BRO, THIS GUY DIED BEFORE THE MINE INCIDENT

Subject: Maximilian Wilhelm Kael
Height: 6’4’’
Weight: 236 lbs.
Current Condition: Deceased
Born: 10/31/1976
Deceased: 10/24/2020

History:

Born to Helena Kovacs, a servant of Lord Wilhelm Wagner von Kael, he spent his early years sequestered at the Kael Estate in Arkham, Massachusetts. These first six years of his life were, outside of the isolation, probably the most normal years he would ever experience. When he turned six he was flown down to a compound in Argentina. He and his father would meet for the first time during this visit though Max was not made aware of Wilhelm’s relationship to him.

He would also meet a young neurosurgeon named Doctor Reinhart Galt during this trip as well. The doctor attempted to install a control chip into the young boy’s brain called the Administrator. While the surgery appeared to go well, Max would suffer from a near fatal seizure later, falling into a coma. Dissatisfied with the results Wilhelm ordered that Max be terminated and a new round of testing begun with multiple test subjects.

Having grown attached to her son, Helena retrieved Max and fled into the Argentine wilds. During this time Max regained consciousness however he had become noticeably changed. Together they navigated back to civilization and escaped back to the United States. An enraged Wilhelm Kael dispatched several of his agents to hunt down the two of them.

Over the next few years Max and Helena managed to avoid detection unfortunately it was not to last. An agent of Wilhelm tracked the two down and engineered a car accident that left Helena in a coma. Max survived the attempt and was relocated to his closest known living relative, his uncle, a Catholic Priest named Jack Kael who had taken up residence in the Kael Estate.

Life under Father Jack was unpleasant for the nine year old boy. Jack was a harsh man and was rigorous in his enforcing God’s Laws around the house. Max resented the man and yearned for the day he would be free of his vexations. That day came faster than he anticipated.

Though not a kind or good man by any measure, Jack shared no love for his brother or his machinations. The day came when agents of Wilhelm once again made an attempt on Max. For all his negative qualities it was Jack who held the agents off long enough to allow Max to escape. Not even ten years old and Max watched as his uncle was beaten and strangled to death as he hid.

The trauma of losing both Helena and witnessing Jack’s murder broke something inside of Max. At the same time the stress appeared to finally activate the Administrator. It attempted to seize control of Max’s mind causing the young boy to black out.

After losing his mother and his uncle Max was eventually collected once again by the Department of Human Services and sent to an orphanage in Arkham. He was noted as being a loner, sticking mostly to himself and often holding full conversations with nobody.

Following a series of violent outbursts against other children, Max broke out of the orphanage and disappeared into the world.

Nothing is really known about Max at this time beyond that he eventually ended up in Las Vegas around the age of nineteen. While drifting through the City of Second Chances, Max chanced across a local wrestling show. The spectacle astounded the young man and he quickly became a regular at the event. One of the talents named Jackson “Purgatory” Knights noticed the lanky Max Kael and soon developed a relationship with the wayward youth.

Over the next few years Max lived with and was trained by Jackson while, in turn, Max worked as his assistant. Jackson became the father figure that Max never had and helped him to explore the world of Professional Wrestling.

In 1999 Maximillian Kael debuted as Jackson’s manager. Later that year Jackson was seriously injured forcing his retirement from in-ring competition. Encouraging his pupil to finally step out on his own, Max Kael left Las Vegas and traveled back to Arkham. Using the Kael Estate in Arkham as a homebase, Max would travel up and down the East Coast working for various small Indy Federations as he built up his credibility.

In 2005 Max Kael would finally land a major success. Discovered by Lee Best, Owner and CEO of High Octane Wrestling, Max was pulled up from obscurity. Rising in popularity due to his mixture of blood thirsty violence and quirky personality, the young Max Kael seemed to connect with the Chicago faithful.

