So this is awkward. I never really know how to start these sorts of things . Do I use a kitschy tagline or straight up tell a story of a lie just to captivate you? I’m really dumbstruck and nervous right now which is a touch out of my character, if I do say so myself. It’s like I’m preparing my resume for a dating site or something. Ugh, just lots on my mind all at once and it always comes out in a jumble. Get with the program, Tristan-Crispin. The people deserve your love.
Maybe I should just start with the basics. Something simple. Yeah. That sounds rather nice. A nice little prelude warm up to the main event.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name in full is Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy. It’s a mouthful, I know but it’s worth saying. It’s a memorable name, too. I’m a proud member of the adoring Gladhappy family tree which dates back to the beginning of time, I’ll have you know. Mind you, I don’t necessarily have a full family tree on hand so don’t go asking me for all the details. What do I know is that Lazarus was the familial patriarch. Lazarus-Azul Gladhappy was the earliest of my forefathers who adopted and introduced the lifestyle I now proudly represent today.
What kind of lifestyle is that are you asking?
Well, it’s one full of life, laughter, love and fulfillment. You might already be somewhat familiar with it, seeing my faithful cousin, the one and only Jonathan-Christopher Hall who has already been in PRIME for quite some time, so it came to me as a no brainer when he hit me up and asked if I wanted to join in on the fun. For sure, The Love Convoy is a deal that oozes with my family legacy. Yes, we might all have different last names but it’s the familiar connection we share that sees us through. You might have noticed our family trademark is having a hyphenated first name and there is a reason for that. Or so, there’s at least a reason for that with my name. You see, my mother simply couldn’t decide on a middle name for me and therefore she felt it was utterly important to include two names as one loving first name. How exclusive. Henceforth, I became Tristan-Crispin, the next generation of Gladhappys.
And trust me, I feel loved. You don’t have a mother like I do. She and I have a unique relationship. Heck, I enjoy unique relationships with both my parents. They really are great individuals and a great couple. It’s what I aspire for. Together, we have carved out our very own little sublet version of what it means to be a Gladhappy. You might not really understand and that’s okay. For now.
It’s just all about love.
I just love love and there’s no shame in shouting it from the rooftops.
Let’s delve a little further into my love ethos, shall we?
I’m twenty years old and I’m a Scorpio. I enjoy long walks on the beach, laughter, light hearted drinks and a good time. If you got any kind of citrus, then I will be there to sip it, love it and soak it all in.
It’s true, Scorpios are usually discreet or secretive individuals and that’s why I defy my very fabric. I am an honest, open book, lovingly flapping my pages in the wind, daring anyone strong enough to read them. An aura of mystery does surround me but I assure you, at my base level, I am built on a strong foundation of love and appreciation. Beyond that though, I am truly a Scorpio to a tee. I have the desired personality traits anyone would want. I am fearless, at times. I am bold, at times. I am passionate about creativity and I have fierce loyalties. Unbreakable, even. Just ask my cousin and his amazing wife who I adore. I look up to them both, seeing they are slightly older than I. Those two are certainly soulmates. They were made for each other and they just continue to perpetuate our family legacy into the uncertain future. Together, they are a power couple that can do anything. They can go anywhere and conquer any and all challenges that they face together.
Which brings me to PRIME Wrestling. You see, my good cousin Jonathan-Christopher needs my help in order to infuse the right amount of love in an otherwise grim, ugly, and evil bloodsport. I intend to do just that and it all starts with my first opponent, Mortimer Kjedelig. Did I say your name right? I’m aware you didn’t say mine correctly. I don’t need to know your version of your birthright or story, although I do see you’re an Aries which is quite interesting. That gives me all the information I’ll ever need.
That’s alluring because Aries is represented by the ram whereas a Scorpio is represented by a scorpion with a deadly little stinger. Will you get stung? Only time will tell once we step into the ring with each other but either way, I will endure. I hope you do too. I hope I inspire you. I hope I ignite the flames and juices of creativity within you. I am being sincere with what I am saying, trust me. Live. Love. Laugh. Wrestle. Let’s do it. You and me in my first ever PRIME outing. I cannot wait to meet you. Let’s share this moment in the ring together.
Did you know? Aries and Scorpio share good compatibility levels if they meet through friends or work. We are doing the latter, which bodes well for our chemistry. This makes me even more excited to meet you in person. Do I also sense a touch of mystery with you, too? I think I do. You know why? Cuz I see you wear a nice little mask. That’s daring but I will give you credit for that.
You’re from Horace, North Dakota and while I’ve never been there, I do believe good people can come from bad places. You know, North Dakota doesn’t necessarily scream sexiest place in the world but we can’t all be from beautiful, lush Sacramento, California. I am about a stone’s throw from where my lovely cousin comes from and we got together plenty of times throughout our childhoods. Did you have lots of family gatherings when you were younger too? I sure as heck hope so and that you’re not wearing that mask to hide your shame because no one loves you.
Someone loves you.
In a world of billions, there is guaranteed to be at least one person who does. Don’t get it twisted, when we’re in the ring, I will look to win but I will gain an appreciation for you too. It’s natural. Call it an affinity, if you will. Don’t abuse it. Embrace it and maybe, just maybe, you will gain ANOTHER person who loves you regardless of the outcome.
