I CAN BUY MYSELF FLOWERS, WRITE MY NAME IN THE SAND, TALK TO MYSELF FOR HOURS, SAY THINGS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I CAN TAKE MYSELF DANCING, I CAN HOLD MY OWN HAND, I CAN LOVE ME BETTER THAN…

…NATE CAN!!!

— — — — —

FLOWERS
A true love story
An honest friendship
JCH can love himself better. Apparently.

— — — — —

September 16, 2002

The kid in the corner.

Sitting there. Quietly. Solemnly. Passively. Wishing he could be like the others.

But he isn’t. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. Oh, he does want to! He sees their eyes glisten when they bump into each other first thing in the morning, sharing stories of what they did the night or weekend before. Since it’s so early in the year, they often discuss the exciting events that transpired over the summer. The kid in the corner knows these summertime tales can provide weeks of material. Months, if they’re lucky. If only he had the will to engage.

But you have to be invited into the conversation to have the will. You have to have stories to be invited.

The kid in the corner has none of these.

What did he do with his summer? He sat in front of a windowsill. Silly, yes. Goofy, in fact. Depressing, if he was old enough to know the definition. The kid sat there endlessly. It’s not because he wanted to do this every single day. It was because it’s the only thing that provided him hope. His mom was gone. Well, most of the time. When she sporadically arrived home she wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Oh, he’d try to capture her attention. He’d try really hard! But she had other plans, other people, other ideas. She had a summer, the kid in the corner thought. Her stories would provide a year’s worth of fun for the children who currently conversed in front of him.

But she has different friends. A different friend every week. Perhaps a different friend every day. Some would leave in a haste. Others would stay for a while. A few would make her laugh, others cry. Most made her scream. If she was in the kid’s position, she would never be in the corner.

Front and center.

So the kid sat at the window, wishing for his father to return. He didn’t play baseball. He didn’t travel halfway across the world. These are some of the stories his fellow peers are talking about at the moment.

Instead of being the kid in the corner, like he is right now, during the summertime he was the kid at the window. The only difference is, back at home, he did not have to hear everyone else’s magnificent tales. He was merely praying to find his.

It never came; he was told it wouldn’t. He was scolded for sitting there. But what else was he going to do? He didn’t have the opportunities the ones in front of him had. The only location he could escape to was his bedroom or the front yard.

The whole thing grew tedious after a couple of days.

Then again, so does the corner of this very room the boy rests in. It’s his fourth year going through these motions. The first two, he never comprehended. Now? He thoroughly understands.

The kid in the corner. The one all alone. The others share stories of laughter and excitement. Of dreams and accomplishments. Of joy and entertainment.

He sits there, as a tear slowly trickles down his cheek. He doesn’t think he was asking for much. Listening to the stories he hears before the teacher walks into class, he closes his eyes and wishes and hopes. That one day in the future… he could find something to hold onto.

The kid in the corner.

— — — — —

PPG Paints Arena
LOVE CONVOY Locker Room
Pittsburgh, PA
August 11, 2023
20:11

This is a nice man.

To be honest, he isn’t 100% sure yet. But he thinks so. They sit side-by-side, duffle bags in hand. Jonathan-Christopher can feel what Nate has been through. A castaway, a thrown-to-the-side person with feelings who wanted to do good and make lifelong connections. Savannah Scandal wasn’t Nate’s fault, and yet he receives the blame. A recent breakup? Gosh, it makes JC want to vomit.

Vickie has invited Nate into their locker room. Yes, it seems like a complete 360 (or is it 180?) from the environment Vickie conveyed recently on national television. A month ago the LOVE CONVOY change room was littered with hate posters slamming Nate Colton’s name. It was a different time, Vickie told JC. Nate was standoffish and Vickie didn’t peer inside his soul. Then she, and they, started to understand The Diamond’s own charming Hallmark Journey.

They both have matches tonight. Jonathan-Christopher sees himself pitted against the dreaded Anna Daniels. A former champion, a woman who’s achieved a great deal of success. Hall is only starting to achieve success. Then there is Nate Colton. He has one loss on his record. One. It’s an incredible achievement in what the critics call “the best roster in wrestling”. Take that in for a second. Jonathan-Christopher does. One loss. Plenty a victory. A title to Nate’s name, as well.

Colton could add another.

It would be the same title; nobody’s counting. This is what Vickie dreams of. It’s the goal she’s strived towards since the day Jonathan-Christopher and her were together. Manage a champion. Managing numerous champions at once? It gets her PRETTY PINK© panties in a bind.

“I hope you win,” Jonathan-Christopher says to Nate. Colton smiles warmly and replies with a similar gesture. Jonathan-Christopher uses this opening to ask for something. He is reluctant at first. Extremely reluctant. But there is a distinct quality about this man.