Unfortunately this growing popularity meant that it was only a matter of time before his father, Wilhelm Kael, would find him. In 2009 Max Kael was finally captured by Elenore Sinclair. Wilhelm was surprised by Max’s ability to evade him and also curious about the state of the Administrator. It was revealed at this point that Max had only been partially in control. For most high stress situations the Administrator, now calling itself the Minister, had asserted control.

The personality matrix of Wilhelm Kael used to create the original Administrator had been destroyed and in its place something different and new. Driven by a want and need to survive, the Minister had long sought a way to escape Max’s body. Being captured by Wilhelm had given it access to the technology it desired to pull itself free of its meat prison.

Eventually Max was able to reassert control over himself and escape his father’s clutches once again. It was around this time that Lee Best, seeking to hold more sway over the easily influenced Max Kael, adopted him into the Best Family. Though clearly done to pit both Max and Mike Best against each other, Max remained oblivious, happy to have a father figure in his life once again.

Over the next five years Max Kael would go to war with and for Mike Best in the land of High Octane Wrestling. He would go on to carry multiple titles and honorifics, including becoming a Hall of Famer. Max would also claim a portion of the real, maybe, land of Jattlantis after the disappearance of its leader, Jatt Starr. He managed this while continuingly dodging both the Kael family machinations as well as the determined efforts of the Minister to ruin Max’s life out of spite for keeping it prisoner.

In 2014, after a final bungled attempt to capture Maximillian Kael, Wilhelm had had enough. Tracking Max down to Washington DC, Wilhelm Kael arrived to oversee the capture or killing of his son personally. Cornered, panicked and unsure what to do, Max Kael accidentally shot and killed Wilhelm Kael ending his father’s wretched life. It was also at this time he would learn the true nature of Wilhelm’s relationship to him.

Unbeknownst to Max, Wilhelm was still not finished with his son. Elenore and other allies of the Kael Estate formed a conspiracy to complete Wilhelm’s original goal of replacing Max’s mind with his own. Elenore finally succeeded in both capturing Max Kael and, with the help of an aged Doctor Reinhart Galt, managed to rewrite Max’s mind with that of Wilhelm Kael.

This was only a temporary solution, however, as it was discovered that the Minister had managed to survive the whip process and was actively rewriting the Wilhelm personality with itself. In order to suppress the growing Minister influence, the Wilhelm personality had to consume Ketamine regularly.

The Wilhelm personality was finally destroyed after both the Minister and a resurfacing Max Kael personality worked together to reclaim control. Max finally accepted his relation with Wilhelm and adopted the name Maximillian Wilhelm Kael going forward. This personal victory would be short lived as he was lured to North Korea with the promise of a big pay day. Little did he know this was all a ploy that would end with him losing 4 years in a North Korea wrestling ring.

Kidnapped during a scheduled appearance near the North Korean border, MWK would become the star of North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il’s Best Korean National Pro-Wrestling Alliance. Wildly popular with North Koreans, Max Kael would rise to BKN Pro-WA Champion and hold the title for a record 3 years (For a non-Kim). He would also earn a loyal, lifetime servant in the form of MAXKAELJr, another wrestler who had been kidnapped.

Seeing the popularity of Max Kael threatening his own, Kim decided that Max would lose the title to him at the big BKN Pro-WA New Years Event. Knowing that as soon as the opportunity would arise, Kim would have Max killed, the Lord of Kaelsalvania opted to die trying to escape. In a daring break out Max stole Kim’s custom RV and drove it back to South Korea and freedom.

The Prime Minister of Maxopotamia immediately flew back to Arkham to link his wounds and try to figure out the next step of his life. As it turned out his estranged brother, Mike Best and High Octane Wrestling were once again in need of his services. Cleaning himself up Max would join his brother as well as reacquaint himself with Mike’s, at the time, best friend, Cecilworth Farthington.

The three eventually formed the stable the Mpire, based on their shared use of the letter M in their names. They would find considerable success as at one time they held every belt in HOW before Mike’s ambition eventually poisoned the group. To make matters worse the Minister, having laid relatively dormant after helping destroy Wilhelm, was slowly coming back more aggressive than ever.

