Private: Genevie Carlson
It had been a while. Longer than Genevie should have waited. She had let things keep building up and building up until she nearly exploded and burned everything in her life to the ground. She knew better. She knew what she should have done, and yet she turned up her nose at the thought of coming back here.
It didn’t matter. Here she sat in the all too familiar room. It hadn’t changed in all the time she had been away. The usual office things, like a desk, a chair, laptop sitting closed as it was surrounded by pictures of family and friends, on the wall the plaques of degrees, and Genevie sat on the couch facing her old therapist. Pen and notebook in hand ready for her to talk. Somehow, this time? The room felt smaller. She cleared her throat and began to speak.
“I know it’s been a while since I’ve been here. Didn’t know if you would even take me back on as a patient.”
The woman across from her just smiled and shook her head. The wine colored pantsuit she was wearing was making Gen wish she had a glass right now. Gen was never good at sharing her deep feelings, but she had gotten to a point she was letting them spill out in moments that were being harmful to the people she cared about.
“I would never turn you away. Now. Let’s talk about why you are here. How are things going?”
Gen sighed and shook her head. That was a loaded question. Did she say good? Did she say bad? It was kind of a mix of both… but she didn’t know what to start with.
“Well… I mean there’s good and bad. What do you want me to start with?”
The pen clicked and the notebook opened. Shielded by the folder so Gen could obviously not see it.
“Start with whichever you want. Like for example how’s your relationship going with Leo?”
If people saw the state Gen was in this room? They wouldn’t believe she was the same person as she portrayed herself to the public. She was actually nervous. The insecurities she had were bubbling to the surface and we’re going to overcome here. Being vulnerable was hard but she knew this was a safe space to be just that.
“Well… I mean it’s going okay. I love him a lot and I’m pretty sure he loves me. Well… maybe?”
The pen started writing and when she got to the word maybe it stopped and her therapist looked at her questionably.
“Why do you say maybe?”
“When things first started with Leo I felt like I was his entire world. Even with the kids around. He could balance that time and give me all this attention. You know my problems with that. I need attention because I was starved for it as a child and yadda, yadda, yadda…”
Gen rolled her eyes at the look she was getting for mocking some of the last conversations she had with this woman.
“Now? It just feels like he wants to get away from me, or get rid of me. Like we have a very open relationship. We are fine with each other sleeping with other people but lately it’s starting to feel like a way to get rid of me so he doesn’t have to deal with me, and I know I’m a lot but I thought he loved all that about me.”
Gen fought back the tears. She told herself before even coming in here she wouldn’t do this. She shook it off and continued. She tried to focus on anything but the sounds of the pen furiously scratching against the paper. She didn’t need to feel insecure about what was being written about her in this moment.
“I even thought it might have been because we lost Dani, our girlfriend. So I tried to talk to him about it. He just seemed like he was okay. He had accepted it and moved on. As long as she was happy. I wasn’t though. It hurt me. I thought we would lean on each other more. It would help us, but it didn’t and in the end his lack of care and attention caused me to have these outbursts, and you know what he said?”
Gen felt she needed to pause. That she was just rambling and maybe her therapist had tuned out but judging from the sound hitting the paper that wasn’t the case. She looked up from her notes. Surprised Gen had stopped.
“What did he say?”
“Well he said, since I cut Luke off for falling in love with me I had been shoved up his ass and wouldn’t leave him alone. It was obviously because I needed dick that wasn’t his. I can’t be a one dick woman. Basically told me to go out and find a side piece so things could chill at home. LIKE DOES HE NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS PERFECTLY FINE WITH JUST HAVING HIS DICK. IN FACT I WANTED IT MORE BECAUSE I WAS SO UPSET ABOUT DANI LEAVING..”
Gen didn’t realize that as her voice picked up she had risen from the couch and started pacing back and forth, her hands clasped together as she fidgeted. When she looked over at her therapist she was looking at Gen surprised. She made a waving motion with her hand that signaled for Gen to calm down and sit. Which she did. A little embarrassed at her outburst.
