TROPICAL TURMOIL QUALIFIER: PAXTON RAY VS. CHANDLER TSONDA
Event: ReVival 29
Event Date: 06/02/2023
TROPICAL TURMOIL QUALIFIER: PAXTON RAY VS. CHANDLER TSONDA
Nick Stuart: ReVival continues, ladies and gentlemen, as we enter the first of six qualifying matches for a coveted spot in the Turmoil Match scheduled to take place at our Tropical Turmoil Pay Per View event! In this round, Chandler Tsonda meets Paxton Ray!
Richard Parker: A certified Hall of Famer against the perennial Hall of SHAME-er. I’m not sure I like the idea of someone like Paxton being one step closer to the Universal Championship, Nick, but I have to say, it’s good to know that he’ll have to get through a PRIME legend like Tsonda to get there.
Nick Stuart: Tsonda has been looking for his first victory since his vaunted return to wrestling at Culture Shock, but with Ray likely angry after back to back losses, I don’t believe it will be an easy task for the Model Citizen!
“They say it’s good to start a story with a tragedy.”
The chunky guitar riff of “Fistfight” by The Ballroom Thieves kicks in as Paxton Ray walks out under the PRIMEView. He sneers as the fans boo, then slowly holds his hand up in the air. Stepping out after him and joining him on stage, proudly wearing his acclaimed safety helmet, Foster Nackey arrives to an equally hateful reaction from the crowd.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Tropical Turmoil Qualifying Round! Introducing the first competitor, accompanied to the ring by Foster Nackedy! He hails from Lafayette, Louisiana, and weighs in at two-hundred and forty-five pounds… HERE IS… PAAAXTOOON RRRAAAAAAYYY!!
The day I finally met you like I knew I would
You raised me from the wreck of my doubts
You were smiling to yourself as if we both understood
The silent language of the anguish of a heart that sings but doesn’t make a sound
With Foster in tow, Paxton slowly walks towards the ring, looking around as the crowd rains hate down upon him. He steps up to the apron and steps over the ring ropes, then leans back against them and closes his eyes.
Nick Stuart: The now former Intense Champion is here, but he did not come here tonight alone! I’m not sure I trust the presence of Foster Nackedy at ringside during this match.
Richard Parker: I’m sure he’s just there to deflect heat. Although honestly, I’m not sure who the crowd hates more.
Nick Stuart: Foster could be taking a more hands-on approach here, especially since “meal-ticket”, so to speak, has faltered in his past two outings. Still, even after those losses, I don’t think the Bayou Butcher will be any less threatening between those ropes.
“I said ‘kiss me, you’re beautiful’
“These are truly the last days’”
The weathered voice from the beginning of Godspeed You! Black Emperor’s “Dead Flag Blues” fades into the short acoustic section that begins Coheed & Cambria’s “Welcome Home.” After twelve seconds, the guitars thunder in and start to kick ass, as gold and green pyro goes off in perfect timing with the power riffs.
Vince Howard: And the opponent, hailing from San Diego, California by way of Hanoi, Vietnam, and weighing in at one-hundred and seventy-four pounds… CHANDLERRR TSSSOOOOOONDAAAAAA!!
As the PRIME*View displays the words “Model Citizen” in white over a black background, Tsonda swaggers out from behind the curtain. He soaks up the fan’s reaction at the top of the ramp, smirk painted across his face. And amidst the haze of pyro, smoke, and green & gold lights, he sprints to the ring, slides in under the bottom rope, and finally acknowledges his opponent. Tsonda bounces on his toes, mouthing something that’s inaudible to anyone but him.
Richard Parker: Love him or hate him, nobody can deny that the man has STYLE, Nick!
Nick Stuart: No argument here, partner. And it appears the fans are feeling plenty of the former here tonight. Tsonda, the veteran former Universal Champion, is looking to reclaim his place at the top of PRIME. A win here tonight would bring him one step closer.
Richard Parker: Coming back from retirement, hitting the ring, and earning his shot in his hometown! The story writes itself! We can only hope he’s shaken the rest of his ring rust and rekindled his legendary in-ring prowess!
Tsonda and Foster trade barbs in the ring before Timo excuses the latter to the outside. Paxton remains in his corner, rollings his neck and clenching his fists out in front of him. Finally, Bolamba gives the signal to begin the match.
