“Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, but rather, it’s a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan.” – Dean Kansky
Can you hear me God? It’s me, Jonathan-Christopher.
Why? That’s the question I have for you so can you please fucking answer it.
I don’t want to be angry with you like the last time we spoke but you’re really pressing me. You see, Vickie has changed her tune. She knows I don’t have a ton of abilities inside the ring so instead of assuming I will be the next world champion, she wants to see me grow, okay?
You knew I was never going to win the Almasy Tournament or the Culture Shock Battle Royal. These were wild, passionate, fever dreams. Yes, one day I’ll have to achieve them. I wrestle for my darling and I put terrific effort forward. Like any true love story, the good guy wins after he overcomes adversity.
Cancer Jiles isn’t adversity. He’s fucking terrifying, sir.
I thought we had a deal. I could string together a couple of victories or at least face opponents close to my skills.
Cancer Jiles is a former Universal Champion. You know this, so why do this to me? Why couldn’t I have faced Jacob Mephisto last week? Everyone knows Jake wasn’t putting in effort. His love is misguided, he can’t concentrate on wrestling because no one is concentrating on him. He had an embarrassing record and I could have been the one to take him out. That would’ve been an amazing feather in my cap for my cherished ball of desire. Instead, you place me in a Threat of Three- ummm whatever the three person match terminology is called. I have anxiety thinking about it.
Yes God, I did win last week. I avenged my cousin’s loss but this week it’s a little much, don’t ya think? It’s a super quick turnaround. Additionally, I cannot attend the monthly 12-step program to calm my nerves, I have to wait another three weeks! I need to rely on that crutch but you stripped it away!
I am so thankful Vickie let my shortcomings in the battle royal wash over. Furthermore, I was stunned to learn she no longer cares about the name that eliminated me again. The name I can never speak again. Far too much trauma. Far, far, far too much.
But Jesus Christ Almighty fine creator of this world, you’re placing me against the man who battled the trauma we do not speak of to the bitter end!
I told you if I pinned Sage Pontiff I would tell Vickie to end the “FOREVER Tag Team Championship” stuff. You’re lucky she stopped that on her own because I did not beat Sage, did I?
Hey, can I make a new deal with you?
Cancel this match and give me easy wrestlers? Or lightning could strike Jiles before Friday? Oh, what if he gets strep throat? That could work! It’s not life threatening but it likely means he won’t wrestle well. Look, I’m desperate.
Vickie has been so accommodating to my disposition. She’s been wonderful. She sees a man who wants everything for her and now it’s about small steps.
I love Vickie so much. Haven’t you been in a relationship before, God? After all, you created humanity. How did you feel after Pontius Pilate sentenced your son to crucifixion? You might as well do the same to me. Nail me to a cross and feed my remains to the former champion. I hope Vickie holds my hand as this happens but I wouldn’t want my blood on her pretty pink© outfit.
I don’t know what I’ve done to offend you. I want to live peacefully and make my woman the happiest and luckiest person in the world. This can’t happen if I can’t show progress. It definitely can’t blossom if Cancer Jiles kicks in my face.
I’m beginning to think you don’t care for me, God. And here I was at the 12-step program, told God loves all.
On May 5th I’ll show you what love is. You can hold me down but Vickie will prop me up. I know I’ll lose but my ALP will remain.
I don’t like crosses, I don’t like nails but I am always willing to sacrifice myself for my honey bunch of oats.
God, I love her so much. Can’t you see this?
Please, though, if you have any compassion for me whatsoever, it’s not too late to help.
© © © ™ ™ ™ ® ® ®
The following has been trademarked, copyrighted and registered by Vickie Hall because it’s the most unique and amazing PRIME love story of all time.
© © © ™ ™ ™ ® ® ®
A true love story
An honest friendship
Serious tho Cancer Jiles???
— — — — —
April 21, 2023
He delivered. He over delivered. Progress. Revenge. Victory. A three-in-one success in a triple threat match when the Hall’s had previously decided only simple steps forward would’ve been more than sufficient.
Vickie is beyond pleased. She sits proper, chest out, shoulders back, chin high. Her man is situated right there, his hand dangling outward, hoping she will take it. Instead, she’s busy fielding questions. The Hall’s did not make themselves available after the pay-per-view. They have not been available to the public often, outside of PRIME television time. Of course, there are more opportunities present if the end result is winning. Now, they reap the benefits.