He is nice.

Jonathan-Christopher asks for advice. He knows Colton has already wrestled Anna Daniels and is solid inside the ring. As Jonathan-Christopher asks Nate what he thinks of Anna Daniels’ skill set… the Folsom native can’t help but glance over to the PRETTY PINK© branded perfume sitting across the way.

Ah, yes. The perfume Hall required to secure a recent victory. The perfume he may need to use again. Probably will. Likely will!

Jonathan-Christopher could learn a lot from Nate. This man doesn’t need resorting to outside tactics.

They talk for a few minutes. Nate supplies wrestling insight and logic while Jonathan-Christopher listens. They do this while laying out their ring gear collectively.

Jonathan-Christopher is beside himself. In fact, he weaves in and out of the discussion because he is so stunned another human converses willingly.

“Thank you,” Jonathan-Christopher says to Nate, as he glances over at Vickie. She gives a proud yet surprised and accomplished facial expression, as if to say “isn’t this an enjoyable turn of events?”

Jonathan-Christopher most certainly agrees.

This feeling inside him…

He’s never felt like this before!

“Wow,” he mumbles to himself, then glancing over to Nate in the hopes Colton didn’t hear him. It doesn’t seem like he did, the man is too busy organizing his ring gear.

The start of a wonderful, healthy friendship. Something Jonathan-Christopher has never felt before.

A nice man, indeed.

— — — — —

The Young Family Manner
Minot, North Dakota
August 19, 2015
08:15

The way her father looks at him, it makes Jonathan-Christopher feel welcomed. He hasn’t felt like this since she glanced at him for the first time… the second time… and so on.

She always makes him feel welcomed. Now, it’s person number two.

Runs in the family, he figures.

Be that as it may, JC is riddled with anxiety, as well. He feels welcomed but he doesn’t want to screw it up. 

“Tell me about yourself, kid,” Reed Young says as he leans back in his large oak chair. The room they are in… well, it’s nothing like Jonathan-Christopher has ever seen before. First, the living room is large. Historic looking furniture in every direction. Take these chairs, for example. Simply sitting on the chairs makes Jonathan-Christopher’s mind worry. Is his weight going to break them? They look thousands of years old! The legs underneath are oak, yet extremely thin. The walls are maroon, with white wallpaper trim around them. This is something out of Buckingham Palace, Jonathan-Christopher figures. Of course, he has never been overseas. He’s never been anywhere outside Louisiana until she came along. This was his first very venture out-of-state. She said she’d open his eyes. His eyes are extremely wide open.

“I can see you’re overwhelmed,” Reed states with a friendly chuckle. His glare dances around the room like Jonathan-Christopher’s, until they both meet each other.

“He’s scared, daddy,” Vickie chimes in, as she slips her way into the room with a pot of tea. She tilts her head sideways and giggles. “He’s always so nervous and frightened.”

Reed raises an eyebrow. “Is that so, my child?”

But his voice is nonjudgmental. It’s different from what Jonathan-Christopher is used to. Vickie is right, he is always scared. Nervous. Worried. He is often this way because whenever he would present himself, in whatever manner he was in, he was told it was the wrong answer.

“Sorry, sir,” Jonathan-Christopher pipes up, albeit in a weak and rattled voice. “You have a really cool home.”

Reed reaches forward and places his right hand on Jonathan-Christopher’s left knee.

“What did I tell you, son? You don’t have to call me sir. Sir is my dad’s name.”

Smooth as silk, Vickie sinks into a chair at the dining room table across the way. She gives her eyes a roll, as if suggesting this is not the first time her father has said this.

“Sorry again, sir- Reed.” Jonathan-Christopher catches himself. He notices Reed’s hand is still on his knee… and the wrestling entrepreneur takes another moment to squeeze Jonathan-Christopher’s knee tightly, before releasing the hold.

“Excellent kneecaps. Mighty fine. Just exquisite,” Reed chuckles to himself, now placing his left palm against his right, and rubbing them together. “I’m sure those could pack a wonderful punch.”

Reed slowly glances over to his daughter. With a smile, he politely adds, “wouldn’t it, my baby girl?”

The question is rhetoric, nor does Vickie seem to hear what her father has to say. She opens the local newspaper and flips through the pages.

Reed Young’s head slowly, almost robotically, cocks back towards Vickie’s main squeeze.

“You don’t have to be scared here, Jonathan-Christopher,” he states firmly, although his voice remains low, which has a soothing effect on the boy. “I want you to feel comfortable. We want you to feel comfortable.”

