TROPICAL TURMOIL QUALIFIER: HAYES HANLON VS. ADAM ELLIS
Nick Stuart: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for a Tropical Turmoil qualifier match! These two are some of the hottest competitors on the scene right now.
Richard Parker: Plus Ginny is a crack shot, or so I have heard.
Garrett Biggs’ “Mama Didn’t Raise No…” plays over the sound system and on the video screen, a video plays showing a series of wrestling trophies on a dresser next to an old high school football uniform that has ‘Ellis’ on the back.
An acoustic guitar plays and the vocals begin.
“Mama didn’t raise no… quitter- guaranteed to get the job done.”
Adam Ellis and Ginny Van Lear walk out from the back hand in hand and stand on the stage.
“She didn’t raise no SOB who that can’t back himself up – been known to throw a good punch.”
The video screen shows a series of action shots of Ellis from his various matches
“And this ol’ boy gets going when the going gets tough- sundown to sun up.”
Dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, and her feet wrapped in tape the former MMA prodigy nods her head causing her bright red hair to flip, and raises her left hand…
“Need a man with a helping hand – he’s always got one to lend.”
Vince Howard: FROM WARRENSBURG, MO! STANDING SIX FEET, FOUR INCHES AND WEIGHING IN AT TWO-HUNDRED AND TWENTY SIX POUNDS!!
…and then brings it down as the chorus and full instrumentation hits- complete with pyro.
Vince Howard: ADAAAAAAAAAAAAM ELLIIIIIIIIS!!!
“Oh, I might be a little rough around the edges”
Adam’s wearing a pair of plain blue wrestling shorts. He starts forward down the ramp towards the ring followed by Van Lear.
“From the outside lookin’ in it might seem helpless.”
The couple reaches the ring. Adam holds the rope open so Ginny can slide through.
“I’ve been blessed with a strong backbone – I never coulda made it on my own”
Adam joins her in the ring.
“But if there’s one thing that I know – Momma didn’t raise no…”
Adam climbs up the top turnbuckle and holds up his arms.
Nick Stuart: The first competitor is in the ring with a lot of pomp and circumstance. The pyro budget around here has to be kinda crazy some nights.
Richard Parker: Yeah but Hayes Hanlon is a man who isn’t unfamiliar with elaborate introductions. I bet he will cause at least three seizures with his light show.
Distorted guitar heralds a black hole emerging on the PRIME*View, dangerously close to the screen; hanging in the void among planets and nebulas.
Sirens accompany as the screen shakes, pulling us in violently, until the lyrics scream throughout the PA system.
“WHEN MY BACK’S TO THE WAAALLLL!!!”
And huge, white block letters fill the screen:
The speakers and amplifiers hold on for dear life as “Daggers” by We Came as Romans absolutely bludgeon the eardrums. And speaking of explosions, those planets and stars on the PRIME*View do just that, bursting into blinding eruptions of violent light. It carries into the arena, rumbling flashbulbs explode in various points throughout the building; in the ceiling, in the stands, one after another.
And then, from the ramp, the Event Horizon.
“I SEE THE MOUNTAIN AHEAD, I FEEL THE THUNDER ROAR!
I FEEL THE FURY WITHIN, BUT LOUDER THAN BEFORE!”
Hammerin’ Hanlon marches forward, those dark eyes focused, ‘stache on point, while the fans around are on the brink of a literal mosh pit.
Vince Howard: FROM WEST LINN, OREGON! STANDING SIX FEET, THREE INCHES AND WEIGHING IN AT TWO-HUNDRED AND SIXTY ONE POUNDS!!
Hayes climbs the apron, steps through the ropes, and b-lines for the turnbuckle.
Vince Howard: The Event Horizoonnnnnnn…HAAAAAYESSSS!! HAAANNNLLOOOONNNNN!!!
Up one rope, then the second, chest and jaw jutting out, and a thumb across his neck.
“DRAW! THE! DAGGER!
CUT OUT THE PAIN! TO FIND THE POWER!”
He hops down, making way to the next post to repeat the process one more time.
“DRAW! THE! DAGGER!
CUT OUT THE PAIN!”
He remains on the ropes, and in unison with the crowd, beats his chest four times while roaring out the crescendo.
The Comeback Kid stays for a moment, eyes out to the roaring crowd, allowing the music to reach its breakdown. He hops to the mat and takes his place in his corner, ready to go.
