UNIVERSAL TITLE: CANCER JILES (C) VS. NOVA
Vince Howard: The following match is one fall… and is for the UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Nick Stuart: And it’s main event time!
Richard Parker: Please let this be the last main event that Cancer Jiles is in.
Nick Stuart: We have a battle coming up tonight between Nova and Cancer Jiles. We just saw the 5-Star Championship change hands, with FLAMBERGE upsetting Rezin. Could the same thing happen here?
Richard Parker: I would gladly have taken Rezin as champion if it meant Nova could beat Jiles here tonight.
Nick Stuart: That’s not how any of this works.
In the ring, Vince Howard looks up the ramp to begin his introductions.
Vince Howard: Introducing first… standing at six feet and three inches tall, he weighs in at 240 pounds. Hailing from Parts Unknown, he is THE RISEN STAR! THE PRIME HALL OF FAMER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVA!
The lights cut out in the arena, and a stormy sky appears on the video screen.
As thunder booms over the speakers and lightning lights up the darkened clouds on-screen, George Clinton’s voice can be heard speaking in soft, reverberating tones.
“Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time…for y’all have knocked her up. I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe; but I was not offended, for I knew I had to rise above it all…or drown in my own shit.”
The stormy sky fades, replaced by a field of stars. One of the stars shoots across the screen, and as the field of stars comes together to form the word “NOVA,” Funkadelic’s “Maggot Brain” lilts over the PA system.
At this moment, a spotlight hits the entrance ramp where Nova is knelt, one fist raised in the air. The smoke wafting up from the cigarette hanging out of his mouth swirls iridescently under the hot glare of the spotlight. After a moment, the Risen Star climbs to his feet and makes his way down to the ring, rolling under the bottom rope before standing and flicking his cigarette away.
The lights come up.
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Nick Stuart: And the fans are READY for this match tonight!
Richard Parker: More importantly, I’m ready to watch the end of the Jiles era.
Vince Howard: And his opponent!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Vince Howard: Standing at six feet and one inches tall, he weighs in at 218 pounds. He hails from Philadelphia, PA… he is THE CLOSER! THE GREEK GOD OF COOL! THE MAIN EVENT! THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION! CANCER! JIIIIIIIIIIIILES!
An unnerving chill moves through the air.
The smell of hair products permeates the MGM Grand.
Then, the gathered PRIMEates in attendance all rise to their feet, ready to unleash hell upon their champion.
Nick Stuart: And here he comes! Cancer Jiles. PRIME UNIVERSAL CHAMPION! Along with his entourage!
“I am the COOL” by Screaming Jay Hawkins hits like a punch to the face. Jiles, along with his full security detail, emerge from behind the curtain.
Richard Parker: Hopefully this is the last time we have to see this crap!
Lady Troy hands Jiles the UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP, contempt covering her face. She then offers up some well wishes, and heads for the back. Dame, Laser, and the Enemigos twins line the aisle, while Jiles, with his belt held high in the air, marches toward the ring.
Nick Stuart: No Bandits out here tonight? Maybe a case of out of sight out of mind?
Richard Parker: Nova knows better. Hopefully. He better. Someone tell him to be mindful.
The Champ enters the ring by slithering under the bottom rope, and unceremoniously tosses the UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP at Timo’s feet. He then berates the senior referee just for breathing in the same air as him.
Nick Stuart: I bet there will be no better feeling in this world than Timo counting the 1,2,3 on Cancer Jiles.
Richard Parker: Let’s just do this and get on our way.
Timo lifts the belt off of the ground and glares at Jiles before handing it over to the timekeeper. He gives his final set of instructions.
Nova nods.
Cancer Jiles gives him the finger.
He signals for the start of the match.
DING DING
As Timo looks at both men, moving out of the center of the ring, Nova begins to inch forward. Cancer Jiles looks like he’s not interested in moving out of his corner and hops onto the top turnbuckle, his eyes glaring at Timo first and then finally at Nova.
Nick Stuart: What is Cancer Jiles doing?
Richard Parker: BEING A MASSIVE ASS-
Nick Stuart: Woah, buddy, need you to calm that down.
Richard Parker: I WILL NOT BECAUSE I HATE CANCER JILES WITH ALL OF MY BEING!
Nick Stuart: There, there, drink your mug of — is this vodka?!
Richard Parker: DON’T JUDGE ME, THIS IS A VERY DIFFICULT DAY FOR ME!
Nova looks over at Timo and continues to march his way towards Cancer Jiles who holds his hand up and shakes his head. He then looks over at Timo.
