Kenny Freeman
08.25.23
Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse
Cleveland, Ohio
“Go, go, go! We gotta get out of here!”
Kenny Freeman can be heard bellowing at a golf cart driver as the Masters of the Moscowverse go whizzing through the parking lot just outside the venue, where Kenny has just managed to take the Bang! All Day Championship away from Joe Fontaine at the tail end of some attempt to make peace between the Masters and the Glue Man Group. Needless to say, that did not go so well…but now, Kenny Freeman is a champion for the first time in this corner of the Multiverse. Isn’t that what matters the most?
The cart slows down before stopping at what we quickly realize is the rental car the Masters are driving this evening, with Randall fumbling around in his pockets to find the keys as a small mob of people can be seen closing in. To be clear, these are NOT fellow members of the PRIME roster, as the show has not yet come to a close…no, these are largely rogue fans that decided they want to become a champion on this night as well.
What these fans don’t count on, however, is Randall finding the key to the car, quickly unlocking it so both of the Masters can make their grand escape from the Fieldhouse lot. Carefully maneuvering around the fans so as to not run any over (and causing any lawsuits in the process, because who needs that on PRIME’s conscious?) as they get to the nearest exit. As the coast is finally made clear, Kenny is able to relax in the passenger seat, resting his head against the championship now slung over his shoulder. This was a bigger deal to him than losing to his counterpart Kendra the week before. A championship is much more important than earning a shot at the championship…or at least, I think that’s how that goes.
Kenny finally lets out a sigh of relief after escaping the absolute danger zone that was the parking lot, muttering to himself with a smirk.
“All hail the champion of banging all day.”
Kenny’s excitement is quickly put to the test as he receives not one but two text messages from seemingly out of the blue. The first is a message from Alexei Ruslan, demanding the Masters head back to the arena to help calm the situation down as Ivan Stanislav has seemingly gone nuclear…and the second, a message from an unknown number stating that his next match in PRIME would be a title defense, should he still be champion by that point. Kenny tosses the phone to the floor after sending Ruslan a reply, muttering vague obscenities about still being in pain from Youngblood’s wrath as the Masters find themselves trying to reroute back to the Fieldhouse before we fade to black.
Calm, collected, COOL. These are some words that can describe one Cancer Jiles…but I know another one that fits him to a cunning T.
Except I know my mom reads these blogs, so if I actually say the word I’m thinking of, she might try and ground me despite the fact I’m in my 30s. Hi, Mom!
Jiles, this match has been a long, long time coming for me. You wanna know why? Because when Randall and I came to PRIME in the midst of Tag Team Survivor, we were fully aware of the Egg Bandits and their masterful leader guiding the way to a brighter, more beautiful.
Oh wait, Bobby Dean isn’t the leader of the Bandits is he?
Who actually runs that little group anyway? I suppose it’s the man who’s won World Championships elsewhere in this business, the man who went to the finals of the Almasy Invitational at Culture Shock 2022 and later became Universal Champion at Ultraviolence.
At some point, folks were led to believe that maybe, just maybe, the Bandits would be the premier group running PRIME, even in the midst of other factions rising to the occasion. Still, all eyes were on the COOL himself, the Universal Champion of PRIME, all set to be the face of this business as a whole.
An ugly face at that, but still…you were the champ, Jiles, and you were absolutely running away with that title. Almost literally.
And what a hell of a run it was, right up until Colossus…excuse me, COOLossus…when Hayes Hanlon took you down and captured the greatest prize in this sport. A prize I wanna get my eye on someday…and what better way than to go after a man who’s had that taste of gold? I see this match for exactly what it is, Jiles…the opportunity of a lifetime.
I have given some of the best in this business a run for their money…and I’m about to run you right off the damn cliff at ReVival 35. See, all the shenanigans and tomfoolery you’ve grown accustomed to won’t find their place at ringside in the Little Caesar’s Arena. I’m about to have my pizza and eat it too when we step between those ropes and square off…and believe you me, I am starving to make a statement.
And I can’t make a pizza omelette without breaking a few pizza eggs, can I? Don’t stare at me like that, you know I’m right. Anyway.
After months of waiting to finally get into a groove in singles competition, I will be stepping into that ring with a certified Hall of Famer…and I will put his yolk-riddled head into the canvas! Folks have been sleeping on ol’ Kenny Freeman, and it’s time I wake them the hell up…and I’m gonna do so at YOUR expense, you cu–you cu–you cucumber.
Yeah, let’s go with that. See you in Detroit, you egg sucking dog.
You crumb.
