Lust not Love
Posted on 10/29/22 at 11:03pm by Private: Shawn Warstein
Event: ReVival 18
Private: Shawn Warstein
Shawn is laying in his bed, covers barely hanging onto his body. He tosses and turns, each movement comes with an audible. “Hrumpf.”
Directly to his left is Kasey Vex. Each toss pulls the blankets off of her. She patiently waits for the turn and returns the blankets to their rightful place up over her shoulder and under her chin.
The battle for the covers between the two lovers lasts all night long; well almost all night. Around four in the morning Shawn rolls so hard, and Kasey is holding the blankets so tightly, the force of the pull yeeted Kasey on top of Shawn. The ruckus causes both of them to awaken. Kasey with a look of shock on her face. Shawn, meanwhile, has other intentions.
“Well, damn girl. If that is what you wanted…” Before Shawn could even finish the statement that everyone knows where it was going, Kasey scoffs.
“Seriously Shawn?” Kasey quickly climbs off of Shawn and back to her side of the bed. She reaches onto the night stand and checks her phone. “Jesus Christmas Shawn…. It’s too early for this.”
“It’s never too early for the pyth…”
“The python? Really Shawn? What are you twelve?” You could hear the eye roll if you were so inclined.
“Thirteen actually.” Shawn turns to face Kasey and looks dead in her eyes. “And if I’m thirteen, I’ll be damned if I listen to a pe….”
“Don’t you even dare joke like that. It’s not funny. No one thinks it’s funny. Hell you don’t even think it’s funny.” With a deep sigh Kasey places her hands behind her head and plops down on the pillow. “You’re normally not like this. Usually you’re the steady hand that doesn’t flinch at the first sign of distress.” Kasey rolls over to her side and rests her head on her palm. “So what’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.” The look on Shawn’s eyes told the whole story. You could see that he was worried about something, or something was gnawing in his brain causing him to doubt himself. Shawn mirrors Kasey and lays face to face with her. With his free hand he brushes her hair behind her ear.
“It’s a load of horse shit and even you know that.” A half smile from Kasey and a small laugh. “Remember when you told me that I was your number one priority.”
“How could I forget?” A distant better time for Shawn. Friends surrounding him, riding high in the company he was in, and a run of the roost. Yet even with everything, he always made sure that Kasey was safe, taken care of and above all else, knew that she was loved. “It’s still true to this day.”
Kasey locks her lips before letting out a deep sigh. “Maybe it’s time for you to put yourself first again.”
“What are you saying? If you’re breaki…” Shawn’s eyes go wide. He knew what would happen if she left.
“I’m not. Trust me. You and I are solid. I’m not going anywhere, but I’m also not following you there, so the things you’ve done in the past to make sure I was okay, aren’t necessary now. If anything it’s causing you to doubt yourself now more than I’ve ever seen you before.”
“I said it’s nothing.” Shawn rolled over onto his side, his back facing Kasey.
“There’s my thirteen year old. Not wanting to talk about it, rolling over and throwing a hissy fit. It’s a real sexy look Shawn, lemme tell you. Down there…. Drenched right now.” The sarcasm from Kasey is laid on thick, is that what Shawn heard?
“I knew it!” Shawn rolled over with a grin so wide you’d think he was going to ask you if you wondered how he got these scars.
“You’re not a bright man are you?” She shook her head and smiled.
“Well when all my blood is being diverted to other areas of interest, I get a little light headed.” Shawn smirks and raises his eyebrows.
“Yes, Shawn. I get it. You have a massive bat between your legs.” She gently pats Shawn on the head. “Now why don’t you think about a Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercial and come back down to reality with the rest of us and just tell me what is bothering you.”
Without a huff Shawn rolls onto his back and stares blankly at the ceiling. “Fine, do you really want to know what is bothering me?”
“Yes. I do.”
“Won’t be the last time you say that.” Shawn mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Oh. What was what? It was nothing. I said I love you.” His blank stare continues and Kasey simply Mmhmm’s Shawn. The two of them sit there silently for a few minutes as the tension between the two builds until it is firmly broken.
“Any time now.” Kasey says with a firm tone.
“Damn. I thought if I was quiet long enough you’d fall back asleep.” A quick shrug from Shawn, but when he looked at Kasey she clearly wasn’t amused.
“Nice try slick. Out with it.”
“Fine.” Clearly annoyed by Kasey’s persistence, Shawn relents. “You know when we met.”
“How could I forget? You were with someone else at the time, we passed each other in the hall. I could literally feel your eyes on my ass.” A half smile comes from Kasey’s mouth. “Then Redd showed up, your other girl left and you had my back.”
“And your front, but that’s not the point.” Shawn gives her a quick wink. “But let’s carry on. Then shenanigans went down and I went to another company and you followed.”
“Well yeah. And it was a great ride.”
“No doubt.” Shawn curled his bottom lip. “What was the one thing that was the same in both of those places… other than you being there?” A loaded question for Kasey. She knew the answer but clearly doesn’t think it’s something that Shawn should define himself with. “Go on. Answer it, I asked for a reason.”
“Well you were the name in those places. Top of the pile. Crème de la crème.”
“And now in Prime, I’ve been relegated to the front of the card. No push. Nothing to really sink my teeth into. Like other places I had things to reach for, but here I’ve got nothing. No semblance of a path. Just a dirty road with no street lights guiding the way.” A quick clearing of his throat, Shawn continues. “Hell, here I don’t even have you here to be my light. And no, I’m not asking you to come here. What I’m saying is…”
“Maybe Prime just isn’t for me. Maybe it wasn’t ever for me. I came in riding high on all those other places and thought I deserved more.”