It doesn’t matter what Vickie says to the reporters- wait, this came out poorly. It greatly matters what Vickie says! Rather, Jonathan-Christopher won’t add anything of importance. He lets the professional, his Amazing Life Partner, the woman who’s ‘little girl dream’ was to be in this very spot, the chance at living it out.
“Jonathan-Christopher performed divine work,” he picks up his wife’s voice mid-conversation. “This is a lesson to Rocky de Leon.”
She leans forward. Her eyes narrow and her voice lowers by a few octaves.
“If you hurt the LOVE CONVOY you will pay. Defeating Tristan-Crispin was no bueno. Rocky, now enjoy sulking in the pits of misery.”
Vickie expresses the thought with such spite, she’s blind to recognize what Jonathan-Christopher has been through – a couple of hard losses himself, while not living up to lofty expectations.
Jonathan-Christopher scans the room of reporters. The seven individuals present remain completely focused on his partner. “So this is what it feels like?” He mumbles to himself, briefly catching the gaze of Pretty Pink©. She winks at him before continuing on with answering another question.
Jonathan-Christopher could get used to this life. Only after he lowered his expectations and then caved in, saying he would win for her and finding an inner confidence often unforeseen, did he live up to the initial Hallmark Journey promise.
Truthfully, Rocky de Leon was a big step to walk through. The Hall’s can undermine him but the fact of the matter is Rocky did beat Tristan-Crispin and was on a nice little roll. Eddie Cross, on the other hand, brought no strong emotions. The gaming guy was lost in the shuffle; he didn’t play a factor in the outcome.
Now, Jonathan-Christopher can rest. He can kick back his feet and see what’s to come. He can enjoy this victory and spend the next month or so knowing he’s climbing the ladder and making progress on their new Act One of the real journey. Whatever had gone wrong in the past is pointless to revisit. It’s about growing together-
“Yes, I directly requested more IMMEDIATE match opportunities to Lindsay Troy!” Once again Jonathan-Christopher picks up the trail end of Vickie’s last sentence. “We are in the go-go-go stage and my wonderful love drug needs as many reps as he can possibly get!”
Reps. Slow and steady reps. Since the PRIME roster is loaded, Hall assumes by approximately Revival 30, or maybe even the pay-per-view, he will receive his next contest and, therefore, show the world how he will build on the victory from today.
Vickie’s phone buzzes with a notification. She picks it up and her eyes go wide with giddiness.
“Oh, my Amazing Life Partner,” she claims, bringing her attention to Jonathan-Christopher. “We are booked next week!”
His heart skips a beat. His throat dries up in a hurry.
“Against Cancer Jiles!” She tilts her head back and lets out a wild cackle. Hope dances in her pupils, she’s thrilled to receive such a high end opponent and a quick new challenge. She cannot wait! The journey continues in a positive direction and now, at a rapid speed!
Jonathan-Christopher starts rocking, ever-so-slightly. His palms are clammy, heart hammers and mind races.
No way he can do this.
“Jump for joy!” Vickie shouts into her microphone, making a few of the interviewers literally leap back in their chairs since there was no cue for this random outburst of HIGH EXCITEMENT! “BACK-TO-BACK VICTORIESSSSSSSSSSS!”
…In fact, he’s positive he can’t.
— — — — —
Hall Penthouse Suite
Las Vegas, NV
April 24, 2023
“When love feels like magic, it is called destiny; when destiny has a sense of humor, it is serendipity.” – Tagline from the movie Serendipity (one of Vickie’s favourites)
Jonathan-Christopher hasn’t felt like himself lately. It started on April 21st, right after he was on top of the world!
Then he crashed and burned.
The Hall’s morning routine, particularly at the start of a match week, is for Vickie to wake up around 4am, where she goes into her manager’s office, puts together a comprehensive scouting report and then resurfaces, providing her man with the nitty gritty information he needs to successfully take the next Hallmark step. After a well thought out discussion and motivational pep talk from Pretty Pink© herself, Jonathan-Christopher puts in a two hour workout at the local gym and then he meets Vickie at the wrestling gym, going through the various maneuvers required to take (enter opponent here) down.
This morning is different.
Jonathan-Christopher typically wakes up two hours after his wonderful bowl of cinnamon. He patiently waits at their bedroom night table for her arrival. When she enters the room, oh hold his beating heart, when she enters the room… it’s breathtaking. Her luscious blonde locks, her cute little chin dimple… and her nose, the most perfect, etched in stone nose. Goodness gracious, Jonathan-Christopher could go on and on but he only has three-thousand-five-hundred words of energy.