Both men come out of their corners and meet up in the center of the ring. The snarling Ray immediately comes out swinging, catching the Tsuperstar off guard when he moves in to grapple. Paxton peppers him with hard rights and lefts to begin moving him back.
Nick Stuart: Paxton Ray is like a pitbull released from his chain here in the opening moments of this match!
Richard Parker: Right, and Foster’s the one holding the leash!
To the veteran’s credit, he throws a few punches of his own in response, but those that land have little effect on the Lafayette Bruiser. Paxton traps him in the corner, drawing sharp jeers from the crowd as he further lays into Tsonda’s money-maker with even more vicious strikes. Timo calls for the break, but it falls on deaf ears.
Nick Stuart: We’re all too familiar with seeing brutal assaults by the Bayou Butcher just like this, and now, the PRIME Hall of Famer Chandler Tsonda is getting his own introduction to the experience! The HARD way!
Richard Parker: C’mon, man, not the face! That’s Chandler’s bread and butter! Any man two years shy of fifty with a face like that doesn’t deserve this kind of beating!
Ray switches from targeting the face to the limbs, bending Chandler’s arm over the top rope while also kicking away the knee. Bolamba has finally seen enough, and physically puts himself between the two to finally break things up. Tension rises in the ring as he sternly warns the Bayou Butcher of the consequences of ignoring the official, but then Paxton sneers in his face and pushes past him.
Nick Stuart: The ref breaks it up, but Paxton is not happy! But he’d be wise not to test the patience of Timo Bolamba.
Richard Parker: Ehh Bolamba tests my patience every time he opens his mouth. Just shut up and call the match!
Tsonda is out of sorts as Ray moves in once more and takes him by the arm to bring him out of the corner with an Irish whip. Veteran reflexes kick in as the Model Citizen plants a foot, pivots, and reverses the whip. Paxton turns his body to allow his back to soak up the impact of the turnbuckles, but unfortunately leaves himself open to a follow-up running dropkick that pops him square in the face, eliciting a loud cheer from the fans!
Nick Stuart: CORNER DROPKICK off the reversal! Tsonda with a chance to turn it around now!
Chandler stays in motion as Ray stumbles out of the corner, shaking his head. Before he can fully recover, Tsonda snags his head from behind and introduces his face to the canvas with a facecrusher that earns another loud pop! Feeding off their energy, the PRIME Hall of Famer triumphantly punches the air before dropping down for the pin.
Nick Stuart: Chandler with the cover off the one-handed bulldog!
Tsonda nevertheless wears a confident smile as he takes Paxton by the head and pulls him back up. The smile quickly disappears, however, as soon as he hears the voice of Foster Nackedy heckling from the outside.
Foster Nackedy: Jesus, Chan, is that spot monkey shit all you ever do?!
Tsonda gives him the ol’ chin flick as he traps the former Intense Champion into a front facelock and throws the arm over.
Chandler Tsonda: Get fucked, Foster!
Nick Stuart: Things are getting testy out there! The hatred these two have for each other is hardly a secret to those initiated in PRIME’s long history!
Richard Parker: A tale as old as time. Tsonda and Nackedy. Parker and Jiles. Batman and Joker. Mail carriers and dogs. Pineapple and pizza. EA microtransactions and my bank account.
The Model Citizen snags Ray by the waistband and preps for the suplex, but suddenly lets go and recoils after a sharp jab lands against his ribs. Before he can react, Paxton rallies himself and uses his advantage in size and strength to lift him off his feet and put him on his back with a standing spinebuster. The Bayou Butcher punishes him further with a triplet of lightning-fast elbow drops, while Foster cackles at ringside.
Foster Nackedy: Hard to talk trash with an elbow in your mouth, eh Channy?
If the Tsuperstar could say anything back, he would, but finds himself in a bad situation as the Lafayette Bruiser snags an ankle, pulls the leg up to his full height, and slams the knee straight onto the canvas. Then, as the veteran howls in pain, he goes around to his other side and does the same thing to the other knee.
Nick Stuart: A devastating pair of knee crushers by Paxton Ray, and it looks as though he’s going right for the aging veteran’s knees!
Richard Parker: I hate to admit it more than I hate to watch it, but it’s a smart move. Those legs have a LOT of mileage in them.