“It’s okay… that is a lot. Let’s backtrack for a moment. Who’s Luke?”
Gen couldn’t help but think of Luke. How peaceful time with him had been. How he gave her attention and felt like a good thing to have on the side. Up to par with what she had at home waiting for her when she was done with him. How bummed she was she had to cut him off when he begged her to leave Leo for him. I’m
“Dani’s brother and Leo’s business partner.”
The woman nodded her head and wrote some things down before sighing and looking back up at Gen.
“Genevie. Have you considered that maybe in spite of what Leo may have said, maybe that relationship you had on the side with Luke actually bothered him?”
Gen snorted and laughed. She felt if it had bothered him surely he would have told her. She just shook her head.
“If it did? He would have told me.”
“Like you told him all of your feelings?”
“Well yes. That’s why I’m here. I told him all my feelings and it ended up with I need a new person on the side. I know he found his own option for that. So… of course I did what he asked. I don’t want to bother him if I’m acting crazy. Maybe he’s more perceptive to my needs than me?”
Her therapist shook her head in disappointment at Gen with a defeated sigh. She stopped writing. She closed the book and looked at Gen.
“No one is more perceptive of your needs, than you Genevie, and I think there’s more going on that he’s not telling you. Maybe you should bring him by for your next session so we can get to the bottom of it.”
Genevie felt her stomach doing somersaults. Leo didn’t even know she was seeing a therapist again. In fact she told him she was going out to get some things, and she’d always stop at the store and bring stuff home just to make sure it looked like she was telling the truth. She didn’t like people knowing she got this kind of help for herself. Even less that she was talking about Leo with someone else.
“He won’t go for that.”
“I understand but at least ask.”
“It’s out of the question. Look. I lost Dani to another woman because I made her feel like a third wheel with Leo. I fucked that up for the both of us. I’m sure we both are going through a rebound phase with another side piece. Nothing more. Can we move on? Please.”
Gen wiped the tears away from her face, and straightened herself up. Getting back to her more guarded demeanor that she was used to. She let her body language make it clear that this part of the conversation was over.
The scene came alive in the hallways of a very nice home. One of those types that seemed like it was unnaturally clean and sparkling. With elaborate light fixtures, because nothing could just be simple. There were some photos on the wall and there was a giant portrait at the end of Genevie Carlson herself in a very artsy piece. A few moments later the woman herself appeared with a smile on her face as she walked down the hallway.
“I don’t know why I thought I was gonna come into a company full of people I never even knew existed and would go the distance. I don’t know why I even considered that I would get out of the first round. Yeah. Genevie, why did you do that?”
“Let me tell you why, because I’m the fucking best. That’s why. You think something like a loss to Bathhouse was going to keep me down? Did you think that I would come here and mope and cry and feel sorry for myself? Please. You don’t know Genevie fucking Carlson very well.”
Genevie stopped as a little girl came into the frame. Her long, curly blonde hair covering half her sleepy face.
“Mommy. Bed time story.”
She smiled at her daughter Hadley. When you had kids your timing never really mattered. You were on their clock. She nodded her head.
“Of course beautiful. I got a good one for you tonight. Now go on. I’m right behind you.”
Hadley didn’t seem to mind the cameraman as she walked into her room Genevie following behind her still talking as she focused on getting her daughter into bed.
“People didn’t take me serious from the moment my name was placed in that tournament and that’s fucking fine. I didn’t need anyone’s support within the company that I walked into. I never have. This tale is already old as time and this fucking Beauty, is so Fucking over it.”
“Awwww you said a bad word”
Genevie and Hadley both covered their mouths and she whispered sorry to the little girl. They both knew that she never had a filter regardless so it was probably for the camera more than anything.
“What story you read to me, tonight?”