Cancer Jiles: Get him back!
Timo looks at Cancer with a sideways glance and shakes his head. Nova, tired of this, rushes at Cancer, whose eyes grow larger as Nova runs up the turnbuckles and begins pelting him with a series of fists.
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Richard Parker: MURDER HIM! THROW HIM OFF THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! BREAK HIS NECK!
Nick Stuart: Alright, now we’re entering potentially criminal actions here, Richard. Let’s bring it down a notch. Cancer trying to fight back with fists of his own, but Nova is letting him have it and Cancer is in a bad spot here. Nova yanking Cancer to a standing position on the top rope and — yes — he connects with a Superplex off the top rope!
Richard Parker: HE IS DEAD! PIN HIM AND LET’S GO HOME!
Nick Stuart: I don’t think that’s the plan, Richie.
Nova gets back up to his feet as Cancer does the same, grabbing his back which is in a bit of pain. As Cancer turns around, he quickly jabs his thumb in Nova’s right eye, grounding the Starchild to one knee. Timo immediately admonishes him and Cancer responds with two middle fingers to the referee.
Cancer Jiles: Fuck this.
He then rolls out under the bottom rope and walks over to the timekeeper area.
Nick Stuart: What is he doing?
Richard Parker: HE IS GRABBING HIS TITLE! HE IS RUNNING AWAY!
Nick Stuart: No! This can’t be happening!
Richard Parker: CANCER JILES IS A PU–
Nick Stuart: Alright, the swear jar is completely full.
Sure enough, Cancer Jiles grabs his title and begins to hightail it while Timo yells at him to get back out of the ring. Cancer shakes his head though and begins to march up the metal ramp. He stands at the middle of the ramp and yells at Timo.
Cancer Jiles: I’m taking my jet and FLYING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
As Cancer turns though, he is pelted with an orange from the crowd. It hits him square in the face and causes Cancer to look to his left, wondering who threw the orange. Before he can do anything though, an apple is thrown at Cancer. Followed by grapes. And more fruit. SO MUCH FRUIT!
Richard Parker: WHAT THE?!
Nick Stuart: First off, seriously, calm down with the yelling. Second, fruit is coming in all directions from the audience and it is piling up around Cancer Jiles right now. I mean, I can’t even see his feet. The ramp itself is COVERED!
Richard Parker: Where did everyone get fruit?!
Nick Stuart: That is the million dollar question.
Fruit continues to pelt Cancer Jiles who gets angrier and angrier at this.
Cancer Jiles: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I AM THE COOLYMPUS! THEY HAVE RENAMED COLOSSUS INTO COOLOSUS BECAUSE OF ME! I AM YOUR UNIVERSAL CHAMPION! I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!
As he continues to rant at the fans, he is oblivious to a certain challenger coming up behind him. A challenger that grabs an apple off of the ramp. A challenger, as Cancer Jiles turns back towards the ring, slams the apple into Cancer Jiles open mouth.
Nova: HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!
Nova then yanks the apple out of Cancer’s mouth and slams it into his throat, which drops Cancer to one knee. Nova drills his fist into the top of Cancer’s skull before tossing him down the ramp, on top of fruits that explode as Cancer lands upon them.
Nick Stuart: I have seen many things in my position here, but this may take the cake.
Richard Parker: sniff sniff This is so beautiful.
Nick Stuart: Are you crying?
Richard Parker: I’m just so touched by our fans.
Nova walks down the ramp, grabbing Cancer by his perfectly coifed hair, and drags him down the rest of the ramp before yanking him up to his feet and slamming his head into the ring apron. He then tosses Cancer into the ring.
Nova follows after him and catches a rising Cancer with a boot to the midsection before drilling his knee into the doubled-over champion. Cancer drops to one knee, grabbing his face in the process. Nova meanwhile removes the championship belt from the waist of the Cool One.
Nova: You don’t deserve this.
He then returns it to Timo who in turn turns around and hands it to the time keeper. As he does though, Cancer Jiles sees his opening, and with Nova and Timo’s back to him, Cancer slams his forearm into the groin of Nova.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Richard Parker: YOU PIECE OF BLEEP! I HOPE YOU ROT IN BLEEP! YOU SELFISH MOTHERBLEEP! EAT BLEEP AND DIE YOU BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!
Nick Stuart: RICHARD! I apologize for my colleague. He is letting his emotions get the better of him as Cancer pulls a page out of his cheating playbook and hits Nova with a low blow while Timo was distracted.
