THE SWEETNESS OF RECONCILIATION
We find ourselves backstage in the arena, where a very meat-swole GREAT SCOTT is standing at catering alongside GREAT BEAR. They are both snacking on some vegetables at the giant table full of food, probably because they have eaten so much meat in the last week that they are both incapable of pooping right now.
Even in the woods.
And that’s where bears like to poop.
GREAT SCOTT: MAN I FUCKING LOVE CELERY. IT IS MY FAVORITE PART OF ORDERING CHICKEN WINGS BESIDES THE CHICKEN WINGS AND THE BLEU CHEESE. I HOPE I AM PRONOUNCING THAT CORRECTLY GREAT BEAR I DON’T SPEAK FRENCH AND—
Off camera, a throat gets cleared to get SCOTT’s attention… until it escalates into a fit of obnoxious hacking and coughing. The shot pans over to reveal the Five Star Champion Rezin, laboriously wheezing as he pounds his chest and tries to regain his breath.
Rezin: Damb, I gotta switch up my papers… uhh, HEY DUDE! How’s it goin’?
Immediately, GREAT SCOTT takes up a defensive position, putting his celery-holding fists in front of him and getting ready for a fight or a ninja camel spit attack. Rezin stifles a laugh, putting his hands up to show he’s here in good faith.
Rezin: RELAX, man! I ain’t here to start nothin’, I just uhhh…
He scratches the back of his hobo mane, unsure of how to express himself at this moment.
Rezin: I dunno, I’m recognizin’ that lately I’ve had a lotta these… “angry outbursts”, I guess you could call ‘em. And I guess maybe I’ve done some meditatin’ on how much actions affect others, and I kinda realize I feel guilty for some of that behavior, so I figured… well…
He reaches off camera, and seemingly out of thin air, his hands find a basketball-sized clay pot. He holds it out to SCOTT as an offering.
Rezin: Here.
SCOTT sneers into the pot. Inside, it’s filled with an amber-colored viscous liquid.
GREAT SCOTT: DID YOU SPIT IN THIS BECAUSE I SWEAR TO YAHWEH GOD.
Rezin: …no, it’s not a spittoon; it’s a pot of honey. For, ya know… GREAT BEAR. Been hearin’ about your struggles, so I figured I’d maybe help out and extend an olive branch, ya know? Or maybe a honey branch. Whatever. Is it a honey branch if there’s a beehive on it? Dude, ya wouldn’t believe how pissed off those bees were after I SMOKED ‘em out! But yeah, anyway, wanted to give this to ya, so there’s no hard feelings, or anything. Thought we really tore it up in there last show, and I was just wantin’ to say to you that you really earned my resp–
GREAT SCOTT: I CAN BUY HONEY FROM THE STORE BECAUSE I AM NOW A PWA MEGASTAR. DON’T WANT YOUR MUSTACHE CAMEL GOAT RESPECT REZIN I WANT ANOTHER SHOT AT THE STAR OF DAVID CHAMPIONSHIP.
The Goat Bastard scratches his head again, looking a bit more uncomfortable this time.
Rezin: Rematch. Right. Well… how can I put this? I don’t think I really have a lotta say in who’s next in line or anything like that, but I’m sure if you floated that idea by Troy, we could probably get you back in the rotation and–
In an act of sudden, unexpected aggression, GREAT SCOTT smashes the honey pot on the ground, clearly all worked up in the face of the man who defeated him at Revival 12.
GREAT SCOTT: YOU WILL SEE TONIGHT REZIN THAT I AM AN EVEN GREATER SCOTT NOW. I AM SCOTT TWO POINT OH AND MAYBE I WILL GO ASK LINDSAY TO ASK MELVIN TO GIVE ME A REMATCH BECAUSE I AM GOD’S CHAMPION. GOODBYE REZIN HAVE A GREAT DAY.
With a huff, GREAT SCOTT storms off from catering with GREAT BEAR in tow, vibing to low fi tunes on his sweet Beats by Dreadle headphones. Rezin is left scratching his head, staring down at a shattered pot of honey.
Rezin: Well damb, bro… I tried.