Adam and Hayes stand in opposite corners, staring one another down. They are clearly ready to get this contest underway.
Nick Stuart: And after three whole pages of introductions, we’re ready to turn the action over to the ring with referee Ashley Barlow.
Richard Parker: Some of these people get really in depth with their description and showmanship, don’t they?
Nick Stuart: Well, yeah, but that’s better than nothing at all. At least with this we can count on this match looking good and long instead of being off time and abrupt.
Richard Parker: At least it isn’t Cancer Jiles. That guy takes longer to come to the ring than I do scrolling through Facebook ads while I’m taking my morning BM.
Nick Stuart: I’m just getting word that we are still live and the mic feed hasn’t cut to the ring yet. Richard, do you have anything to add to the tense staredown in the ring?
Richard Parker: BM stands for bowel movement, for those who didn’t know.
Nick blinks at the camera.
Nick Stuart: OK then, to the ring we go!
Ashley signals for the bell and we are underway.
Adam and Hayes quickly stride across the ring and lock up with one another. Each pushes the other back and forth like a pair of trophy bucks locked up in a territorial dispute. Neither seems to be able to gain the upper hand as they circle, push and use angles. Finally Hayes leans back and slams forward, throwing Ellis end over end into a corner in a classic show of strength.
Adam shakes his head and stands up slowly even as Hayes flexes his arm to show the power differential. Adam circles to his right and darts his eyes waiting for an opening. Using his lightning fast reflexes, he shoots on Hayes and puts him to the mat with a double leg takedown. Ellis stands up quickly and backs off the former champion, offering him a hand to get up, which Hayes shakes his head at and stands up, red in the face.
Nick Stuart: Well, that’s a turn of events. Adam can’t match Hayes’ power and Hayes can’t match Adam’s technical prowess.
Richard Parker: Why let Hayes up though?
Nick Stuart: Well, I imagine that he is trying to be a good sport. This is a huge match for Adam Ellis and he wants to win on his own terms.
Richard Parker: Right, but he had a former world champion on his butt and a dominant position, he could have just kept him down and kept Hayes out of that momentum he likes to build.
Nick Stuart: Sometimes I feel like the logic of a good person is wasted on you.
Richard Parker: Apparently Mama Didn’t Raise No son that knows when to take advantage of the situation.
Back in the ring, the two combatants lock up once again, this time, Adam turns Hayes into a standing hammerlock. Hayes slaps his shoulder and spins around, reversing the hold. He pushes Ellis to the turnbuckle and lets go, showing sportsmanship of his own this time.
Ellis bounces with a smirk on his face, and circles around again. Both competitors are showing respect early on. Adam shoots again, and this time Hayes is ready and catches him with a rising knee. Swarming on his opponent, Hayes is on top of him immediately and lifts him off the mat with brute force to launch Ellis overhead in a German suplex.
Nick Stuart: Looks like Hayes got the better of that exchange.
After crashing to the mat, Hayes is on Ellis once again, picking him up and readying for another German Suplex, but Adam elbows him in the snout, then again and breaks the hold. Ellis pumps his fist and runs at the ropes, coming off with a head of steam into a clothesline which sends Hayes to the mat with authority.
The now Event Horizontal shakes his head on the mat and twitches his mustache. Ellis doesn’t allow him time to breathe as he slides to the mat for a pin. Ashley Barlow is there, quick as a cat, for the count.
Nick Stuart: You’re going to have to do better than that to stop a two time PRIME Universal Champion.
Richard Parker: Well he is trying, for sure!
Adam is on his opponent with a flurry of strikes on the ground. Adam falls into a weak guard that shows Hayes knows enough about how to defend himself, but not enough to stop someone like Ellis. As Hayes tries to wrap him up with his legs, Adam easily moves his knee to Hanlon’s midsection and passes into side control. Ellis looks to take control of this match with a classic wrestler staple, an Arm Triangle. He locks it in and starts rotating his body toward the center of the ring, which causes Hayes to fight, but he isn’t sure what the escape is.
Nick Stuart: There is that lack of technical experience that Hayes is known for. It doesn’t come into play very often, but against a trained wrestler like Adam Ellis, it is a real liability.
Richard Parker: I have to tell you, I don’t hate that Adam is leaning into his strengths and not letting Hayes get into a rhythm.
Nick Stuart: For sure, this is a clinic of how to use angles and tire out a wrestler with more mass than yourself.