“More what?” Kasey asked while gently placing a hand on Shawn’s chest.
“That’s one of the problems. I don’t know what more I could want or need. I was in their tournament in the beginning, got bounced. Had a shot at another title and pissed down my leg. Yet whenever I ask anyone to go over tape with me, nothing. All I get is… ‘Yeah man, for sure’… then I don’t see them anywhere. Not in the back, not in gorilla. They seemingly fall off the face of the planet when I ask for direction. Right now I feel like a rudderless ship except I can see land, but no one cares enough to tow me back to port.”
“Well now it’s my turn to make you take a trip down memory lane.” Kasey perks up a bit. She sits up and drags Shawn with her. The two of them stare into each other’s eyes. Kasey plants a kiss firmly on his lips. She pulls back holding his face in both hands. “You once gave me advice when I was feeling lost. Maybe it’s time that you take your own advice.”
“Oh yeah? What advice was that? Don’t do heroin? Sleeping pills and alcohol don’t work?” Both very good pieces of advice, but no, Kasey had something else in mind.
“I couldn’t find my footing in a cutthroat company, and you grabbed my hands, looked me dead in the face. You told me it was going to be easier said than done, but…”
A light bulb very well would have shot up above Shawn’s if this was a cartoon. He smiled and nodded. “Don’t be nice.”
“If that isn’t a Shawn-ism, then I don’t know what one is.” Kasey smiled at Shawn, and he responded the same way.
“Well that and the shrug.”
“I just think maybe it’s time for you to go back to your old self. You’ve been playing with kid gloves lately and it hasn’t gotten you anywhere you want to be. So rather than pout and whine to me about what isn’t happening, maybe you need to focus on what can be done.”
“So basically what your saying is to control what I can control… which are the things I can say and do, and fuck the rest?” Shawn tilts his head curiously at Kasey.
“Well maybe no fuck them….”
“You know what I meant.”
“I did.” Kasey kisses Shawn on the cheek. “No got remind everyone why you’re Shawn Fucking Warstein.”
“You hear that?” Shawn looks directly at the camera. “Did you?”
“Shawn.” Kasey leans over and gets between Shawn and the camera. “You’re going to do the thing right now?”
“Well yeah. Seemed like as good a spot as any.” Shawn smirked while leaning to the side and winked at the camera.
“No. Not good. I want to go back to sleep. If you’re going to do this right now, go to the other room.” Kasey pats Shawn on the chest and lays back down on the bed curling herself up inside all the blankets. The cocoon of blankets muffled her voice. “Make sure you call Donovan if you’re going to do this.”
“Yeah that’s a no go.” Shawn looked over at Kasey then back to the camera. He waves it towards him as they walk out into the hallway.
“You with me?” The camera shakes up and down. “Good. Now, where was I? Oh that’s right, no Donovan this week. You’re probably wondering why I would not have a terichary friend in my promo this week.”
“Well that’s a good question. One that can be simply answered by looking at this week’s opponent. Alex Steele. Said something about them being a good bloke. How he cannot possibly root against a fellow Stralian. So he took the week off and went home down unda.” Shawn shrugs. “I thought bloke meant a dude, but then again Donovan is easily confused. Gender neutral names always throw him for a loop.”
“But let’s get down to business real quick. Don’t worry Alex we will be in and out lickedty split.”
“I wanted your match with Ria. It was a shame that you didn’t come out on top in that one. I was really rooting for you. I mean that. I’m not just saying that because it’s the nice thing to say. I say it because I always root for the underdog. Everyone loves the story of David versus Goliath. Or Appalachian State against Michigan. We all crave for the underdog to win. Deep down in our souls.”
“Why? Well we all like to make ourselves the underdog in our own stories. We all want to rise up to the challenge and be in the limelight. Each and every one of us has the distinct need to be validated. You are no different. It’s why you took time off right? To find yourself in this big bad world. To find that place that you feel fulfilled.”
“I’m sure on your journey you fell in and out of love with many things. Yet, like a worm in your brain, you kept coming back to wrestling. It gnawed at you. You had unfinished business you needed to tend to. You felt well… unfulfilled.”
“This business kept creeping back into your head. Until you finally felt something. It’s a feeling that not many people feel. You felt love. You adore wrestling. It’s your reason for waking up in the morning and the reason you sleep so well. Good for you for finding love in a loveless world. However…”
“Alex, you may love professional wrestling, but bitch I bleed for this. I hurt for this, and have been hurt for this. This isn’t a love story. No, those tend to have happy endings. What this really is, is nothing more than another day. It isn’t some dream. It isn’t all rainbows and lollipops.”
“Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes those people don’t deserve it. Sometimes they do.”
“I haven’t decided which bucket you fall into yet, but rest assured, I’m going to enjoy it. This may be your love, but it has been my life for two decades. Since you were knee high to a kangaroo, I’ve been doing this. I’m nothing like Ria. The things that allowed you to come up short against her, will be your downfall against me. Things you may have planned for with me, won’t happen. You need to zig when I zag, but I already called out the zag, so what are you going to do then?”
“You’re going to find out that the love you use for wrestling, wasn’t that at all. It was lust. A fleeting moment of happiness that will be gone when you finally hit orgasm. Then it will leave you. Broken. Alone. Afraid.”
“Don’t worry Alex. When I break this love of wrestling that you have. I’ll be gentle.”
Shawn smiles at the camera and waves it away as he disappears back into the bedroom.
Fade to Black.