The final nail in the coffin took the form of a tumor growing in the center of his brain. It was beyond surgery, beyond medication and beyond strength. Keeping his diagnosis secret, Max would plan to live out his last days in the ring.

The Minister had other plans.

Still seeking to escape Max’s head, and knowing now that time was limited, the Minister decided to seize full control. Using his family’s connections the Minister had Max’s body pumped with an off brand Chinese super soldier serum healing the damage to the bones and muscle. Likewise he had a mechanical eye installed using Galt’s technology which allowed the Minister to transfer itself out of malfunctioning Administrator into a new, considerably more advanced unit.

With Max’s body pushed to its physical limit, the Minister enacted his dark plan. Turning on Mike and Cecilworth, the Minister waged a one man war against his former allies. Nearly murdering Mike on at least two occasions, it was finally decided at Rumble at the Rock 2020 that the two brothers would have a literal Death Match.

It was a savage affair with both men breaking bone, tearing flesh and spilling blood. In the last moments of the match, as the Minister sought to strangle the life out of Mike, Max managed to break the Minister’s control. In a last ditch effort to save his brother, Max impaled himself through the eye on a nearby IV stand.

And so, after 44 years, the life of Maximillian Wilhelm Kael came to an end.

Description:

Max had the kind of face that might have been handsome if not for the difficult life he lived. His body is covered in a patchwork of scars from years of abuse. Over the course of his twenty year career Max lost three eyes total meaning while he started with brown eyes he ended with one blue eye and one mechanical eye.

Lean, sinewy muscle covers his boney frame which gave him an awkward gait when he walked to the ring. Max wasn’t overly concerned with hygiene resulting in his hair often being a tangled, greasy mess. His fingernails were often chewed to bleeding and his clothing often stained with bodily fluids.

Not the traditional vision of what a professional wrestler looks like, Max made up for bulk power with a vicious cunning and a mind for treachery. As such he often kept weapons hidden within his clothing.

–

Hello good pals of mine, I hear you are here to witness the continued tale of that time “The Worthiest Male in Town” Max Kael and “No Nickname, He’s Just a Fancy Lad” Cecilworth Farthington met in the vast wasteland of human misery that is simply known as Florida. Join me, won’t you, on an adventure that many critics are already calling “the best interview that was ever done”.

Wait sorry, crossed wires, that was from the PornHub comments sections of “Twins Jerking Each Other Off”

Critics are already calling this one “a story that already happened this week”

Last we left your favourite eMpire heroes, a man got hit by a bus because he really wanted to shit in the street. I suppose the moral of that whole thing is “don’t shit on the street”. What do you do after you have just witnessed the hobo that you had roped into your vast criminal conspiracy to defraud an idiot British man of some of his considerable wealth has an INCREDIBLY public death?

Scrape off the the dead homeless man parts that got wedged in your brutalistic eyepatch and continue the plan regardless.

Kael: The key here about Florida is understanding how to purchase goods, evils, and service..

A slightly haggard Max Kael is bum rushing (which is an unfortunate term due a bum literally just getting rushed) Cecilworth out of the scene of chaos that transpired at the airport, hurrying away . The contempt oozes out of each syllabus of the word “Florida”

Farthington: Purr chase? We need to hunt cats? Do the awful swamp people of Florida barter using dead cats? It does make sense, if I was a good boy my dearest Papa would allow me to cut off a servant’s finger in exchange for one chocolate bar.

Max ponders digging further into the story but realizes all it will do is distract from the grand plan and instead makes an executive call to explain the world to Cecilworth with the patience of a kindergarten teacher.

Kael: Purchasing is when you hand over money in return for items.

Cecilworth blinks a confused twinkle-eyed blink as Max tries to mask his building frustration in explaining simple concepts.

Farthington: So… you give… money? Like, if I walked into a store, people don’t just give me things because I am the son of the Great Lord Farthington? That doesn’t seem right. I think they should just give me things – no need to carry this “money” business.