“Oh, daddy,” Vickie sighs from across the room, still not looking up from the newspaper.

“Yes, sir,” Jonathan-Christopher catches himself right before the end of his address. “Reed. Yes, Reed.”

JC laughs awkwardly. “It’s going to take me a while to get that right.”

Reed leans back in his chair, continues to rub his hands together and then provides a quick and harmless wink.

“I’ve got time.” He pauses and grins. “All the time in the world.”

Jonathan-Christopher mirrors the man in front of him, so he leans back in his chair, too. Hall takes a deep breath and he exhales slowly. It’s a method Vickie has taught him and it has, at the most stressful of times, helped. It’s also helped the couple build upon their relationship, allowing Jonathan-Christopher to express himself further than a word or two, when at first he never thought it was possible.

Comfortable. They want Jonathan-Christopher to feel comfortable.

This was a foreign feeling.

Foreign and frightening.

Foreign and worrisome.

Foreign and calming…

“You haven’t told me about your interests yet, son,” Reed interrupts Jonathan-Christopher’s train of thought.

“He doesn’t really have any, daddy,” Vickie once again interjects from across the room, while continuing to read the newspaper.

“I- I guess I don’t,” Jonathan-Christopher adds with a shrug. “Just enjoying the ride I guess, haha.”

Reed pauses. It seems like his brain is congesting Jonathan-Christopher and his daughter’s comment. Once again, he looks over to Vickie. This time, however, Vickie is not reading the newspaper. She meets eyes with her father and the two exchange an unspoken connection.

Slowly but surely, Reed’s eyes follow back through the distance between Vickie and Jonathan-Christopher, landing on the young boy’s babyface.

“That’s okay, kid,” Reed reassures. “I’m sure you’ll find your passions eventually.”

Another pause. Another smile. Another lean forward while placing his hand on Jonathan-Christopher’s left knee.

“Can I tell you what my interests and passions are?” Young gives Hall a quick smack on the knee cap, as if he was assessing its durability and structure. Next, Reed removes his arm from Jonathan-Christopher’s knee and dances both hands fiercely in expression.

“Let me tell you about the vibrant, amazing and incredible world of wrestling!”

— — — — —

Hoyt Williams’ Conversational Confessionals
Revival 35
Little Caesars Arena
Detroit, MI
September 8, 2023
20:32

What the hell is happening? It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

He was a nice man.

Vickie is fuming. Yes, Jonathan-Christopher has seen her in this state previously, but those times he knew it was coming. Take, for example, Jared Sykes. Jonathan-Christopher knew Vickie had post traumatic stress disorder from Jared and Chocolate Syrup Gate. Jonathan-Christopher could handle this anger, resentment and retribution. Because Jonathan-Christopher felt it, too. After all, he is connected to his Amazing Life Partner, and she, to JC.

“GET HHHIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!” She screams with such forced trauma. Two weeks ago Nate and JC were sharing tales in the LOVE CONVOY locker room. Laughing, having a good time. Supporting one another. There have only been a few times Jonathan-Christopher has felt good about another. Nate Colton fits an unbelievable description. He’s friendly and calm. He’s resourceful.

“GET IT. GET. GET. GET. WORK THAT BODY!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY!!!!!”

The man in the corner of the ring, he shakes with merciless anxiety watching the events unfold. How did we get here? How did everything unwind so quickly?

An hour ago Jonathan-Christopher was looking forward to sharing stories with Nate The Great. It was only two weeks ago where JCH defeated Anna Daniels. Some of the advice Nate gave him… it really paid off. After the victory, he and Vickie had a quaint, romantic dinner at the nearby KFC, Vickie’s favorite little spot in the world! Jonathan-Christopher was itching to tell Nate about this time and how he feels so interconnected with his ALP. It wasn’t going to be all about JC, either. Hall wanted to know what Nate did with his time, too. It was an opportunity for sharing, for expressing childish excitement and glee. It was leaning on each other, showing suppor-

“JONATHAN-CHRISTOPHHHHHEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOIIIIINNNNGGGG!?” Vickie spins around and bellows to the man in the corner, interrupting his train of thought.

“Nate was nice…” The Forever Man quietly mouths to Vickie. But she’s not having it. Forget Jared Sykes, this time it is worse. He’s never seen Vickie like this.

Suddenly, JC wants to stay in the corner. The corner is secure. The corner means he keeps to himself. The corner is familiar. Is there a window Jonathan-Christopher can look through? Is there something else he can hope for?

Vickie places her arm around him. He didn’t even realize she was approaching. He’s still trembling. Oh, he’s shaking like a mother fucker.

But she isn’t angry anymore. She speaks in a soothing voice.

