GREAT SCOTT REMEMBERS TO TITLE THIS AFTER IT IS TOO LATE

CARL AVALANCHE. 

HI SORRY THAT IS A SUPER RUDE WAY TO START A PROMO LET ME TRY AGAIN. HI CARL. IT IS ME JERBOI GREAT SCOTT. YOU MAY ALSO KNOW ME AS LARGE DADDY SCOTT OR SCOTTZILLA OR THE YOUNGBLOOD KILLER AFTER I BEAT BRANDON YOUNGBLOOD WHO IT TURNS OUT WAS A REAL SON OF A BITCH IN 2005 AND I HAD NO IDEA. 

ANYWAY. 

CARL WE HAVE A MATCH AT COALASSES AND IT IS FAIR TO SAY THAT IT IS THE MOST ANTICIPATED MATCH IN WRESTLING HISTORY. WE HAVE BEEN ON A WILD RIDE TOGETHER IN THE BUILD UP TO THIS MATCH. WE LAUGHED. WE CRIED. WE GOT A LOT OF HEAT. I AM OF COURSE BEING SARCASTIC AS I WAS VERY BUSY FOR THIS WHOLE SUPER SHOW PERIOD DOING GREAT SCOTT THINGS AND CELEBRATING AFRICAN AMERICAN FRIDAY AND PROMOTING AN ENERGY DRINK AND BECOMING A FATHER. SO I AM SORRY CARL. AT THE BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN A RANDOM MATCH AGAINST A MAN WHO IS GOING TO FOR SURE BEAT YOU. 

THAT IS ON ME. 

I AM VERY SORRY AGAIN. 

I HAVE BEEN ALL PRIMELEET FOR A LONG TIME NOW AND I AM LEARNING THAT I DO NOT FIT IN VERY WELL HERE. A LOT OF PEOPLE JUST THINK OF ME AS A GUY WHO IS REALLY INTO HOT VEE AND WHILE THAT IS TRUE IT MAKES ME SAD THAT I HAVE NEVER TRULY BEEN WELCOMED INTO THIS FAMILY. THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE WHO SMILE TO MY FACE AND TELL ME I AM HANDSOME AND FUNNY BUT THEY STOP SMILING WHEN I WALK AWAY. AND THAT IS OKAY AND THAT IS THE WAY THE POPCORN SOMETIMES POPS BUT I GUESS I AM STARTING TO GET A CHIP ON MY SHOULDER. 

A SALT AND VINEGAR CHIP. 

BECAUSE JERBOI IS SALTY. 

THAT SHOULD NOT BE YOUR PROBLEM CARL BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT IS YOUR PROBLEM. YOU ARE FACING ME AT COALASSES AND I HAVE SOMETHING TO PROVE. I COULD NOT BEAT REZIN FOR THE STAR OF DAVID CHAMPIONSHIP NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED. I WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO CHASE MY DREAMS AND CHALLENGE FOR THE IMPULSE CHAMPIONSHIP. AND AT COALASSES THE GUY WHO JUST LOST PLUS  A BUNCH OF GUYS I HAVE ALREADY BEATEN ARE GONNA FIGHT FOR THE STAR OF DAVID BELT WHICH IS DISRESPECTFUL. NONE OF THAT IS YOUR FAULT EITHER CARL. IT IS NOT YOUR DEBT. 

BUT YOU ARE GOING TO PAY IT. 

I AM SO SORRY CARL. 

 

———

 

“SEVENTY. SEVENTY ONE. SEVENTY TWO.” 

Pushing up effortlessly, the expression on GREAT SCOTT’s face is almost intense in its blankness, as he stares down at the tiny human on the floor beneath him. I realize that’s phrased very poorly, but JERBOI is doing push-ups and did not want to leave his child, GREAT SCOTT JUNIOR, unattended. 

Okay wait, let me catch you up. 

If you’re one of the SCOTT HATERS who doesn’t follow his goings on in the land of High Octane, here’s what you missed: GREAT SCOTT had a baby left on his doorstep, nine months after making dude yogurt all up in a consenting adult lady named Jennifer who had a thing for guys with pet bears. And I say “had” not because she sought therapy and got over it, but because she is dead now. I could elaborate but you should really be following GREAT SCOTT full time. He is a goddamned delight. Go do your own research, I’m a narrator, not your personal assistant. 

GREAT BABY: GOO GOO. 

Or some kind of baby noise, I don’t know what the fuck noise a baby makes me well enough to transcribe it into dialogue. You figure it out. Fuck. 

GREAT SCOTT: SEVENTY NINE. EIGHTY. JUST A FEW MORE GREAT SCOTT JUNIOR. THEN WE CAN GET YOU SOME FORMULA SO YOU CAN GET BIG AND STRONK LIKE YOUR DAD. 

