Event: ReVival 8
Event Date: 05/20/2022
The show jumps from Rezinator and his presumably harsh words to the surprisingly unrelaxed Bandits of the eGG. Bobby, Doozer, and Jiles can be seen sitting around and conversing.
Jiles: I don’t care if he cuts himself shaving that bald head of his. I’m counting it. Bloody nose. Bloody knuckles. That time of the month. Don’t care. It all counts.
Bobby Dean: Heh, Brandon “The Men Straighter” Youngblood. Get it? Cherry. Young. Blood.
Dooze no sells. Jiles shakes his head disgustedly.
Doozer: You got ‘im, Jiles.
Doozer: And you bettah, bub, ‘cause if you lose back to back… especially after going through all of this… well, we hafta rent out an actual movie theatre to rewatch the stupid, friggin match again. Come tah think of it, maybe we could invite some of the locker room as a way of saying please don’t hate us as much. Give ‘em free popcorn. I’m sure the homeless guy who still hangs his hat on beating me’d come.
Jiles: Noted, and thank you oh very old and wise one. Now do that disappearing trick befo—
The Beaute from Honalee quickly chimes in before Jiles says something he regrets.
Pure coincidence, mind you.
Bobby Dean: Hey… Given the possibility that you lose and we never hear from you again, I wanted to talk to you about something.
The Maestro removes his shades, and glares at all of Bobby and his hubris. Of course, oblivious, Dean just continues on.
Bobby Dean: I had an idea as to who could take your place while you’re walking about. He’s a… GREAT guy, you could say. Loves animals like you do. He even has an exotic pet like you once did. It is still alive and has a head is what I mean.
Doozer, not because Jiles told him but because Jiles’ eyes roll back in his head like he’s about to superkick someone, does indeed disappear.
Jiles: Let me guess.
Bobby Dean: Wait wait wait, I haven’t told you the Best part yet. He’s got an incredible head of hair, and probably even reads at the same level as you do. It would be like you never left.
The Maestro stands, ready to eggsterminate.
Thankfully, Doozer reappears standing between Cancer the Salty and Oblivious Bobby Dean.
Doozer: Save it for the ring.
Jiles finds his cool. No sense in misplacing a hair before the big dance. Plus, it’s innocent Bob we’re talking about here. As such, the Crown Prince of COOL for the furst tiem evar attempts to be the biggar man by simply leafing. However, when he opens the door there is a genetic freak of nature blocking the way.
And standing next to the four legged animal…
GREAT SCOTT: HI I’M SCOTT AND I WOULD LIKE TO STEAL EGGS.
He defies all logic and reason.
A rippling mound of muscle and childlike innocence, the behemoth known as GREAT SCOTT is flanked by a six foot five actual live bear named GREAT BEAR. As usual, GREAT BEAR is vibing to some lo-fi tunes on his sweet Beats by Dre headphones, just living a whole fucking life that you wouldn’t even begin to comprehend without being a dope ass bear with a license to manage professional wrestlers.
Bobby Dean: Hi!
Jiles’ hair radiates pure toxicity. Dooze is in shock, or he’s old. Probably both. Bobby is clapping, as if he has missed his long lost friend, GREAT BEAR. Who knows when or how or if they’ve even met before.
Jiles: Absolutely not. No. Not a chance. No.
Jiles, for his part, remains absolutely stone-faced inside the shadow of madness. Then again that’s probably not too surprising. He shakes his head vigorously no, immediately slamming the door in the face of GREAT SCOTT and the ever-vibing GREAT BEAR.
Bobby Dean: …so… is that a no?
Jiles: …….. …. Ask me next show.
To the ring.