@WheresLoveConvoy: COME ON PRIME! We want the Love Convoy back!!!
@RealLovesRealestFan: It’s been week since we’ve heard from 2Become1. We want THE LOVE BACK!
@PRIMEMGMSUX42069: WE WANT MORE LOVE! LOOOOOVE’S THE BEST!!!
It’s been weeks since the Love Convoy disappeared off your television screens. No updates, no television time, nothing! PRIME management cut off The Love Convoy’s television privileges after we’ve made fair demands about our worth. After all the fabulous Vickie Hall does an fabulous job at outline our boundaries. Single handedly 2Become1 held up the PRIME Tag Team division after getting unfairly eliminated from that terrible reality television show. Both myself and my wonderful tag team partner went undefeated in tag team action since PRIME signed us. They didn’t realize how much we increase ratings in our PRIME demographic. People flocked and changed the channel to PRIME because we brought LOVE. They deprived you, the HALL-marks and the Zillennials the right to see us.
But that hasn’t deterred me from doing the right thing over the past few weeks. Ounces of sweat pour down my now grotesque, unkept hair. Hours, days, and weeks worth of sweat have caked all over my once beautiful body. Hell, rubbish and trash stuck within my hair. I’m still in the same clothes outside the MGM Grand from my last appearance. While I am sluggishly pacing along the building, I still hold up my sign protesting the PRIME management’s decision.
While my once boisterous voice grows more raspy with each passing chant. I keep hollering out my point at the top of my lungs:
“HECK YES! LOVE’S THE BEST! HECK YES! LOVE’S THE BEST! HECK YES! LOVE’S THE BEST!”
Grant it, I’ve only committed myself to saying that one phrase for so long. Hell, I might have forgotten what other words mean at this point. But God dammit! I’m gonna give this my all until I…
An alert pops up on my Zi-Phone 13 Pro Max powered by Z-Mobile. Leaping up and down in a frenzy, I bow to my knees, celebrating this momentous occasion. After weeks of valiant fighting, I’ve made it to Pay Per View. My first Prime Pay Per View in singles action. I’m against some man named Flamberge. I toss my sign towards the ground. Within an instant, I flash open my phone, going to the camera application. I didn’t care if I prepared or not for battle. It’s time to blurt out every ounce of pent up frustration I’ve kept sequestered over the past few weeks. I clench my fists at my side before cutting my promo.
“FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST! Your LOVE and support is felt by REAL LOVE here at the MGM Grand. It’s about damn time PRIME Officials RECOGNIZE that REAL LOVE Darin Zion holds value. Sure, I haven’t won any PRIME Championship belts. I might have 25 other championships over the course of my illustrious 16 year wrestling career. But I will NOT tolerate that disrespectful, hateful, and spiteful actions that’s happened against 2Become1 over these past few weeks.”
I brush my hair to the side in hopes the world gets a better glance at me.
“I have the chance to prove my damn worth to PRIME as a whole stepping into the ring against Flamberge. And let’s be really clear here…if you name yourself after a perfect description of a Burger King Whopper; you don’t love yourself. You’re not the best God damn wrestler in PRIME. All you should do is sell a side of fries to these fat, pathetic fans who are gluttons for this shit.
Let’s face the truth, Flambergerler…no one programs their Siri to recognize you’re a top fucking star. They don’t need to ask Siri for cheap promotion. Hell, you don’t need to pay for that shit. You ooze that charisma and charm and fight to get there. This ain’t 2005 where we build social media to get cheap self-promotion. That shit’s child’s play. You either have the God damn tools to make it in this world known as professional wrestling…or you fuckin’ fail.
It’s no wonder you haven’t made a splash in PRIME yet. You’ve 50% in the door and 50% out the door. REAL LOVE gives 100%. It drives inspiraZION to achieve all your goals and dreams. It fights no matter if the odds are against it. It takes the path less travelled. It causes you to conquer face strife head on. It’s not something that makes you beg for a Frosty or McFlurry or shit like that.
Here’s the truth, Flamberge…you’re just another food related pun. You’re shilling shit like the Egg Bandits. PRIME’s been there done that. These fans need love! They need die-hard passion that makes their heart flutter. I give them that as the heart and soul of the LOVE CONVOY. They lined up begging for me to step into the ring with someone pathetic like you. Rather I have my cohorts at ringside this week or I go it alone. These fans need to experience MY LOVE for them. They need to see me take you down a few pegs. They don’t need some vain attempt at a wrestler’s ego that’s trying to grasp at straws.
You’re some fool from yesteryear. I’m their future! Rather you want to listen to the truth or not, PRIME recognizes I have more value to drive a match on this card by calling me back to action. They know what I’m all about. I give them my all, 1000%. That’s a testimony to the Z-Mobile brand right here.
When you step into the ring with me, kid. I’m gonna flame broil your ass in front of the world to see. It doesn’t matter what you attempt to do. I’m going to lock you in my submission and make you tap out like a bitch in front of the world to see. The stimulaZION I give this crowd…they’ll feel it. They’ll get rock hard on about REAL LOVE. I’ll show this Las Vegas crowd what the hell REAL LOVE’S ABOUT. And there’s not a damn thing you can do to stop me.”
Wasting no time, I pick up my sign and continue to picket around the arena. My blood is boiling, ready for some action. If it’s a fight PRIME officials want to see from REAL LOVE. BY GAWD I’ll give them a fight like they’ve never seen. It’ll pale in comparison to these shitty court hearings the pathetic peons worship over failed celebrities. I’m here to show that love conquers all. And I give you, the PRIME FOLKs, my undying, unrelenting love when I return this week.