WHEN THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S A GREEDY FAMILY MEMBER LOOKING FOR IT
The scene cuts backstage to Simon Tiller standing next to Mortimer Knightingale (who is currently dressed in a red “Gamble Adoration Syndicate” t-shirt and his ring gear).
Simon Tiller: Mortimer Knightingale, in just a few moments you will take on Darin Zion in the semi-finals of the Alias Championship Tournament. Over the past couple of weeks, whether this match was even going to take place was questioned as there has been an online petition requesting that PRIME management fire you after your brutal assault on Kohime Mori. Would you care to comment on that?
Mortimer Knightingale: I had reasons for doin’ what I did. The fact that these fans are villifyin’ me like I’m some kinda monster is, by all astutedness, an affront to my character. There’s two sides to every story. I did what I did for reasons that may or may not be paramount in nature, and those said reasons are my own. I don’t need to justify my actions to these scumbags. Only one person deserves an explanation and, when the time comes, an explanation will come to her forthwith.
Simon Tiller: What do you say to the fans that are demanding a public apology for attacking Kohime Mori in the manner in which you did?
Mortimer Knightingale: They can all go to their local K-Mart or whatever and purchase themselves implements of cylindrical nature, be it a pipe or a frozen fuckin’ corn dog, and they can shove it up whatever orifactory hole and basically go fuck themselves.
Simon Tiller: So, you are not going to apologize?
Mortimer Knightingale: I did what I had to do and I’d do it again. I don’t need to apologize for somethin’ I ain’t sorry for. End of story.
Simon Tiller: Well, let’s talk about your match with Darin Zion tonight.
Mortimer Knightingale: Yeah, let’s talk about Tough Love, Real Love, Puppy Love, Darin Douchebaggery. Who gave him that nickname anyway?
Simon Tiller: “Darin Douchebaggery”?
Mortimer Knightingale: No, I know who gave’em that one. It was me. Like two seconds ago. This whole “Love” angle. Guaran-fuckin’-tee, it was himself. Anyone who gives themself a nickname has real self-esteem issues. Like they ain’t important enough to be given a nickname so they do it themself. I question if he even knows what love even is. Love, real love, is sacrificin’ your own happiness for the happiness of another. That’s love.
Simon Tiller: Is that your reason for—–
Mortimer Knightingale: You hear what that squirrely little prick said?
Simon Tiller: It depends on what you are referring to.
Mortimer Knightingale: He said he would, and I’m bein’ subtextual here, “choke me like a bitch”. Like he’s choked anythin’ other than his chicken. But makes you think, don’t it? The way he said it like it was some kinda throwaway line. The inference bein’ that he thinks women are bitches and they are normally choked. That right there is some deep rooted miss-origami he’s showin’ there.
Simon Tiller: “Misogyny”.
Mortimer Knightingale: Is that who he choked? Well, rest assured, I will avenge this Miss Angelee. She will take comfort in the fact that her assaulter is about to get comeuppened!
Mortimer Knightingale proceeds to exit the frame leaving Simon Tiller looking more confused than a Texan reading the menu at a vegan restaurant as the scene ends and we cut to elsewhere backstage.