09.01.23
I-69 (nice) Freeway
Outside of Lansing, Michigan
Labor Day weekend is upon us, dear reader, and the Masters of the Moscowverse are slowly but surely making their way toward Detroit a week ahead of ReVival 35, where Kenny Freeman is set to take on a fellow voice of reason within their respective stables in Cancer Jiles. Oh, who am I fooling…the Red Army got heated with Brandon Youngblood and the Egg Bandits were unable to secure one Coral Avalon, so both squads find themselves in a bit of a pickle going into this match.
Kenny doesn’t seem to be too focused on this matter, however, as we see him in the passenger seat silently lip-syncing to a Taylor Swift song (we won’t say which one, but it rhymes with “gruel bummer”) as Randall keeps his focus on the road on his driving shift. They find themselves stuck in a bit of traffic at this juncture, much to the annoyance of the Entertainer as he nudges at his teammate to get Kenny’s attention…which gets Kenny all flustered as he pauses the tunes.
“What’s wrong?”
“I hope you’re ready for this match next week,” replies Randall, giving Kenny a bit of a stare much to the new champion’s surprise. “If what you said is true, the last thing we need is Ivan getting mad as hell at us for letting this title slip from our fingers.”
Randall gives a nod toward the Bang! All Day Championship resting in the back seat, the seatbelt fastened over it as if giving the title some much-needed protection on the road. Kenny just nods with a smirk, though this does not give Randall much hope as his pal responds.
“It’ll be fine. I’ve already got the perfect plan in place for ReVival, but since you brought it up…you ARE going out to that ring with me, right? In case Jiles tries to start some of his usual nonsense?”
“Of course,” answers the Entertainer with another nod as they change lanes, cutting off a random white Ford Bronco in the process. “Where the hell else am I gonna be? I don’t think Alexei or Ivan need me in the back, ya know.”
“Fair enough,” states Kenny with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’ll run the plan by you when we get to the hotel, I just wanted to make sure everything is in place.”
Randall just kind of stares at his friend for a second, shaking his head before responding.
“How are you supposed to have everything in place if the people involved in a plan don’t know what that plan is? Think with your brain, Kenny.”
Kenny is taken aback by the statement, partly because of how rude it comes across…but mostly, because of how intellectual that is coming from the mouth of the Entertainer. Speaking of smart, intelligent statements…Randall drops a bit of a bombshell on Kenny following this.
“You do realize our contracts are just about up, right?”
Kenny just stares at Randall, his eyes widening as he realizes the technicality behind that question mouthing an obscenity before responding further.
“You’re right! We’re still on those PWA deals, and uh…”
“Those are nearly up, too,” replies Randall, letting out a small sigh. “We’re about to not get paid to do this anymore, Kenny. It’s about that time to get into contract negotiations with the brass, and see what kind of money we can pull from them.”
“Did someone say…negotiations?”
With an inexplicable flash of light (just to piss off some of the purists, sorry folks!), Aeon Khronos appears across from the Bang! All Day Championship in the back, much to the shock and horror of the Masters as Randall starts to swerve out of panic from their old pal randomly inserting himself into the scene. Aeon pays no mind to the disaster that nearly occurs, looking around as if oblivious to what just occurred.
“What? Was it something I said?”
“What do you want, Aeon,” shouts Randall, barely able to correct his course before any other drivers crash into the vehicle. “We have a good thing going with Ivan, we already told you we don’t need–”
“Don’t give me that,” retorts Aeon with a frown. “You just said you’re worried about getting paid. Ivan has no worry about such things, being a Communist and all that. Something something redistribution of wealth, right?”
Aeon chuckles at the remark, but Kenny shakes his head in response.
“Hey man, we’re just trying our best…and after I beat Jiles next week–”
Aeon laughs, cutting the young man off before responding.
“Yeah, what of that, Kenny? What is Ivan going to do for you IF that happens? Ivan’s got his eyes on winning the Universal Championship and nothing more. The fact you two can’t seem to figure that out is just sad.”
“What’s sad is you randomly flashing into our damn car,” replies Randall with a snarl, glaring at Aeon from the rearview mirror. “Feel free to flash yourself right back out, unless you’re covering gas. We have Red Army business to deal with when we get to Detroit.”
Aeon just stares back at his seemingly former friends, almost hurt by the reaction they’ve given him here today. Aeon looks over at Kenny, his voice starting to waver as he speaks once more.
“Well, if that’s how you two feel, I think I’ll do just that. Kenny, good luck trying to overcome the coolest of cool, and Randall?”
He turns his attention to the Entertainer, a mix of anger and confusion as he presses on.
“You need to calm down.”
And with that, another flash of light makes the multiversal traveler disappear from the vehicle. The pair left in the car just turn to each other, unsure what to say as the car heads down the road further, leaving a blank space in the conversation as we fade to black once more.