PEOPLE!?
Stuart shrugs.
Nick Stuart: You attacked King Blueberry. You waterboarded him. You hit him with a rusty nail. A rusty nail in the stomach! I’m sorry Vickie but that’s twisted stuff.
He pauses as Vickie doesn’t take her eyes off the interviewer.
Nick Stuart: That sounds a lot more intense than having chocolate syrup spilled on you by accident…
Vickie continues to stare at the interviewer. Tension grows in the room as Nick and likely everyone in production, doesn’t know what’s going to happen.
…
…
Vickie leans back in her chair and continues calmly, as if nothing the interviewer said registered.
Vickie Hall: This is so unfair. All I want to do is coddle my honeybuns of oats!
Jonathan-Christopher trembles at the doorway, knowing he can’t move any further.
Vickie Hall: We are the victims, Nick. Jonathan-Christopher and I wanted to celebrate our love inside the wrestling ring. I thought it would be easy, you know? Such a dream come true. A wrestling promotion would allow love to flourish. Why wouldn’t it? I’m surrounded by other like minded people full of love with no spite in their hearts. I thought Brandon Youngblood would lay down for Jonathan-Christopher. My ALP would pin him and go to the finals of the title tournament where it would be like such a romantic event, maybe even a romantic comedy because he can be quite silly at times you see.She giggles.
Vickie Hall: I don’t think this was hard to ask.
And now she sobs.
Vickie Hall: Nothing has gone right in PRIME, so Jonathan-Christopher, his best friend, his cousin and myself… we are going to make it right! PRIME will be the Hallmark Journey we deserve.
Vickie leans forward and rests her hands on her knees as she looks deeply into Nick Stuart’s eyes.
Vickie Hall: I am a wonderful person who should be cherished, loved and supported. Jonathan-Christopher knows this.
Pretty in Pink speaks with conviction.
Vickie Hall: Now I just want the world to see!
It seems like this is the end of her statement until Vickie tilts her head to the right and grins.
Vickie Hall: Ya know?
She stands and shakes herself off, trying to get rid of all the bad karma she’s endured. Jonathan-Christopher continues to hold a wide-eyed smile across his face, although he’s clearly at a breaking point. Finally, he bursts into tears and comes running her way.
He grabs her; they embrace. Jonathan-Christopher tries to brush her hair back but Vickie pulls away.
Vickie Hall: No, Jonathan-Christopher. You have to let me go!
Reluctantly, he does… but as he does, he starts to shake himself. With anger. Fury. Rage. He looks down at the chair he should have been sitting in… the chair BESIDE his ALP. He picks it up and in one fluent motion he throws the chair across the room, behind the camera. You can hear a few people shout as they try to move and then a THUMP as the chair meets the ground.
Jonathan-Christopher isn’t done. Like an animal he pounces on the second chair and begins to rip apart its padding. By now, Nick Stuart has fled the scene. So has Vickie… probably because she doesn’t want another fine.
Suddenly, Darin Zion enters the picture. He pops up two feet in front of the camera with a smug look on his face.
Darin Zion: HEY Popsciples! We’re challenging you for the Tag Team Championships on the only stage worthy of a TRUE Hallmark Journey…
He pauses as you can see pieces of the chair Vickie was sitting in being thrown in every direction. Zion’s face and body cover Jonathan-Christopher’s destruction but you can certainly hear the chair being absolutely dismantled by an animal.
Darin Zion: Colossus! My best friend and I -and his AMAZING LIFE PARTNER- will get what we want!
Zion snickers as he reveals a steering wheel in his hands.
Darin Zion: HONK!! HONK!! HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN-
The feed cuts.