He keeps pressing, trying to keep his level of calm somewhere near a dull roar. He was furious. Angry beyond the standard definition of the word. Things weren’t working out the way he’d hoped in PRIME headed into the end of the year, but for once he didn’t feel like it was his fault. 

It was theirs. 

Maybe they didn’t know how to market him. Maybe it was sour grapes, since he was so successful in HOW. Maybe it was the same cliquey bullshit he’d be encountered over his entire career. He didn’t know— all he knew for sure was that he was busting his ass, and seeing very little for his efforts. 

GREAT SCOTT: YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME GREAT SCOTT JUNIOR. NO ONE IS GOING TO MAKE FUN OF THE WAY YOU TALK. NO ONE IS GOING TO TREAT YOU LIKE A JOKE. NO ONE IS GOING TO TALK BAD ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK. I PROMISE YOU. IT IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT FOR YOU. 

The intensity of his push-ups rises, as the blood really starts to pump. The bitterness in his voice is thinly veiled behind the false positivity, as he tries not to poison the fruit of his own tree with the venom in his heart. 

His arms are on fire. 

Twenty sets of two hundred a day. Two thousand push-ups. I don’t know if that’s not enough or if that’s too many, but that’s the regiment headed into Colossus. Left off of HOW’s ICONIC pay per view, his sole focus was Coral Avalon. Or, more accurately, on the complete and total destruction of a man who has done absolutely nothing to warrant complete and total destruction. It wasn’t Coral Avalon who spent the last six months relegating GREAT SCOTT to the midcard, despite boasting a better record than most of the roster.

His biceps are physically trembling, as he continues to power through the workout. GREAT SCOTT JUNIOR lays on his blanket beneath his father, moving his little arms and legs around in complete obliviousness of the nuclear weapon above him, just waiting to be armed. They say that becoming a father changes you, and while that’s probably at least a little bit of a generalized cliche, at least a single nugget of it has proven true for GREAT SCOTT. 

Becoming a father changed him. 

There was something a little less goofy in the air. For certain there was no less absurdity, but definitely a twinge less goofball. It was one thing to have the world laugh at you when you’re all you’ve got, but when Scott Gratesburgh looks into the eyes of his son, it makes him resent the laughter. Makes him think about the future. Makes him consider what life might be like for GSJ growing up, with the other kids laughing at him over who his father is. And wouldn’t they be right to? 

Everywhere you turn, someone is laughing at GREAT SCOTT. 

GREAT SCOTT: ONE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN. ONE HUNDRED EIGHTEEN. ONE HUNDRED NINETEEN. 

The perspiration pours off of his forehead like a gutter sifting rainwater, leaving a visible puddle beneath his face. He’s fortunately not sweating all over his newborn child, but if that baby learns to crawl in the next time minutes, he’s in for a world of yuck. 

GREAT SCOTT: FOR YOU SCOTT JUNIOR. FOR YOU I AM GOING TO BECOME THE CHAMPION. NOT THE FIVE STAR CHAMPION. NOT THE IMPULSE CHAMPION. JERDAD IS GOING TO BECOME THE PRIME UNIVERSAL CHAMPION. BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO GROW UP KNOWING THAT YOUR DAD IS A WINNER. I AM THE YOUNGBLOOD KILLER AND A PWA MEGASTAR AND I DESERVE A CHANCE TO PROVE THAT I CAN BE THE CHAMPION. YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING THAT A WINNER CAN GIVE YOU SCOTT JUNIOR. I CAN’T BE A LOSER ANYMORE. 

He’s slowing down, the mind growing strong but the flesh growing weak. He huffs his way through, trying to push to the end, but eventually rolls to one side. 

Just shy of his goal. 

Isn’t that always the way, with GREAT SCOTT? 

A long sigh escapes the PRIME Champion of Nothing, as he stares up at the ceiling with his chest heaving. He lets a hand fall to the side, gently brushing it against the tiny little hand of his son. He isn’t strong enough to grip yet, or instinctive enough to know how, but the small human bats at his father’s hand, cooing. 

GREAT SCOTT: THANKS FOR EXISTING. I REALLY NEEDED YOU. SOMETIMES YOU DON’T REALIZE HOW LONELY YOU ARE UNTIL YOU AREN’T SO LONELY ANYMORE. I THINK THAT I HAVE BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED LATELY AND IT IS REALLY NICE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO LATCH ONTO, YOU KNOW? IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT TO EVERYONE ELSE BUT I HAVE REALLY BEEN STRUGGLING. TAKING A LOT OF STRONKUMMS EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT IS DRUGS AND POISON. KEEPING TO MYSELF A LOT AND NOT EVEN SPENDING THAT MUCH TIME WITH GREAT BEAR. I TELL EVERYONE THAT I AM BUSY BUT SOMETIMES I AM JUST LOOKING UP AT THE CEILING LIKE THIS AND THINKING ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT HAVE GONE WRONG IN MY LIFE. I DON’T KNOW. I LOVE YOU A LOT BUDDY. I HOPE THAT I MAKE YOU PROUD. BECAUSE I WILL FUCKING KILL FOR YOU. 

