Jonathan-Christopher Hall
Hallmark Journey @LoversInADangerousTime
Hello JABBERS! My love, Jonathan-Christopher, his best friend, Darin Zion and myself, the amazing Vickie, have been BOOTED from the MGM Atrium! We will not let PRIME silence our voice! We deserve our Hallmark ending! #ALP #LOVECONVOY2022 #HONK4LOVE #CANTSILENCEOUREMOTIONALCONNECTION #PRIMEWrestling #LINDSAYTROYISABOOB
Matt @ilikestrawberriessometimes
Replying to @LoversInADangerousTime
Seriously STFU Halls
George from Philly @trusttheprocess69
Replying to @LoversInADangerousTime
These dipshits are more annoying than I am
Tickle Me Craiggles @totalticklescraig
Replying to @LoversInADangerousTime
OK because protesting will get you wins inside the ring, this checks out
Joe Campbell @THEjoecampbell
Replying to @LoversInADangerousTime
Did Elon Musk buy this platform too? Fuck off
Totally Not a Burner Account @hallsjourney4love
Replying to @LoversInADangerousTime
ReJAB if you agree that wrestlers in the LOVE CONVOY and bikers in The Outlaw Bandits Motorcycle Club are our true PRIME champions and FREE LOVE FIGHTERS!
(0 reJABS, 0 likes)
HOT TUB TIME MACHINE
A true love story
An honest friendship
Don’t forget to bring a towel, we’re gonna be here for a long time
— — — — —
Outside the MGM Grand Garden Arena
(Technically across the street because there wasn’t enough space)
Las Vegas, NV
April 29, 2022
05:00
Vickie stands on a small patch of grass in the heart of Vegas. Daylight hasn’t broken through yet and for a downtown core that never sleeps, this is likely the quietest hour. The odd drunk stumbles by but most of the chronic gamblers remain indoors, the tourists have returned to their hotels and the locals, well, they’d be nowhere near this place anyway.
Except for one.
Pretty Pink sways from side to side, feeling rather anxious. She stares at the arena. She swears she can peer through the entrance doors and see the atrium already. This place was meant to be her home. Their home. And they were BOOTED. Because management doesn’t have an open mind. Because management is hypocritical.
But she will expose these details later.
Vickie leans her head onto the roadway, as if doing so would allow her to see further down the city. She’s restless. She rubs her hands together, collects a deep breath and then views the other end of the street.
“Honey,” he says softly, approaching with caution so he doesn’t scare her. “I received confirmation. Delivery should be here any minute.”
He holds up his phone to show the UPS delivery tracking app, hoping this relieves her. She places a hand on his shoulder and he immediately puts the phone in his pocket. He wraps his hands around her, he stares into her eyes.
“Fucking REAL LOVE, let’s go!” Bellows his best friend, walking into the picture. His hair is obnoxiously tied in a bun, and he sports a leather jacket with very tight black pants.
“Way to ruin the moment, Darin,” Jonathan-Christopher sighs as he looks over to his teammate. Zion’s indifferent.
“It’s okay, honey,” Vickie releases her hold on The Vow of Virtue and Jonathan-Christopher trembles. He wanted his kiss. He needed to feel physical closeness… but his Amazing Life Partner is onto the next thing. She’s been so focused on organizing this event. He knows it’s in their name, he knows it’s for all the right reasons but he can’t help feeling like an afterthought.
Jonathan-Christopher pinches the back of his neck. He does this when significantly stressed. He knows he’s being unreasonable so he won’t say a word. He reaches out for Vickie’s hand. At least let him have that. And yet her hands move upwards. For such a tiny frame, Pretty Pink often uses her entire body to speak.
“This is the start of a very big movement,” Vic drifts off. “Our true journey to the top…”
Zion nods with passion. Jonathan-Christopher forces a smile.
“We will show everyone what TRUE LOVE is…”
“REAL LOVE, hell ya!” Zion adds, to which Vickie acknowledges him like a misguided school child looking for approval.
“Yes, Zion. Love from every angle.”
And finally, she dives into her man’s arms and he holds her tight. Instant reassurance crosses his face, how could he have been so foolish a moment ago?
“Can you check the time on the delivery?” She asks.
But he doesn’t have to. The UPS truck appears in the distance.
“Showtime, boys,” she says with vigor.
— — — — —
Dear Dangerous Mix,
Hurts to be kicked out of SurViVor, doesn’t it? Because of you, we were the first ones BOOTED. I forgot about The God-Beast and The Jersey Devil because, ultimately, the two of you are awfully forgettable. My Amazing Life Partner, of course, has not forgotten. She does not forget anything. She reminds me, we will make you boys pay. You have been failures in DEFIANCE so what makes you think you’ll have success over here? PRIME is a fantastical adventure, a mythical tail with a happy ending. It is meant for Vickie, my best friend and me. We are the journey, the fresh breath of love and commitment this squared circle needs. Clearly, we were placed on the weak SurViVor team, with weak-minded wrestlers like yourselves who have risen to nothing.