Nova drops to both knees as Timo turns around and looks at Nova before he glares at Cancer Jiles. He knows exactly what happened, but Timo is powerless to do anything about it.
Timo “Air Jordan” Bolamba: What did you do?!
Cancer simply shrugs his shoulders.
Timo “Jet Setter” Bolamba: I can’t believe you…
Cancer looks at Timo, at Nova, and then back at Timo before throwing him double birds. Timo storms over at Cancer, who makes his way back up to his feet and points at his own jaw.
Nick Stuart: Timo needs to cool it off.
Richard Parker: KNOCK HIM THE BLEEP OUT!
Nick Stuart: Everyone unable to keep their cool around Cancer Jiles apparently.
Timo looks like he wants to punch Cancer, but he holds off on doing so as he turns back to Nova and checks to see if he’s okay. Nova nods his head and as Timo backs up, Jiles walks over and slams his fist into the jaw of his opponent. Cancer fires off another one, but Nova makes his way back up to his feet. Cancer plants his boot into the midsection of the challenger before bouncing off the ropes parallel to Cancer and slams his boot across the side of his face. Nova collapses to one knee and Cancer puts him into a front facelock. He looks for a DDT, but Nova blocks it and connects with a bridging Northern Lights Suplex!
ONE!
TWO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Richard Parker: COUNT FASTER, TIMO!
Nick Stuart: That looked like a fair count from Timo.
Richard Parker: You’re talking to me about fair?! We are so far beyond the concept of fair, Nick! This is war! This is the final battle! We lose this battle and that’s all there is! PRIME is over as we know it.
Nick Stuart: That seems like a bit of hyperbole.
Richard Parker: I DON’T CARE WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE TO YOU, IT IS REALITY!
Nova gets back up to his feet and catches a rising champion with a stiff forearm that sends Cancer into the ropes. Nova goes to whip Jiles across the ring, but Cancer hooks his arm around the top rope. Nova slams his elbow across the face of Cancer. He then bounces off the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Jiles dips his shoulder and sends Nova over the top rope and crashing to the floor outside.
Nick Stuart: Nova hit the ring apron on his way down and he seems to be grabbing above his right eye.
Richard Parker: Crap, I think he’s bleeding.
Sure enough, he is bleeding and a smile appears on Cancer’s face as he looks down. He looks over at Timo and starts to laugh before he exits the ring and stands on the ring apron. He then leaps off of it and slams his boot across the busted-open cut above Nova’s right eyes. Nova rolls around on the floor, grabbing at his cut, and kicks his feet into the ground from the pain. Cancer stands over him, laughing as he reaches down and yanks Nova back to lying on the floor and snaps his boot across the cut once again, causing Nova to groan in pain.
Richard Parker: No good–
Nick Stuart: Okay, I think our tape delay and censor button has worn out for the evening. How about we just take our time and talk about the match itself? Cancer has found a weakness, an opening, on Nova and he has exploited it.
Richard Parker: Because that’s what he does, right? He will hook and crook his way to a victory by any means necessary.
Nick Stuart: Now Cancer dragging Nova up to his feet and he whips him HARD into the ringside barrier.
Richard Parker: THAT STUPID SON OF A–
Nova leans onto the barricade, his eyes open, but pained in every way. Cancer cracks a smile as he slams his elbow into the gash and Nova groans in pain as the blood continues to trickle down his face and onto his chest. Cancer grabs Nova’s wrist and whips him into the ring apron, causing Nova’s back to crack on the edge and drop him to both knees. Cancer quickly grabs him by the wrist and whips him into the ringside barricade again, the force of which drops Nova onto his chest as the champion stands above him.
Nick Stuart: Jiles with an evil streak–
Richard Parker: An evil streak that is as wide as the ocean!
Nick Stuart: This is true, but he is conniving and cunning. He knows what he’s going to do before anyone else does and he’s unorthodox enough that you can’t guess what he is going to do next.
Richard Parker: …sure.
Nova crawls back up to his feet as Cancer stands back and watches him do so, a sickening smile on his face. Cancer grabs the back of Nova’s head and goes to slam his head into the ring post, but Nova reverses it and sends Cancer careening off the post instead. Jiles drops to the floor, not sure of where he’s at as Nova stumbles forward, climbs up the ringsteps and looks down at his opponent. He wastes no time as he connects with an elbow off the ringsteps and across the sternum of the champion.
Richard Parker: That’s what I’m talking about!
