Posted on 02/14/23 at 11:00pm by Mike McGee
Event: ReVival 23
Mike McGee, Professional Wrestling’s Only Human Resources Executive, walks out the front door of an Ann Taylor Lofts located in a suburban strip mall. He is wearing his amateur-style headgear over a navy blue singlet that has his initials in a bold white font on the front.
“One of the many jobs I have to perform as a human resources executive is to inform people when their services are no longer required by their employer. Or, in words the PRIME audience understand, you’re fired. Whenever I inform someone to turn in their nametag and timecard, I always give them a little pep talk. I tell them that, hey, it’s not so bad, just learn from your mistakes and try not to be worthless at your job going forward.”
McGee looks pensive.
“That’s the type of pep talk I’ve been given myself lately! Sure, my PRIME career did not get off to the start I hoped for. Maybe I underestimated my opponent. Maybe the vandalism done to my beloved cherry red Kia Sorrento –”
All of a sudden, lightning bolts flash from McGee’s eyes like a glitch.
And then they do so a second time.
And a third.
From the door of the Ann Taylor Lofts appears a great burst of darkness and distorted screams that overwhelm the background. McGee continues to “glitch” as he has a warrior’s crest painted in dayglo on his face but blood pours from his eyes. He is also holding a spear in one hand and a shield from an island nation on the other.
(In an incredibly distorted voice.)
“THE MONSTER HAS BEEN CREATED! THE CHILD! THE SECRET! YOU CREATED THIS MONSTER! YOU JABBER JAWZ CREATED YOUR COLLAPSE INTO THE NETHERWORLD OF ETERNITY! DID YOU KNOW TO OPEN THE LOCK TO THE PORTAL THROUGH THE ANN TAYLOR LOFTZ LOCATED IN HORSHAM PENNSYLVANIA? DID YOU MEAN TO ESCAPE WHEN THERE IS NO ESCAPE! YOU CREATED THE MONSTER! THE MONSTER CREATED MERCY! HE HAS NO MERCY! HAHAHAHA HOWZ THIS FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMEEEENT? THE BLOOD FROM THESE EYES POURS LIKE THE RIVER STYX! THERE IS NO ONBOARDING! THERE IS ONLY CHAOS! LEVICTICUS IS TRUTH! LEVICTICUS IS TRUST! THE MONSTER AND THE CHILD AND THE SECRET AND —”
McGee “unglitches” back to form without any clue as to what was just said. He just picks right back up from where he started.
“Kia Sorrento got in my head. Or, what most likely occurred, Lindsay Troy felt so threatened by my mastery of business administration that she viewed me as an immediate threat and rigged the match against me. Because, after all, I am more than just a top notch Human Resources professional. I am also an elite professional wrestling machine. And at Revival 23, I look forward to showing everyone why open enrollment begins today and to end my opponent with a severance package!”
He glitches a bit more as blood once again pours from his eyes as a woman enters into the Ann Taylor Lofts behind him.