Kael: That’s how it may work on your tiny island Cecilworth but out here in… “Florida”… we need to go to the money store.

—-
A taxi ride later
Capital Bank
Key West
Florida
America
Earth
(That’s the planet we live on)

We now find ourselves in a bank. It’s a bank. IT’S A FUCKING BANK.

Farthington: So this is a money store?

Cecilworth swaggers over to an open counter and knocks the desk three times, taking a minimum wage worker drone by surprise and irritation.

Farthington: Good day madam! I am Cecilworth Farthington, heir to the Farthington Family fortune and amusement park. I have been told by my good personal friend Mr. Kael that in your wonderful country I need some of this money thing. Bearing this in mind, I would like to order upwards of seventeen stones of your finest money posthaste.

The woman behind the counter, for arguments sake we’ll call her Brenda because aren’t they all called Brenda is concerned, confused, enraged and irritated at the babbling Brit who stands before her. Brenda takes a deep breath and lets out a world weary sigh as if acknowledging this conversation is about to make her life just that little bit worse.

Brenda: Do you have an account at this establishment?

Cecilworth turns back around to Max who is slowly shrinking behind a small potted plant near where they both were standing, the slow dawning realization of the challenges of his plan washing over him.

Farthington: MAX! MAXIMUS! DO I HAVE AN ACCOUNT HERE?

—
Later that day
Dollar Tree
Key West Plaza

Kael: As we already discussed, twins are very dangerous. Generally speaking there are two of them which means four fists, four feet and..

Max takes a moment to look at his hands, quietly counting.

Kael: Probably twenty fingers.

A terrifying thought dawns upon the galaxy brain of Cecilworth.

Farthington: Are twins like vampires? Should I buy more crosses? I have a cross guy.

Cecilworth pulls out his mobular phone and begins scrolling the contact list until it settles on “Cross Guy”. His finger is hovering over the call button until Max “accidentally” stumbles and slaps it out of his hand, sending it sailing far, far away. The Prime Minister of Maxopotamia attempts what he considers to be an apologetic smile but produces the facial result of the mild discomfort you have when you watch someone else step barefoot on some lego. Legos? Lego? Legoats? The plural version.

Kael: Oh look, an AMT, Automated Money T…t…tabulizer. Tabulizer!

Farthington: So this is a money box? And these plastic card thingies go inside it? I’ve mostly been using them to throw at servants who have displeased me. Like when Giles said that One Direction were the best manufactured band of all time. IT IS CLEARLY THE SPICE GIRLS! THE SPICE GIRLS DAMN IT!

Cecilworth pulls a credit card out of his wallet and hurls it furiously into the air. Max watches the card fly through the air before pointing a finger at it where it lands on the ground.

Kael: Fetch!

A small mound of garbage nearby shuffles and skitters toward the credit card, a grubby hand extending out and snatching it before it slinks toward Max, the card held out. Max grabs the card and makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. The mound slithers away as Max holds the card back out toward Cecilworth.

Kael: Little people covered in garbage, no one ever pays attention to them. They make excellent go-fers.. Or assassins. Cost a quarter that Sex and Money charged to snipe people.

Farthington: My father has an army of Gopher Assassins. He was worried the Sexington Money family could come and snipe us and of course the obvious answer to protection on the estate grounds is an elite team of gopher snipers. So you are familiar with Darin Zion? I wish I wasn’t…

A haunted sadness echoes out of Cecilworth’s voice as Max guide him towards the Automated Money Tabulation machine.

Kael: I am familiar with Darin, I have 423 missed calls from the number he gave me. Aaaanywho, let’s get some money!

The Lord of Kaelsalvania slides up to a Tampa National Credit Union ATM and slaps it hard on the top as if to express the quality of the machine and the money inside through it’s structural stability. Then he looks at Cecilworth, Max himself having no real idea how ATMs work as he was generally always paid in cash or his finances handled by the Best Family. He continues to wear his painful smile staring at Farthington for an uncomfortably long time.