Nick Stuart: Nova getting a little bit of offense in here, but he’s going to need a bit more if he hopes to end the reign of Cancer Jiles before it really gets going. Nova is now dragging Cancer back up to his feet and smashes his face into the ring apron. Cancer’s head snaps back as Nova then puts him into a reverse face lock and connects with a reverse snap suplex!
Richard Parker: Oh, now I’m getting excited.
Nick Stuart: I’m going to need you to sit two feet away from me.
Nova makes his way back up to his feet and drags Cancer up to a standing position before rolling him back into the ring. Nova follows after him and connects with a swinging neckbreaker to the stunned Jiles. Nova sits up and looks at Timo who is standing in the corner, allowing the match to unfold the way it’s meant to do so. Nova gets up to his feet, pulls Cancer up, and pushes him into the ropes before he connects with a knife-edge chop. Cancer grimaces in pain before Nova connects with another one. Jiles stumbles away, clutching at his chest, but Nova pulls him back and connects with another one.
Nick Stuart: Nova picking up a bit of momentum here–
Richard Parker: HURT HIM! MAKE HIM BLEED! CUT OFF HIS FINGERS!
Nick Stuart: RICHARD! Knock it off! This is unprofessional.
Richard Parker: You’ve worked next to me for how many years and this is when I’m unprofessional?
Nick Stuart: …fair.
Nova goes to whip Jiles across the ring, but Cancer reverses it. Nova flies off the ropes and Jiles immediately puts him into sleeper hold!
Nick Stuart: Oh, this isn’t good for Nova, as Cancer has this locked in tight.
Richard Parker: WHO TAUGHT CANCER JILES A SUBMISSION HOLD?!
Nick Stuart: Why are you still yelling in my ear? Nova is trying to fight Cancer off, but the blood loss he’s sustained is not going to help out anything at all.
Richard Parker: Let’s go Nova!
Nova drops to one knee though, feeling the exhaustion in his bones. Cancer cinches the sleeper hold in tighter and refusing to let it go. He looks over at Timo.
Cancer Jiles: Check him!
Timo glares at Cancer before he inches over and checks Nova, who tells him he’s not ready to give up. Cancer cinches the hold tighter.
Richard Parker: That has to be a choke hold at this point!
Nick Stuart: I think a sleeper hold is basically a choke hold.
Richard Parker: How would I know?! I’m not a wrestler!
Nova drops to two knees as Cancer stands above him, relishing this hold as Nova seems to be fading. Timo reluctantly lifts Nova’s arm up and watches as it drops.
ONE!
Richard Parker: No, no, no.
Timo shakes his head as he grabs Nova’s arm again, lifts it, and it drops once again.
TWO!
Nick Stuart: Nova is out and this might be the end of the match.
Richard Parker: I can’t watch.
Timo sighs as he grabs Nova’s arm and lifts it again.
It begins to drop.
THR–
Richard Parker: Nooooooooooo!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Nova’s arm shoots back up.
Nick Stuart: Nova isn’t done yet!
Richard Parker: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
Nova pushes himself up off the mat as Cancer looks surprised, thinking the match was over. Nova begins to walk, but Cancer holds onto him, determined to put Nova down once again. Nova though makes his way to the nearby corner as Cancer yanks him back. Nova digs in, refusing to cede the ground he’s gained. He then uses his momentum to leap onto the middle turnbuckle before falling backwards and rolling through so that Cancer’s shoulders are planted on the mat as Timo begins his count, quickly.
ONE!
TWO!
THR– NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Richard Parker: NEW CHAMPION! NEW CHAMPION! NOVA IS THE NEW CHAMPION!
Nick Stuart: No, he’s not! Jiles managed to his shoulder up just in the nick of time.
Richard Parker: WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!
Nova rolls back up to his feet and catches a rising Jiles with a shoulder to the midsection that drives him into the turnbuckle. Jiles grimaces in pain before slamming his forearm into the back of his opponent. Nova muscles through it though as he hoists Jiles onto the top turnbuckle and drills him with a stiff punch. Timo warns Nova, but Nova ignores him as he climbs up the turnbuckle and is met with a stiff punch from Jiles. Nova, incensed, starts to headbutt Jiles repeatedly until the champion is rocked and is leaning back on the turnbuckle. Nova pulls Jiles up with him before connecting with a Superplex off the top rope!
Richard Parker: DEAD! HE IS DEAD!
Nick Stuart: I highly doubt that he is dead, Richard. See? He is breathing.
Richard Parker: I’m going to stab you.
Nick Stuart: Seriously, you need a therapist.
