Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy
PRELUDE
WAKE UP!
Tristan-Crispin lifts the PRETTY PINK© branded eye mask off his face and he sees himself standing over his bed.
“It’s a great day today!” The image of TCG says as the real Tristan-Crispin nuzzles himself in response. He rolls to his side, kicks up his feet and places them on the ground.
“The sun is out!” The image exclaims, pointing out the window as Tristan-Crispin sees the sun has slowly begun to rise. TCG would watch the sun go all the way up in the sky and nuzzle himself constantly but he needs to start his day!
“Use the washroom!” The illusion directs in a fun and loving manner while Tristan-Crispin races into the washroom as he hops and skips across his cold tile bedroom floor. He goes number one.
“Wash your hands and then you can nuzzle yourself!” The voice guides the PRIME wrestler once more. He washes for the full twenty seconds and then gives himself a nuzzle!
“It’s shower time,” the fake TCG conveys, pointing towards the shower as The Nuzzle Lord finds a PRETTY PINK© branded towel, courtesy of Vickie. “And don’t forget to wash behind the ears!”
Don’t worry, Tristan-Crispin has no intention of cutting corners although he knows he has to hurry because time is running out. As the illusion is bound to remind him, even though TCG is already aware…
“You’ve got ten minutes because Vickie will be at your door! Oh golly goodness, a full day of meetings ahead with the LOVE CONVOY®! It’s a very important match you have next week and you know Vickie will go through every aspect with you!” The image of Tristan-Crispin tells the real TCG from outside the shower door. The illusion even takes a moment to open the shower door slightly and take a look at the man inside. They both nuzzle themselves after!
Gladhappy finishes washing his hair and also behind the ears before he snatches his towel and dries himself in a huff.
Out the door The Seductive Scorpio sprints and back into his bedroom where he collects his items but don’t worry, the PRETTY PINK© towel is firmly wrapped around his lower body so no one else can see the goods! Not yet anyways.
Gladhappy puts on his lip kissed boxers and then tosses the towel away! It lands on top of the TCG illusion and the fake Tristan-Crispin giggles in glee as he knows the real him is getting ready for a wonderful day!
Down the steps The Nuzzle Lord runs, hoping to make it to his front door before-
DING DONG
Oh shoot, she’s there already! Gladhappy falls down the second last flight of stairs as he puts on his pants. Luckily, he didn’t have far to fall so he will survive.
DING DONG
Silly Tristan-Crispin, sleeping in. He should’ve known Vickie doesn’t have a lot of patie-
DING DONG
DING DONG
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
DING DONG
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK-
This whole time, Gladhappy is struggling to get his shirt on but he finally says forget it. In what feels like what could have been minutes, the likelihood is whoever’s outside has only been knocking and ringing the doorbell for maybe ten seconds.
DING-
The Scorpio opens the front door, shirt stuck over his head.
“Hey, Vickie! So sorry to keep you waiting!” He apologizes as he eventually gets the shirt lowered to an unimpressed look by the Woman of Wonder.
Behind her stands a depressive looking Jonathan-Christopher with his head down and eyes to the floor.
Vickie’s finger happens to still be on Gladhappy’s doorbell. Eventually, she releases it.
DONG
And then with a tilt of her head and a bat of her eyes, she’s all business and ready to go.
“There’s no time to waste,” Vickie pronounces as she marches into the Gladhappy home but doesn’t remove her boots. “Now come along, Jonathan-Christopher.”
Gladhappy’s cousin enters and gives a brief, yet awkward smile towards TCG as he files in and takes off his shoes.
Vickie is already halfway down the hall but her voice is big and strong.
“The two of you lost last week and there will be NO further room for slip-ups! Come along now, I have a serious game plan laid out!”
Gladhappy takes a moment and pats his cousin on the chest.
“Good to see you, I can’t wait to get started!” And he scurries off after Vickie. “Coming! Let’s get things back on track!”
A STORY OF LOVE
Oh gosh, here we go again.
Let me tell you a story. It’s one you’ll enjoy, I promise. Or one you should enjoy, especially seeing how most of you are sick and twisted individuals. Anyways, sit back, relax and enjoy. This is a romp without an identity.
DOLLAR STORE SEDUCTION
It was a Thursday. That much I remember when I was out about my business in lovely downtown Sacramento. I had just returned home after suffering a humbling loss to The Anglo Luchador and earlier in the day I met with my beloved extended family to gameplan for my next match. Let’s be honest, I felt I had him dead to rights but sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some. However, this particular defeat wasn’t sitting too well with me at the moment. I was disgruntled. Heck, I was downright upset.