She tells him Nate never liked him. She states Nate was mean to her. She even goes so far as to say she had no choice in the matter.

Jonathan-Christopher nods. It’s true; she didn’t. Nate was the one who said he never joined in the first place!

“You are my everything-” Before Vickie can even finish expressing these words, Jonathan-Christopher bursts forward and unloads a rage of fury against the man who harmed her. Who harmed him. Who harmed THEM.

He was a nice man.

He was a nice man.

He was a nice man…

— — — — —

Can you hear me, Nate? It’s me, Jonathan-Christopher.

I’m sorry it came to this. I really am so sorry. I can’t help but feel responsible but you stabbed the love of my life in the back. WHY, NATE, WHY? It’s a question frequently asked in the wrestling world when a person does something so shocking. It’s a good question, a fair question. I am left wallowing in self-pity because of your choices.

I thought we could build a special bond. It is hard to find friends, you know. Even harder to find good wrestling friends. In a sport that chews you up and spits you out, I thought you had a wonderful demeanor.

Savannah Scandal was not your fault. I understood this. Most importantly, Vickie understood. I can only imagine what it would feel like being booted from a locker room. Being the man in the corner, watching the others converse without the notion you exist.

I don’t have to imagine. Been there, done that. Never again.

I feel for the outcasts. Oh god, do I ever. I do not have control over others and yet I am also a victim of others, aren’t I? This is the role of the outcast. It is hurtful and cruel.

Please forgive me as I side with Vickie. I will ALWAYS side with Vickie. She is the love of my life, the first and only person to ever see me for who I am. I thought you might have been able to, but your actions only emphasize how far apart we were.

When we walked back to the locker room, Vickie held my hand. She replied to my comment. Inside the ring I said “Nate was nice…”

She said people change. You took advantage of our hospitality and love. Therefore, you took advantage of her.

Can’t be having that.

Vickie reminds me… that I was doing so well without you. I beat two world champions on my own, Cancer Jiles and Hayes Hanlon. Beat another legitimate star in Anna Daniels. Yes, you only have a couple of losses. You are so very good.

Vickie tells me I could do better.

Over the past few months I’ve had a new feeling inside me. I think it’s anger. I’m told it’s self-confidence. It helps to win. Every day builds upon the next.

I lost this sense of my newfound self when I watched you unravel. Yet Vickie tells me I can gain it back in a jiffy.

I will make her proud!

Still, however, I am sorry. I didn’t want it to end this way. A part of me will never want to wrestle you. I thought you were amazing. I thought you were nice.

Vickie said I was wrong.

Such a shame, isn’t it?

…That you weren’t so nice any longer.

— — — — —

“FLOWERS” by Miley Cyrus
sing-along

We were good, she wants gold
It’s her biggest dream, I was told
We were tight, always were
These past two weeks, been a blur

I didn’t wanna leave you
I didn’t wanna fight
Wanted to die, but then remembered whyyy

Vic gives me wrestling powers
She extends a warm helping hand
We will reach the PRIME towers
It’ll be divine and grand

I can see me advancing
Help grow Vic’s managing brand
Yeah, she can love me better than…
Nate can!!

Can love me better
Vic can love me better, baby
Can love me better
Vic can love me better, baby

Paint my nails PRETTY PINK©
Nate, you’re a giant dink
No remorse, no regret
I ain’t a pushover brunette

I didn’t wanna leave you
I didn’t wanna fight
Wanted to die, but then remembered whyyy

You won’t be getting your flowers
I ain’t extending my hand
Find different locker room showers
Just hope you haven’t been banned

JCH keeps enhancing
Nate, I hope you get canned
Yeah, Vic can love me better than…
Nate can!!

I’ll rip your sweater
In pink it would look better, baby
I’ll rip your sweater
In pink it would look better, baby

— — — — —

Epilogue

Post Conversational Confessionals

A joyous, nuzzling Tristan-Crispin and a ferociously proud Vickie lead the way through the backstage hall, as Jonathan-Christopher trails behind, head low, hands shaking, sweat dripping from his forehead.

“Fuck Nate Colton! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Vickie booms, punching the wall with Mr. Burns-like strength as the trio arrive at the LOVE CONVOY locker room. Gladhappy opens the door and pops inside. Meanwhile, Vickie shakes with frustration at the entrance. Jonathan-Christopher doesn’t know what to say. He tries to walk in-

Thump.

Vickie sticks out her arm, blocking his path.

“I need to have a word with you, mister.”

The proudness Vickie exhibited moments ago is gone. Rage, however, remains.

“I saw the way you looked at Nate,” she sucks in a breath as her tiny body is ready to burst into a million broken pieces.

“Do you even love me anymore!?”