Nick Stuart: Indeed. And I’m sure Foster made his sick, psychotic pet aware of that fact, as the Bayou Butcher exploits an obvious weakness in the Sultan of Style.
Tsonda is in agony, but the ever-merciless Paxton Ray is only getting warmed up, taking the Hall of Famer by the leg again and dragging him to a corner before rolling out of the ring. Ray takes Tsonda’s leg and whips it against the post.
Nick Stuart: Mother of Mercy! Paxton Ray is just SAVAGING the legs of Chandler Tsonda against the steel ring post!
Richard Parker: I mean, if there’s an upside to it, at least he’s switched over from the face to the joints! Better to go through life crippled than ugly, I always say.
Nick Stuart: Only YOU would feel that way, Parker.
Richard Parker: Of course! I mean, in your case, you’d obviously want to save your legs, cause with that mug of yours, you wouldn’t be losing much if somebody were to bust it up.
Nick Stuart: Hey now! You’re hardly an Adonis yourself!
An irate Timo Bolamba stays on task with an audible (and maybe even slightly accelerated) ten count, commanding Ray to bring it back into the ring between every number. Unsurprisingly, Paxton continues to ignore the official, but nevertheless rolls back into the ring as another idea comes to him. While Chandler clutches the leg in the interim, Foster leans in at ringside.
Foster Nackedy: How are those knees feeling, Channy? I’m younger than you and I retired! Maybe you should take a hint!
Nick Stuart: Easy for him to say, standing on the outside looking in! Back to the action, Ray is back between the ropes, and now he makes a quick cover!
And Tsonda slips out the back door! But I feel this punishment to the knees will only continue!
Back on his feet, the former Intense Champion props one of the Model Citizen’s legs over the bottom rope and begins relentlessly stomping away at the knee! Timo calls for a break and begins another count, but Paxton doesn’t show any immediate sign of relenting in his assault. He milks the four count for every second, then backs off before Bolamba can intervene again. However, when he goes in again for the leg, the other foot suddenly finds his head.
Nick Stuart: ENZUIGIRI BY THE TSUPERSTAR! Chandler might have an opportunity to act here!
Paxton reels off the kick to his head, but quickly shakes out the cobwebs and moves in again. Tsonda is in the process of using the ropes to pull himself up, but deftly manages to catch the approaching Ray with a mule kick to the midsection to double him over. Seeing his chance to make a move, Chandlers pulls himself up the rest of the way, takes a bounce for some speed, and flips over Paxton to roll him to the mat.
Nick Stuart: SUNSET FLIP!
THR–NO!! Almost had him!
Richard Parker: Damnit, Timo! Fight the jetlag and count faster!
Ray scissors his legs across Chandler’s pristine face to break the pin and rolls to his feet. Tsonda rolls up as well, but inexplicably runs himself into a rising clothesline delivered by the Lafayette Bruiser that flips him over onto his front.
Nick Stuart: Desperate clothesline from Paxton Ray, but he buys himself a moment, after it looked as though the Hall of Famer Tsonda was finding his groove!
Richard Parker: Well, at least he finally got Foster to shut up.
Nick Stuart: Nackedy is paying much more attention to this match after that rally by the former Universal Champion, but for now, his psychotic meal-ticket remains in control.
Chandler recovers and fights his way to his feet, but the former Intense Champion is already upon him before he can get there. Paxton slings an arm over his neck and tucks in the ankle before lifting the Tsuperstar off his feet and dropping him leg-first across his own knee. Tsonda’s face morphs in anguish, and immediately flips to shock and awe as Ray sweeps him to the mat with a back suplex that drops him on his head and neck.
Nick Stuart: KNEEBREAKER, transitioned right into a SAITO SUPLEX!
Richard Parker: Surprised he was capable of thinking of doing one move into another. My God, Nick, you don’t think Foster could actually be TEACHING that redneck a thing or two?
Nick Stuart: I’m not sure I like what that entails… Paxton, meanwhile, hooks the leg for a cover! Could that be it?
NO!! Tsonda is still in this!
The fans cheer as Chandler keeps his hopes for a victory alive, but the brooding Paxton Ray is angered by his persistence. He rolls Tsonda onto his back and works over his face again with more rights and lefts to keep him dazed and pulls him back to the mat by the arm. With the Model Citizen staggering beside him, he raises his leg for one final stomp, and bulls-eyes in on the embattled knee of the Viet Viper.