I kept replaying the closing moments of the match in my head over and over again. Sheesh, if I just could have moved this way or landed a dropkick that way. Maybe the result would have been different. But, as I browsed through the downtown shops of trinkets and toys, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Maybe I was looking at everything all wrong? Maybe the Lord chose me to lose to send me a more purposeful message. The Lord works in mysterious ways, after all and I would never put it past them that it was the case. Switch your perspective. It’s something my grandpappy always preached. It’s originally how he brought the Gladhappy family name to prominence. He always asked, if you can’t look through the eyes of another and see love, then you are incapable of it yourself.
It was that moment where I realized I was falling into the same old trope as anyone else who has ever lost a match before. Tsk, tsk. Unacceptable for someone of my ilk. Look at the bigger picture, Tristan-Crispin. Look deeper into it. The Anglo Luchador wears a mask, right? Well maybe YOU were the one who shouldn’t have been questioning his identity choices. Maybe HE was actually the one who experiences self-realized love?
Wow. Breakthrough. Interesting. I wondered why these epifanies always came to me whilst out and about. Anyways, it hadn’t ever been more clear. The Anglo Luchador was right to wear a mask the entire time. Maybe masks are the key? NOT MAYBE. Masks MUST be the key. How profound. Oh how the Lord showed me the way that afternoon but we were just getting started.
I didn’t end up finding anything of significance to buy from the first few stops of my shopping trip. I kept coming back to thinking about how much love do I love myself? Is it enough? Can I possibly get to a point where someone like The Anglo Luchador is? The lessons, thoughts and questions rifled through my head at near light speeds until I walked into a dollar store.
At first glance, it was your typical dollar store. Overly bright lights and ugly flooring tiles but I mean, what more do you need at a place with basement bottom prices? Anyways, I stalked up and down the aisles and everywhere I went, I saw that same Luchador mask until I had to stop to take a breath. I swung my head around and did a double take. All the items in front of me were back to normal. I was unsure but I carried on.
Eventually, I got a message on my phone from Vickie about my next booking and then it eerily hit me like a ton of bricks again. BAM! There it was, right in my face. Yet another masked foe. Interesting. The same worries shot through my mind. Initially, I questioned why Rocky De Leon wore a mask and all the same things I challenged Anglo Luchador with. Like, does Rocky not love himself? Then the Lord’s prayer caught back up with me. Maybe, just maybe Rocky loves himself as much as Anglo does?
Hmmmm. Groundbreaking. Then I tried going into things with that switched perspective with the idea that it might help me out down the road. There might be something to this whole wearing a mask nonsense. Sorry. Not nonsense. I need to expand my love and acceptance. It’s not nonsense, it’s just foreign to me. My family was all about showing overt love and having your bare face be seen as the stamp of approval. To be maskless was to be brave and to show the world that yes, this is me and this is how I love. Challenge me if you may but be prepared to get nuzzled if you do.
Yet there I was, looking over yard tools I didn’t need, wondering why I was the only one selected to fight two masked fellows in consecutive weeks. Again, I’d never challenge the Lord’s word but I couldn’t help but be curious. Then everything ended up changing.
As I looked up and down the aisles, I didn’t see Anglo Luchador’s mask, no. Instead, I saw De Leon’s. It was a much fiercer, scarier mask than Anglo’s. Heck, it even hid more of your face. Every single item in that store somehow morphed into that mask. All, except one. In the back corner of aisle thirteen sat a spicy yellow mask. It stood out to me because all the other masks were primarily black. I was drawn to it so naturally, I made my way up to it.
I grabbed the mask. Was it calling to me? I was wondering if I should don it and what would happen if I did? This whole thing made me deliberate whether or not I was the one who required a mask to wrestle. I remember holding the mask, with both hands wrapped up in it, as I looked skyward and asked the Lord for a sign.
I put the mask on. Delicately at first. It was an adjustment for sure. My whole world and my entire life was just about to change.
EYES WIDE COVERED
I stood in the dollar store, surrounded by Rocky De Leon masks yet I had just pulled on the softest yellow knitted cotton I could find. Oddly, there was no one else around me. The store was vacant. I didn’t even notice any clerks bustling about. I began noticing how different it was to look out of a mask too. The mesh eye covering hugged, nay, NUZZLED my eyelids as I peered through the holes.
Well that added a whole new dynamic, I thought. It took me a good five minutes of just standing there, moving my head around to get acclimated to wearing a mask. I imagined it being highly difficult to wear one and wrestle in it, let alone eat breakfast.
I persevered though. I distinctly remember hearing muffled sounds off in the distance. They felt like dark spirits taunting me to come dance with him. I wondered just what sort of forbidden fruit did I bite into? I felt eager. I remember I felt like I couldn’t help myself so I began walking towards the back of the store.
Of course, upon arrival, I noticed a push-bar door slightly ajar with ominous lights and sounds emanating from it. How could I come this far and NOT continue forward? So I pressed on. I slipped through the door which felt like a portal through space and time. I suddenly found myself in the halls of a century old mansion but everything was in tiptop shape. The mahogany wood paneled walls were bright and shiny as the walkway was lit by candles.
