How Expensive Is Long Distance from Russia?

On August 28, 2023 at 6:18 AM PT, Alexei Ruslan was banned from Jabber.

On August 28, 2023 at 6:20 AM PT, Ivan Stanislav was banned from Jabber.

Thus began a litany of international correspondence from Moscow to PRIME headquarters, the likes of which had never been seen before.

Below are snippets of private phone calls from the offices and employees of Ivan Stanislav and Alexei Ruslan to PRIME HQ. More specifically: Lindsay Troy’s office.

Monday, August 28, 2023

9:30 AM PT

Phone calls begin flooding PRIME HQ at 10 minute increments. Messages appear to be generated via AI. All state the same thing: That clearly there was an error and Alexei Ruslan and Ivan Stanislav were banned from Jabber by accident.

10:00 AM PT

Voicemail from Alexei Ruslan.

Alexei Ruslan: Lindsay Troy! I am certain you have already seen my press release regarding what is increasingly appearing to be a blatant attempt to silence your two biggest stars in PRIME. I encourage you, no, I demand that you lift this ban immediately!

12:23 PM PT

AI generated phone calls continue.

1:00 PM PT

Voicemail from Alexei Ruslan.

Alexei Ruslan: Lindsay Troy, I bet you think you are having great fun, eh? Typical capitalist! Silencing those who might try to pull the blinders off of the little people and reveal you to be the golem that you are! How dare you! I anxiously await your apology!

1:05 PM PT

Voicemail from Ivan Stanislav.

Ivan Stanislav: Lindsay. Lift this ban. Alexei did nothing wrong. Furthermore, once more I did nothing as well! This is beginning to appear more ludicrous than the bogus fine you leveled against me for the forklift! Praporshchik Stanislav.

Tuesday, August 29, 2023

8:00 AM PT

Voicemail from Alexei Ruslan.

Alexei Ruslan: Oh ho ho Lindsay! You think you are so cute! Now knock this bullshit off. Is this some vain attempt to protect Brandon Youngblood and the Anglo Luchador? You are afraid we’ll speak the truth and frighten them away?!

8:05 AM – 12 PM PT

Russian robocalls continue.

1:00 PM PT

Voicemail from Ivan Stanislav.

Ivan Stanislav: Lindsay. I already have to fly across the planet to see Paxton Ray and go to Gray’s Academy because of your ridiculous booking. Least you could do is calm Alexei down and lift this ban. Praporshchik Stanislav.

1:00 PM PT Onward

Russian robocalls resume. No longer is the message considering the banning as an error. Calls now demand the ban be lifted. Robocalls continue for the next several days at ten minute increments.

Wednesday, August 30, 2023

9:06 AM PT

Voicemail from Ivan Stanislav.

Ivan Stanislav: Lindsay Troy. Happy Birthday. I sent a fruit basket to your office yesterday. As a token of goodwill I forbade Alexei from bugging it. I will neither confirm nor disconfirm if he wanted to bug said fruit basket. For my sanity and everyone else in Russia, lift this ban! Praporshchik Stanislav.

11:24 AM PT

Voicemail from Alexei Ruslan

Alexei Ruslan: YOU ARE A VERY PETTY WOMAN!!

3:00 PM PT

Voicemail from Arina Timofeyevna, female aide to Ivan Stanislav.

Arina Timofeyevna: Yes. Hello. Ms. Troy? My name is Arina Rakhila Timofeyevna. I am calling in regards to um, a “ban” on Mr. Ruslan and Praporshchik Stanislav’s Jabber accounts. I was asked to call you and try to work out this situation. My superiors are concerned that, for some reason, perhaps their calls are not going through. Can you please call me back at the office so we can figure out this issue? Thank you very much, Ms. Troy. Have a good afternoon.

Thursday, August 31, 2023 – Friday September 1, 2023

Russian robocalls persist at ten minute intervals.

Saturday September 2, 2023

1:00 PM PT

Voicemail from Maksim Stepanov, male aide to Ivan Stanislav.

Maksim Stepanov: Hey, Lindsay Troy. My name’s Maksim. I’ve sent some stuff to your office in the past. I am literally calling you on my day off, so you know this is a big deal. Do you think you can lift this ban on Jabber? Thanks. I’d rather do other things with my life than call your office.

Sunday, September 3, 2023

10:00 AM PT

Voicemail from Alexei Ruslan.

Alexei Ruslan: If you think for a moment, Lady Troy, that this is annoying me you are completely off base!! That is all!!

Monday, September 4, 2023

11:00 AM PT

Voicemail from Ivan Stanislav.

Ivan Stanislav: Lindsay Troy. I assume you are working today, since this is the date of the only American holiday which matters: Labor Day. Hard work, as you know, makes for good citizenry.

Lindsay, I am shocked that this has gone on for literally one weeks’ time. Considering how close we are. You are running quite close to damaging our friendship.

I admit there is quite a missed opportunity here. I had a very nice message I had prepared for the roster of PRIME, regarding hard work and labor day. I feel it would be quite the morale booster, and yet your stubbornness is now damaging potential roster morale that I could provide as true locker room leader of PRIME.

Let us knock this off, eh? Call me if need be. Praporshchik Stanislav.

7:00 PM PT

Voicemail from Arina Timofeyevna.

Arina Timofeyevna: Hello Ms. Troy. This is Arina Timofeyevna once more. I had called you the other day. I apologize for calling you later in the evening, but Praporshchik Stanislav was insistent. I was supposed to call you earlier, but I did not realize Praporshchik had made this request until now.

Have you been receiving any of our messages? We have been trying to see if you could lift this ban on Jabber, please? Mr. Ruslan is very upset. Praporshchik Stanislav is very annoyed. And I am beginning to worry that if I do not fix this issue soon, they will blame me. Is there any way you can help? Thank you very much, Ms. Troy.

7:03 PM PT

Voicemail from Alexei Ruslan.

Alexei Ruslan: Lindsay Troy. If any little bird tells you that I am upset, they are sorely mistaken! You keep this up, and I promise you Praporshchik Stanislav will knock that cue-ball head of Brandon Youngblood’s out into the balcony seats at Little Caesar’s Arena and that cushy lifetime contract you wasted on such a subpar “talent” will surely be squandered!

I have no doubt you have been terribly hurt because I did not wish you a happy birthday the other day. I still will not! It is not that I didn’t want to, but I felt it necessary considering your gross abuse of power!

Do you have any idea how many members of the PRIME roster are privately up in arms over this malfeasance? They may not say it publicly out of fear of their employer, but privately they are growing more and more restless. It only seems to prove just how important Ivan Stanislav is to the continued prosperity of PRIME.

This is getting ridiculous! If you have the guts to call and apologize to me, so be it!

*clattering sounds, as if the phone was dropped*

Alexei Ruslan: (voice farther away) Ты ублюдок телефон!!!! (You bastard phone!!!!)

*call is abruptly cut off*