Time Lords Drive Fords (Not DeLoreans)
The scene cuts backstage. Mortimer Kjedelig is standing by the catering table, a plate in his hand, filled with a cornucopia of food, which, to Mortimer’s surprise, is free. On the mountain of free food on his plate is chips, chicken wings, a couple of sliders, and some sushi. He is seen squeezing ranch from a bottle on the mountain of food. As he does so, he happens to glance to his right to witness Anna Daniels walking by. Distracted, he lowers his hand and the food slides off the plate, in it’s entirety, into the dip and approaches, smiling wide through his black mask.
Mortimer Kjedelig: What do we have here? You’re Anna Daniels, aren’t ya? If I may be so inclined to introduce myself, Mortimer Kuhj….”Anderson”.
Mortimer Kjedelig extends his hand and gazes at the Muse’s face, expectantly. The Muse looks down at the hand and then Mortimer’s mask. Mortimer withdraws his hand.
Mortimer Kjedelig: Yeah, sooooo, I’m new to PRIME and I’ve been attemptin’ to get accumulated to these surroundin’s and upon such accumulations, I heard some things about you.
The masked inexperienced wrestler continues to lock eyes with Anna Daniels, her silence makes him more and more nervous and uncomfortable.
Mortimer Kjedelig: Nothin’ bad. Not like you’re a whore or nothin’ but, uh, rumor has it you travel through time. Some might consider that oobatz, others, more evolved individuals, such as yours personally, are less, shall we say, skeptical. So I was wonderin’, how’s that work? You got a DeLorean somewheres or is it more like a “Quantum Leap” type of a thing?
A thought occurs to Mortimer Kjedelig and he begins poking the air around him and he leans a little closer to Anna Daniels.
Mortimer Kjedelig: Hey, is there a holographic guy from the future that only you can see around here?
Mortimer Kjedelig continues to poke the air with his index finger. Anna looks at the exact spot. Someone in her head is not missing a beat. The vessel smiles and begins to speak at the empty space with a playful sort of tone.
Anna Daniels: Yeah. You’re absolutely right, Al. He does seem like somebody we’ve bumped into before. The obviously fake name, the joining a pro wrestling company with a whole television show despite clearly hiding from something…and that accent! Which place you from? Jersey or New York?
The questioning is probably more than enough to make ol’ Morty-kins even more unnerved. That last one may piss him off a bit. But in the Multitudes’ defence, they were simply going to get a quick nosh before tearing a head or twelve off on the company’s dime and before they knew it, this guy started talking at a million miles a minute while they were distracted by the random heap of food he was planning on eating that would no doubt give him heartburn. Mortimer clearly goes to say something but is interrupted by a clear shushing. Anna walks around him, pretending to look him over. She stops in front of him again.
Anna Daniels:…naaaah. You ain’t the same guy. Just a similar guy. Strange. Wonder what happened to him?
A blank stare for a moment. Then the Time Lord could only shrug.
Anna Daniels: Oh, well.
And then just as quickly, her demeanor switches. The vessel’s back straightens, hands placed behind her back. The next voice is different, serious and official.
Anna Daniels: To answer your question, sir. There are several different ways to travel through time. Most of them are confined to different intergalactic cultures and need proper training and/or multiple surgeries in order to perform. In our case, a little bit of both. We do indeed have a TARDI–
They pause, Mortimer has a confused look on his face as a small confab between the Multitudes takes place.
Anna Daniels: Wait. Why do you want to know?
Mortimer Kjedelig: Yeah, so, uh, let us assume, hypothetically speaking, that one would ask a favor from or, in lieu of favortism, hire someone with such capabilities as time travel to….alterate a specific moment….a moment that which led a certain individual to make a poor choice….a choice that, once changed, could set said individual on a different path What would it take to make such alterations occur? Hypothetically.
The “you’re very suspicious” look on the Muse’s face turns into a look that can only be described as a “god fucking damnit” face. You know the one. And with that face, the voice shifts again to the same smoke-charred tones that met Brandon Youngblood not that long ago.
Anna Daniels: Sorry, kid. No can do. As a general rule, we do not alter the past of individuals. If we do it for you, we’ll have to do it for everybody else on this stinkin’ mudball and that’s a hassle and a half. At that point, there wouldn’t be much of a point of keeping this ‘verse around. Would be better off blowing it up. Starting from scratch with another. Then you wouldn’t be you. None of you would.
It’s then that they remember what they were here for. Anna grabs a chicken wing.
Anna Daniels: Nothing personal, you understand.
Mortimer Kjedelig’s lip twitches slightly, almost scowling at Anna as he leans in.
Mortimer Kjedelig: Just business, right?
Mortimer, nodding his head, as he backs away, looks at Anna with such revulsion and disdain, who in turn, looks at him with the slight tilt of her head.
Mortimer Kjedelig: I come to you for a favor and you disrespect me like that? This, you and me? This ain’t over. Remember this moment because whatever happens from here on out, it’s on you.
Mortimer Kjedelig turns and proceeds to leave, as he walks away he yells the most crushing insult that pops into his head…..
Mortimer Kjedelig: Nice fuckin’ cape!
And the playful one yells back.
Anna Daniels: Thanks, pal!
A bit more munching on the chicken wing before looking at the camera that always seems to follow people around.
Anna Daniels: Oh yeah. He’ll be a problem. Cross that bridge when we get to it, eh?
She licks her fingers as we go to something else entirely.