Nova and Jiles are lying in the center of the ring as Timo checks on them. Nova sits up, wiping away the blood out of his eyes and looks over at Jiles, his chest heaving in the process. Nova grabs the nearby ropes and yanks himself up as he looks over at his challenger. He walks over to Jiles and reaches down to pull him off the mat, but is instead pulled down into an inside cradle, yanking his trunks at the same time. Timo begins to slide into position, but sees the blatant cheating from Jiles in the process.
Nick Stuart: And Jiles has been caught cheating, and Timo is letting him have it!
Richard Parker: DISQUALIFY HIM! GIVE THE TITLE TO NOVA! SAVE US FROM THIS NATIONAL TRAVESTY!
Nick Stuart: Richard, I’m serious. If you don’t stop yelling in my ear, I’m going to punch you in your no-no spot.
Richard Parker: You wouldnt!
Nick Stuart: I would.
Jiles gets up to his feet and begins to yell at Timo, putting his finger in his face. Timo slaps down the finger, but Jiles puts it back into his face, slamming it into the chest of the referee. Timo pushes Jiles away from him and as he does, Nova slams his forearm into the neck of the Universal Champion. Jiles doubles over from the shot and Nova bounes off the ropes before connecting with a leg drop bulldog.
Nick Stuart: Dying Star Drop from Nova as he continues to build up some momentum while Jiles gets himself lost as to the reason why he is out there.
Richard Parker: To lose. To be pantsed and then lose some more.
Nick Stuart: …what?
Richard Parker: What?!
Jiles begins to make his way up to his feet and is met with a stiff forearm from Nova. He then whips Jiles into the opposite corner and runs at him before connecting with a body splash in the corner. Jiles stumbles out of the corner, not certain as to where he’s at. He looks at Nova, dazed, and goes for a wild punch, but Nova ducks underneath it and spins Jiles around into a German Suplex! Jiles flips onto his stomach as Nova gets back up to his feet and walks over to Cancer Jiles before grabbing the back of his neck.
Nick Stuart: And Jiles rolls out of the ring, onto the ring apron. Nova now reaching through the ropes to pull him back up to his feet and Cancer wraps his hands around the back of Nova’s neck and drops him throat first across the middle rope!
Richard Parker: That bastard!
Nick Stuart: Cancer is now sitting on the ring apron, a smile on his face.
Richard Parker: I’m going to go down there and wipe that smug look right off his face.
Nick Stuart: You will do no such thing.
Cancer slowly makes his way up to his feet and walks to the corner parallel of where Nova is currently at. He climbs up to the top rope and connects with a missile dropkick to the prone Nova, who rolls back into the ring from the shot while Cancer lands on the outside of the ring. He makes his way back up to his feet, slides in under the bottom rope, and as Nova is trying to sit up, Jiles connects with a knee strike to his face. Cancer then connects with another one and a third one as his intensity ratchets up.
Cancer Jiles: I WANT MY GLASSES BACK, ASSHOLE!
Cancer drags Nova back up to his feet and connects with a knife-edge chop that sends Nova crashing into the ropes. Jiles drills his knee into Nova’s midsection and then into his face before spinning him around and connecting with a German Suplex.
Nick Stuart: Everytime Cancer Jiles does an actual wrestling move, I’m in shock.
Richard Parker: Especially considering he’s stolen every move he’s ever had!
Nick Stuart: They’re… wrestling moves.
Richard Parker: How dare you defend him!
Jiles moves to the corner and watches as Nova climbs to his feet. Nova turns towards Jiles, who goes for a superkick, but Nova manages to duck underneath it. Jiles spins around and is met with a boot to the midsection before Nova connects with a corkscrew cradle suplex.
Nick Stuart: Jiles went for the Terminal Cancer, but Nova managed to duck under it and connects with the in-NOVA-tor.
Richard Parker: There we go! Let’s put this thing away for good!
As he reaches down to grab Jiles, a sound comes through the crowd.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Nova spins around to find Bobby Dean and Fred Mayhew/Doozer making his way down the ramp!
Richard Parker: Get these IDIOTS out of here!
Nick Stuart: The eGG Bandits have arrived and have already distracted Nova simply by coming down the ramp.
Timo Bolamba heads them off at the pass, but Bobby and Mayhew walk around him as they have their eyes firmly planted upon Nova.
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Nick Stuart: And here comes Hayes Hanlon!
Richard Parker: Never thought I would be so happy to see him come out here!