Nick Stuart: NO… DON’T!
Richard Parker: Look away, Nick! Just look away!
But suddenly, muscle memory kicks in. In a flash, the veteran Tsuperstar twists the former Intense Champion’s arm around into a hammerlock, transitions fluidly into a dragon sleeper, and drops him back-first across his knee.
Nick Stuart: SPINAL TAP off the reversal! Tsonda with another opportunity here!
Richard Parker: Let’s just hope those gams hold out!
Tsonda punches the impacted knee a few times, and battles his way back onto his feet, helped in part by the cheering PRIME faithful. Limping, he heads for the corner. Meanwhile, Ray clutches at the sting in his back, and slowly works his own way up. Once he gets there, he turns to find that the Tsuperstar has found his way onto the turnbuckles. Before he can react, Tsonda vaults over the Bayou Butcher and brings him down with him to the mat with the flipping neckbreaker!
Nick Stuart: RUNWAY VAULT! Ring rust? WHAT ring rust!? That was perfect form on the PRIME Hall of Famer!
Richard Parker: The man still has it! Credit where credit is due! But he’s still gotta seal the deal!
The Sultan of Style spares a moment to spin himself in a circle and pose for the fans, earning another rambunctious pop. Then, foregoing the pin, he goes to the corner and begins the climb up.
Nick Stuart: And seal the deal he shall, setting up for the MODEL CITIZEN moonsault!
Tsonda reaches the top and stands to his full height, posing proudly for the cheering PRIMEates. Then unexpectedly, a glimmer of light flashes across his face. Chandler winces as it hits his eye.
Chandler Tsonda: The FUCK?!
He looks down and pinpoints the source. Who else would it be but Foster Nackedy, reflecting light off of his disco concussion helmet so that it perfectly hits Chandler’s face? Foster innocently smirks, even as he stands at a completely obvious angle.
Chandler Tsonda: Fucking FOSTER! I’m gonna rip that thing off your head and shove it straight up your–
Too late. A recovered Paxton Ray pulls him off the top rope and back to the canvas. Like a cat, Tsonda’s legs reflexively snap under him to catch his fall, but he almost drops anyway as the drop causes the pain in his knees to flare up once again. While he stands momentarily staggered, the Bayou Butcher seizes the opportunity to push him off the ropes and launch him into the air.
Nick Stuart: LAFAYETTE LULLABY!
The European uppercut hits its mark perfectly. Tsonda flops onto his back and Ray falls across his chest. As Timo drops to make the count, he inexplicably misses Nackedly reaching in under the ropes and holding down the Tsuperstar’s leg.
DING DING DING
Trash flies through the air and finds its way in the ring as “Fistfight” hits the PA. Ray rises up to his knees, raging eyes still focused on Tsonda. Timo attempts to raise the arm, but Paxton rips it away with a snarl.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match by pinfall… PAAAXTOOON RAAAAAAYYY!!
Nick Stuart: Foster and the Lafayette Bruiser steal this one away, and Paxton Ray has earned himself a spot in the Turmoil Match taking place in four weeks in San Diego!
Richard Parker: Ugh…
Nick Stuart: If Timo had only seen Foster, then maybe–hey, WAIT!!
Paxton has mounted Tsonda’s chest, and continues to pound away on him. The audience goes completely nuclear.
Nick Stuart: The bell is RUNG! The match is OVER! Somebody STOP that maniac!
Richard Parker: Put an electric collar on him already, Foster!
DING DING DING DING DING DING
Bolamba finally snaps and goes into motion, grabbing the Bayou Butcher by the shoulders and pulling him off the chest of the Hall of Famer. Ray is about to turn his fury against the official, until Foster suddenly slips in his way. Nackedly desperately talks down his client as he ushers him out of the ring before he can make the situation worse. They exit up the aisle to a downpour of trash and jeers, Paxton looking angry enough to punch out the entire world.
Nick Stuart: Paxton Ray is more animal than human being! Even after the win, he couldn’t help but continue viciously mauling Tsonda!
Richard Parker: Foster may get the last laugh here tonight, Nick, but I don’t think Chandler is going to forget this anytime soon.
Timo checks on the recovering Tsuperstar (whose face thankfully doesn’t look TOO bad after such a beating). Though beaten and wounded, Chandler Tsonda never stops staring daggers after the departing Foster and Paxton.