When Vickie and I joined this company, our aspirations ran deep but we did not intend to bring harm upon anyone.
Harm, however, was brought onto us. Three times.
I need my sugar blossom more than ever before. No one understands what makes the Hall’s tick. It makes my knees weak and my stomach turn when I consider how isolated we are. The Hall’s have been pushed to the side since the beginning.
And only because our love is pure.
Vickie tells me everyone will suffer. No one had to but now you all will. The LOVE CONVOY is our connection to the fan base. It’s going to give us a platform unlike any other. We will be talked about more than the World Champion, who’s name I do not dare to mention for the sake of severe trauma. The Hallmark Journey and Darin Zion will become the conversation piece in all PRIME-related interactions. 5-Star Champion? Who? Intense Champion? What? Tag Team Champions?
Us.
Soon, through our displays of affection outside of the ring, it will bring me strength inside of it, too. Last week, my best friend and I took down two former World Champions. We made them run away. Next Friday, we’ll BOOT your team from thinking you have any hope to capture a fairy tail ending of your own.
Mushigihara, who could ever love you? You’re an oversized, under-developed, waste of a big man. You should be a ten time champion but you have no one to help unlock your potential. Then again, there is no counterpart on this earth who could see you for anything more than empty space.
David Fox, what colour is your hair this time? I guess we all want to look youthful when we’re older. Believe it or not, I’ve heard of you. See, Vickie is the wrestling fan. She knows a little about your career but considers you the blemish on every promotion you’ve been a part of.
An old, lonely soul, searching for his own happy ending alongside a tall, verbally inept giant, attempting to find his Happily Ever After. You two won’t find anything in Sin City.
The Dangerous Mix cannot hold a candle to Lovers in a Dangerous Time.
We will break your heart further, humbling you inside the ring, as you were recently humbled, voted off the reality show.
Vickie’s out for vengeance. We are determined to express our connection freely. We’ll end your story.
Oh, and on the way out, don’t forget to honk.
-Jonathan-Christopher Hall
— — — — —
Outside the MGM Grand Garden Arena
Las Vegas, NV
April 29, 2022
05:15
The delivery man hops out of his vehicle. He’s surprised to find three people waiting directly in front of the driver’s door. One man, well groomed with perfect hair. He has a chiseled jawline, steel blue eyes and his muscles burst through his dark blue track jacket and khaki cargo pants. For a man who looks like he should have all the confidence in the world, he displays the most needy demeanor out of the trio. The second man… well, one look at him and you know you’re in for an interesting experience. Leather jacket, hair tied, eyeing the city like he owns it but in reality is at the bottom of the list. Finally, the woman, dainty, thin, practically made out of glass. Yet those bushy eyebrows, her hot pink jacket and leggings, the UPS guy knows who’s in charge.
“Got uh, blow-up hot tub in the back. I assume it’s for you,” he says these words quickly, already wanting to move onto his next delivery.
“Yes,” Vickie nods with certainty. “Do fetch that.”
The man hops out of the UPS branded van, walks to the back and slides the door open. He rolls out the hot tub, which isn’t inflated and wrapped in clear plastic.
“Just need you to sign for it,” he pulls out a handheld device and passes it over to Vickie. Jonathan-Christopher nudges Darin Zion to help him relocate the hot tub to a specific location.
“We normally don’t make deliveries at this hour,” the delivery man says, wanting to question what they’re plans are with the hot tub but decides otherwise. “You’re one of our Platinum My Choice® members, though.”
Vickie closes her eyes and tilts her head back, hearing she is such a priority for one of the largest shipping companies in the world has not only soothed her, it’s fed her ego. Meanwhile, the UPS guy mutters something under his breath, likely about hating his life and catering to people as pompous as this… but we’ll never know for sure. He leaves very quickly.
Vickie sees her ALP and Zion unwrapping the instrument of relaxation. She saunters over and detaches the instruction booklet from it.
“Sink into a warm and bubbling hot tub after a long day!” She begins reading the front page of the book. “This 71”-by-27” hot tub spa is ideal for relieving muscle pain, improving sleep and relieving stress, which is good for your health!”
Vic pauses. A wicked grin crosses her face. She no longer reads from the manual.
“It’s also good for amplifying our voices.”
Pretty Pink peers at the MGM Arena.
“And getting what we deserve!”
The boys continue working hard to unwrap the structure while Vickie steps back and observes. She wouldn’t dare lift a finger. Instead, she glances over the second page of the instruction booklet.