Back to the story. Jonathan-Christopher woke up almost directly after Vickie and he’s not waiting at their night table, either.
He hides in a dark space, pitch black, on the floor, in the tuck position.
He’s not making a lot of noise, though. Usually if Jonathan-Christopher cries, he cries profusely. It’s a call for help, a sign that he needs to be comforted by his Amazing Life Partner. This morning he doesn’t need comfort. Dare he say… he doesn’t need his ALP.
Okay, it’s a stretch. He needs her! He’s simply trying to avoid her.
It isn’t because he doesn’t love her. God no! He is absolutely craving her! He would deeply enjoy tiny little Vickie kisses on his cheek. But he knows when she emerges from her office he will have to face the reality in front of him.
A match versus Cancer Jiles.
Jonathan-Christopher isn’t going to do it. NO! He can’t. A match against the former champion will ruin everything Hall has accomplished! Hypothetically, yes, progress can happen with a loss, yet this isn’t “just some guy”. It’s the wrestler who main evented THE Hallmark pay-per-view. The show is named AFTER HIM. Jiles has been around the block, more than once. Above all else, he’s arrogant. Majorly arrogant.
Jonathan-Christopher wishes he had that kind of confidence.
Jonathan-Christopher is DOA.
Jonathan-Christopher faces a whipping.
Jonathan-Christopher is going to lose.
Jonathan-Christopher will show NO progress.
Jonathan-Christopher is close to passing out.
Jonathan-Christopher passes out.
— — — — —
JCH stands in the middle of the ring, inside an empty arena.
Alone. For he is naked (metaphorically speaking).
At first, this is a terrifying dream. No woman by his side, his security blanket is gone. Also, what’s the point? Jonathan-Christopher does not like wrestling. He fights for her. With Vickie removed from the picture, he wonders what he’s doing in the center of a ring.
The environment is quiet, though. Nobody boos, and more importantly, nobody judges. He looks around the arena. This is a much bigger location than where he was hiding from Vickie. Bright lights shine down upon him and Jonathan-Christopher’s first thought was if he’s standing in the exact spot Cancer Jiles will pin him next Friday. However, as he studies the floor more closely, he notices the locations where he has done good work. The spot where he defeated Adam Ellis. Ellis is no slouch. Green? Yes. But no greener than Jonathan-Christopher. What about when Hall beat Larry Tact, Tapioca Puddings and Jacob Mephisto at the same time en route to a 5-Star Championship match? Jonathan-Christopher forgot, he did wrestle Jacob before. This was after he lost to [NAME WE DO NOT SPEAK] on the main event of ReVival #1.
Plus, truthfully, Hall survived his debut. To wrestle one of PRIME’s best athletes is something Jonathan-Christopher has done before, will do again and can grow from the experience.
JC is being silly. He should command this ring. Or, at least, be comfortable inside it. Without Vickie by the apron, he feels empty but seeing as there are not judgmental fans shouting obscenities, maybe, just maybe, Jonathan-Christopher can also beat Cancer J-
A spotlight falls from the sky. The light fixture crashes through a corner of the ring, caving into the canvas and lighting it on fire!
Another spotlight falls. This one to Jonathan-Christopher’s right. It falls through the mat and lights another part of the ring on fire.
Jonathan-Christopher looks up. He narrowly avoids the next crashing spotlight.
He has to move again.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
All the spotlights from above are falling, falling, falling. Jonathan-Christopher bails through the top and middle rope. He watches on the outside as the entire squared circle is engulfed in ablaze! Flames dance fiercely inside the ring, as if communicating to JCH he has no chance in hell of entering this ring again without taking further damage.
A tear rolls down Hall’s cheek, watching the positive memories evaporate.
“I can’t do it,” he says to himself, hands trembling as he wipes away a heavy flow of tears.
To add insult to injury, a tiny flame reaches its apex and it’s swept towards Hall’s helpless and now motionless body.
It lands on the top of his forehead.
Oh no, the rest of the fire has gone AWOL! Other flames fly upwards and take direct action towards JC. A second flame lands on his forehead. Another. Another. Another! He’s beginning to burn up. He’s on fire! It’s ROLL CREDITS for him.