Genevie moved Hadley’s curls out of her eyes and smiled. Just still in shock every time she looked at her that somehow she hadn’t messed this part of her life up. She might not be perfect but she felt she was a wonderful mother.
“Well.. I thought I would tell you one about Beauty and the Beasts.”
“There’s MORE Beasts?!”
Hadley’s eyes were very wide at the thought. Like Gen had blown her little mind. She laughed under her breath a little and nodded.
“In this story there is. You wanna hear it?”
Hadley nodded her head and Genevie grabbed her favorite Minnie Mouse that she had gotten from Bex and Julie and tucked them both in before beginning the story.
“Once upon a time… Belle came into a company. She is not taken very seriously by the Beasts of the promotion. So maybe she stumbles. Maybe she falls a little at first. So the beasts start thinking that their assessments were right about her. That she wasn’t good enough to rule the kingdom at all.”
“Boooo. I don’t like these Beasts.”
Hadley made a face of disgust that Gen matched as she agreed with her child before continuing.
“They want her to sit up in her chambers of a locker room and cry and wish she was somewhere else, but actually as she hears their laughter and their dismissal of her skills through the walls, she decides to use it as motivation. She decides to let them continue to underestimate her. So just when they think she’s no longer a threat? That’s when she strikes.”
Genevie clapped her hands lightly together and it made Hadley giggle a little as Gen continued.
“Knocking down the beasts one, by one. Until in the end there’s no one left standing but her. She’s the Queen of the Castle. The beasts that survived? Bow down to her now and Belle the Beauty lived happily ever after.”
“My thoughts exactly Hads. Now good night, and I love you.”
Genevie kissed Hadley’s forehead and adjusted her blankets again a little more before getting up to head out of the room. Flipping off the light as the room was illuminated in stars like a galaxy. She just smirked at the camera.
There was a long silence between Genevie and her therapist after she had asked to change the subject.
“We can certainly talk about something else Genevie. Let’s talk about your career. I know you took a considerable amount of time off to raise your children. Now you’re back, how is that going?”
Another loaded question. Another situation that made Genevie feel anger and disappointment. Not with anyone else but herself really, but it was there, but anything except for talking about all the drama surrounding Leo.
“Well… I guess I was hoping that when I came back I could just slip back in and be an overnight success again. Like when I first started. I threw myself at every title opportunity a company presented me with thinkin like Wow. They know how great I am. Let’s do this. To only fall short.. time and time again. It’s frustrating. It’s devastating. I’m so disappointed in myself.”
Genevie hung her head. She had expected better of herself. She had placed the expectation of herself high because she felt everyone else would be doing that, and she just kept falling short.
“You’re shocked you took over two years off of wrestling and came back needing some time to get back on your feet? Genevie. You had two children. Your body doesn’t just snap back from that. It takes a lot of time. So the fact that you’re wrestling at the level you are is impressive in itself and you should be proud of that.”
Genevie looked at her with a face of disgust. No she wasn’t proud of what she was doing. How could this woman even begin to understand all the pressure she was under?!
“You don’t get it. I came back and Eli and I win these tag titles, right? Immediately and I feel great but then you know we get divorced and lose the titles and now it’s time for me to fly on my own. I have to be great. Eli has been a world champion so of course everyone is gonna think he’s the reason I was a champion at all. I can’t have that. I have to prove that I’m just as good as him, AND I AM. HE WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN HALF AS SUCCESSFUL AS HE WAS WITHOUT ME.”
This time Gen caught herself and stopped her rant. Settling back into her seat and taking deep breaths. Letting the room fill with silence.
“Genevie. You’ve been comparing your abilities to Elijah for a long time. I thought we grew past this. Your worth as a wrestler wasn’t measured by the achievements you matched him for. You’re talented in your own ways. Regardless if people thought he was the reason you were successful or not when you came back means nothing. He didn’t have two children. You did and you came back and showed you were able to keep up. You have to move on… you can’t focus on your future success if you’re always worried about the past and comparing yourself to other people. It’s not a competition.”
