Kenny Freeman
Remember ReVival 19? Your boy remembers it well, taking on Bobby Dean…and picking up a countout victory thanks to some shenanigans from the Dangerous Mix.
I said what I said, fellas.
Chatting it up with ol’ Bobbo, in the middle of a match? And I thought you two were the uptight–sorry, upstanding–citizens around here.
Not that I’m complaining about taking the win, though. A win is a win, and boy howdy was I gonna make it a win…but that victory felt unfulfilling.
It was like this one time I got some ribs, ya see. I spiced those bad bois up nice, stuck ‘em in the oven for a couple hours, slathered some sauce, and discovered to my horror that they barely had any meat…you realize how annoying that is?
All that flavor, and for what? To suck on some bones after about five minutes?
I just want my baby back baby back baby back…well, you get it.
Man, I’m so hungry right now.
That’s what it felt like picking up a countout win over Bobby Dean…just enough to get me hungry for more.
So thanks for that, Mixers…now ya got my tastebuds aching.
Got me salivating for one final win to round out the year, in front of a sold-out crowd in Madison Square Garden…the international capital of our great business.
Start spreading the news, boys…’cause Colossus is coming, and so are the Masters of the–oh shit, I just realized how that sounded.
Ignore that last statement, please, I’m begging you.
Anyway.
It’s well-known that the Egg Bandits are a decorated tag team in professional wrestling…almost as well-known as their up and down career.
Some of this might sound familiar, and if you’re thinking “gee whiz Kenny, didn’t you say something along those lines about Bobby Dean a couple weeks ago” well…you would be right.
Because I did, and it still rings true…and it goes double for ol’ Fred Mayhew. At least with Bobby there’s the whole thing about being a former singles champion on top of his tag team accolades, but any research on Mayhew came up completely blank.
Then I tried looking up Doozer…and if there was something there, I just couldn’t see it.
This is it fellas, the final dance of 2022 for PRIME, and for the Commissioner of Food and Beverage…and you’d butter believe we’ve had our eye on the Bandits for a while.
Watching them stumble around through the tag division, with–as an example–Mayhew’s victory over Mushigihara a rare case of the Bandits really showing that glimmer of glory their name and reputation gave them when they first popped up in PRIME this past year.
I realize how that sounds coming from little old Kenny Freeman…but I don’t pretend to have the same pedigree to my name, fellas.
I’m just a guy who was stuck in wrestling school for far too long, finally getting back into the heat of in-ring competition this year after one small stint elsewhere…and I still beat you, Bobby.
Why don’t you go boil that egg and suck it!
Anyway.
Colossus is the opportunity of a lifetime for the B-Team, a chance to end the year on a high note before we go into our hibernation for the winter. That’s right, once that bell rings to end the match we are donezo with this pro wrestling gig for the year.
Randall and I have all the holidays to celebrate. It’s a new tradition we’re starting, because no one knows what we celebrate or believe in…and we like to keep it that way.
Christmas? Sure, have a merry one. Hannakah–I mean Hanukkah? Mazel tov!
My point is, we have things to do after Colossus is wrapped up, and it sure as hell would be more fun to enjoy the holidays after a win over one of the top tag teams in the business AND our biggest rivals the past few months, all in one night, tied up in a cute little bow.
That’s right, Mixers, I’m going in on you fellas as well…Randall asked me to cover that part of the usual blog, since he’s still recovering his necktoral muscles so he’s good to compete at the biggest PPV event of the year.
Hold on a second.
Right, he wants me to let you know there’s no way in hell he wants to lose in Madison Square Garden, the place where he saw his grandfather Richard Schwartz win the DHW World Heavyweight Championship from Joe Dombrowski in 1986.
X.
That’s a video game reference, folks. I pressed X because I have my doubts about that one.
Anyway.
I’ll give the devil his due, Mushigihara beating Fred Mayhew is a big deal all things considered. You and David Fox have both been holding your own in such a highly-competitive tag team division…but you still haven’t defeated us.
I don’t say this to discredit the Bandits, fellas, but if you wanna make it a win on the biggest night of the year…you gotta worry about the B-Team.
Because we’re the ones who kept you to a double countout draw situation back at Great American Nightmare. We’re the ones who flat-out beat you at UltraViolence.
And if you can’t get it together and sort whatever issues you have out in time for Colossus, it’ll be the B-Team walking out of Madison Square garden with our heads held high.
Think about that for a while, fellas. Chew on it, if you will.
We’ll see all four of ya in New York.
~ Kenny Freeman
12.02.22
MGM Grand
Las Vegas, Nevada
We find ourselves at the hotel room of the Masters of the Multiverse B-Team, roughly an hour after the events of ReVival 20 have played out, and we see a somewhat exhausted Kenny Freeman and Randall Schwartz arrive after dealing with the pressure of being on the debut of Office Hours with one Doctor Ned Reform, only to find themselves confronted by a whole different type of suit…the multiversal auditor, Rhetth Kahn, who gives the duo a cold stare before speaking up with a gruff tone of voice.
“Alright gentlemen, your two weeks are up. Have you and your companion Aeon Khronos decided how to resolve this little matter of nearly destroying the multiverse and reality as we know it?”
Randall and Kenny just look at each other, too confused and stunned to speak when suddenly the door opens…revealing Aeon Khronos, giving a glare of his own at Mr. Kahn, the sort of glare that could make GREAT SCOTT jealous.
“Excuse you, Kahn. I have a very important, urgent question for you…why are my boys being harassed like this? Anna Daniels is doing far deeper damage, and I haven’t heard anyone make a peep about it.”
Curiously, this draws a slight chuckle from the auditor.
“Nice try, Aeon. You know we don’t deal with the Multitudes, not since…well, the incident. Besides, what Anna does eventually balances back out, but your, ahem, boys have caused some deep harm to the multiverse as of late. Just look at this situation with two of their doppelgangers hanging around as–what was the word again, interns?”
Kenny and Randall both seem to gulp air, starting to realize the ramifications of their strategy for UltraViolence has now come back to bite them. They notice movement down the hall behind Khan, spotting the very same doppelgangers bringing coffee…but the B-Team casually shake their heads as if to warn their doubles not to be around for what’s to come, and Mr. Freeman and Mr. Schwartz take the hint, quickly walking out of sight before the auditor turns around, narrowly missing them before giving the B-Team another stern look.
“Anyway, we expect you gentlemen to do the right thing and put things back the way they should be. We can give you until the end of the year, but if you can’t sort it out by then, we will have no choice but to clear the ledger ourselves…by taking you out of it.”
Randall and Kenny can only respond to this with another look of confusion, but Aeon looks horrified by the revelation.
“No! You wouldn’t dare!”
Kenny, still confused as all get out, chimes in.
“What does that even mean, clearing the ledger?”
Something of a smarmy look appears on Kahn’s face as he responds.
“The transactions of the multiverse must be balanced, and every so often we have to clear the books…essentially removing individuals or situations that throw everything out of whack. So, if you boys can’t fix what you’ve broken by the stroke of midnight on New Year’s, there will be no Masters of the Multiverse…B-Team or otherwise. Good luck, gents…you’ll need it.”
With that, Kahn makes his leave, as the B-Team and Aeon just stare at each other. Eventually, Aeon’s anger rages to a boiling point as he shouts out to absolutely no one:
“KAAAAAAAAAAAAHN”
Fade to black.