He’s engulfed in water! Jonathan-Christopher’s eyes are open, realizing he’s awake. He remains in the tuck position, at the bottom of Vickie’s closet, rocking back and forth. He glances up. He sees the closet door is open and a white haired man with t-shades is standing over him, bucket in hand.
There’s no way.
NO FUCKING WAY.
Cancer Jiles is in the Hall’s home! He broke in, he woke JC up! What did he do to Vickie!? This can’t be real!
But it IS!
Jonathan-Christopher pinches himself and it hurts. It really, really hurts.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” He screams, wanting to run but his body is frozen.
Jiles stares at Jonathan-Christopher. This time, the Vow of Virtue is not going to pass out, he’s going to have a legitimate heart attac-
He hears laughter but it’s not Jiles’ voice. This person doesn’t have the strep throat Jonathan-Christopher wished down upon his opponent. Instead, this voice is VERY familiar.
She takes off her sunglasses and removes the white wig. Vickie stands over top of her man, with a coy smile and an adorable little innocent giggle.
“Awwww my sweetie buns,” she begins in a calm and relaxed manner, as if she’s unable to see the severe anxiety she caused. On the other hand, she witnesses the repercussions of her actions but finds it comical. “Did you believe I was him?”
Jonathan-Christopher eventually shakes his head yes when Vickie offers her left hand. “Come out of the closet, silly.”
It’s the physical touch Jonathan-Christopher needed since he crawled into the closet to begin with. However, Vickie doesn’t help JC up. Instead, she surprisingly takes a seat beside him, in the corner of their small bedroom closet.
“Oh, Jonathan-Christopher,” she says with a nonchalant sigh, “you have nothing to be afraid of.”
She holds out the t-shades.
“This fucking guy,” Vickie tries to limit the laughter, “he’s an idiot. Look at these. T-shades? More like L-shades. L for LOVE and LOSS, double-whammy. Which is exactly what he will receive from you.”
Jonathan-Christopher isn’t sure so Vickie places the shades on his face. She leans back, like she’s placing her man in a picture frame.
“Ohh look at this!” She wants more. “Now the wig!”
Pretty Pink© flops the white haired wig over top of Jonathan-Christopher’s spiky brown hair. Once again, she leans back and takes a still shot in her mind. Then she snatches the wig, throws it to the side and removes the t-shades, breaking them across the brim before chucking them away, too.
“You could kill that look,” she states. “You want to know the worst thing about Cancer Jiles?”
Vickie continues before Jonathan-Christopher is able to answer.
“He surrounds himself with horrific support. Bobby Dean, as an example.”
She grabs her man’s arm and hugs it while nestling her head into his bicep.
“Remember when you took care of the fat man for me?” Well, he remembers now. It was another victory Jonathan-Christopher forgot. “You were my knight in shining armor. I’ll never forget Bobby twirling his belly button while running in my direc-”
She has to stop, she’s about to vomit.
“The point is,” Vickie recovers, “Jiles surrounds himself with horrible people.”
She rubs into his arm further.
“He doesn’t have meeeeeeeee!”
Jonathan-Christopher rests his head on top of hers.
“It’s your destiny to defeat everyone, Jonathan-Christopher,” she reminds him. “I know you’re stressed to face Jiles so quickly after a big victory but you were always going to wrestle the whore eventually.”
Jonathan-Christopher’s eyes study the closet he hid himself in. How silly was he being? He should have been at their night table, patiently waiting for his scouting report. He should have trusted the process, and, like all the times before, known Vickie would never steer him wrong. The LOVE CONVOY’s engine was roaring, louder than previously. He should embrace this challenge and shock the world by pinning Cancer Jiles!
“Do you think you can beat him?” She asks, inadvertently interrupting Jonathan-Christopher’s train of thought.
“I think you can,” she notes. “I know you can.”
“I love you,” he replies. It’s her that keeps him secure.
“I know you do,” she puckers her lips and blows him a kiss. “And you’ll continue to express those feelings in the middle of the ring, won’t you?”
Jonathan-Christopher sees the white haired wig and broken t-shades in the distance, discarded by Vickie without a care in the world. Jonathan-Christopher can do the same. He will take Cancer Jiles’ body and break it in half, rip out his hair and throw an empty shell of a man to the side.
Jonathan-Christopher was being silly. Now it’s time to get serious.
In the name of love, with a serendipity twist.
He turns to his ALP.
And the journey rolls on.