Another snort laugh came out of Genevie as she folded her hands under her arms.
“Wrestling is only a competition. You either win or you’re a loser, and I refuse to be a loser. I’ve put too much work into this career to be a loser at it. I’ve bled out of wounds, spent countless nights picking pieces of glass out of my body. I have sacrificed friendships, relationships, family, EVERYTHING to be where I am today and I REFUSE to be an afterthought. No when I finally retire? I’m gonna make sure my name is remembered.”
Genevie smirked as she looked out the window. Seeing the busy city of New York laid out in front of her, before turning her head back to her therapist.
“Fuck Eli and his legacy at this point. The legacy he wouldn’t have built without me. Fuck Dani and her ungrateful ass for having me show her how to succeed and fucking off to an ugly bitch with zero personality but hey at least she’s got an ass. I’m building my own legacy, and I realized I helped make them successful. They had ME. So I’m going to rely on some great friends to help me as well. My Sailor Scout sisters Bex and Julie. That will be my legacy. What we do together and what I do by myself. Just like they have done.”
“You’re comparing yourself again…”
“So what? It drives me to push harder and be better. Maybe it’s a flaw or maybe it’s a strong character trait for me. You don’t know, but regardless. I’m done talking. I just needed this session to remember who the fuck I actually am.”
Genevie rose from her seat and started walking towards the door.
“Genevie. Remember to ask Leo about coming next session. I really think it would help you both.”
Genevie stopped. Gripping the handle of the door so tightly she was white knuckling it. She shook her head and turned back.
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Well you should at least let him know that maybe it would be best to be just you two for a while until you feel more comfortable going back to your previous arrangement. It’s okay to set boundaries.”
Genevie nodded her head with a little smirk.
“Nah. You see. I can do some things… things that I never could do before. Turns out? Those things can really help Leo have the things he wants and needs. They also come with some added things to deal with, but it’s not really that bad. Besides. I love Leo, more than anything in the world and there’s nothing I won’t do to make him happy.”
“What about your happiness?”
Genevie made sure to turn her small smirk into a big grin as she laughed.
“Making him happy? Makes me very happy. See you again soon.”
Genevie waves before walking out of the office. She knew full well that the woman was shaking her head but regardless she didn’t care. She really did feel like making Leo happy was a nice part of her own happiness. Who cares who she had to manipulate, or sleep with to see it through, right?
Genevie walked down her large staircase. Happy as can be after reading Hadley a bed time story. The camera was still on her and she brushed her hair behind her shoulder as she began to speak again.
“I hope you all enjoyed story time with Hadley. Isn’t she the cutest?!” I want everyone at Prime to pay attention to those words closely. They are the not so distant future for all of you for when you step into the ring with me.”
“Especially my next opponent FLAMBERGE.. or FLAMBÉ?”
Genevie took a moment to really ponder that over. Which sounded better? She shrugged it off.
“Whatever who gives a fuck. He’s already irrelevant because he’s going to lose to me. Like seriously let me tell you Paris is one of my FAVORITE cities in the world. It’s very special to me and Leo. So when I say I have first hand experience with French men? You know it’s true. They’re all pussies. They’re all weak, and honestly I don’t expect Flim Flam Bergy to be ANY different.”
Truthfully Gen hadn’t paid attention to any other man but Leo in their time in Paris, but the literature didn’t ever say French men were tough. So she was just going to say she was right, because she was always right regardless.
“I may have lost out of the first round of a world title tournament, but don’t use that as a means to underestimate me now. Trust and believe I’m bringing the best version of Genevie Carlson to the next edition of Prime, and the only impression that’s going to matter? Is the one I leave on Flammy Whammy’s face after my shoe drives it into the canvas. Beauty rises, and the Beasts fall…”