“Wow! One-hundred-and-eight bubble jets for a full body massage! Fits up to four people!” She sees the boys are already sweating. “Great, we can set you up with a lady friend, Darin!”
“Ohhhh, comes with a 2240-Watt heater and temperatures in the one-hundreds!” Vic is tickled pink! She soaks in the scene, skipping ahead to later today, where she can envision countless fans and fellow PRIME staffers joining the Hall’s in their quest.
“Can’t wait…” her voice trails. Jonathan-Christopher and Darin have almost finished removing the plastic wrap. Vic notices other amenities of the hot tub.
“It’s self-inflating! Dearest Jonathan-Christopher,” she says with emphasis. “You don’t have to blow this thing up on your own after all!”
Relief would cross The Timid Tiger’s face but he continues to be preoccupied with the task at hand…
— — — — —
A long time ago in a multiverse far, far away…
I once teamed with a dork named Xander Azula. He liked to cosplay as a wise sage. Then he transitioned into becoming a knock off Morty clone. Now, however, he’s formed a D&D Guild with another team of jackasses. I’m sure he told them they’re the key to saving the entire world. It’s the same recruitment story he gave me.
…Until I saw through the pyramid scheme.
Xander Azula and his crew ruined my career in High Octane. The Masters stole money out of my wallet. Through all my hard work, the bastard shoved a shiv in my back. He left me laying in cold blood, effectively killing my career. And now PRIME wants to make money off these assholes!? It’s absolute garbage! Those poor souls are bankrupt if they think this B-Team will make them money.
No. PRIME is going to flourish with me, instead.
I can’t allow these dipshits to thrive. REAL LOVE needs to show TOUGH LOVE. These morons crawled out of their parent’s basement. They need to grow up and take wrestling seriously. You’re damn right I’ll show them who the key to their success was. They leeched off REAL LOVE’s creative mind. Without me, they will fall flat on their asses.
I am sick and tired of being overlooked. I am a valuable wrestling asset. I am the focal point in PRIME.
Masters of the Multiverse B-Team? Well I’m the A-Team. And without Darin Zion, let’s just say you won’t go far.
I promise.
-REAL LOVE, Darin Zion
— — — — —
Outside the MGM Grand Garden Arena
Las Vegas, NV
April 29, 2022
06:15
Signage – CHECK
Banners – CHECK
Air horns – CHECK
Megaphones – CHECK
Streamers – CHECK
Flags – CHECK
Hot tub – DOUBLE CHECK
Vickie rests in the hot tub, her head is tilted back and her eyes are closed. Beside her stands Jonathan-Christopher, still fully dressed and obviously not in the hot tub. He’s holding onto fifteen different signs, waiting to distribute them to various people at will.
…Except no one else has arrived.
“Is anyone here yet!?” Vickie inquires, unwilling to open her eyes and check for herself.
“Not yet, baby,” Jonathan-Christopher responds and Vickie grunts.
“I did say we’ll start at 6am. This may be a little too soon…” she holds her confidence nonetheless.
It’s a fair observation but Jonathan-Christopher is having none of it. “No, baby,” he begins, “nothing is too soon for you.”
“Awwww, baby, I love it when you call me baby,” she reminds him. “Are you still holding those signs?”
“Yes, of course,” The Timid Tiger announces with certainty, although anxiety creeps into his mind. JC tips forward and peers deep into the street, hoping to find a mob of supporters headed in their direction.
Nothing. Not even a few drunken stumblers.
“Ah screw this, man!” Zion snaps, as he pulls off his leather jacket and starts undressing. “I’m going to join you, Vickie.”
The Woman of Wonder remains chilled, not looking over. “Fine with me, Darin,” she states. “We can talk about Meredith more, I don’t think she’s right for you.”
Vickie mentions Zion’s long-term girlfriend. However, Vic dreams of setting Zion up with someone else… anyone else… as long as it’s a flower handpicked by her.
“Hop on in, Zion.” Finally, Vickie turns her head towards Jonathan-Christopher, although she continues to keep her eyelids shut. “My ALP will be on watch duty. Won’t you, honey?”
Jonathan-Christopher blushes, being tasked with such an important role.
“Anything for you, baby.”
Although now the pressure mounts inside him even further.
— — — — —
BAE
iMessage
Today (04/29/22) 9:26am
hey bae-
i know ur stressed-
gonna need u to start handing out signs soon baby-
come back from ur walk plz-
u got nothing 2 b worried about-
CONVOY going to be hugre succes-
baby?-
baby u know I don’t like it when u ghost me-
helloOO-
baby?-
9:35am
-Hey sorry I just checked my phone right now.
hey there u r baby-
how far away are u?>-
-Right around the corner.
no but like how far away-
that didn’t give me a time-
-Sorry one minute. Two blocks away.
that’s not right around the corner lol-
thats 2 blocks away-
-Sorry ya, be there in a moment.