I like being a fan of people. I like cheering them on. It’s cheeky fun because, as your love grows, their success also becomes yours. I like investing in people, really. That’s basically what it is. That’s totally what I’m all about. I’m not a petty, basic name caller. Never have been and never will be and I don’t know anyone who would resort to tearing apart someone’s MOTHERLY given name just to make themselves feel like they have a chance at winning a wrestling match. No idea who would do that at all.
My eyes are scanning the room, FYI and they are indeed looking at you, Mortimer.
Anywho, I’m me and you’re you. There’s no changing that. We will face off, one on one and it should be epic because it not only kicks off my wrestling career, but it ignites the era of love. It’s time to clean up wrestling and make it more love friendly. There’s already too much hate in this world, why do we need more of it?
There’s a saying that I’d like to share with you right now. Quotes tend to be a big thing with me so stay with me here. It goes, “Do today what others aren’t willing to so that tomorrow, you can do what they can’t.” Well, paint me impressionable. I have put the work in. I love myself first before I can gain an appreciation for anything else thereafter. Therefore, Mortimer, you’re in deep trouble. Do you even love yourself? Are you unsure? Are you starting to question yourself now? It’s okay. I would anticipate it at this point.
I am a fully realized loveable being of this sentient earth. I will defeat you and restore the love back into wrestling or else my name isn’t Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy. Proud descendent from a long line of lovers. Can you beat me? We’ll see.
We’ll see indeed.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Not far from Sacramento, California
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy sits on a red leather couch in a random VIP lounge in one of the many iconic Vegas hotels. He hums and haws in a deep conundrum with a pen and clipboard in hand. He pushes the end of the capped pen against his lips as he’s trying to figure it all out.
“Application,” He mutters.
His eyes lock on the line that reads ‘Name’ as that request seems to be causing the Nuzzle Lord the most amount of trouble.
“Ummmmmm. Hmmmmmmm,” He moans.
Finally deciding to go for it, TCG removes the pen cap and begins inking up the page in front of him.
“What’s in a name, anyways?” He speaks as he writes, “Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy. There. That’s nice. I never get tired of handwriting my own motherly given name.”
A professional looking woman just so happens to pass by at the very moment he finishes scribing his name on the application.
“All done?” She asks with pep in her step.
“Most certainly,” He returns serve with a calm, soothing nod before handing the woman both the writing utensil and clipboard back.
The lady checks things over. Everything seems legit.
“You have such nice handwriting, Tristan-Crispin,” She says joyfully.
TCG is quick to raise a finger.
“Eloquent. My handwriting is eloquent. Do you know how many people can’t do it anymore? It’s rather shocking. It’s a lost art I’ve perfected. You could call me a lover of the fine arts,” Gladhappy corrects.
The lady just stands there and takes it. Brushing it off her shoulders, she feigns a smile.
“Well either way, thank you. I will make sure HR gets this. Is there anything else I can do for you at this time?” She asks.
Of course Tristan-Crispin nods. Of course he has a request. He isn’t that easy to please, you know.
“Yes, there is,” TCG hurries as he rises from the couch, “Could I interest you in a nuzzle hug?”
Puzzlement bewilders the lady holding the clipboard.
“A nuzzle what? Excuse me?” She asks, fully perplexed.
TCG takes that as an invitation to move closer to the girl even though it’s clear she would prefer to maintain the appropriate level of distance from each other.
“You know,” TCG says rather creepily as he closes in, “A nuzzle hug. Look, I’ll level with you. I’ve been trying this new thing. You know, expanding my circle. I used to only give nuzzle hugs to my closest friends and family but I am trying to spread my love from coast to coast and seeing that I’m with PRIME now, I figure, why not try and spread the love here too? It’s simple, really. A nuzzle hug is an embrace shared between friends and if you’re not friends, consider it an olive branch in hopes that the relationship blossoms into something real, you know?”
She stands there and blinks dumbfounded.
“No, no I can’t say I do. I think people like their personal space and don’t like randoms walking up to them and giving them a ‘nuzzle hug’ or something,” The lady gives her guarded response.
TCG only hears what he wants to hear. He extends his arms out wide as if inviting the woman to jump into his embrace.
“Hey now, come on now, give it a spin. I don’t bite or anything. I am a trustworthy individual. I am good for it. Give it a try and you will see,” TCG dares.
Hesitant at first, the woman looks around to make sure the coast is clear until she reluctantly and slowly allows Tristan-Crispin to wrap his arms around her. He nuzzles in. She stands there.
“Nuzzle, nuzzle, nuzzle. Sending and spreading love into this realm,” TCG whispers his chant.
The hug is over before it begins and in hindsight, the lady notices just how innocent it really is. Feeling somewhat better about the situation, she takes a step back, adjusts her collar as if she just made out with some dude in the broom closet and takes a bow.
“Well, thank you for that. You were right. It was really nice actually! I did enjoy that. Thank you. You made my day. Now, if you will allow me, I am going to get these important documents off to HR for processing. Have a great day, Mister Gladhappy,” The woman states.
TCG graciously bows back and smiles as he watches the woman depart.
“You are most welcome,” Gladhappy responds.
The door closes which leaves TCG alone with his thoughts. He walks over to a nearby window and gazes through it longingly.
“Just doing my duty of injecting this world with what it needs. More love. More nuzzle hugs,” He proclaims.
With that, Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy gives himself a self hug before going on with the rest of his day.