Posted on 09/28/22 at 4:58pm by Cancer Jiles
Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center
“No matter the current circumstances we both knew there couldn’t be another “Atkendent’. That said, I also don’t mind being untouchable. So, I decided to play along. I’ll allow her and her goons to think they have me contained.” — Jiles’ Journal, September 26th, 2022.
I have done it.
I have conquered my deepest fears.
I have once again ascended to the top of COOLYMPUS, and this time I brought the PRIME UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP with me.
But first, before the rose parades and magazine cover shoots from inside COOLYMPIA GARDENS, I need to be put back together.
So, here I am. I’m laying in a hospital bed in the ICU, and I’ve been in and out of consciousness since check in. The lovely Nurse Betty has been tasked with watching over me, and my two buds are also here. Bobby, which should come as no surprise, is fast asleep on a big couch that looks small with him on it, and in his warm embrace is my newly won UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP. I’m assuming he’s making sure nobody walks off with it. Dooze, well I think he is here. I can hear him, but I can’t really see out of my other eye. To move and jostle around so that I could take in the rest of the room would be arduous and painful to say the least. I do not know the full extent to all of my injuries. The doctor comes and goes. Then other doctors come and go. I will say this: unlike Julian I haven’t had to be shocked back to life yet.
Because he lost.
Though, I have a feeling I’m about to enter an entirely different world of pain.
“Oh, I’ll take it from here, nurse, thank you.”
Hey, I recognize that voice. In fact, I know it well. I can even sense the vitriol coming from it.
She continues, “Let me know if you want me to take his temperature while I’m here. I’m already going to be breaking something else off in his ass.”
Well, I wanted to.
I’m in trouble. Dooze isn’t about to stand in the way; he’s probably too busy eating popcorn and sipping on a smuggled mojito. Bob, he’s not budging. He had eaten all of the hospital’s food. All of it. He even had like over a hundred of those little chocolate milks. I overheard one of the doctors talking about it, and how they were amazed he didn’t go into diabetic shock right there in the cafeteria.
Maybe Belle can come to my rescue?
I can hear the beeps and chirps of the various machines hooked up to me speeding up; like they are trying to warn me of the incoming danger. I can also hear the clicking of high heels walking across the floor and heading in my direction.
Hopefully there’s no spare pillows.
“You’d better not be faking a coma like Sleeping Beauty over there did once upon a time,” the eGG Queen snarks, jerking her head towards the Beautiful Man from Honalee. He still doesn’t budge. He’s out cold, and way too tired from his heart racing off a sugar rush.
I try to respond, but just wind up mumbling under my breath. See, it’s tough to speak clearly with all the bandages covering my face, and from all the drugs they have me on, and because I can’t really feel much of anything below my incredible hairline.
“That’s okay. You just lay there and listen.” Lady Troy leans in close because she enjoys being personable and scary at the same time. “I heard you put on a real bang-up performance out there, my little Pizmo.” She tucks my blanket straight jacket tight and continues, “People are talking. I’ve been getting texts left and right. What a crazy cage match! Is he really going to leave? It’s been quite enthralling if I’m being a hundred percent honest with you. A slight distraction from my Paxton Ray problem.” The Queen of the Ring calmly walks over to grab a nearby chair, and drags it loudly over to the side of my bed. “The gate was huge. Biggest we’ve had yet. And you, KING COOL, THE CLOSER, sit at the top of it. Somehow. Someway… victorious.”
You just can’t tell.
Lindsay finally sits down, clearly unsure of how I was able to pull off the ruse of ruses.
“So, what am I to do with you now, hm? I know what I should do, and that is take you out behind the MGM Grand and put you down like the insolent dog that you are. But then what? My last two Universal Champions don’t even get a chance to defend their belt? That doesn’t look good for me… not like you care, of course, you selfish prick. Plus, for as big of a jerk off as you are…no, I’m not going to say. But you get what I mean.”
I know what she means. She means I’m the MAIN EVENT and the reason people watch ReVival.
“I can’t have you running off to Leecifer with my belt, and I can’t afford for you to conveniently get mercy killed.”
I try to stop her, so I can tell her that she doesn’t have to worry about me running off.
I have a jet.
I’d be flying off.
However, my effort to interrupt just comes off as more mumbling.
“It’s adorable that you’re trying to respond, Cancer, but I’d never ask you for your opinion. Save your strength and consider this conversation one way. See, I’ve already figured out what to do with you, CHAMP. I was just dragging my feet to hopefully scare you into a heart attack, but nevertheless you are the cockroach you claim to be.”
She’s got me there.
“That said, allow me to introduce your new security detail. They’ll be watching over you. If you leave your five by five cell of a room at the Grand, they’ll be waiting there to escort you back to it. When you walk around backstage at a show, they’ll be walking with you. When you do your charitable dunk tank work, well, I’m sure they’ll take a few turns but yes they’ll be there to laugh at you, and then of course escort you back to your room.”
Mom reaches out and squeezes my hand.
Not in a gentle, caring way.
Her nails are like daggers.
“Most importantly, when you go to other promotions, they’ll be lurking in the shadows. Watching. Waiting. Ready to black bag your deceitful ass and bring you back home.” She pauses. “To me.”
I hope she doesn’t think this detail is going to be riding around on the jet.
“Enemigos IV and V.”
I can feel the heat of her devilish smile.
“Now, please get some rest, heal up, and enjoy the Jello. I hear today’s flavor is lemon. Tasty.”
She stands up and, with a pucker and a kiss that makes my blood boil, click-clacks towards the door.
“Oh, one more thing, before I go…”
Lady Troy reaches over to the Beaut and wrests the Universal Title from his grasp. Bobby does nothing except drool in his sleep.
“I’ll be holding onto this.”
Her hazel eyes pierce right through my bandages.
“For safekeeping, you see.”
“See you soon, champ.”