Slowly, SCOTT rolls up from his back, wiping himself down with a towel. He carefully picks his child up from the floor, swaddling him together into the blanket beneath. He holds the baby close to his chest, a smile falling over his face as he slowly rocks the baby back and forth. 

GREAT SCOTT: LET’S GET YOU SOME DINNER LITTLE GUY. 

 

———-

 

SORRY IF THIS IS FORMULAIC. 

I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES I CUT A PROMO AND THEN SOME STUFF HAPPENS TO ME AND THEN THERE IS A PROMO AGAIN AND MAYBE SOME PEOPLE THINK I COULD DO IT DIFFERENT THAN THAT BUT HONESTLY GO FUCK YOURSELF. THIS IS HOW I LIVE MY LIFE AND YOU HAVE ALL SHOWN ME SO LITTLE RESPECT SINCE I GOT HERE THAT I SUPER DON’T CARE. I AM SO MUCH BETTER IN THE RING THAN SO MANY OF THE SCOTT HATERS AND IT IS NOT EVEN HONESTLY EVEN CLOSE.I KNOW YOU ALL THINK I’M AN IDIOT BUT I AM SMARTER THAN YOU THINK AND SOMEDAY SOON YOU ARE ALL GOING TO FIGURE OUT EXACTLY HOW SMART I REALLY AM.

BUT HEY NO SPOILERS. 

ANYWAY. 

I’M DONE BEING DISRESPECTED. I AM ONE OF THE MOST DOMINANT WRESTLERS IN PRIME. I EVEN BEAT THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION ON OCTANE WRESTLING CHAOS BUT NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THAT. THEY JUST WANT TO LAUGH AT SILLY SCOTT AND HIS DANCING BEAR AND JOKE AT MY EXPENSE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BARELY EVER BEEN BEATEN SINCE I DEBUTED. EVERYONE KEEPS SAYING THAT I AM TOO NICE TO BE A BAD GUY HUH? WELL WHEN THE MATCH IS OVER AT COALASSES WE WILL SEE WHO IS TOO NICE. BECAUSE CARL AVALANCHE?

I AM GONNA FUCKING HURT YOU. 

I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU BLOODY. 

I AM GOING TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OUT OF YOU FOR THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE WANTS TO SAY THAT I AM JUST SOME OCTANE GUY AND TREAT ME LIKE A SECOND GRADE CITIZEN. AND I AM GOING TO DO IT WITHOUT MY BEAR OR MY GLARE OR ANY OF MY CATCHPHRASES. FUCK YOU CARL. FUCK ALL OF YOU. FUCK EVERYONE AROUND HERE. I AM GREAT SCOTT AND I AM A GODDAMNED PWA MEGASTAR. I SHOULD BE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION AND I AM DONE BEGGING PEOPLE TO LIKE ME. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIKE ME. BUT I DO NOT CARE IF I HAVE TO BE STEP DADDY SCOTT, YOU WILL RESPECT ME. STARTING WITH YOU CARL AND I WILL APOLOGIZE ONE LAST TIME BUT I GUESS IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER. WHAT’S DONE IS DONE AND IT IS TIME TO CASH THE CHECK THAT THE REST OF PRIME HAS BEEN WRITING FOR A VERY LONG TIME. MAYBE YOU THINK I AM AN IDIOT AND A GOOFBALL AND MAYBE YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME LIKE ALL THE REST OF THESE PEOPLE. OR MAYBE YOU DON’T. BUT I WANT TO GIVE YOU A VERY REAL WARNING BECAUSE AT COALASSES?

I DO NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT YOU.

I DO NOT CARE WHO YOUR FAMILY IS OR WHETHER THEY WOULD BE SAD IF YOU WERE IN A WHEELCHAIR. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE WINDS OF CHANGE OR WHETHER THEY WILL BE OKAY WITHOUT YOU. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU AFTER THE BELL RINGS CARL AND I AM SORRY ABOUT THAT. I AM SORRY THAT YOU HAVE TO SUFFER FOR WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DID. I AM SORRY THAT I AM SO INSECURE THAT I HAVE TO FUCKING DESTROY YOU JUST TO BE ABLE TO LOOK MY SON IN THE FACE. AND I AM SORRY THAT PRIMETIME DOES NOT SEE THE VALUE IN ME AND THAT I HAVE TO PROVE IT TO THEM BY USING YOU AS A PUNCHING BAG. 

THEY DON’T SEE IT YET CARL. 

BUT THEY WILL SEE IT. 

I AM THE NEXT PRIMETIME UNIVERSAL CHAMPION. 

SORRY. NOT SORRY.