Kael: …yup here it is. Just.. get the money.

The Fancy Farthington Lad walks closer to the machine and peers at it like it was a form of alien technology. He cautiously extends his hand to the buttons and attempts to press down on the keypad. The minute his finger makes contact, he winces and runs away from the machine.

Farthington: I don’t like it and I don’t trust it!

Max looks down at the machine again, the mirrored camera reflecting his face back at him. A scowl crawls over his face as he narrows his eye.

Kael:..yes.. I understand completely.. That cold, dead blue eye staring out at the world, that ugly frown.. Cruel.. Yet strangely alluring. GIVE US THE MONEY!

Again he bangs it hard with his hand, frustration boiling over. The machine was making him look like a fool in front of the wealthy guy with the fancy accent. He wasn’t about to lose face set before another member of the eMpire, not when he had to fight twins with this man on the coming Monday. TWO PEOPLE.. who were sinisterly the same person.

Farthington: I have an idea. GHOST DIRK! GHOST DIRK! Please haunt this machine to give us this money thing my good pal Max desires so deeply.

Cecilworth taps his foot impatiently, as if expecting a literal ghost to float into the scene on his command. Cecilworth has been convinced for over a month that his old/current valet in the High Octane domain has become more of a haunting than a human. A few awkward minute pass as Max continues to lean up against the machine and Cecilworth awaits a ghostly treat.

Kael: Wait.. Wait I have a plan. Give me your card..

Max holds his hand out while keeping his eye locked on his own reflection, fearful if he looks away it might rob him of his soul or something. Cecilworth softly and steadily approaches Max and the machine, still fearful of the untrusted technology. He curtseys before Max, extending the card out to him. Max turns his head slightly catching Cecilworth’s curtsey, his jaw dropping slightly as he is completely unsure if the man is about to pounce before he notices the card. His thin fingers reach out and retrieve the card, turning and doing what one might expect a man attempting to squat in the woods might look like, completely incapable of returning the curtsey but trying nonetheless.

Kael: Ok.. So.. I think you feed the card to the machine and then, placated by it’s fresh meal, it will grant us the money.

Max slips the card into the machine as the gears angrily gobbles it up, thinking for a moment before the screen flashes to life requesting a pin number. Max turns his blue eye toward Cecilworth with a look of excitement on his face.

Kael: The Meal is accepted! It wants to talk to you!

Cecilworth refuses to get any closer to the machine.

Farthington: What does it want?

Kael: It’s asking about pin numbers? I guess your victories in the ring might have some effect on our money getting.

The Runt of the Farthington Litter drums his fingers across his lips in deep contemplation.

Farthington: What is “a bloody lot” in numerical terms?

Max turns his attention down at the small collection of numbered buttons on the ATM and once again narrows his eye. One hurdle crossed, another river to manage! He notices letters under each of the numbers.

Kael: I think I might have figured it out..

His fingers dance over the ATM as he slowly attempts to type out what Cecilworth had told him. Getting four letters in he found he could proceed no further.

Kael: No, it only lets me put in four letters!.. Or numbers.. Or.. characters. God, I thought this thing would at least be more advanced than the twitter..

Farthington: Oh, okay! How about just “a lot”, it doesn’t have to be bloody. Not like the shade of bloody those twins will be soon enough.

After a few more attempts Max’s face flushes red. He would NOT be bamboozled by this machine mocking him. Giving the machine a swift and violent kick with his foot there was a loud dinging noise from inside before twenty dollar bills start to spray out of the mouth of the ATM.

Kael: GOT IT!

Farthington: WE HAVE APPEASED THE GOD! Now to buy two of every item! As you know, buying items in duplicate is the only way to break the curse of the infernal twins. We must buy all the items and destroy them in the appropriate Farthington family traditions. First the creepy paper!

Kael: This is by far our best outing I think.

Farthington: I agree, there was almost zero street shitting this time.

Kael: Ice cream?