OK and ur ready to hand out signs?-
-Yeah, I will try my best to interact with everyone.
OK good-
going 2 b an important day 4 us-
will certainly need ur best effort-
-I know baby. Zion still there?
Zion still here he’s getting ready 2-
-Okay great see you soon I love you
luv u 2-
— — — — —
Outside the MGM Grand Garden Arena
Las Vegas, NV
April 29, 2022
10:10
Only Darin Zion remains in the hot tub. While activity has picked up, the LOVE CONVOY’s been at a standstill.
“Sign for you?”
The couple simply passes, ignoring the outstretched arm of one JC Hall.
“Sign for you?”
Another couple, hand-in-hand, a man in his sixties and a woman in her twenties. They take no notice.
“Sign for you?”
A large, disgruntled man wanders by.
“Get the fuck out of my face.”
And he continues walking.
“Sign for you?”
Another couple. Another easy to ignore interaction.
Jonathan-Christopher stands in the middle of the sidewalk, trying to distribute homemade LOVE CONVOY posters, although he’s barely acknowledged. The man who made the rude comment was actually the first interaction JC’s had.
“Baby, you need to be more forceful,” Vickie demands. She sits on the ground below him, beside the hot tub. “I don’t like the tone of your voice. You’re not making an impact. You need to stand out.”
Pretty Pink has been coaching her ALP for the past half hour. The streets are not overwhelmed with people, at least not yet but given their location, Vickie knows bedlam will soon ensue and Jonathan-Christopher has to be ready.
“We’ll need to talk about the match, too,” Vickie adds. “Mushigihara, David Fox and the Multiverse Men…”
Zion sneers from inside the hot tub. “Leave the B-Team to me. I’m the one who invented the Multiverse. They stole from ME. Xander Azula and I are the originals.”
The Forever Man doesn’t have a clue what Zion’s talking about. Even if he wanted to inquire, Jonathan-Christopher has much more important things to do.
“Sign for you?”
Another group doesn’t make eye contact.
“Jonathan-Christopher,” the Woman of Wonder begins. “You boys will need to make quick tags when Mushi’s the ring. While he has never lived up to his promise, he’s quite big…”
Vic’s voice trails off as she playfully nudges her ALP in the leg. “You’re bigger in other ways…”
Jonathan-Christopher blushes and Vickie goes back to her initial thought.
“David Fox is the one you’ll want to target.”
JC nods as he intends to hand out a sign. For the first time today, he’s captured somebody’s attention. A man grabs hold of the sign, looks down… and then passes it back to Hall before fleeing.
“Gosh golly, Jonathan-Christopher,” Vickie shakes her head. By now, the Forever Man has full blown anxiety. “You’re not doing it right.”
Vickie stands, dusts herself off and leans by the hot tub. While JCH may be unsuccessful, the hot tub has definitely received some attention.
“Interest is only going to pick up,” Vickie walks over and wraps her arms around her man. He immediately feels the strength to speak a little louder and dig his feet in at the next couple who approach.
“Hey, you should have a sign,” he shoves a ‘LOVE IS ESSENTIAL’ poster in front of their faces. “My name is Jonathan-Christopher, this is my Amazing Life Partner, Vickie and my best friend Darin Zion…”
Zion ‘tips his cap’ from the hot tub.
“And we were wronged by the revived wrestling league PRIME, so we’re camping out here for however long it takes to be recognized as the most important part of the promotion. Care to join us and help make our voices heard?”
JC looks over to the hot tub. “Jump in for some relaxation, too?”
The couple contemplate Jonathan-Christopher’s invitation.
“Well honey,” the woman wonders out loud to her partner while Pretty Pink’s conduct instantly changes to a rattled state, as if someone has mightily wronged her.
“Please,” she declares. “Join us, even for a few minutes. All I ever wanted was to love my man but since the owner can’t find true love on her own, she’s using us as an example.”
The couple has no idea what Vickie’s talking about but they see her puppy dog eyes and feel her pain.
“We are in Vegas…” the woman says to her man. “And the hot tub does look nice.”
Vickie can’t help but disclose a devilish grin to her ALP before bringing the puppy dog eyes back to the couple.
“Wow, thank you so much,” she mentions, taking a sign from Jonathan-Christopher and handing it over to the man. “Take one of these, too.”
“Hell yeah!” Zion bellows, ensuring there’s enough space for more people in the hot tub by moving his feet. “C’mon in and hang with REAL LOVE!”
Vickie hugs Jonathan-Christopher as the random couple places the sign beside their belongings, eventually stripping down to their undergarments.
“And so it begins, my dear,” she says to her forever man. “So it begins.”