THE SEGMENT FORMERLY KNOWN AS SEGMENT 11
Previously on Dragonball Z, you saw ol’ Jake Mephisto nearly smash our skull to bits in the parking lot. You saw him smirk. You heard him snark “medic!”. And we haven’t floated around the PRIMEverse as much lately. You haven’t heard anything about the doc checking up on us or our condition or any real concern about our well being from any of you motherfuckers. And, ya know, honestly? That’s fair. We never expected anybody to care anyway. All you care about is the shirts and Bucky. Can’t blame you for that because Bucky is a good boi and the shirts cause us to make more money to give him more toys. It’s a win-win either way.
However, we’ve been watching. Oh, sure. We’ve been planning fights elsewhere. Sipping on tea. Causing chaos on bird apps. Falling in love with our husband day after day after day, over and over again. But even in silence, we still looked over things. So here we are in the shadows in front of a camera drone, doing what needs to be done.
In the chaos, dear PRIMEates, you may have forgotten the name of the big show coming up.
And now, here’s your wake up call that we didn’t forget. Not even once.
Anna Daniels: Jacob Mephisto.
He-Who-Hates is snarling in his cage. The Prime and thus the vessel smirks.
Anna Daniels: We must admit we were slightly shocked that you actually took our words to heart! After everything that we’ve done to you and yours, perhaps those words finally lit a fire under your ass. Which is a good thing for both of us. You actually got to do something around here and we weren’t bored in pushing you to this point. You rattled our brains good and proper. So much so that a lesser warrior would’ve had to take some time off after that attack.
Anna Daniels: Unfortunately, we are far from lesser. In fact, we applaud the act! A villain should always be willing to get his hands dirty when his minions prove incompetent. So in honor of you taking action, we have prepared a gift for you, Jake. Something that will look most lovely on you.
We step out of the shadows. We hold the present in our hands, watch as the light hits on it. The glistening of that thick and bulky silver chain not yet tainted by gore connected to leather at both ends. We’ll even pick up one of the beautiful collars and display it properly like one of Barker’s Beauties.
Anna Daniels: Oh, look. It even has your name on it.
So it does! Majestically burned into the cowhide is JACOB in the most bold, Old Westy font known to man. We thought about putting a little dog tag on it too, but that would be overkill.
Anna Daniels: Dog collar match. UltraViolence. If you still have it in you to set the world ablaze.
The smirk turns into a grin that can even rival Johnny Gamble’s as we drop our present to the floor. To a metaphorical Mephisto’s feet. The camera drone focuses on the dangerous dog collar.
New shirt coming soon.