I cautiously stepped forward, allowing the hardwood floor beneath me to creak. Oddly enough, I wasn’t too worried. Never for a moment did I feel like I was in danger but rather, I felt like I was on the verge of discovery and I simply couldn’t wait to arrive at the destination. Each side door I passed seemed to be getting larger and larger. To stay grounded, I continually had the focus of my family name in the back of my head. For I thought they wouldn’t be completely disgraced that I adorned a mask. However, they wouldn’t be all peachy keen about it either. I justified my explorative masked adventure as a necessary cross section of curiosity meeting opportunity and left it at that so I could carry on.
I finally came upon the end of the hallway. Of course, there was one final big door. I raised my hand to knock but it opened before my skin could touch its surface. I glanced in. It was a much darker place than anything I had seen before. I ventured in with the most tentative of spirits.
The darkness consumed me. Especially once the door closed behind me. It took a moment but then I heard women chuckling and then I saw something. I saw people, just like me, wearing an array of unique masks. Except, that was the only item of clothing they had on their bodies. I felt rather embarrassed for them until, alas, I looked down and noticed all my Gladhappy parts were sailing in the winds of freedom too.
How bashful of me. How bashful of all of us. My insecurities slowly melted away as a man walked up to me and put a finger over the mouth of my mask. I stood frozen like a bunny caught in the scope of a flashlight. What was I to do? They could have mutilated me if they wanted even though we were all the same, yet different.
Like the creatures they were, they ended up surrounding me. All creeds, masks and sizes nestled up to me. It was then that I realized what was going on. I then did what I ask each and every one of my opponents to do. I embraced it.
Arms extended, one by one everyone fell into
THE
BIGGEST
NUZZLE
EVER.
It was divine. That was the first time I felt them. I felt the Lord that day and it was thanks to the mask on my face. I switched perspectives and gosh, was it working for me. I had finally become The Nuzzle Lord as what continued to take place isn’t something I’m fully committed to sharing in explicit detail but basically know this, I was nuzzled and so were they.
THE MORNING AFTER
The next thing I remembered was hearing the buzzing of my alarm clock. I groggily swung my hands from the middle of my bed towards it until it stopped. My head was still pounding from the night before. It felt like I had just endured the biggest bender of my life and I somehow made it home, albeit half naked. My bare face was to the ceiling and I looked down to see my pair of lip kissed boxers hugging my hips. I was safe.
Or was I? My stare naturally wandered over to my desk and windowsill. There were clothes strewn about and yeah, I am typically a pretty well kept person but the last few weeks got away from me and it was clear I needed to do laundry. I could hear my mom’s voice berating me to clean things up until I saw it.
There, as if hanging onto the arm of my desk chair for dear life, clung a yellow knitted mask. Maybe it wasn’t a dream after all. Did I really just have an exotic encounter of the nuzzle variety? At a dollar store no less? Am I on hallucinogens? Did someone drug me? WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? WHY DID I EMBRACE THE MASK? WHY ARE ALL THESE QUESTIONS CONSTANTLY GOING THROUGH MY MIND!?
WHY?
Why!
Why.
Defeated. I felt exhausted. I had no idea what I just put my spirit through the night before but one thing was for sure. I had to take the knowledge I was equipped with and somehow apply it against Rocky De Leon. Somehow, someway, I’m not sure if he was sending me messages directly or not but the tools I gained from that experience could not be lost. I needed to grab the yellow mask, grip it mightily, raise it to the sky and know that I could see it all, from every perspective this time.
And there wasn’t about to be an easy way of getting out of it.
COMPATIBILITY
Scorpio x Virgo
Rocky De Leon. Your mask certainly is scary but I’ve been through the eye of the storm and I have to admit, you don’t scare me much anymore.
After browsing through our zodiac compatibility, even more of my fears melt away because I know we’ll have an excellent match. Our communication is on another level so I expect you to naturally read my body language in the ring and I promise I’ll do that same.
Funny, all this talk about bodies and the way they move with each other. It’s almost as if my dollar store rendezvous was meant to be. It was a sign. Our encounter in the squared circle must be fate. A connection this good is too great to pass up.
Just promise me one thing. Promise you’ll use your body to be good to me. Nuzzle me like one of your dollar store doppelgängers did. Hold me tender. Don’t leave me out in the cold for too long. Embrace the love. That’s all I’m asking. It’s so simple.
I know this is a lock because of the astrological trust automatically placed between us. You trust me whereas I prioritize you. Some would say that’s a match, no pun intended, made in heaven.
So there it is. There you have it. The mask wins. I’ve embraced it. Anglo Luchador. Rocky De Leon. Now Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy can be added to that list. It’s not shameful to wear one. I’m proud of it. Now it’s time to show you my worth.