In the ring, Hayes is starting to turn various colors and spittle is coming from his mouth as he struggles against the hold. Ashley leans in and starts warning him that she is going to have to call the match if he doesn’t respond to her.
She lifts his arm once…
And it falls to the mat even as he stares at the lights with open eyes.
She lifts his arm a second time…
And it thumps on the mat. Adam turns and cranks his body as far as he can without straining his own tendons. The young man shakes his head and screams in pain as his arms burn trying to maintain the hold.
Nick Stuart: What an upset this would be if Hayes were unable to answer the third drop!
Ashley pulls his arm up and drops it a third time and juuuuust before it hits, Hayes stops it and starts to shake his arm as if he has just found the contents of The Iron Sheik’s gym bag circa 1982 (R.I.P. SHEIKY BABY).
Adam wrenches his arms and tries to hold but Hayes is somehow fired up and trying to fight against the hold like a wounded animal. Ellis eventually loses his grip and rolls off. He shakes his arms as he tries to hold them up, but they aren’t working the way he wants to and he isn’t able to defend himself from the impending assault of Hayes Hanlon. As Hayes plays to the crowd and asks them for more noise, which they oblige, Ellis stands up and tries to hold his arms up again.
Nick Stuart: Adam put so much in that submission attempt I’m not sure his arms are going to recover for a minute or two!
Richard Parker: He doesn’t have a minute or two! Time to capitalize Hayes! None of that sportsmanship crap now.
Hayes leaps forward and catches Adam in his paws. He twists and pulls his competitor into a leaping neck breaker. He is quick to scramble off his back and into a pin. Ashley Barlow slides into place expertly and is there to make the count.
Nick Stuart: Adam makes it out in 2 but he looks like he has no idea what to do to get back into this match.
Richard Parker: He is running on instinct, but sometimes that’s when a person is the most dangerous!
Hayes whips Ellis against the ropes and tries to go for a flourish spinning lariat, but Adam ducks and rebounds, leaping in the air and swinging his leg back. The Superman Punch connects and Hayes wheels his arms in the air, cross-eyed. Ellis starts blowing on him to knock him off balance. Finally he staggers back, holding up a finger before muttering “Nope,” and comically his legs flip out from under him as he falls backwards with a thunderous crash to the mat.
Ellis falls to the mat, shakes out his arms again and goes for the pin. Ashley is right on the action once again.
Nick Stuart: This back and forth is insane, we just had two pinfalls in rapid succession from different competitors.
Richard Parker: It’s almost as if they are nearly evenly matched. Either way, this is an exciting contest.
Adam shakes his head and looks at Ginny. She excitedly points at Hanlon and yells “do it again!” He slowly drags Hanlon to his feet and exaggeratedly whips him to the opposite corner of the ring. Halon bounces off and Adam leaps once again for the Superman Punch, but whether it is by instinct, skill, or plain luck, Hayes ducks under and as Adam bounces off the ropes, Hanlon pushes him into the air.
Hayes snatches Ellis from the air and drills him to the mat with a pop-up 180 sit-out choke-bomb. The ring shakes with a thunderous crash as the two hit the mat.
Nick Stuart: That’s the Epoch! What a counter!
Richard Parker: He should call that move The Hyphen, what with the description.
Nick Stuart: Either way, it is devastating and Ellis is in a real bad way here!
Hayes clearly hit that move in desperation and doesn’t have a lot of fight left in him. He starts to crawl toward Ellis and stops midway to raise his hand in the air to play to the crowd. They respond with a raucous reaction and it seems to energize the young man from West Linn.
Finally he reaches Adam Ellis and flips him over on his back. Ginny looks terribly worried outside of the ring and is nervously holding her hands up to her face. Hayes grabs Adam’s leg and hooks it while he crawls into the cover. Ashley Barlow wastes no time in quickly sliding into place and she slaps the mat with trained precision.
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: And your winner by pinfall… The Event Horizoonnnnnnn…HAAAAAYESSSS!! HAAANNNLLOOOONNNNN!!!
Nick Stuart: Adam takes a loss here, but he has nothing to be ashamed about. That was a hell of a performance versus a very game two time champion.
Richard Parker: I mean, nothing to be ashamed about except the loss on his record.
Nick Stuart: Do you have to? That was a great showing by a talented young man.
Richard Parker: And he lost.
Nick shakes his head.
Nick Stuart: At any rate, I’m getting word that we have some action going on, so with that, let’s send it backstage!