Bobby turns around and rushes (as much as Bobby can rush) at Hanlon, who ducks underneath the right paw of the Beautiful One. He then spins Bobby around and drills him with a stiff forearm across the face. Hanlon then sprints towards Mayhew, who is in Timo’s face, and delivers a running clothesline to the back of Fred!
Nick Stuart: All hell is breaking loose here!
Richard Parker: Cancer started it!
Timo slides back into the ring as Nova turns his attention to a rising Cancer Jiles. Jiles spins around and goes to spit something at Nova, but he ducks underneath it and it gets Timo in the eyes instead!
Richard Parker: NO!
Nick Stuart: That yellow Muta mist was meant for Nova and Timo is now down to one knee, trying to get it out of his face!
Richard Parker: HOW IS THIS CHEATER STILL ALLOWED IN PRIME?!
Nova looks over at Timo, trying to help him out. As he does, Dean slides in a steel chair under the bottom rope to Cancer. Jiles picks it up and Nova turns back towards Jiles, narrowly missing the steel chair to the face. Jiles spins around and is met with a spinning heel kick to the chair that ricochets off of Cancer’s face!
Richard Parker: SERVES YOU RIGHT!
Nick Stuart: Novacaine from The Starless Child!
Richard Parker: BOBBY DEAN’S FACE LOOKS LIKE HE’S JUST BEEN DENIED CAKE!
Nick Stuart: Poor Bobby.
Hanlon rushes around the ring and connects with a flying crossbody on Bobby Dean to the cheers of the fans! As he does so, Fred Mayhew (Doozer) grabs the Universal Championship and rushes into the ring with it. Nova though slams his boot into the face of Mayhew and drops him with a high angle Death Valley Driver!
Nick Stuart: BOURBON FOR BREAFKAST!
Richard Parker: Mmm, that does sound good. And is exactly what Mayhew deserves!
Nick Stuart: The eGG Bandits are trying to help Cancer Jiles steal this match, but they have been unable to clear it thus far.
Nova reaches down and grabs the Universal Championship. He looks at it for a moment, knowing he is only moments from taking it home.
Cancer Jiles: HEY ASSHOLE! THAT’S MINE!
At the sound of Cancer’s voice, Nova turns around and is met with a superkick to the belt to the face.
Richard Parker: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Nova: And Nova is laid OUT! HE TOOK ALL OF THE TERMINAL CANCER, WITH THE BELT TO BOOT!
Cancer then grabs Timo and yanks him over to the fallen Nova before going for the pin. Timo, who is still trying to get the mist out of his face, begins his count.
ONE!
A smile appears on Cancer’s face.
TWO!
Hanlon tries to rush into the ring to stop this travesty from happening, but Dean grabs his foot at the last possible second.
THREE!
DING DING DING
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Vince Howard: YOUR WINNER! AND STILL UNIVERSAL CHAMPION… CANCER! JILES!
Cancer rolls off of Nova, grabbing his Universal Championship in the process. Timo sits up and manages to see that he was counting for Jiles, not for Nova, and shakes his head, covering his face in the process.
Hanlon lays on the mat, head in his hands.
Bobby Dean rolls into the ring and helps Cancer up to his feet while Mayhew rises to his own feet, grabbing the back of his neck.
Richard Parker: Someone… anyone… no….
Nick Stuart: Are you crying?
Richard Parker: …no.
Nick Stuart: Cancer Jiles has managed to retain, to the dismay of just about everyone.
Richard Parker: That’s an understatement.
Cancer holds up his title in victory and clutches it to his chest as he is helped out by Bobby Dean and Fred Mayhew. As he does, he locks eyes with Hayes Hanlon who is getting up to his feet.
Hanlon’s seething as he looks at Jiles, but instead of attacking him he walks over to Nova to help him out.
Nick Stuart: And here comes the Enemigos! Lindsay Troy isn’t letting Cancer Jiles out of her sights!
Jiles looks around at the waiting security detail and shakes his head in the process. He then looks back over at Hanlon.
Animosity fills the space in between them.
Richard Parker: I need someone to end his reign!
Nick Stuart: Well, that person might just be in the ring.
Hanlon and Jiles continue to glare at one another, Hanlon realizing what he will have to do, and seems up for the task.
Jiles, willing to do whatever it takes to keep his championship.
Nick Stuart: Well, folks, that’s it for tonight! For my partner Richard Parker, I’m Nick Stuart. Thank you for joining us!
A smile appears on Jiles face.
COOLOSUS IS COMING.
FADE.
TO.
BLACK.